Before paragraph time, civil administration ministry is newest a group of data show: Countrywide marriage registered a number to be ten million one hundred and eight thousand pairs 2018, drop compared to the same period 4.9% , this has been drop 5 years continuously since 2013.
Meanwhile, the divorce number that register is the whole nation 3.8 million pairs. Be in Beijing, divorce / marry than be as high as 48.3% . That is to say, about the same while every two pairs of sweethearts marry, have a pair of husband and wife that are handling a divorce.
Must say, below the enormous pressure of the life, more and more people, do not adopt positive attitude to marriage. The meaning that suspects marriage existence even -- since marriage is flimsy, still written guarantee it works?
Seek advice from division as affection of a marriage, I want to say, marital itself is not actually flimsy, flimsy is the motive of people marriage, with the skill that get along.
So, feeling arrives what degree, suit to marry most? Abiding and happy marriage, what essential requirement is there?
01.
Have 8 kinds close
The premise of marital happiness, it is two people are had in the relation abiding and deep close. In psychology, we think " close " can divide it is 8 kinds, include:
① intelligence is close - intelligence quotient comparatives, can chat to come, can discuss a thing jointly;
② mood is close - the feeling that can be shared surely and understands each other;
③ socialization is close - the socialization that has likeness is used to and a few collective good friends;
④ body is close - include a gender already, also include to be not limbs contact of the gender;
⑤ nutrition is close - consistent to the manner of health and food;
⑥ aesthetic is close - those who have likeness is aesthetic and savour;
⑦ recreation is close - share common interest interest, can " play " arrive one case;
⑧ intelligence of animals is close - have common belief or viewpoint of value.
If you and spouse go up to feel close in these 8 levels, so congratulation you, your marriage is the union with perfect instantly.
If has 9 to cannot be nodded contentedly, you can ask yourself: "Are these facets very important to me? Had I expressed its value to me to my spouse? What through what we can improve these aspects is close? What through what we can improve these aspects is close??
If 8 kinds close in, you feel 3 kinds of above cannot match with the spouse, that is in before entering marriage, be about to consider carefully.
Many people expect, those love when inextricability problem, the likelihood married to be able to ameliorate. But actually, the issue that be in is put before marriage, because two people marry,perhaps won't have the child absolutely and improve somewhat.
Marry, it is the result after the problem is solved certainly, is not the means that solves a problem.
02.
You are together enough and interesting
Be in China, because feel the other side,a lot of people marry is " the person is right still " , feel drab however after accessibility marriage asphyxial even.
Marriage of American Denver university and domestic research center, undertook a marital relation that is as long as 15 years studies. They begin from 1996, dog recorded 306 pairs of husband and wife, the time that includes them to be together everyday among them, common interest, quarrel frequency and marital status.
Result discovery, two people of husband and wife are together to the top of one's bent the time of libertinism is more, marriage is happier, this pairs of males especially important. Regard oneself other in part as when the man " best friend " when, the possibility that future divorces inside 5 years is very small.
But when the woman partner that thinks when the male the wife is to take care of a family merely, 5 years the possibility of marital occurrence crisis is as high as future 50% . The libertinism here is game is mixed not only recreational, also include daily humour, jest, even each other is black.
Without what duller than be without the relation of billows, more dangerous. Below this kind of circumstance, people just often stems from responsibility together scared perhaps, it is a kind of depression and compromise.
Abiding happiness, two interesting souls are created jointly.
03.
Have the capacity that handles conflict
A person runs the ability that affection concerns, it is to look to know extent to his, what do oneself like for instance, what to want; 2 look in all affection ability, experience the ability that the other side experiences namely; 3 it is the ability that expression communicates; The 4 ability that see processing conflict namely.
Healthy affection relationship is not two people to be without conflict, all the time each other respects each other love. The husband and wife of a lot of conjugal love also quarrels, but the distinction of husband and wife with they and bad feeling, depend on handling the way of conflict.
The husband and wife of conjugal love solves a problem through conflict, make a noise better more. Not the husband and wife of conjugal love just abreacts through quarrelling mood, make a noise to cold-shoulder each other more more, the complaint in the heart accumulates more more.
Two people get along, scarcely should fear to produce conflict, quarrel to be able to help us settle a lot of matters occasionally. In the relation most those who abstain from is to depress his blindly actually, avoid conflict.
I have the person that a female of more than 30 years old calls in, she since 24 years old after marrying the man, look after children in the home all the time. The husband busies earn money, ferial in give evening early to return, the housework that still does to her has more captious.
The heart is medium when she will seek advice scrape up a lot of complaint, cry very badly. I ask whether she has told the husband these idea, she has said obscure, but dare not tell directly, because the husband is grumpy, be afraid that he gets angry.
I said the principle that relation of male and female runs to her, among them is, man most look down on the woman that pleases by every means cringingly. We also treated her fear in seek advice, taught her a few communication skill.
After coming home, she tells me, she heartens tell the husband so old think of a way, the husband is chronic ground gets angry to her first, this she is done not have blindly self-surrender, a head spoke out hold back in the word in the heart, the husband suddenly be stupefied, agree with her to be done no longer actually next housewife, go out however seek a job.
So, want conflict to let two people understand his more only, understand each other, and offerred an opportunity that explores more possibility, not be an evildoing.
When producing conflict every time, ask oneself: "What do I need to see have? What don't I want to see have? What do I need? What can I still do to make a thing better? What can I still do to make a thing better??
04.
Ego is contented, ego is responsible
When a lot of people enter affinity, do not have the attitude with adult, resemble dot seeking father and mother on spouse body euqally however, also can say, be project the spouse into parents.
This kind projects have form of two kinds of expression commonly:
Accordingly, all " goddess " , the heart is special the little girl that is short of love. How do they love others, how to pay for others, expect to be able to a person loves her with same way more in the depth of the heart.
Namely " I think from you here gets something, but I am afraid that you do not give, accordingly I can give actively to us first, in order to exchange the redound that I expect. In order to exchange the redound that I expect..
And the growing dot that this is you probably. You have how to want to love him, how to long to be paid for him, how the ground cares and should cherish oneself actually.
Responsible without anybody fool other in part when dot forever with obligation. Have two people only can ego is responsible, concern ability is long.
I want to say finally, no matter our relation front is facing what kind of situation, the abundance that it is pair of our life and patulous. Affinity faces him afresh to our opportunity, accordingly, we grow in the relation.
Although we are not to must marry, also be not a knot marriage is happy, but if you are willing to choose marriage, hope and your other in part shares the life henceforth, how to and know manage, your relation is firm certainly.
The society assumes more responsibility, have more creativity, make an interesting spirit, become the optimal good friend of keep no secrets from each other with the other side, these, it is the essential element with successful marriage.
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