A lot of parents especially treasure Mom can discover a phenomenon, it is the child depends on him extremely, this kind is depended on can let treasure Mom feel very warm heart, the child ases if is everything of treasure Mom. But be brought up gradually as the child, too intense dependence also lets treasure Mom feel be anxious and incommensurate. Child can depend on parents temporarily, cannot depend on generation however, this is the simplest truth, but a lot of parents experience arrive when already too late.
Be opposite when the child is small parental dependence more it is to seeking a kind of safe sense, and after be brought up " psychology did not break breast " depend on, it is a kind of performance with poor independent character, may cause a worry to his life, the life that also meets parents brings a burden, had depended on " thick " , may not is meddlesome. Can create this kind of appearance, with parents close windtight loves is not divided.
When baby is particularly little, parents is met bend does his best go cherishing him, beefeater he, seem to love to also had been not been in emphatic. The parent thinks the child is too small, whats do not understand, behoove by this world tenderness in order to wait for, and oneself are the child's strongest person that guard. Arrive from basic necessities of life amuse oneself, most parent treats the youngest son with wrapping the stance that takes greatly greatly. Want departure a little while only even, treasure Mom can break down cry greatly.
When the child 5, when 6 years old, had begun to follow at the back of parents to trying to do this to do that, but the parent often thinks the child does a business ham-handed, the result all also is not like person meaning, simply oneself do sth for sb, save worry carries fast save labour to enrage, not need child moves. Connect the basiccest clad, fold by also did by parents.
Be in a few bigger, wait for the child to enter elementary school, enter a middle school, because school work burden is overweight, the parent cannot bear the heart criticizes severely the child, to do not make their study abstracted, parents can do him almost did, some does not let the child collect bowl chopsticks even.
Whole childhood adds adolescence, be brought up below the condition that a lot of children are in this kind to lack initiative namely. The parent did not give the child the chance that grow at all, waited for the child to be brought up to blame newborn animal again, say " independent character is wrong " , " dependence is strong " , the love that is parents too passed.
Those criticize the parents with child strong dependence, oneself are actually bigger to the child's dependence. The mother that resembles actor Zhu Yuchen is in program intermediary carry on, she rose to boil pear juice for the son at 4 o'clock in the morning everyday, held to at least to have 10 years. No matter where Zhu Yuchen walks along, she can carry electromagnetism furnace on the back where follow, son of for fear that eats bad. She knows each paragraphs of feeling that she still says Zhu Yuchen, undertook intervention. This mom tells everybody haughtily finally: I do not have ego, do not have ego completely, I am to use whole life to be in treat my son.
Have netizen comment, is this mom is using whole life to kill a son? The child has been brought up obviously adult, had the capacity that ego lives, but the parent or the arena of the person that do not wish to exit dominant, still bind the child with his parent identity, ask the child is done so, do not want to be done in that way. Resemble having a news the other day, "9 years old of boys still eat mother milk, mom anguish appeals " , major netizen thinks this is parental responsibility, and not should shirk arrives on child body, after all the boy grows in ablactation a few times, mom because of " cannot bear heart " and give u.
Too depend on parents, become those who do not have definite idea " adult "
Be opposite as a child parental always follow sb's advice, what parents also does not divide the age is right all the time the child's life " gesticulate " , its raise those who went out to do not have definite idea finally namely as a result " adult " , they are very mature on appearance and age, psychology is babyish however, everything likes to seek parental opinion, regard oneself action as the guideline parental view, devoid definite idea, judgement and decision are very wrong, such person gains success very hard also in some respect, and happy feeling is relatively inferior, because do not have the joyance that oneself struggle, its measure a standard to also care about parental view as a result, very tired really.
Many undergraduates just are first time to leave home truly when walking into the tower of ivory, live not only cannot provide for oneself, need parents every month comes over to wash the dress, and the impact that does not know how to should be in manage and roommate, the contradiction that do is heavy. Because they had been contacted only with parents such affinity, and in knowing how to answer campus, socially complex human relation, very pained. And in matrimony form particularly easily also " Mom treasure male " this kind of phenomenon, the lifetime that can say pair of people is influential.
Corresponding, when the child dependence to parents, make parents very very happy, proud, but the parent is not all-purpose, parental energy and ability also are finite, so called backing is the all the time does not stand in child back to understand him, support him, is not full-fledged member do sth for sb. Had depended on strong, also can let the heavy burden on parental back, feel ability not equal to one's ambition, still thinking the child is inborn is " demand repayment ghost " .
Do not want to make child dependence too strong, cause in the future worry, with respect to need parents learns " pull a hand " and " let go " .
Society " pull a hand " , pull a hand to mean the parent to need safe sense in the child, preliminary when building parentage, can offer him enough love and protection, let the child be in a safety, halcyon condition next is brought up. This need parents gives huge patience, pass master all sorts of Yo knowledge, will update pair of belts child the understanding of this thing.
When should pulling a hand, the child is right parents what kind of depend on it is beyond the mark to do not calculate, the parent also does not want evade responsibility. Should know when of father love, mother love be short of break, can give child lifetime shading. Those views are in the child young when make child enough and independent, allow to cry by the child the parent that does be indifferent to sth, not be the independent character that training the child, wrecking his safe move however, irresponsible.
Society " let go " , express to want to let the child do appropriate business in appropriate age, the parent should give sufficient freedom to let its grow. In the process that let go, affirmative meeting has twist and repeatedly, parents also need not too too softhearted, do not experience harships how visibility rainbow? But let go and do not mean parent all fronts to exit, just change kind of means to come to those who pay close attention to the child to grow.
How to develop the child's independent character, from the concept, want to pass 4 such level:
The first pace, we do this thing for you (do sth for sb) , do sth for sb and monopolize, it is to give the child ground, make him can faster be brought up better, this is initial phase.
The 2nd pace, we and you are done together (participate in) , parents guides the child to have the study of some skill together, or experience the life together, the parent is the person that lead, the child is learner.
The 3rd pace, we look at you to do (directive) , after the child mastered certain skill, it is OK that the parent is coaching aside, you are OK advise, perhaps give when child way is wrong correct, but cannot talk at the beginning, careful observation, static wait for a flower to leave.
The 4th pace, you are finished independently (appreciation) , you can discover finally, the child can have answered all sorts of circumstances independently, they are already grown grew up, had certain life experience and substantial intellectual reserve, go up in horizon and travel motivation even ambitious at father generation, the action that appreciates the child then, let go let him enter the world alone.
2012, subeditor of domestic education net forest the Hedugen that surpass · occupies age category, summarized all sorts of life skill. Consult for everybody.
2~3 year old: The chore that does easily simply and basic clad cleanness.
4~5 year old: Remember important name and number.
6~7 year old: Basic and clean technology.
8~9 year old: Liquidate individual goods.
10~13 year old: Begin independence.
14~18 year old: Learn higher skill.
Finally, it is meddlesome that the parent is done so that cross much may not for the child, this meeting lets the child maintain intense to parents dependence to feel in the metropolis after manhood, depend on feeling too too powerful, can let parents and oneself feel serious and unwell, there also is a lot of corrupt practice in social life. Depending on is not derogatory sense word, want to use pair of ages however, parents learns first and the child " pull a hand " , make sure the child grows basically, give enough and safe sense, talk again " let go " , give the child the space that an ego grows, do you think?
I am candied mom, it is division of infant of an advanced Yo, also be the mom of 4 years old of darling, in Yo any problems that encounter in the process can ask me, hope my a bit proposal can help you solve the trouble in the process that bring child and quandary.
