In the times of angst, over- not the life of angst. Hello, I am Lin Zi.
Last month, I give Chengdu stone room the middle school on invitation one passes high on the children of 3 " career plans " class. This establishs at BC the oldest official on world of 141 years runs a school school, had existed 2100 old, still was full of vigor however. Hear classmaster teacher begin when me the first word says: "Brother -- " when, the mood also immediately joy rises, because, not be every teacher or the parent, OK regard children as " brother " , the equality that gives their spirit to go up and freedom.
Had equality and freedom, classroom of 45 minutes also had fresh vitality. Children express his point of view interactively, actively eagerly, explore ego and future. When ending, I say: "Hope today's share, can help everybody be in the university entrance exam is volunteer when fill in a form and submit it to the leadership, the idea that can communicate oneself with parents better, is not at swords' points, hope parents understand and value your option, because, everybody has the freedom that ego chooses. Everybody has the freedom that ego chooses..
This paragraph of word, it is to have feel and send. Because seek advice daily in, I was recieved too much because was stripped by parents volunteer option and appear the children of all sorts of problems, although the school that their some is reading parents to choose, some has graduated very old, deep-set still however the anguish in the thing that cannot do oneself to like, and in the resentment to parents. The child of some moods extreme says even: "The major that my meeting gnash one's teeth chooses them to me is read, as filial to theirs and repay. Anyway when graduation, task was finished, I can die. I can die..
Parents are very fathomless perhaps, why be for the child such however anguish mixes good, child obviously definitely absolutely?
Existentialism psychology thinks: Everybody has the freedom that creates oneself life, the freedom of the desire of everybody, choice and action is worth to be respected. If these freedom are stripped, the heart can was full of empty with loneliness. Existentialism emphasizes existence value of the person, advocate the person has proper motion to choose the freedom of life aim and life meaning, take the subjective experience of the individual in real world and view seriously, the consequence that stresses a person must wanting to arise to loose-jointed place is responsible.
Parents often the name with care and love, replace the child to fill volunteer, choose major, it is to replace the child to choose marital partner even, think oneself are more mature than the child, more rational, made choice can help the child grow better certainly, ignored however, such love is stifling, because it stripped,the child is the right that he chooses, children also lost the chance that is in charge of for oneself accordingly. Because child heart can feel " this is not my choosing, then I also do not need to be in charge of for the result. Then I also do not need to be in charge of for the result..
The choice means freedom, also bring liability at the same time.
A lot of parents complain the child does not have responsibility heart, however the just in time that I see is contrary: The first phase that most child life grows, hope to be able to be loaded actually what respect them when adult especially is an a few responsibility, freewill, when giving them enough credit and support at the same time, they can imagine than old people more be brave in to face and take on, because every life has spontaneity, yearn for self-fulfilment. But, if grow up to be interfered ceaselessly, deny and strip their freewill, train them ceaselessly according to consolidate the answer operation with the standard, the spontaneity of children is met suffocate suffocate, and responsibility, also became the issue that has nothing to do with them.
· of article of existence psychologist Europe inferior grand points out truly with respect to Ceng Ming: Responsibility is one of free bases. The responsibility that says here, basically be to point to in mental health respect, people make the rational behavior, ability that is in charge of for oneself. The person of a responsible consciousness, can understand oneself are all sorts of worries in ego, destiny and life and experienced author, also be the author of oneself anguish. If a person cannot accept this kind of responsibility quite, insist to think someone else is other perhaps the element just is to cause his unpleasant culprit, impossibly true heart physiotherapy heals.
This, in marital affection kind in seeking advice most common. When a lot of spouses just sought advice, normally of metropolis rebuke the other side is not, think the problem goes to go up in body of the other side, have nothing to do with oneself. And be in when them seek advice in the center grow rise, can discover gradually, original, ask the premise that the problem solves, either " only he changed, I just can change " , however " I changed, he just is changed likely " .
This is an ego is carried duty process. And of this process finish, need to realize first: Oneself are one has freewill the person with option. Affection of a lot of experience is betrayed, the person call in that still stays bitterly in marriage however, original metropolis from exterior seek an importunate ground. They can say: "For the child, for parents, the view for others... I do not have other option. " sound, it seems that external all germ that just are anguish, oneself can passive bear; And I can say: "Without other option, also be a kind of choice. If stay in the active choice that you are in marriage, may continue so is the active, anguish that lets this choice bring a bit less? May continue so is the active, anguish that lets this choice bring a bit less??
Such dialog, it is to help understanding of the person that call in, should experience negative sex they are incident hind, involuntary in the denial that decline entered pair of responsibility, changeover, trap that refuse and escapes the psychological defense mechanism such as own action, and the anguish that these defense mechanisms cannot help them cast off instantly truly, defect is jumped over in the feeling with can let them be in painful instead deeper, more and more feel oneself change all these feebly. In the meantime, also help the person that call in realize: TA has the freedom of the change, no matter continue to still end marriage, want TA to be willing only, can try what to do to change his painful feeling, and, also have him TA only, it is the responsibility person of this change. Also load only have this responsibility, TA ability gains real freedom.
Besides responsibility, europe article · inferior grand earlies childhood, apiration is another free important part.
Where is what meaning? When we make think of a way of plan, expression, can say normally " I prepare to do something " , " I plan to do something " , " I decide what to do what " , these, it is us the expression to oneself apiration.
Europe article · inferior the apiration that swell place puts forward, those who point to is structures of such a kind of psychology, it is a mental energy that becomes aware to be changed into the action with understanding, it is the main impetus of the mentation before the action and action, mean determination and acceptance, resemble those expression that a moment ago said, for instance, "I will do this thing " .
Accordingly, betray to was being experienced, and for the partner that takes in marriage, if realize oneself freewill, intention that made clear oneself, can be start with oneself, make the decision that changes individual experience and life quality.
The decision is the bridge between apiration and action. American philosopher, sociologist and Mu of Zhan of · of religious psychologist Williams this, summed up 5 kinds of different decision types.
The first kind, rational decision. This is a kind of balance after be being judged through reason, e.g. , a mom that faces marital crisis says, good for the child, it is right that I stay in marriage.
The 2nd kind, sedulous decision. This needs special effort to finish, for instance, know perfectly well hill of tiger of Shan Youhu, deflection to go.
The 3rd kind, the decision of indulge. In this kind of case, have without which action it seems that enough good reason, be in then the Ren Zhi of the pleasant to the ear that be tired of or loses heart. Lack the definite idea, child that does not know him interest place for instance, arrangement of parents of at one's convenience took an examination of officeholder, next ignorant lives.
The 4th kind, actuation decision. This is to be under the mood not self-conscious action, often also bring more mood reaction. For instance, husband and wife two when quarrelling, blurt out " divorce " ! As a result false finally play is done really, cannot redeem really.
The 5th kind, be based on the decision that the idea changes. This kind of decision is certain and main explicit experience the result of immanent perhaps change, for instance in front mention, realize when the child oneself have the active advantageous position with volunteer fill in a form and submit it to the leadership and responsibility, can decide constructively to read what major, attend which college, put into practice not to regret.
Er of Ke Erkai Guo says existentialism pioneer: "Exist " it is the process that realizes infinite possibility in finite life. "Adventure can cause anxiety, but do not go taking a risk to be able to lose ego. " Er of cover of · agreement writing is in " by freedom " in also respecting: "The free development of individual character is one of happy the mainest factors. "The free development of individual character is one of happy the mainest factors..
Wish the freedom that you have him development, in the meantime, capable also to bear this free responsibility. If you also had been experienced certain let you feel but with the business that loses freedom, be to be in when? What effort had you ever done to make your new have the freedom that belongs to your?
Class of Lin Zi psychology, we see next time.
