Before two days, a mom leaves a message to me, son this year 8 years old, learned to lie unexpectedly recently, cheat me to say the school collects book fee, the result takes money to buy a toy, after child father knows, hit the child. I feel to hit is not method. But also do not know how to should do, common saying says, "3 years old look big, 7 years old look old " , the child is so small can lie, fine concern can learn bad later.
The angst of this mom represented the bewilderment of a lot of parents, honesty is the obligatory course that everybody conducts oneself in society for the person, as the parent, hope the child has honest moral character of course. But is the child lies really " great scourges " ? Do not adopt point to toco to scold, how to guide the child not to lie?
Above all we want to realise, face the child to lie, if face archenemy,the parent does not need.
The first, lying is a kind of common phenomenon.
As a child " the wolf came " the story can be told to rise again and again by parents, the clou that sums up finally is: "You look, the child that lie cannot get accredit and help, can lead to bitter consequence. " in fact, no matter " be equal to Nuo Cao " and " the wolf came " how the story is thorough popular feeling, children still are can lying.
The children psychology research center of Canadian Toronto university ever had done a such lying tests: Researcher looks for different age paragraph the child, let them wait for in same in the room, ask they do not peek the toy inside the room. But leave when researcher after the room, almost all children peeked. When but become,researcher asks about, major child lay.
Research makes clear: There is 20% to come about when the child is 2 years old of 25% had said a lie;
There is 50% about when 3 years old had said a lie; The child that there is 90% about when 4 years old has said a lie; The of 100% child when arriving 7 years old has scattered a lie. It is the child not just actually, our adult can say 3 lies in every 10 minutes.
The 2nd, lying mark child is developing main psychological mastery of a skill or technique.
Pedagogic home Professor Shiluke says Germany: Child first time says falsehood is a of his growing process significant progress significantly, lying mark wears the child he had the imagination, action that initiates a gender, and with surroundings contact with. You think, to lie, your child must want to conceal nitty-gritty, fictional give another reality, give you taletelling, even firmly remembers it, cannot antilogy, for this pair of dot, very not easy?
But this does not encourage the child to lie on behalf of us! Want to tell everybody pa Mom however, the child lies is a common normal phenomenon, need not excessive and alarmed, the parent can need not regard the child's dishonesty as great scourges, lie those who rise to character and moral character problem " height " will father add critically and correct painstakingly. Should see the merit of crammer backside however, make clear the child's lying reason, divisional he is lie normally or lie out of order, make proper response, be opposite for the child " lie " this one behavior forms final acknowledge, offer direct actively.
From psychological element, of the child lying and OK cent is lie innocently and lie of purpose two kinds.
Lie innocently the period that happens in children to imagine development more, namely 2 arrive 3 years old, because active imagination, forgetful wait for a reason, not clear to writing down business can fill by right of the imagination complete. They often produce a kind of not self-conscious illusion to prospective thing, become the illusion sometimes reality, go to hyperbole of something other people truthless degree. For instance the child went the zoo, description of meeting coming home saw elephant fan is worn big ear flies in the sky. Or the child does not want a person sleeps in the evening, can say to there are various monsters to wait a moment below the bed.
Generally speaking, the two child the gift of tongues that arrive 3 years old just started, and not clear what dividing is true, what is an imagination. So 3 years old of children before lie, parent not need is so nervous. And the child lies 4 years old mix 3 years old different, at that time they can have distinguished reality and imagined. At the same time 4 years old are the best phase that learns a language, so the child lies more resembling is one kind is shown off, the parent need not make a fuss of, but when the child lies, should tell he tells the truth and after storytelling the feeling of others, let him know to others can be affected if he says. If the child 5 to 8 years old lie always still, the parent reviews his action with respect to need.
So why can the child lie of purpose? General meeting has so a few kinds of circumstances.
The first, to escape punishment.
Below most circumstance, the child lies is to escape punishment, exam achievement is not ideal, for instance naughty ask for trouble be afraid of parent punish. Having a word is, if your child loves to lie, that is you do not allow him to say true word certainly. Because he knows,say true word will be very hapless. Two count are inscribed -- the adjudgement with honest = constant in a steady stream + bear hard complain. Lie the calm that = leads probably + potential benefit. If be you, how can you choose? I think, you also can choose very likely to lie. Neither one child is natural be willing to lie, if the child is true in domesticity,be respected, be loved, he has perfect reliance to parents, have dye-in-the-wood safe feeling, he does not need to be in " get into trouble " hind flurried, also do not need to conceal -- did not fear to do not have crammer. So, what parents should think over is, treat the child to there is some of severity at ordinary times? The child treats previously " error " whether had had processing undeserved?
The 2nd, to satisfy certain requirement. Resemble begin respecting, the child to buy a toy, beguiling mom says the school wants to buy a book. The parent should think over to whether be restricted to the child's demand too dead, when the child raises him requirement, not should 100% refuse, can give the child the right of the choice.
The 3rd, please parents. Some parents are very tall to child requirement, if the child is behaved well,meet very glad, satisfy all requirements of the child; If the child did not achieve expectation to meet rebuke child, if things go on like this, the child can lie for please parents.
The 4th, imitate parents. The child can see the parents, adult all round lies sometimes escape, they also learn accordingly. Of parents teach by personal example as well as verbal instrution can make the child arises " lying do not be a fault " illusive, most at least also lies for theirs strong bravery.
Summary comes down, the child lies this one means be closely bound up to how treat the child with the parent actually. If parents treats the child,be expectation too too tall, punish or because concern suffers,letting the child easily is to want to reward and choose to lie. In the meantime, also the effect that the behavior with him parents causes to the child is inseparable, parents is the child allow teacher, how do you do, how does he learn.
So, how should the parent prevent or be how should the parent prevent or the possibility that reduces the child to lie intentionally?
It is replace in order to admit punish severely.
German education Te Keleijimo says expert collect, if parental what can use the means of a kind of calm, calm, understanding to treat children is lying, so from can avoid a lot of lies and needless controversy at the beginning, because their concern is blamed,lying sometimes because of the child is, or as a result of,be bashful, do not think disappoint parents expects to theirs. Parents should not fling caution to the winds the ground is press the child is honest, otherwise the child can make up more flapdoodle to justify oneself, that circumstance more flooey. Overcoming Leijimo to let think the child is lying is to stem from parents the distrust to its. Because this parents answers to often explain to make clear in order to go to children, if child err what thing, they are to be able to give the child with the help, can put an end to lying happening so.
Parents should have experience greatly, the punish of excessive severity cannot eliminate lying behavior of the child sometimes, make likely instead because the child fears to be punished and continue to lie, or it is to destroy parentage. Accordingly, when parents is handling the child's lying action, a basic attitude should be wrong to the thing person, because problem act killed the child to make the individual's value,avoid, can tell the child: "Although err, also have mend one's ways opportunity, you still are the baby in pa Mom heart. " feel when the child speaking can be admitted, it is safe, nature also can be willing to express the feeling of own heart and opinion quite, parents also ability from which deliberate gives the child the reason of lying backside, adopt relevant measure.
Accomplishing this often can be a test to the parent. Parents most the mistake that often makes is, tell the child to want him to tell the truth only you won't get angry, after as a result he said truth, you begin be furious however. If the child followed you to say truth, you should say " very good " , at the same time oversight drops the action of child impropriety, whichever behavior has much what bad luck. " but if you know you are impossible beforehand misfire, for instance the child made very special and serious mistake, had better not make such promise beforehand so.
The 2 behavior that are seasonable award honesty.
Want to develop a good behavior habit, award is more important than penalty. After when discovery the child gets into trouble, not utterly discomfited is accusatorial " you do this. " this matter, the child is very possible because be afraid of,take a beating and lie. Such inquiry means is revulsive child lies actually. The parent can watch the child's eye, wait for him child to speak the truth, perhaps say " produced what job " . If the child admitted mistake or request are excused, one is held in the arms or can kiss to the child, tell the child, parents can like honest child, hope he continues to do a honest person, and corresponding ground reduces the punishment to him. Such encouragement can let the child feel, original honesty is the thing that can make parents happy, so later he can be willing to exchange such encouragement with honesty.
3 it is not optional to the child " stick label " .
Although your child scattered a lie to you, also fasten easily the child lie to delimit with human nature, character equal-sign. Do not affix to the child " small cheater " , " lie essence " , " braggadocio " wait for label. Such label can harm the child not only, possible still meeting lets the child " broken jar is broken fall " , speak more lies.
4 it is not to create the situation that lets them lie.
Had known the child had last cracker, do not challenge again he: "Did you eat last cracker? " such challenging is to bringing him to lie actually, can feel because of him oneself meet a trouble, and he can think method to avoid certainly. Actually, you are OK so say: "I know you that biscuit ate finally, just had a meal without abdomen now so. The cost that such doing is, you will eat without biscuit tomorrow. You will eat without biscuit tomorrow..
5 it is to help the child find better than lying means of settlement.
When handling the child's lying action, measurable education is in surely. Because made a fault,occasionally the child is met, or face do not know how piece when the thing of manage, worry about the parental reaction after coming to the light, and the choice is lying. If parents can understand the child such feeling, with gentle, those who include too degree think together with the child discuss, find out better than lying issue to settle way. Can help child in the future be in so when facing a problem, more go bravely facing; Also let the child at the same time won't because fear parental reaction, and will in order to lie protect oneself.
6 it is to guide the child to be in charge of for his behavior
The child is lying often excusable, but lying is not an action that can be urged absolutely, parents should say to understand lying is not the proper way of a contented demand for the child, later if have any need, can tell pa Mom directly, is not will in order to lie achieve a goal. It is OK reach acceptance with the child, a research makes clear, have 16% 3 after promising to tell the truth to 7 years old of children, the possibility that lie is reduced greatly. [King 1] in addition still but with child mae a few regulations to be observed by all concerned, if later the child made a fault or violate an agreement, pa Mom won't hit him, scold him, but can give other the punishment that replaces a gender, see TV time decrease for example, cannot nosh is waited a moment, let child learning bear a responsibility for his behavior.
7 it is much at ordinary times offer the child attention and care
Because school work achievement or behavior expression feel as the person self-abased,occasionally the child lies is, borrow so by lying will satisfy oneself, or the admiration that gets another person; Parents at ordinary times this is too busy and oversight child, or it is too prejudicial to the child with more excellent performance, the child is used possibly also notice or obtain what will cause parents with respect to the lie praise. If parents can care more at ordinary times the child, much as close as the child, build kiss goodly child interactive relation, make what child sense is to be loved by oneself valuable, will conduce to heart of promotion child self-confidence, also can reduce the child to get the case of parental attention in order to lie.
8 it is him parent makes good example.
Do not like to recieve call in person, teach the child to say " if somebody will look for me, say I am absent " ; If did the thing that does not wish to let a spouse know, also say to the child " do not let your Mom know " ; When us when anxious to the child's crammer get angry, whether to have him self-communion to had said a lie to the child? Want to let the child do not lie, the parent does not teach the child with double standard.
How to answer the child to lie a little with everybody today. When the child is lying, parental manner is very crucial, it decided whether the child will continue to lie henceforth even. Parents is opposite with gentle state of mind the child, understand him with tender language, go guiding him with sturdy manner, this meeting lets the child feel: No matter made what mistake,be in before parents, speak out to won't receive more bad penalty. Such child, can choose to speak the truth mostly, when encountering such things again next time,
He thinks of to meet above all is how to be solved, is not lying. Contrary, blame or be the processing means that stamp with fury, can push the child only to lying brim.
A lot of moment, the adult likes to use blame is black namely Bai Saiwei means, go giving a definition to the child's behavior, but actually this is inequity to the child. The child's crammer is not equal to dishonesty, their small self, the likelihood just wants to achieved a certain desire to stop too. And right now, parents is mixed to the child's understanding it is exceedingly important to guide.
We might as well change a thinking to consider this issue: When the child is lying, it is actually kiss very well child communication chance, be?
Listen to this class, ask you the processing kind that what and you the real reason that your child below serious after-thought lies is is right?
