A mistake that the person in circle makes very easily is entered first, it is " favour does " , think oneself work for the other side heart and soul, can make a relationship more harmonious, close.
But the fact is not such. Psychologist discovery, you had shared too to others, in " of excessive investment of the " in human association, can be opposite instead actually oneself are adverse, perhaps produce adverse effect to each other relation.
So, why good to the " of others " cannot excessive? Because have labor capacity to,this is, for sensible and perfect person, become independent and be being paid is the need that individual character grows. In human relation if cannot satisfy some kind of need each other, so this kind of relation is maintained it is more difficult to rise. Psychologist Huo Man this Ceng Di goes out, the association between person and person is exchange of a kind of society substantially, the principle that this kind of exchange exchanges place to abide by with the commodity on the market is same, in hoping to interacting namely, not less than gotten place pay. because of such, although the person has selfish inherent quality, what do not hope to get is little at what pay, but stem from mutually beneficial effect, if get be more than those who pay, also can let person psychology overbalance. Because this meeting makes the person feels cannot redound or without opportunity redound the other side, and feel in the heart ashamed remorses, feel the favour that owes the other side, burden of this kind of psychology can make indebted one party is forced to choose alienation.
Additional, there still is law of suddenly of a shellfish on psychology, those who say is the experience that become a person after intense stimulation, granted stimulation is applied to be able to become negligible to him later, experience with respect to psychology for, first time big stimulation can be diluent quadratic spinule is stimulated. Chinese common saying says, "Pipeful rice raises a benefactor, one stone rice raises a personal enemy " , those who say is this truth. That is to say, you are moderately good to others, the other side can appreciate you, also meet redound you; But if you are right the other side is too good, time of the other side grew with respect to coma, and your some second the standard with original short of, can cause his dissatisfaction instead and displease him. Say with common saying, give bad " of " be used to opposite party namely. This often can see in the parental education to the child, also can see on body of male and female.
Still have an undesirable consequence very much too to others, that lets others easily feel your heart is too soft namely, do not be afraid of you, do not have a dread to you. Not all person is the generation of goodness in the life, let already had bit of majesty oneself so, can protect better from already, also let oneself have a picture more ah force, if you always are too good to others, can let a person feel you are kind-hearted and weak, use easily.
In fact, no matter be to be inside what relation, a person cannot be begged only pay, do not seek get one's own back, and should put forward to ask for to the other side appropriately, in order to maintain the balance that feeling pays. And you should let what the other side notices you pay, this can let the other side feel your love to him already, also make him be on affection redound you. And this kind is paid each other and redound, can deepen each other feeling gradually again.
To the child: Should pay should ask for more
Ask for the redound of love to the child, not be to want the child oral on acknowledgment parents bears the favour that bring up, want them however parents of considerate, love and esteem, be willing to accept the requirement that parents raises and target. For example, father mother is tired, let the child carry a cup of tea; With the child one Alexandrine street shops, requirement child also helps the thing that can carry one part so that move. Adult should tell the child clearly, father mother also needs child get one's own back a love.
Exemple the experience that shared her so like a mom:
On the weekend in the morning, it is I sleep certainly lie-in when, if the daughter rises early, that Is am sorry, breakfast provides for oneself. Now and then, the daughter should enter an activity on the weekend, need me to rise early go sending, I can tap the small head that taps her, send a " complaint " : "Alas, for you, mom slept less again a lie-in. "Daughter, also meet cuddle wears I reply sensibly: "Then I divide the most delicious candy to you, thank mom. "Actually, care about the child's redound without which parent, but must make the child clear however, cannot father mother pay regard as of course.
In fact, each child also is willing to dedicate the most precious thing to parents. When because a person is in,be being needed by other, ability experiences the value of own life; A child is in when be being needed by adult, ability experiences his little life is how the ground is great, comprehend a kind of deep love then. But regretful is: A lot of parents do not know the source that there still is this kind of love in child heart, refused the good work that the child does for them actively, and after was being effaced when these initial feeling, want to wake up them with thousands of words again, be impossible job.
To the sweetheart, love arrives just
It is a difficult problem to the control of love measure, how be just just good love? The following proposals are OK and referenced:
The 1st, do not say to love you more forever. Do not let the other side how much know to you love him forever, otherwise he will be proud because of this.
The 2nd, one day makes one electrify word only. Care about when still was not being used up first hang up, maintain measurable and uncanny sense, like the person of babble without the person.
The 3rd, indulge too much became cowardly. Who doesn't owe, in love two people are leading role, want to have oneself definite idea, know proper rejection.
The 4th, do not stay together every day. The vitality of love is finite, want to make love life a bit longer be about to maintain a suitable space. What if had,skin is close, must not place a pair of model that is not you to not be married.
The 5th, the other side is one part only forever. 3 wool once said: "My heart has a lot of rooms, carry on one's shoulder is to come in on the west sit. "Want to have oneself social circle, do not talk about love to evaporate with respect to place, broke contact with all friends, this can make your life narrower and narrower only.
Anyhow, the form that we need to learn to change conciously and control love to convey, intensity and consult content, more moment, love is not too much, need only just good.
To the friend: Need not grant whatever is requested
There are " of a lot of " a benign and uncontentious person who is indifferent to matters of principle in the life, to everybody of smilingly, always be amiable to the speech of others, always grant whatever is requested to the requirement of others, do not know to want to refuse. But, become a benign and uncontentious person who is indifferent to matters of principle that pleases others blindly, you not only fail to get everybody's jubilation, rather, you still can distress exceedingly even sometimes, obviously oneself think to be done very well, and already stoop to compromise, can get the favor of certain person namely, do not have even a bit understanding even.
The undergraduate of a strong finish school, concern to do well with the colleague, always everyday early goes to work, help work in the same placing ahead of schedule wipe up table pours good tea, had arranged the data all in communal mailbox next, should print print come out. And, he also is to grant whatever is requested to all people. No matter be long computer or duplicate material, as long as it is work in the same placing ringent, he won't refuse. Buy lunch repeatedly even, open water such bagatelle, work in the same placing also can give he goes doing.
At the beginning, he is very successful still feeling, feel to work in the same place people more and more cannot leave him. But one day, let him generate question to his practice however. This day, he fell ill, arrive at the office to finish without in advance brush a table to pour the job such as tea, this work in the same placing can resent, complain say him today is how to return a responsibility, how the table is so dirty, and water cup also is empty. There is a colleague to call his manuscript that print again when going to work, because in a way became slow a beat, this colleague resented: "You are no good a bit more quickly all right, I still am waiting for urgent need, ground of slow hand slow foot delayed an issue you are in charge of! Ground of slow hand slow foot delayed an issue you are in charge of!!
He feels very grievance interrogative, at ordinary times oneself were done so much especially the gratitude that the thing cannot get everybody however, make these liability that became oneself unexpectedly and obligation now, do a bit some slower be about to get blame.
Visible, do " of " a benign and uncontentious person who is indifferent to matters of principle probably at the beginning everybody will be very kind to you, you also can have very good popularity, can be after a considerable period of time, your a home to return to has only -- do not please painfully! Accordingly, sometimes we are necessary to learn to say " bravely not " .
Anyhow, doing thing of " good " also is cannot exceeding, this meeting makes people suffers hard, perhaps do not understand cherish, perhaps feel our heart is too soft, have negative effect to human relation instead.
Referral center of Shanghai carefree psychology achieves an article formerly, all rights reserved, reprint mention expressly please origin website link, the person that violate needs investigate.
