Mood management and happy force expert
" faulty, ability is beautiful " series books author; Author of home of Hai La happiness; Fudan University M.d. ; Master of psychology of university of fort of American model heart; Class of 12 video mood, already helped 100 thousand person learn to manage a mood.
Attention
- the - of a letter that sends the world parents
Dear father mother:
Be like,meet a word! Parental love, it is the most affectionate love on this world, also be the most unselfish love. That is accompany all one's life in every child heart most softhearted affection.
Have a lot of one's innermost thoughts and feelings, want to say, bashful however at the mouth. Be forced will that unexhausted affection gifts in the heart in this white paper. I want to talk with you today about: Be opposite in your eye of the child " the thing that kindness hides " have how old harm after all to child heart?
For instance marriage of a lot of parents already exist in name only,
But still choose to divorce again after the university entrance exam however;
It is the closest person dies obviously for instance,
But still choose not to send funeral in the secret before the exam;
For instance parents remarries, the choice does not tell the child...
Next, with the ground that ego seeks, seek ego to comfort:
The child is small still;
The child's thing is the largest issue;
The option that allows oneself to bearing tremendous bitterness to face his next...
First no matter pair of faults of these choices, because be the option that should cut at that time, but face all these when, does parents want to pass and had asked his the child's sense of reality suffers from the heart truly?
I know, in your eye, the child from beginning to end age is still small, I understand each parents to stem from the original intention that protects the child deeply, and the thick father love that send out and mother love. I also understand you to be afraid that harm arrives child heart, and when facing the child cautious.
But, every child is the gift of God, be most the demon of wisdom.
The child although qualifications and record of service is still shallow, conduct oneself in society not deep, but the susceptibility that does not represent them, bear force is weak.
To the thing of place happening, won't because of parents conceal well-intentionedly, imperceptible; Also won't conceal painstakingly because of parents, the child can be admitted right-down, without the burden.
The child has his choice, have the right that goes accept and facing reality, when answering an issue the child also is having enough become awaring to know force and eye, just a lot of parents never had known him child truly just.
My parents, when I am very small, also can stem from the purpose that protects me, what conceal them to make to me is alleged " the choice of adult " . But those are stemmed from " good for me " and the choice that make, harmed my little heart deeply.
Although they chose to conceal, but do not represent some businesses I cannot be felt through other channel; Incorrect they say, I can admit the thing that these not acting appearance is right concealing right-down, just some of thing parents was not opened wide to me, I also won't speak out naturally just, next those " secret " bury deeply in the heart.
Of course, I am very lucky, in have unripe year I can be heard appear truely, advanced before long, in talking, we each other opened wide heart door leaf, spoke in those days a lot of things and heart road course, we each other also got fixed rate feel relieved.
But this dusty long already open wide, it is however after a few years, bear between each other and bore how many pressure, burden and pain to only he are known most, and we cannot have returned the past, one face about, time became an old practice...
I admit, some things, be told really to the child, appear when real event at before when, in the choice that the child can be immersed in him heart in short time, can make a few let alien look " make threatening gestures " " willfully make a trouble " " unimaginably queer " behavior, but this can prove only true appear let the child should engrave the stimulation with got certain at that time, resemble " traumatic " same.
Sometimes, look to perhaps be met blood dripping wet, but this is everybody only when the stimulation that faces the environment, the protective defense mechanism that starts independently just, just need time to face heal with cure just.
But after cure has healed, this " traumatic " can restore slowly, meeting heal. And all these is right for the child, also be an associate with that life must experience is mixed only from now on once a story, pain of and rather than and regret.
But contrary, when if parents is in,the child should know the fact most, chose sedulous, kindness conceal, once become the child to be in casual when know, perhaps can resemble me in one's childhood same, do not express oneself opinion. But inevitable, child disposition can become fretted certainly, sensitive and close-lipped, because in child heart this has upgraded,be " internal injury " .
And, the child is right of this thing unscramble also may understand because of oneself and change flavour: "Former father mother does not care about me; Their distrust I; They are very selfish; They let me leave the regret that cannot make up for forever. They let me leave the regret that cannot make up for forever..
Parents' well-intentioned protection, let the child produce huge distance move instead, let the child also cannot trust again others.
Although did not come one day, parents is in the so called inning that thinks oneself, told the child the truth, but to the child, that also is a thorn in the heart forever, it is the pain that cannot cicatrization forever.
Perhaps this thing itself goes already, perhaps the child can understand parents again from reason, but the pain that once caused can no more cicatrization forever however, can no more be at ease forever.
Finally, I want to say only: Mom, father, no matter what produced, do not want to be concealed painstakingly please, do not bear consequence alone.
Why to no matter use,plant means, tell the child the truth please, tell the child that is you should engrave the best choice that can make at that time please, let him child choose how to be answered next.
In the meantime, give the child enough credit please, let the child believe you the love between each other, no matter how affairs of human life changes, each other love won't change forever, this enough looks after children walk out of predicament, see a hope...
Want to believe forever, the person is more serious than the thing, love is all answer.
Your's sincerely
With high respect
Love your child ballad forever
Letter / the ballad of cowboy
(Jing Xiusheng of home of Hai La happiness)
" life affects life "
Become oneself happy chief
Illume with love oneself, illume family
Illume community, illume the world
If be willing you are OK also
