Civil | Lu Yue
Imagine, if your daughter is kidnapped by a country, and your company is banned by world the biggest nation, ten employee are staring at you, your every act issue passes a nation live or die promote decline...
(right for Ren Zhengfei's daughter)
Chou Jia hates the country, promote decline honour or disgrace, how should you do?
Hollywood is big in common " alone hero " gut, happen in reality actually.
This hero, call Ren Zhengfei, a Chinese old person of 75 years old.
Saw the media that Ren Zhengfei accepts recently interview, special deep feeling, perhaps every Chinese, be worth to see his answer well. After looking, you not only can understand China for, understand Ren Zhengfei, you understood the mainest reason in life more.
Seek the sense of affliction:
Give you safe sense truly, be you recover from an illness force
Ren Zhengfei looks in light of us how to once answer the crisis, become successful survival.
What is " survival " ?
It is the experience that you have successful ground to go from inside the crisis, such experience, can let you become to have " recover from an illness force " person.
Ren Zhengfei, it is such survival.
First time of Ren Zhengfei life does poineering work, it is to be in 41 years old, that year, he was cheated in manage 2 million a huge sum of money, be removed sb's name from the rolls by group of the oil austral the state-owend enterprise. The wife puts forward to divorce again, allow to be not a person to taking little sister of old father old woman, brother to live in Shenzhen hut.
Ren Zhengfei a photograph of whole family (back row is right it is Meng Wanzhou)
Meng Wanzhou recollects later in those days setting:
"Shenzhen is rainy, rain heavily outside, inside our house sprinkle, in the house of all sides leak, segregation neighbour conversation can hear. Segregation neighbour conversation can hear..
In so difficult environment, ren Zhengfei lends 20 thousand money, bet on full social status, founded China for.
Those who make us curious is, he is the firm of the sort of be unexpected rescued from a desperate situation powerful from why and come?
Actually this kind suffers from a day, ren Zhengfei crosses be used to early. Ren Zhengfei is born in the remote mountains of Guizhou, parents is rustic teacher, 7 people rely on sibling completely father and mother's poor salary lives.
But parents never has abandoned, in one's childhood, every arrive the day that pay the tuition fee, ren Zhengfei often looks at smiling face of maternal for company the door that land of a home beats close friends neighbour, the tuition of child of collect lending money...
That moment can live each to ensure in Home Ren Zhengfei come down, execute strict every eat to divide a meal to make.
Ren Zhengfei is really so hungry that Ren Zhengfei be overcome, mixing with rice bran vegetable takes, that is pig feed actually.
Read tall 3 when, ren Zhengfei is hungry even arrive to learn involuntarily, his small hoecake fills in stealthily on maternal Chang Zao.
Ren Zhengfei says later, if do not have hoecake, I also cannot establish China for, it is much only socially a hotshot that raise a pig just.
What does that hoecake have after all magical?
Mystical place is not the life that had maintained affliction in Yu Renzheng, encountered the parents that surmounts affliction life at the same time.
I once had been to a few countries, the person over there discovery gives me the biggest impression is a look cloudy, see their eyes, you can feel life is without a hope.
Say " the mother that failure is a success " , wrong, failure is only " unsuccessful mother " , successful mother is to face unsuccessful time, indomitable manner.
A lot of people say with me, mr. Lu, I fear to divorce can cause not reversible harm to the child. I say, cause not reversible harm to you, not be a divorce, however the manner that you handle a divorce.
The child cannot span, certainly parents cannot span.
Someone can say, ren Zhengfei has a pair to do not have by the parents of destiny crumple up, so he is " survival " , but my parents is " by crumple up " , I arrive as a child big, see they are surrendering to the destiny all the time.
Irrespective, everybody weighs the chance that has come newly once.
We have church " survival " ability, have recover from an illness of force, parents is only allow teacher, and we have an opportunity to seek the 2nd teacher for oneself.
Honey of the middle school teacher that it can be you, boudoir, spouse, psychology seeks advice from division, it is a netizen that never seeks a range even.
Want their church only you this with same thing, you are " hit amaranthine small strong " .
Recover from an illness force demon cuss:
3 change the destiny of your lifetime
Sailigeman spent psychologist horse fourth · tens of year study how people answers a setback, as a result discovery has 3 ideas to be able to let you become a Loser forever:
(1) personification (Personalization) : Think the happening of evildoing is his fault;
(2) catholicity (Pervasiveness) : Think negative event can affect the square respect range of the life;
(3) endurance (Permanence) : Think the leftover effect of incident will exist forever.
These 3 elements (abbreviation " 3P " )
And the is oneself namely brain that we need to do is inputted " the acknowledge that turn over 3P "
For instance, small A of a person that call in says with me,
Her husband is off the rails 5 years, she is a friend actually in the circle the last known person.
See husband is mixed small of 3 " limitative class " dialog, small A should go mad simply, one always says to busy the job, the man that is too busy to make love, profess unexpectedly " a day of 5 second man " !
Ask when husband is broken.
Husband says, if you want to force I, I am about to divorce! Small A brain heats up: "From leave! "From leave!!
The following day, husband gets up ask, divorce agreement has been written, you look, sure we go civil administration bureau, look at divorce agreement, small A cries greatly.
Husband says: Where is why bother? You open an eye to shut an eye to go, want you to put me only one horse, I do not leave you for certain.
Small A special him hate, cannot leave this " cock-a-hoop " man?
Because she is as follows 3 kinds of ideas, let her be in marriage, carry from beginning to end do not come at first:
1.Personification: If I am not so clumsy, I can in time discover Laogong's off the rails symptom, at least discovers he is disloyal to mine earlier, such I need not use the joke that becomes holder.
2.Catholicity: If I want to divorce, my fame, career and child were destroyed, I carry forever all one's life do not come at first.
3.Endurance: Once the man is off the rails,pass, it is habitual offender, no matter be together to still divorce with him, my affection life is was finished.
Already hundreds research makes clear, no matter child child still grows up, want them to realise get into trouble is not his fault completely only, also won't affect the square respect range of the life, lifetime won't be accompanied like very closely associated with each other more, so they recover from an illness quickly.
The prescription that I open to her is:
1.Stop ego attack, let off oneself, institutional ego sympathizes with:
I ask her: Why can you have 5 years to did not discover Laogong is off the rails?
She says: Because I wriggle.
I say: You are so clever on the career, why be in affection so clumsy?
She says: Because I believe husband is a person that won't betray me forever, when looking for husband at the outset, I should seek a such people namely.
I say: The judgement that what allowed you to put down you be?
Original, she lives in parental conflict as a child, she should do parental peacemaker forever, conflicting every time is she is in charge of be among parents deal with, so she longs to find an one-sided to love her person very much all the time, she does not want what to pay again.
I say, looking is not your clumsy, however you are tired, you want to do a child only, if you cannot learn to let this immanent child rest, you can try to let him do your mom all the time.
Once we learned to see a problem stereoly, can discover to be done not have on this world " blockhead " , we can do folly, because,be only " act against one's will " .
Psychological discovery, have recover from an illness the support of the people of force did not recover from an illness the person of force is in when encountering the crisis, in the first word that appears in brain, decided they are in in the future repair capability.
Did not recover from an illness the person of force can think above all:
Have recover from an illness the person of force can think above all:
If you changed these words that in you cerebral sea mile appears, you change yourself's destiny with respect to organic meeting.
2.Walk out of " generalization " and " abiding change " perspective, build " grow model thinking "
Recover from an illness the enemy with the greatest power is " disaster is changed " perspective -- we often spend degree of enlarge to finish sth too the difficult degree of affection and terrible degree, debased us answer ability.
Psychologist ever had done a test, let be tried to imagine oneself and sweetheart part company the sad degree after two months, experienced those who part company a few more additionally to be tried to report truly please again part company after two months experience.
Study the result shows, experienced the person that part company to want to compare truly only the person by the imagination is happier.
Actually life is a day of heaven and earth accumulate those who rise, and have truly recover from an illness the person of force, of attention, it is instantly forever, it is more significant thing forever.
So old advisory experience and oneself life experience tells me, this world does not have the crisis, all crises, it is the battle of we and him heart demon.
Real crisis is absent outside, and in the heart;
Real crisis is absent to did not come, and in instantly;
Real crisis not at what producing, and depending on you is how look upon it.
"Love arrives to be in absolutely meet unripe " not be chicken broth, however because have the crisis only when, we just can be retreated without can retreat, and be in only this moment, we just can have motivation to dare not challenge us all the time truly, grow we dare not grow all the time, dare not love us all the time oneself, with this world.
