Author L congee is left collect
Discuss a main human relation topic today: Invisible attack.
Because,saying it is important is, everybody is being sufferred invisible attack, everybody also has almost invisible the experience that atttacks others, but we do not have too much consciousness however to this.
Understood only invisible attack, ability avoids the aeriform harm in human relation.
What is invisible attack?
What it points to is to be in a relation, one party is passed protracted, avoid, irritate intentionally, in the dark the blame such as retaliation is direct means, express the anger of inner keep long in stock to another.
A lot of moment, invisible the power of attack, even bigger than direct assault.
And invisible attack is full of in all human relations, in love, in marriage, the family is medium, close child, between the friend, in duty field, invisible the harm that attack causes nowhere is absent.
01
In love and marriage invisible attack
The the most important, closest in human relation is love and marital relation.
Closer, cause clash more easily.
Unfortunate is, because a lot of people love, won't express regret.
I am malcontent to you, I am hated to you, I do not like you to chat with friend of a certain opposite sex, my accurate you joke in that way with someone else when the party, the friend that you send encircles content to let me feel me was not taken seriously, I hate you not to encircle li of hair to follow the thing related me in the friend. . .
But, you do not know, I am in the heart keep long in stock so much is malcontent, because I never am opposite,you had been conveyed.
I had not been conveyed to you not only, I still am concealed particularly well, apparently you do not look to give me to mind these.
But you know, I am retaliating you:
I know you go up personally those ought not to the affection pushbutton of lay a finger on, I or meeting press intentionally, you think I am not careful, actually I am intended.
I often feel you are necessary to experience is hit or be exposed, when I see you are sad, I feel you should be punished, I love you on one hand, feel to feel distressed you, but the feeling that on the other hand I have a kind of injustice, I think I revenged eventually.
Above, a lot of people had hadIllicit is closeaffection experience.
Once a friend talks about a paragraph of her love history with me.
The girl says, make because of oneself, she lost a schoolboy that likes most. The schoolboy is very outstanding, her heart has insecurity, always feel the schoolboy can like to go up other girl, but these idea she never has said with the schoolboy, never also let a schoolboy had realized.
The girl feels to affirm her safety, often do the business of schoolboy of a few harm.
She says, once the schoolboy works overtime in the company processing is very urgent work importantly again, she phones her intentionally, and be in the phone cry ceaselessly, because a few things are very afflictive,say oneself, hope schoolboy comes home accompany her. Actually him what thing is done not have, after the schoolboy returns the home, she pretends him mood is very low, let what the schoolboy keeps comfort his.
The girl says, the boy often works very busy, also work overtime on the weekend occasionally, but she never has expressed dissatisfaction directly to this, use expression of means of another kind of hidden however, often do for instance a few make a schoolboy compunctious, feel to I am sorry oneself act.
Are you guessed why is finally to part company?
Because of the schoolboy off the rails.
It is the schoolgirl is in at first invisible attack schoolboy, but time is long, schoolboy heart keep long in stock too much anguish cannot be released, dare not confront a woman student more and more, when working overtime even, also say oneself are in work overtime, escape come home, become chill, the heaviest in till go up,rising affinity invisible attack -- off the rails.
This plays love meaning true extraordinary, when you need a third party to comfort, a third party always is can proper appear.
Invisible attack, the one party of situation often loses to atttack strong one party in a relation.
Than the husband of if a strong wife is right weak force, cold-shoulder casually, acid, contempt, this one party of weak force feels indignant, but often feel again by suppress, not dare or the anger that cannot express oneself adequately. These are then indignant, was concealed.
Feeling is concealed ceaselessly, resemble burying issued a time bomb, everyday, every are in month, every year give out canorous click.
Very few somebody can be in aflame with passion when carry normal state, they can be formed " interior erupts " . The before if erupt,annoying volcano that conceals is same, appearance looks abnormality of it doesn't matter, but bottom begins to produce slow boom. Interior erupts very mysterious, people notices to be less than a few indirect expression, criticism of the baseless that be like fine long hair, refuse, protracted, defer, destroy, send conflicting information to wait, or show sadness, angst or allergy.
Hidden anger is more, invisible attack is more.
In affinity invisible attack, can bring about the unfortunate good fortune with the greatest life, both sides is not normally resolve conflict or part company, manacle oneself however in anguish, they are waited for together, live sadly, because they cannot bear loneliness, the anguish that thinks to bear each other (often ignore) want betterer than bearing loneliness, accordingly they are gone to by be involved in in behavior of harm of a lot of hidden.
In affinity, the person meets some often say to other in part: A few my travel do you scold to be no good?
Someone says to still have so the person of cheap, actually just contrary, this kind of person isSensitiveperson, he realizes the other side concealed anger, his hope the other side shows true sentiment come out, in order to avoid oneself by invisible attack.
02
In domestic close situation invisible attack
Everybody cannot prevent domestic concern, if you can be very good processing good family concerns, you can obtain very big happiness.
You can choose a friend, cannot choose family however. The disposition of all without any family member, disposition and environment match faultlessly.
How does the family interact, defined the quality of a family truly: Some families convey angst or difference publicly, and another some of family is in the heart conceal thought and feeling.
One the individual's family, can develop the effect with main generation to his psychology. If waited for a mood to affect a certain person in the family angrily, also can affect the someone else in the family. When the family medium affection becomes interactively concealment, the communication between the member is indirect is not open, contain certain derogatory sense, the child is accepted the most likely and duplicate this one process.
In domestic concern, invisible attack just is the child commonly, parents is to be atttacked square.
Why? In concerning because of this family, parents always is strong one party, the one party of weak force cannot be conveyed adequately for a long time, can pass indirect track expression only.
Economist Chen Zhiwu has told an example.
2011, he attends a plenary meeting in new York, in south pieces of the alumnus of the university is small job that has her a little, say oneself from which south the university reads undergraduate course, two years of graduate students were read in Shanghai, the job goes new York reading MBA again after period of time, new York is in after be being read fund of equity of collect of one family property works, be in charge of analysing the investment opportunity of medical treatment and Internet.
Chen Zhiwu asks her the plan in the future, she says: "Still not be very affirmatory, the key saw me how develop with father's relation. The key saw me how develop with father's relation..
Then she told her story.
Her father runs estate company in Henan Zhengzhou, come down for years company made scale, hope to be taken over by her later. But, she begins to follow father cold war two years ago.
Because when she reads an university, this made a boy friend, two people read together, the job, feeling is very good all the time. But her father objects them talking about love stoutly, marriage of prep let alone. Because the schoolboy is rural person, there still is sister of a lot of brothers in the home, the meeting after two individual marriage has a lot of troubles.
The schoolgirl does not respond two years with father, father mentions the daughter begins to weep.
Before paragraph time, the daughter that my friend says the nursery school on oneself often malinger, let oneself a lot of moment must ask for leave temporarily go nursery school receives her.
This is the child actually invisible to a kind of parents attack.
If the child has a lot of dissatisfaction to parents, this kind resents to convey and cannot be solved very well again, he can be used adopt a lot of invisible attack behavior, for instance you make me fast more, I am more protracted, you let me have a meal more I do not eat more, it is good that you make me good more I jump over attend a lecture not serious, you speak with him, his ceaseless gape, you ask he is tired, he says not tired, continue next gape, you ask to listening well for what, he can say he is listening well very sincerely.
Is the family to be full of certainly harmonious?
A lot of people regard the family is safe harbor, think family should get along well, understand each other, respect each other opinion and feeling. Be such?
Not, that is ideal, very much is " the family that is stayed in by card " .
The film " patristic " in, old patristic 2 sons Fuleiduo not by put sb in a very important position, even by old patristic say " Fuleiduo cannot handle meddlesome situation " , he feels oneself do not have a position in the family, mack of envious little brother. . .
Time is long, mood of this kind of hidden is heavier and heavier, become finally invisible attack, apparently brotherly keep on good terms with everyone at the expense of principle, privately Fuleiduo betrays a family however, associated alien wants to send little brother Mack at the deathtrap. Final result is, he is killed by little brother get behind.
The film is an art, but art results from reality.
I live in a not quite harmonious big family as a child, all sorts of invisible harm were full of inside. My grandfather grandma home, my home, I am bigUncle home. . . These are full of distrust in the relation, do not deserve to close, resentment, jealousy waits hidden mood a moment, when quarrelling publicly not much, although quarrel to also be met very fast become reconciled, rural ground so big, look up not to see lower his head to see, won't appear never in contact with each other, everybody also wants an outer part, but insalubrious mood emerges in undercurrent from beginning to end move.
Such family can not have immediate harm in the relation, but everybody does not have so happy joy.
This is " the family that is stayed in by card " .
03
In duty field invisible attack
Duty field is invisible the place that atttacks nowhere to be absent.
Have dissatisfaction, can have anger.
Terrible is, a place that can express anger is not in duty field, if you are conveyed, everybody can think you are immature, do not have pattern, lack professional spirit.
But, had anger, regular meeting thinks method is conveyed, consciousness does not think, subconscious also can think, cannot bright move is conveyed, regular meeting is in convey stealthily.
A few days ago I chat with a friend, discovered this is planted invisible attack.
He worked in a company full 3 years, working success is very remarkable, apparently look, concern with the boss first-rate, but actually his heart all the time very angry, did not go up to him all the time because of the boss salary, he wants to go up particularly salary, but do not be good at expression, what everybody still lets be felt on bright face even is " I am not quite the person that cares about salary " , because this boss also did not realize his dissatisfaction.
This kind of dissatisfaction accumulates more more, he should make reprisals, began multiform invisible attack, the resource that uses a firm secretly for instance seeks profit for oneself damage company profit, make over main partner a lot of secretly enemy behavior, do the business of yellow company intentionally even. . . And what he concealments is very good, the boss does yellow company business in him hind, comfort him actively still.
This is planted in duty field invisible atttack nowhere to be absent.
Of a cruel disposition, absolute boss and leader, allow the employee below cannot the free, sufficient opinion that expresses oneself, the employee below may be adopted intended and protracted, be slack in work, the means that makes mistake intentionally is invisible attack boss and leader.
A lot of moment, in duty field invisible attack is two-way.
An employee is overcome oneself leader, but apparently keep on good terms with everyone at the expense of principle, the person that you discover to those day day is calling abdication does not have abdication, did not say the person that wants abdication wants suddenly. Leader special not happy, but also won't say apparently, keep on good terms with everyone at the expense of principle, nevertheless he can let you be in leave one's post on flow everywhere not successful, do so that you want to break down.
I listen to a friend to say, think oneself boss is a blessing to his departure so, because of when going, return ate disband meal happily, just know later, when new boss does setting to survey the employer before asking about, the boss says him bearing to be no good before.
In a lot of offices, it is one group harmony, but however can never the talent that best develops everybody, they are mutual negative, resentment and retaliation, can let everybody finally be behaved only flatly. Invisible the group of attack can mask the purpose that destroys in cold blood with open praise apparently, let become as a result however below illicit more flooey.
Employee is immersed in the condition of in a dilemma, cannot express anger publicly, possible meeting does the business of a few how terrible intentionally, put in wrong documentation 's charge for example, or know perfectly well a problem to exist to also be not handled, until irritated boss or entrapped colleague. This kind of contradictory psychology can cause an error, cost may be very costly, can endanger the life of other even. Imagine, intended careless employee is adopted to employer " retaliation " manner, cause hidden trouble of safety of the existence on main product, can produce deadly consequence.
In can be being atttacked each other without the person, win out, but lamentable is, invisible aggressor does not care to be defeated win, care about the opportunity that every time retaliates only.
04
Than direct assault more injure a person
It is those sedulous harm that conceal rearward
Some moment, expression annoys and do not have a problem, but the shift is mean be no good, the indignant expression of all types should abide by this principle.
Attack anger is intense, visible, instant, the formal display that hits with minatory, shriek or physics comes out, generation is destroyed or destroy effect.
Certain moment, we should praise the means of this kind of direct assault.
Because hidden is indignant, it happens sadly, the form is delicate and concealment, unlike attack anger is aware of easily in that way, also be being concealed because of the course and pretend, the harm that hidden causes angrily also needs time to show its real harm rate.
American psychologist holds Mass in the palm rub Er is in " incorporeal night " in say: Best the person with a peace conference indignant expression becomes a friend, because, look seem the person that won't express anger, also using his unique kind to attack you back and forth actually, the commonnest is invisible attack. A few people look be like never annoy, forever genial, but you and he is together very uncomfortable however, disposition becomes very bad, because,this is, these people that do not get angry forever seemingly atttack you with the means of passive attack again and again actually.
Invisible attack has power so, and often be production internal injury, how should we avoid?
The first, avoid oneself to become invisible aggressor.
You should face up to the affection of your heart, do not squelch it:
In the family, you want sincerity and stick-to-itive compares notes with parents;
You want the direct and genuine dissatisfaction that puts forward your in affinity, hope the other side takes seriously, and you want have consensus to be being communicated directly, two people can be accepted communicate directly, do not hope the other side is concealed;
You want bold legitimate to your rights and interests to have expression in duty field, raise the thinking that becomes wrong to the thing person, nurturance communicates not protracted habit in time.
Be in " anger and attack " in, the author gives outProposalVery good also: Our everybody should ask him, whether had you harmed others etc through language, manner, pose, and still pretend when such doing as if nothing happened even with a kind and pleasant countenance? If you often are done so, you should think over well.
The 2nd, avoid oneself to become by invisible aggressor.
What kind of person is become easily by invisible aggressor? Had told before us, the strong one party in a relation, because you squelched another normal expression.
So, if avoid?
If you are a relation in strong square, you often must think over, oneself made the other side sufficient convey, you are parents, do you have make the child sufficient convey? You are strong wife, do you have the expression that makes husband sufficient? You are boss, leader, do you have make the person below sufficient convey?
Good, above is us to this topic discuss, hope everybody takes this problem seriously, decrease invisible attack is harmed to his.
