Present parent, crack oneself up is Christian, very cold-shoulder the " of " bludgeon mode with commonly used in the past people, if possible circumstance falls, they won't hit the child, because everybody knows, the grown child below mode " is taught in " bludgeon, can have psychological problem, the child that appears from time to time on recombine network gives unexpected news, nobody dare bring to bear on to the child violent. But, do not hit the child and do not mean cannot bring to bear on to the child violent, more and more parents begin to use " of " cold force to harm the child, look be like did not start work, the effect that can bring is even more serious than hitting the child directly.
On traditional sense, alleged " force coachs " points to the form that through appliance direct perhaps body contacts namely, force the child to accept a kind of method that the parent teachs with ache, this gimmick is denounced by educational expert place all the time, countless tragedy also happened accordingly really in reality. People from at the beginning chase after esteem, to the doubt later, after present slam the door, quite big thinking change produced among, however, the child need not be hit, but education still must continue.
For fill the blank of this respect, people invented " cold force to teach " , the torment that goes up through affection namely lets the child realize oneself error, the new measure of a kind of education that parent education accepts of one's own accord later.
1, language blow
This is the commonnest, means of the cheapest also " of " cold force, ask for a favor of a lot of parents comes, for instance child exercise was not written on time, they can say: "So the dot works you are not written, know to play, what still is used? "Quality is a bit lower, still can sneer at with utterance of a few contumelious the child, "The pig is cleverer than you! ", you return " as adjoining home obedient " waits that dog a moment, perhaps the parent is not to want to abuse the child really, just hope to let the child realize his error through such word, but be in the child's ear, these words are open-armed word of parents, they can produce dissatisfaction slowly, in the heart brew hates " into " , a certain time in future paragraph, erupt together.
2, do not approbate the child
"The child is so small, what does he know? Will go according to what I say! "This is sweet mom's pet phrase, in her eye, the child does not grow, cannot calculate sensible, his idea not only babyish and redundant, all things undertake was been opposite according to her plan. Be brought up in such family, the child can become self-abased slowly, cowardly, without definite idea, everything has been arranged, oneself are done accordingly go, although relaxed, but be without,exercise the effect.
Interesting is, if if you ask this kind of father and mother: "You do not let the child make a decision, do not approbate the child? "They can shake their head, very sturdy answer: "We approbate the child! "On the mouth so say, on behavior additional however a practice, very typical " thinks of a double mark " . Esteem child, also be actually did not come in esteem, the parent is again fierce, can you still arrange good child all one's life? Since morning and evening wants to let go, be inferior to letting go first on bagatelle affection, exercise the child.
3, high level high demand
A few parents very do not understand, parents is tall to child requirement, be also " of " cold force? Want child progress, the parent gives a cause, look it is good for the child to be like, can some of parent is eager to hope for success, the goal that decides to the child is strange tall, never mention it carry with respect to get at, even if the child sits,elevator does not arrive! Such requirement, it is " of weak force of a kind of " actually, the child cannot achieve parental requirement, in can be immersed in " of " panicky mood, fear of parents blame, abhor again oneself incapacity.
Annual model of the university entrance exam is taken an examination of student spirit breaks down, plant because of this namely actually state of mind, the child's psychology bears capacity has the limit, once exceed this level, they won't resemble adult same ego cicatrizations, can break down directly instead, make the parent cannot susceptive issue comes. "Can succeed only, cannot fail " , so unjustifiable requirement, it is each child cannot susceptive heavy burden.
1, 3 view produce twist
Long-term by the child with cruel home, be on guilty viatic odds to exceed 40% in the future, and long-term by the child of " of " cold force, this numerical value exceeds 50% , even more serious than be being hit, this is not a philosophical sect in the Wei and Jin dynasties. Because " is soft violent " attributes mental pressure, it is in spirit the level destroys to the child ceaselessly, although the child won't get hurt on the body, but their thought and 3 view metropolis produce change accordingly, and very big probability is transform toward bad direction. Such child, be collided very easily by other child, everybody thinks he is " alien " , and the friend's deficient, can accelerate the change of child state of mind again, let him finally be on not to put in a road 's charge.
2, without self-confidence
Just think, child all day long is grown to hit by the home, be being done well is should, a little all but can be scolded, this kind of moment, unless be a talent, can otherwise they suspect they resemble parents saying so poorly really? After all the parent is the person that the child trusts most, their every word and deed the heart of can thorough child, do not see a few children traitorous mood is serious, but if you analyse its disposition deepness, discover not hard, all things on child body come from parents, perhaps help advance somebody's career by parental skill those who come out. Do not have self-assured child, it what do is difficult to what do accomplish sth!
3, abandonment
Partial child, because psychological quality does not amount to mark, hit a few times in the course, comfort and encourage what cannot get parents again, they can generate fear to future slowly, think oneself cannot be faced alone for certain sealed, even if try hard to become the target that achieves the home impossibly also finally to grow, since no matter try hard,still do not try hard, finally is same result, that still is lying to cross " as " , such returning a few more comfortable. Once the child becomes this kind of state of mind, can say their future, one gloomy, abandoned even oneself oneself, call others how to be saved?
Once listening to a mother is so those who say, "I offerred best living conditions for him, asked best family education teacher, what reason result does he have bad? "In parental eye, the child's achievement follows the parent pay should become direct ratio, but they never had thought, can you have get one's own back certainly hard? More what is more,the rather that, the quantity that the parent tries hard is enough, can Where is direction? Effort is used in useless place, brought effect nature is good do not go where.
When clever parent is teaching the child, never can show force imply apparently, they are to guide give priority to, also have only such, ability lets the child hit what the bottom of the heart accepts parents to teach, won't arise go against turn over state of mind. Cold force is a kind of foolish education means. Altogether, patience and understanding, it is two the most crucial essential factor, were you accomplished?
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