Need not dodge
Live for the life that I like
Need not powdery Chinese ink
Stand in bright corner
I am me
It is the fireworks with different color
Celestial sea is broad
Want to make the firmest foam
In my eye, zhu Dan resembles an alien all the time.
Manage an enterprise most when at the height of power and splendour, she is not entered retreat instead, demit drops domestic a gleam of to defend inspect platform, look for oneself to search.
Come out from the country, unripe father dies early, do not have money to do not have setting, be born as the reserve enter Zhejiang to defend inspect, not red before the marriage that still has experienced a paragraph of failure, although red later, she never also has wanted to want to color oneself experience.
Regard a public as the character, zhu Dan won't carry conversation, always should speak out what ought not to say to fall, agent is more than ground of sincere words and earnest wishes admonishs she, do not want what to say, draw out a heart to dig lung with who how!
She says to grow in clay and countryside as a child wild in, contact the instinctive quality of heaven and earth, experience Li Minrui, learn the way of won't clever person from beginning to end however. "I am the child with a small simple town, do not go holding what city person. True, city it is bad, it is distance feeling, be full of camouflage and polite formula. Be full of camouflage and polite formula..
Use sincerity with everything, zhu Dan is awakward and emphatically spends her endless manage career 10 when suffer years, however also of deserve got, not conceivable also got.
She says address flounder move has what meaning, be inferior to spending lifetime lubberly.
December 2010, I interview Zhu Dan for the first time. She is inspected because of chairing Zhejiang to defend in those days " I love to record words of song " and just leap up is red, from sow news to arrive do put together art to explode to the program again red, do not spend time two years.
In magazine company a narrow assembly room, we two round a piece of teapoy, do what an unlike interviews to interview, specific said what has forgotten, but her true, let my only then expect not as good as.
She won't cloak, do not set machine prevent, won't decorate the word that speak slightly even. Respecting the condition in the home is bad in one's childhood, when the mom flavour pink of a bowl of small spiral shell achieves perfection, clang clang ground sheds tear.
This picture still can be easily after 6 years in my brain jump out.
Saw her again 2012, interview to sitting, her eyes already cannot have moment how to come down surely, laughing, however expression is deeply anxious, although sit over, the body resembles wanting to prepare to stand up at any time however answer sudden state. I am a little absentminded, she once had moved my, that piece of genuine and bright smiling face, return consist in in her real life.
Know later, she already got that period fully the heart is tormented for a long time.
Before long, she is defended from Zhejiang inspect abdication, leave inside system big platform, in lively in the shadow that retreats the life.
10 years are in in big platform, she is used mix desperately endowment, for him gain glaring label, leading light, one elder sister, one of China's best female compere... . . .
So, what the outside listens to say after abdication is most, it is true regrettablly. Also hold back of somebody thering is no lack of is worn strong, waiting to see herself come out to skip the end of Da.
Last year the end of the year, after fading 3 years in public eye shot, zhu Dan is invited Beijing University makes a speech.
Thinking formerly can be similar baud of graceful tower Li graceful the speech in Ha Fo, perfect and stirring. But the life that Zhu Dan proves how to she wants not to press constant manage to give a shop sign again.
She abandons using 10 years to chair career to drill thoroughly skill, so devoid guard against what the ground recounts him is faint. Until choke with sobs forget a word, the speech is interrupted abruptly.
She rejects the tag of the person that people affixes a success to her, for freedom, risking let expenditure 10 years get together the risk that the ray that rise vanishs completely.
Everybody can find his sign in her speech.
Interview her from the first time 6 years ago up to now, chair without which, than this the speech is mixed more bravely free, not gallinaceous blood, touch popular feeling however.
Before comparing 3 years, lotic brave is retreated, right now Zhu Dan, become a lovely alien truly.
The days after abdication, very an interval that in resembling life, is late year, zhu Dan of 35 years old junior when the days that does not have a condition to waste, compensate oneself along with all the others.
She begins to direct a few quiet programs, go trying true person show to resemble working in Tian Li euqally in one's childhood; Follow a motorcade to go to Europe be being driven oneself, going up to experience the stimulation that the heart jumps out quickly to 220 without road of speed limit high speed; Go to a lot of places travelling, greet sb with stranger conversation. She says, "Let others go regrettablly, they do not know I am how complacent present condition. They do not know I am how complacent present condition..
Follow the life with comfortable sex 3 years, what did Zhu Dan realize?
△ serves as an impatient Leo, she tries to be in the lake water below Nepalese snow mountain, silent go boating, hear the voice that wind has blown.
△ is making a profession that relies on the mouth to have a meal, she tries to start work like artisan burnish an article, all things somewhat Wei ability is become somewhat, wei " static " just should drill " static " .
△ serves as a craven, the game of the person that she goes trying brave, to break through the border of own heart.
After △ resigns, go doing all businesses that once did not have time to do, become comfortable and capricious child.
The first time after abdication travels alone, I was psyched out by oneself
In the working rhythm that runs quickly, zhu Dan has been to a lot of cities, but she says to follow to was not had been to exactly like, never sit quietly, have a look at this city.
Fully armed by day go fighting, night returns the home, this has seen what person has said what word in the day, all is unable to call to mind, "Energy closes not to take a heart namely in. " see a family what write before " stop, let a heart catch up with your footstep " , the feeling of bright red red of this period is the same as experience.
The label that goes up personally is more and more luxuriant, the heart that leaves oneself is further and further however.
After abdication, zhu Dan thinks the first thing that do, look for a city that did not have been to namely one individual journey, staying well with oneself.
Chose Macao, because it is enough small, quite static, the language can be connected, quite unfamiliar to it, will more than 10 years travel alone for the first time, she wants to have a try. "Can be you know, I took a route before hotel door only, walk along in the end continuously continuously, go continuously continuously again, two days are waited for in the hotel, I came back. I came back..
"I do not know I am in at that time scared what, do compere to had been answered so how old occasion, but when doing oneself, ask a road I fear, see my hesitation retreats the police a long time, calculated, I do not turn good, I am straight straight a route goes forth, and go very urgently, I discover this is me the disposition of the nurturance in on-the-job course of study, my purpose takes this route namely, did not think of I want at all slow come down, visit the park shop of roadside, without, inn door dare not go in. Inn door dare not go in..
"Get along with oneself for the first time, I am frightened by it. I want to find my, know her scarcely however. Know her scarcely however..
This resembles a metaphor really, we place good arena in others, bend does his best go competing, go winning, think every win to become more powerful, stop without time however, hold a heart in the arms that flimsy child, hold the post of it to make vital soft costal region, won a whole world one day, however play away oneself life.
Travel even if, see a leaf read a leave namely
Macao come back, zhu Dan begins to spend maximum time to grind his strength. Read a book, write down a diary, force oneself change life of a kind of means.
Each minutes had been worn by arrangement once upon a time, recapture is free nowadays, feel the sense of another kind of weightlessness however.
Begin always is very angst. "A way of escape did not search to oneself when abdication, of bang with respect to demit, but inside the heart very confused, do not receive the special angst with true job, I have really go KTV every day bubble is worn, because hear,wait so called famous person in those days, so called compere is mixed over, I know a person to go namely. I know a person to go namely..
The most confused to future when, zhu Dan knew Zhou Yi to surround. Go travelling together, "I can observe him, he sees leaf read leave namely, tell me to say this is what leaf, take a picture next very literary, travel like literary book like the book, I just discover, oh, want this appearance to travel. Want this appearance to travel..
"I just discover having a kind of trip so is to need not take a picture need not of accept as a souvenir, it is to want what the eye goes looking to use his, getting off before me is or of the toilet on or really take a picture, write down so that I am hurrying on with his journey all the time only, be in all the time take a picture, keep be being patted oneself. I thank Mr Zhou very much, he inspires me how to go walking freely in this world. He inspires me how to go walking freely in this world..
"He says to travel even if come out to loosen, why must discharge full to the brim, he goes out to buy a Durian by motorcycle, come back to continue to read a book next, take me to be hit in the seaside sit, tell me quiet hear a rumor, I just know should such. I just know should such..
Did not live more, like to bask in the life in friend circle more
Outer person looks most of scene in those years, zhu Dan feels his life is out of control.
"Say sorry to with different person, say sorry to with my Mom, say sorry to with the friend, I always agree to meet with the person, fail to keep an appointment temporarily in the last moment again, because I feel right I am more and more feel sorry,breaking down later also is, do I say the person is born with so went down? Do I say the person is born with so went down??
"Without love, love failed. Because saying with him I will want to work tomorrow forever, I will be away on official business tomorrow, good not easy a month can be in alone one day, flow quickly with respect to can afraid time, jump over concern to want to catch it more, say we go doing this a little while, say to do that a little while, want to do bit of significant thing more, do not know what to should do more, final whats did not work. Final whats did not work..
Experience the fun of the life without time, just meet the view of an others, regard as the purpose of the life. Do what thing in those days so, want to send friend ring, let others sees, just feel this thing is done usefully.
"I see a book taking material gain repeatedly before, for show off I read a book. I see a book begin to be able to enjoy that fun now. I saw Dan Brown " Tartarean " , dan Ding is told inside, I go examining Dantean data, tell each church, I come down picture lane on the net, make graph article explanatory note. Begin to do such business, with respect to discovery I read in vain before. With respect to discovery I read in vain before..
△ " a few days ago, I go buddhist repairs Na Huasi, encounter the one monk that chop bavin, person of person of the same trade says cultivate oneself according to a religious doctrine of this monk kindling already 40 one's remaining years. Chitchat goes on my curiosity, the old man laughs slightly not verbal, continue to break off his bavin, the heart brings medium issue, put down distracting thoughts, talent is free. Talent is free..
Lose much to accumulate me to discover life itself did not change
Grow as a child in austere family, materially Zhu Dan is right oneself very dig or dig out with a finger or sth pointed, what wear at ordinary times is optional, not flower of be willing to part with or use weighs golden buy actor's costumes. Occasionally agent looks to go nevertheless, force she buys those who had nodded, she sees valence lot, "A dress 89, do not want. Do not want..
Go with the group once Thailand, see on the road have those who sell orange juice, ask price, RMB 5 money a cup, she is blurted out, "I go, so expensive! " the result is worked in the same place people scoff at of firm firm ground.
Economically rely on oneself hard to hit all the time go all out, not be willing to part with or use spends money, because the addition of deposit can bring safe sense to Zhu Dan. She says a when dare resign main reason, it is to accumulate the bank savings that come down for years, enough herself lives, give mom live out one's life in retirement, although be born in the future,the child also can rely on him to raise.
Can be last year the autumn, what she stems from enthusiastic side friend is busy, get accidentally however embroil, what accumulate 10 years is very major, wave along with wind between one night medicinal powder. "Old innocent meeting takes me to joke, lose me so big a homework " , zhu Dan is laughing to say, let a person feel agonized however.
Probably life always is such, old day sees Islamic look to let you, always take away the safe sense with your certain flatter oneself, forcing you enter the core that makes ego painful, next the thing that realizes similar wisdom.
△ is in Xinjiang, go along lakefront highway alone, him remnant is like between heaven and earth, as if again went at oneself life, the impression that realizing loneliness is life, then no longer " everything can rely on him only " force on sad imply.
If encounter this kind of trouble before, she says herself 10 have 89 meetings confused not choose road, but she can be located in manage with looking aplomb at least nowadays, digest tremendous negative sentiment by oneself.
"My fitness when think of this thing again suddenly, say to wait for me with the coach, I must cry a little while, next I crouch to cry aside, waiting for mood past. Mr Zhou says with me, you see our life did not change, all eating used as usual, the house still also can live, we still can be earned, this kind of thing on booth always is compared now old meet again lucky. This kind of thing on booth always is compared now old meet again lucky..
"I think previously the bank that be impassable, can go actually, do sit-ups to ache like me washed-up, say with the coach I am not done, the coach says you hold to again, insisted to come down again really next. I say with oneself, life also is that appearance, this closes is very sad me to close, but bite gnash one's teeth to also can go, different is my state of mind. " she saw the life does not produce a change because of this, the big event in realizing alleged life, it is the heart rises and fall nevertheless wants the plot of a play just.
When △ travels nowadays, she can sit on one day in the seaside alone, hear music, hear the voice of ocean wave zephyr, let the sound in the heart tell his prospective way.
Do not live in the life label of others set
Zhu Dan spent a long time to complete this course, cast off the expectation of others, accept oneself right-down, although now, still also go on the road.
"I am opposite in everybody alive previously in the figure set of public character, can follow the someone else on this arena to compare, people can sing dance fiddler of what, that I as a child the condition does not allow, what won't, I distain myself very much. I distain myself very much..
"Feel oneself are an actor, live in the identity set of actor again, lost the joy that make friend and freedom almost. Lost the joy that make friend and freedom almost..
"Return to real life a few this years, maintain a distance before ground look upon oneself, just feel compere is not a type of work, did not have the set of the identity, life first time had the feeling of be suddenly enlightened. Life first time had the feeling of be suddenly enlightened..
Cast off the expectation of others, zhu Dan's life becomes interesting suddenly rise. She begins to have been to a kind of life that before following, differs completely.
This year, she every go a city, can make an appointment with a stranger, go a cafe that the other side chooses, a fritter away the one time afternoon. She wants to go to a supermarket working even, go cafe works.
Those are useless and interesting thing, the Zhu Dan that lets 35 years old was full of unprecedented enthusiasm to this world.
Person bearer is gone to in
If you feel loss
That reachs a place
Familiar or unfamiliar
Stop
Hear the voice of ocean wave
Hear the voice of wind
Hear the voice in him heart
...
The heart is put empty
The answer appeared
The picture offers: Zhu Dan
