Fear to conflict face-to-face with the person, do not think again evasive or concessional, how to do?
1.Conflict is not evildoing.
If your heart is enough strong, conflict has active sense.
2.Be based on a fact to communicate, do not do ill will to guess.
Misunderstanding creates major contradiction. You do not think others is to give you painstakingly picky, and communicate with the other side ceaselessly, finding is what link caused misunderstanding. From victim state of mind change is the state of mind that solves a problem, contradiction dissolved one most.
3.Do not want evasive conflict.
The typical mark of evasive conflict is to say " such, never mind is good say " . Looking is not to quarrel, but also forgoed the opportunity that solves a problem as early as possible. The problem can have a relapse not only, and the resentment that still can cause both sides. For instance a lot of people look like an a benign and uncontentious person who is indifferent to matters of principle, at ordinary times obsequious, but once erupt finally, the extreme conduct that can make blame reason.
4.The specific means that dissolves conflict one: Admit a mood, but do not abreact mood.
Somebody may think " hold back is worn have internal injury, abreact ability is delighted " . But consider to discover, send anger of vent one's anger for a long time, can cause more anger only, even this also is a when cause heart disease extremely critical factor. Become so when you are furious, angry, not " explode " , do a deep breathing first, make oneself sober come down, ask oneself at the same time: "Be what makes me so angry after all? " with ego the dialog alleviates mood.
5.Method 2: The society departs from inside aggressive language real problem.
When the other side uses aggressive language, we are immersed in brawl very easily. But quarrel won, do not represent resolved conflict. So you should ponder over the other side to want what to say truly, do not need to do strike back insignificantly. For instance sweethearts quarrels, one party says " you know to play game every day, can mature dot " , filter aggressive utterance, the meaning of backside is to want the other side to pay close attention to his more.
6.Method 3: Divisional demand and action plan.
Conflict of a lot of moment happens, because,be promiscuous this is both. For instance, a common conflict in the family is nodded is " we need to make dinner by turns every night " , actually this is action plan; But the effective demand of backside may be " I want a few free time " . So is this demand must with " do you make dinner today " does this action plan to come true? Not certain of course. Can be us outside eating together, sell, also can be to make an appointment with a friend to go out to play severally. So, do not want an argumentative action plan, those who carry action plan is agile and the greatest common divisor that should find bilateral demand however, alterable.
7.Method 4: Confirm the notion of the other side in time.
When feeling oneself are admitted, people listens attentively to others what to say more easily. So you do not agree with even if completely place of the other side says, also want to affirm his position first, ability of such the other side stop to complain to you, begin communicate effectively. For instance, a person says " I do not agree with this to cover program, our burden does not have this budget " , having affirmed response is " do not worry, do not have a thing " , having affirmed response is " you think the budget is too expensive is " . A response represents the position that affirmed him after, you can regard breakthrough dot as this, find his demand.
8.Method 5: Consider sth as it stands, do not stick label.
For instance, there is a person in the group protracted illness is very serious, the expressive means of your consider sth as it stands is: "You complete plan without the acceptance that presses your, this caused an effect to the job of someone else, ask you to catch up with plan and do not let this kind of circumstance happening again. If recurrent meeting how. " but the expressive way that sticks label is: "Do you need to increase sense of responsibility? " the dissatisfaction that this causes the other side very easily.
9.Method 6: Avoid to raise a proposal in listen respectfully process.
Convey oneself glibly to Founder, you raise a proposal suddenly to him, even if be very well-meaning, also can be regarded as a kind of impatient, action that stops to communicate. Contrary, you can pass a query, the problem lay open that in narrating him, exposes will discuss.
For instance, the partner says pressure is too great mean resignation, you say " why don't you ask for leave take a rest " , this interrupted the expression of the other side namely; Better argument can be " which part lets your feeling have pressure " , through organizing a few such issues, let the other side speak out inner think of a way.
10.Method 7: Multi-purpose " I " the word of begin, say less " you " the word of begin.
We have such error easily at ordinary times: Piece finish sth can think above all " the responsibility that this is me " , want how to be done considering the bottom again next. This just deviates from with the methodological photograph that dissolves conflict: The first preferential it is to solve a problem, just be to investigate duty next. Want to accomplish this, the directest way is much when communicate say " I " the word of begin, for instance " you should not say so, do not have courtesy too " , change " I feel indignant to this kind of view " , " you listen understood " , change " I said to be clear about " .
11.Finally, have a particularly important segment often by oversight: After conflict is solved, the understanding that checks pair of consensus with everybody is consistent.
At this o'clock its often are applied in really daily life, have a meal for instance when ordering dishes, final clerk can sign up for menu again, be in namely affirm. The end that such doing is to remind opposite party, we had been reached consistent, the trouble after avoiding.
Article origin
" the crucial skill that resolves conflict "
Translator: Wang Li
Publish: Press of a poetic name of China guest of · sunshine rich
