Author | Yang Xiaomi edits | Seedling
Have period of time, about " Beijing University graduate plays black father and mother " the discussion of this news is very much.
2012, wang Meng (alias) sent to be as long as the break with letter of 15 thousand words, pull black parents all connection means, and had not come home 12 years spend the New Year, contact family not actively, also reply scarcely any information.
Mention in the report, recently 10 years, he has returned the home only, it is to change expire Id, stayed to be less than 10 minutes in the home.
"Former unripe family " is the blame had but condone?This thing causes the matter that discusses extensively, because Wang Meng has a lot of a ring of light,be not just: Undergraduate course of Number One Scholar of science department of the university entrance exam, Beijing University, Master leaving the United States, because,return recently a word of two years of special fire " former unripe family " .
Undeniable, former unripe family is right our everybody more or less generation influence. In the report of this thing, 20 thousand much netizen had a comment, among them this wins 20 thousand bits of support:
Also somebody does not agree with this kind of viewpoint:
The picture comes from netizen of sina small gain comment on ▲
Wang Meng is accuse in break with long article, parental love is controlled love, still wrote a lot of example:
? Elementary school when 2 grade, literary show should be made in the class, classmaster asks everybody wears neat genu knickers to attend, but parents asks he wears trousers to attend, arrive as a child big he wears what dress to be decided by parents.
? When travelling, his mom tells about the experience that fosters him with the tourist guide, let him feel very uncomfortable.
? Take an examination of on after Beijing University, parents asks mother's eldest sister to take care of him, contact his classmate to understand his situation stealthily even.
Wang Meng feels, this kind of excessive control affected his gregarious ability badly, and Wang Meng's parents feels these are bagatelle however.
"Annual the Spring Festival somebody asks, your son did not come back again how, I say he is in the United States, busy, inconvenience is not much also time. " father says, "Do knowing him is what reason. Without giving thought to how, we love a son, the hope can be contacted afresh with him. The hope can be contacted afresh with him..
From the parents that Wang Meng can see in a few utterance some places are done not quite well, the caution that did not consider the child is flimsy is dirty.
But this boiler cannot be carried on the back completely by former unripe family, we cannot will unfortunate end arrives to give birth to a family formerly, in grow with this wash ego puts the issue that be in, won't communicate with parents for instance, the opinion that won't express us to parents, won't go understanding admit parents to wait a moment.
The influence of former unripe family to the person this one theory, it is one of psychological theory only, apply to a certain phase certain family, but the whole process that does not apply to one individual development.
We still have view of motive, heart shedding, lifetime development, energy outlook to wait for a lot of other theory. Do not want the broaden the scope with an any serious theory, also do not underestimate oneself growing development capacity.
The parental influence to the child and child are each other to parental influence, not be to only parents harms the child absolutely, the child harms parents likewise.
Different level has life different task, for instance teenage phase, should learn depart, grow, the ability of love, a little a few older, institutional responsibility, assume, independent, if be pestered all the time in the past, the task won't be finished forever, life also is gone a confine.
Wang Meng draws up the break with of more than 10000 words is believed, he remembers each detail in the past deeply in the heart, saying with its is expeditionary parents, more the mood that resents from him drain of between the lines.
He method and himself did not reconcile, in such predicament, can go complaining strange father and mother, but complaining is not the method that solves a problem.
Actually, in our character nurturance, the influence of former unripe family has certain proportion, the individual's subjective activity also can produce effect, again bad former unripe family, bad influence just also holds the proportion of insufficient half, the power to make decisions that grow still masters in ourselves hand.
The germ that even if is king hale black parents is giving birth to a family formerly, but go already in one's childhood, we cannot be changed.
Compared with analytic reason, we are more important is to solve a problem. With respect to the father as Wang Meng the response says: "Cannot regard in the past as simply remains " , "Even if remains, also should clear attentively. Also should clear attentively..
And Wang Meng also expresses to be able to consider carefully next " come home " , to us, what should think is we want how the relation between appropriate processing and parents, namely next how should we do?
Seek a means " cast off " parental control.I remember be in of Plato " Utopia " in, the thing that mentions a person to be created to him place has extremely tall control desire, resemble a businessman resulting from to the control of own gold oneself are tried hard to come to gold.
And the child child that serves as parents, how won't get parental attention, even more or less Where is control? This also can explain why the right that Wang Meng chooses without ego almost.
But the person is not commodity after all, we can have our idea. We cannot change one's previous experience or occupation, but the manner that can affect parents through a few means and decision.
Accomplish economic independence hard.
I am careful the thing that suitable Wang Meng experiences rub one's palm along smooth out with the fingers, graduation plays black father and mother, 5 years old attend elementary school partly, did not see parents 12 years, now 34 years old.
This year is 2018, that is to say Wang Meng is to was born 1984, 22 years old of universities graduate, 28 years old play black father and mother. And before this, be afraid is have not become independent economically, just all the time by parental place " control " .
The friend listens to remove him to be in a little before me some 985, the doctoral little brother of 211 schools, also be particularly irritated be controlled by the parent all the time, parents cooks repeatedly, dress, look for a girlfriend to not have one without giving thought to.
I ask, just know, his doctoral little brother although division learns from big ox person, but read a doctor economically not rich, still need the allowance in the home constantly.
And this returns that word again, "Economically stand not only, talk why speech counterpoises. " this is natural, in the bargaining with parents, controlled machine rate increases greatly.
Take myself for, I am early had realized economically independence, a lot of moment, I still can provide economically help to parents. They cannot influence my decision, at most when I am pondering over a problem, whether does balance need to respect their manner.
Anyhow, once economy is independent, speech counterpoises subsequently and come. Some people choose to play black father and mother even, king is for instance fierce, because parents cannot be his life place again,provide any helps. My individual values this kind of option, but do not support.
Contrary I think to have some of person, what they can become you possibly in a certain moment is negative tired, perhaps had made your defect again, but we should not abandon they, be they are pulling us to go afore at the outset.
Parents is a person above all, just be pa Mom, it is the person wants get one's own back with respect to the investment that meets his, economy is to cast off parents to control the most crucial one step independently. A person thinks parents provides economic support already, want them to consider them completely to experience again, this demand is too high rather.
Be brought up as ours, parents often also is going, they also need us. Say " channel of 3 years old of generation " , that faces the father and mother that has so many acting channel with us, the handles an issue way nature of we and parents can differ somewhat.
When us economically independent, master after the speech that communicates with parents counterpoises, we need appropriate and parents to communicate not only, in the meantime, we still need to understand parents from economic level.
The society admits faulty parents.
Want to change the attitude of other, must need to place oneself state of mind. On one hand, admit oneself existence, appreciate the person that has helped oneself, face faulty parents for instance, we should learn to change kind of thinking to accept his existence.
Our by parents comes this world, the feeling of pry world, joys and sorrows. From this character, no matter our one's previous experience how, face what kind of family, we should appreciate them to give us the chance, go experiencing all sorts of feeling between the world.
On the other hand, pay close attention to the life of other, those who experience each other is not easy. Face faulty parents for instance, we can pay close attention to their life, how do they make money, allowing the money that they spend for us is a number not just, however another touching story.
When us can in the family that the calm accepts him to live in a not up to much, and parents provides economic support for us with very hard way however, this moment, I think even if is faulty parents, our metropolis calm is accepted.
Do not go thinking whether parents is perfect, and should go reviewing oneself perfect, parents of whether insufficient understanding, whether do oneself lack life energy.
For instance, wang Meng is bullied, the mother lets him crying to bring a lawsuit against with the teacher, whether is this the way that the issue handles in world of a kind of adult? Take no account of mood of so called individual, and the interest the biggest change, can let a teacher warn the school those people that bully him, win a very good surroundings for him.
After all, waiting for those who be in the school all the day is not parents, however teacher, it is especially in dot heart, the teacher's position is particularly high. Want a teacher to appear personally only, the thing that is bullied perhaps places a hand at this point.
The person's lifetime, want to handle a lot of relations, now and then these relations daedal interweave together. Regard a maturity as rational person, should consider to be in after playing black father and mother, the effect that to oneself life place produces.
Accordingly, it is no matter go up from morality and justice, or from economically, face faulty parents, we should the relation between appropriate processing and them, is not through pulling black this kind of extremely evasive means lets him be immersed in the condition that be in a dilemma.
Yang Xiaomi: From media [encounter small Mi] father, " the operation runs now " one book author, one's previous experience of psychological regular professional training, resident the Shandong person that is in Shanghai, arrive 3 years from average employee market chief inspector, do poineering work, share duty field experience and growing story.
