A lot of people dare not produce conflict with others, the reason of backside is: After conflict, do not know how to get along.
Especially after the sort of conflict, still must want to get along. For instance: Between the colleague. Look up not to see lower his head to see, after all, the job comes and go even.
We think is face problem, just perhaps ascribe to simply feel embarrassed.
Have a reason greatly actually rear.
The action in chief of month of dawn of the person that call in is mood problem.
A of psychological problem basic rule is such: All questions that you raise, often not be problem itself, what to produce rear however.
So, if problem of mood of action in chief -- spend angst gently. So, we say with her, you do not want suspense, everything thinks toward good side, put relaxed, won't have a problem.
This word is equal to say in vain, it is completely irresponsible, because, this word is right Xiao Yue, won't have any effect.
When why this has namely, of the friend persuade the cause that can not help you.
The backside of dawn month angst, have a reason, but these reasons, the be totally unrelated that often pretends.
Communicated a few times, we discover eventually, the reason of backside of dawn month angst, a when follow her in former days friend, today's subordinate is concerned.
Subordinate person is very good, the work is very serious, also very hard, it is particularly sensitive, have heart of a glass, can be prickled carelessly a bit.
Accordingly, xiao Yue is taking care of the mood respect of this subordinate, all along takes care doubly, but, even if such, subordinate always still is about to look for Xiao Yue easily " talk " :
For instance, when the colleague hands over the job, respect not quite to her;
This job should not be she is in charge of, who should push her forcedly;
The colleague that follows other department today conflicted, feel very grievance;
Go to work this morning, how didn't you greet sb so ebulliently with me, you are aimed at me...
Xiao Yue deeply its are irritated, but bore.
Once, this colleague sees the breakfast on dawn month table is before today, give directly threw, saying is those who take of the previous night is bad, bring about one big early the Xiao Yue that is about to attend a meeting, hungry full one morning.
Xiao Yue is very grouchy, but, the colleague sees Xiao Yue grouchy, actually immediately afterwards more grouchy, feel Xiao Yue not know what's good, oneself are regarded as kindly asinine liver lung.
The wanting with dawn true month quarrels greatly with the other side one, by what do you change my thing? Why doesn't the thing that changes me say with me?
But, xiao Yue was borne again.
Xiao Yue is cautious, concealed oneself all moods, it is to take care of the other side, in order to exchange the situation of live in peace with each other.
As time passes, because of long-term depression, xiao Yue had mood problem.
Mood low, because Xiao Yue did not let them be amounted to by sufficient the earth's surface,be.
Conversely, if she is so not depressive oneself, the mood is able to flow smoothly, she won't appear the problem of the mood.
But, not depressive, mean expression, expression often signifies strife.
"Can you express your opinion with subordinate directly? " I ask Xiao Yue.
"Not OK of course! " Xiao Yue says.
"Why? " I examine minutely.
"I was conveyed, she arrived with respect to the ` that be plunged into by ` for certain, can strike back I, I two can make a noise rise. I two can make a noise rise..
"Noisy rise how to meet? "Noisy rise how to meet??
"I do not know how wind up ah, after all, get along even later. Get along even later..
Do not know how wind up, do not know how to get along.
So, problem card is in: Do not know how to reconcile.
Our Chinese, pay attention to face problem particularly. We think, had better do not have conflict, namely so called, not " rip turn against " , so, we see even if the other side already special not pleasing to the eye, but, we or meeting choose to bear.
Want us to still can be borne only.
Cannot bear how to do? Cannot bear cut off connection, never in contact with each other.
Alleged: Offend do not rise, still hide not to rise.
So, between a lot of friends, what get along obviously is quite good, but because of a bit unpleasantness, begin to go gradually gradually far, till finally " break off relations " , had not produced present conflict.
This is very contradictory, we often very care about each other this " unpleasantness " , choose again at the same time " do not say a single word " .
A certain corner in our heart is telling us it seems that: Once " unpleasantness " take out for, with respect to conference stick to one's position, can produce conflict. Conflicted, this paragraph of relation was over, cannot repair, it is not reversible.
So, to maintain apparently everyone is happy, what did we make?
Bear, exercise restraint.
In the process that bear and controls, our " ego " in, actual one share, in be depressed ceaselessly. If be in a paragraph of relation, true one part ego holds the position of ceaseless depression from beginning to end, so, this paragraph concerns, do not be a paragraph of good relationship. It can be float is in only apparently, bore the relationship of function of some part society, e.g. : The colleague concerns. Need the relationship of a few deepness a little, in this kind of condition, cannot develop.
Accordingly, experience conflict only, just establish a paragraph of more thorough relationship possibly.
When my university, have the male friend with two particularly good relationships, between them, most when beginning, pass namely " hit " just become iron brother.
The friend with myself solid relationship, also be to had quarrelled, become reconciled, relation ability is more thorough of one pace.
In the process of conflict, we compare intense pattern with a kind (of course, had better be milder kind, for instance: Can communicate each other idea calmly, is not brawl) the demand that conveyed each other very sturdily and bounds, this makes us OK do this in this paragraph of relation, in the meantime, can true the existence that sees each other, our relation just begins flow.
This needs reconciliatory capability.
Be in in the program, river thin film exposes to the sun oneself, oneself once were plunged into with Gulina produced very intense brawl, after brawl, oneself feel, should say say to be clear about, do not have necessary deadlocked to wear. Then, through " kissed the other side " means reconciles, alleviated at a draught each other awkwardness.
Narrate itself with respect to this for, of river thin film this reconciles ability, it is very outstanding.
Capable to reconcile, can reconcile, it is a particularly main character, having very strong psychology to because of,be moved rear.
Reconcile the backside of ability is: You believe, oneself are strong, the other side is strong, your relation also is strong.
(1) the other side is strong.
We do not believe the psychology of the other side can assume your real situation, so, we just subdue ourselves. But, a paragraph of healthy relationship is, the other side wants namely enough and strong, so that can be accepted true you. Otherwise, does the relation rise from He Tan?
(2) ourselves is strong.
After quarrelling, we can not the heart is put ill feeling, be like the other side to follow us different, I am about " bear grudges " all one's life; The other side has veiled word to us, it is negative to our overall so... ourselves wants enough " strong " , ability lets him have reconciling capacity.
(3) our relation also is strong.
We can make a noise, but, we remain friends; We are two friends are quarrelling, we can discuss us to have divergent place, this is not cloggy, we remain friends.
This is not the day collapses come down, not was to take an end road.
We just quarrelled.
In a paragraph of strong concern, we " him expression " can have safe feeling more, won't fear to conflict more, also can sufficient him extend comfortable space, make true and comfortable oneself.
If the relation is medium,two people can be accomplished such, your relation, ability flows truly rise.
So, "Conflict " be not great scourges, "Conflict " in the side you are chosen, what is your true friend.
Perhaps you still want to look:
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" Dou Ting is good " circle of the friend that brush screen: Give birth to the domestic influence to the child formerly, can you have after all how old?
