"Final I or disappoint of everybody expect, disappoint the effort of pa Mom, I am missing my classmate all the time, friend, family member, can topple at any time however to me present... friends, brother, classmates, next time you are transient, probably the world already did not have me, all one's life below the hope we still can encounter again " . I call Peng Sen, this year 17 years old, my present body contracts hematic cancer, I ever strove for the opportunity that fare comes down to my try hard, and I am tired now, wanted to abandon really. "Dead diary " it is the name that on March 1, 2019 I took that day, original the process that I keep a diary to fight cancer for him record namely, but the process that absolutely did not think of to this meeting turns him into record death. 1 year many before, I am the brave Xiaozhan that fight cancer person, and the army deserter that I became a scared cancer however now, I admit I feared, I did not want to struggle again, I want to also let off my worked hard for me so long family. My family is not wealthy, but pa Mom or course hardship try hard, the school that sends a county I and little brother reads, and I also go up through trying hard to take an examination of the key middle school of our place -- school of adjacent water experiment. During school my achievement all the time be among the best of candidates, the agonistic copper award that still has won knowledge of maths of whole nation of cup of major of the 15th maths, every semester I am judged to be 3 good students, I respect a teacher, help a fellow student, it is the person with one individual very good predestined relationship, and the became pa Mom pride with my outstanding true also achievement. But such quiet time is so brief, very fast what did I experience to make affairs of human life fugacious. It is at the beginning of November 2017, I begin to relapse instead answer have a fever, it is not clear that ear also listens, after prefectural hospital is treated and improving, pa Mom takes me to make further treatment to Chongqing southwest hospital. And this moment I already leave school 10 days, I want to answer the school quickly very much, but I see pa Mom always runs to run, orbit is red all the time also, I ask them how, they however whats do not say. I think I may suffer from on more serious cold has a fever, cured can come home. I burned several days continuously all the time or had done not have, today is maternal aunt accompanies me, she says father mother answered native place to help me ask for leave. Taking the advantage of the empty shelves that maternal aunt goes out to shop, I take skill machine search medicine that is inputting my body: Yi Da compares a star. The search let me frighten as a result jump, this is the drug that treats leukaemia. I risk cold sweat continuously on the body at that time, I hurry again search leukaemia, what so I suffer from is cancer, I understand eventually why pa Mom always is red eye, also want not to understand why to can suffer from suddenly however on cancer, of not long ago period in the first, my mood is low to the utmost. Mom did not think of I myself can check medicaments name, she comes back to see my the first reaction is to holding me in the arms to cry. I also want to cry very much, but I am afraid that I cry however mom will be sadder, so I am comforting mom to say to do not have a thing all the time, actually in my heart clinking fear, pass a few period of treatment change cure, a lot of blain grew on my face, what the hair also drops is fierce, I am fed up with the disease that has me to come again. On January 13, 2018, the doctor did bone to wear to me, I by that thick thick needle was plunged into on the back. Bone wears a result to show to medullary transplanting undertakes after saying I am playing 3 treat. Brother father and mom were done to me match model, the brother will do match model when the hand that grabbing me closely all the time, he says with me " elder brother, I am willing to contribute marrow to you, wait for you to finish transplanting your disease can good, I can have taken care of grandfather grandma, you set your mind at to be treated in this, I read now very diligent also, strive for the achievement that can catch up with you. " I feel the little brother is sensible suddenly. Match model as a result indication little brother does not match, pa Mom also is half photograph closes. On May 10, 2018, it is the time that I give a storehouse, pushing ancestry is pa Mom awaiting anxiously, the first word of mom is: Son you are black, thinner. Father looks at me silently aside, clearing away the thing that gives a storehouse, today is we come to Liu Daopei hospital one day the happiest, we did not cry, father is pushing me with wheelchair, mom is turning the thing that gives a storehouse at the back, we resemble was to hit big victory to head for transplanting division ward euqally. But final I still appeared to discharge different, cystitis and virus are affected, I was not met 3 minutes two at that time make water blood, see fat thing is not borne give keck, back-to-back I appear again leather platoon, very much little red place had on the body, even occasionally it resembles ten million ant is biting me, I begin to regret to do transplanting. Although I am treated in effort all the time, can check a result to tell me ETO confluence to gene goes up again ceaselessly however rose, I must change more expensive target to undertake controlling to medicine. I am fighting infection all the time in the time of 9 months after transplanting, but every time the examination shows as a result still have rudimental gene. Close to the platoon resembles weighing a cold, I am having a fever everyday have loose bowels, I am expecting bone to wear a result to be able to show all the time for masculine gender, but the gene of this disgust resembles is the root was plunged into in the body, the doctor says gene goes up again rose, let me go back cure spirit to prepare to go up again change cure, and still need to preparing the remedial cost of 400 thousand. She says my body state is pretty good still, just this is protracted battle. And I want to say I do not have effort however, I do not think and this devil makes a fight, I do not want to relapse instead all the time answer suffer torment, I am tired, family person is very tired also. I want to say with mom, taking the advantage of me active still, we come home, I want to look visit a family member. I present everybody does not want to respond, I also face the family that is fond of me to love me without courage really. I know father answered native place to lend money everywhere again, for my his again and again humbly run to lend money, and I cannot bear really heart father rushs about everywhere so. I think my little brother, grandfather grandma, friend, classmate, but I do not know whether this all one's life still has opportunity good-bye however they, because I can topple at any time, I wanted to come home, friends, brother, classmates, next time transient probably the world already did not have me, but I hope to leave all one's life however, we still are brother, friend.