Hello, I am Dr. The Kingdom of Wei. The child hits a person to perhaps take a beating, it is the parent that I often receive left a message probably. I want to ask you to want above all, if the child took a beating, when perhaps hitting others, what is your practice? The child took a beating, a lot of people can persuade the child, was hit hit, a tooth for a tooth. The child hit others, the first reaction of a lot of parents is angry, grab the child also is hit.
Well? Do you discover a problem? No matter be " dozen " go back, still use " dozen " will punish the child, these two kinds of practices substantially same, it is church child in order to cruel make cruel will solve a problem. With cruel make cruel, although can squelch temporarily,conflict, but either long plan, force can bring more force only.
Actually, it is no matter " the child is hit how to do " , or " the child hits a person how to do " , do not have standard answer. Of every child disposition different, the account that produces limbs conflict, setting is different, put the way with all all standard the four seas without what. Nevertheless, I can talk about the rule that the child grows with you today, teach you the lash-up method of spot of a few conflict, more important is, teach you a few methods that reduce child force to conflict.
In the means of settlement of conflict spot
Above all I must admit, the child's force conflicts but many. You can discover, the child may be the love when life hits a person to arrest a person; Glad when also love to hit a person to arrest a person; When playing a toy, one character disagreement is hit; Made a mistake angry the head that knocks oneself. Anyhow, dry what thing is compared " violent " . Nevertheless, this kind " violent " follow our adult " violent " still have distinction. The rough stuff of our adult often has specific aim, be full of ill will. But to the child, their rough stuff often is not to bringing ill will, more child that are incapacity and impulse. The child still does not have ability to handle mood and information in that way like adult, when they have more intense sentiment, how to dominate these sentiments without the society. And, the child's the gift of tongues and the ability that solve a problem are limited, when saying to not be clear about, convey oneself with limbs movement, came out mood drastically expression directly.
See the child hits others so, when perhaps be being hit by others, no matter our adult is subliminal,have much anger, I hope above all yourself should come down calmly, such ability give the child correct guiding. In conflict spot when, the means of settlement can include 3 measure: The first, check immediately conflict; The 2nd, make the child cooling mood of one conditions or feelings of the lower levels; The 3rd, review event, solve a problem.
It is a such spots for instance, inside the park, two children play on lawn together originally, a darling wants to play the toy in hand of your home child, but your home child does not agree, then, this darling hit your home child.
Encounter this kind of situation, you can isolate the child first. Next the little boy that formal and earnest ground tells to lay a person: "Can not lay a person, laying a person is incorrect. " next, take your home child to leave " conflict spot " a little a bit further. Next, you can adopt the child, with him in all affection, say: "That child hit you, hit in the end, the head is very painful, were you frightened? " let the child come over from the alleviation in the mood that is scared. Final, review together with the child, understanding child is black-and-blue all the details. For instance you ask the child: "Why does he hit you? " the child says: "He grabs my ball, I do not give him, he hits me. "You put forward to solve the method of the problem: "Oh, be such ah. He lays a person really incorrect. Wait for meet us look for him together, say to be clear about with him, let him say an apology, ? ??
This is the child black-and-blue circumstance, if be you,domestic child bear rose, laying a person, the method also is similar. Above all, you saw should check stoutly immediately. Attention, your manner wants sturdy, the hand that should control the child to lay a person first or foot. Next, also be leave his area " conflict spot " , the mood that gives the child " drop in temperature " . If the child still is very excited, you are OK first in all affection: "You a moment ago special life, right incorrect? You want to play that ball, he does not give you however, right incorrect. " such saying, child sense is agreed with, the mood begins calm. Next the course that you can begin to review a matter, help him want to settle way together: "Actually, you want to play a ball, still can consider other measure. Discuss with him for instance, be exchanged with him with other toy. Or, do you feel what to idea still have? " begin to want to settle way when child move ideas, his reason is started, get so easily no longer the control of the mood.
Reduce violent conflict at 3 o'clock method
Of course, a moment ago said 3 o'clock is in conflict spot when, our lash-up processing technique. Besides take temporary solution, we even effect a permanent cure, next I am told tell this how from go up at all reduce these violent conflict.
How be done? Also was at 3 o'clock, teach the mood when the child realises he is excited condition above all. Such, the child understands the sentiment that how dominates his. at 2 o'clock, teach the child how to talk things over with the other side, negotiation. Can discuss so give two people's satisfactory method that solves a problem. at 3 o'clock, in case still produce conflict, teach the child how to offset the loss that cause.
Understand oneself mood position
I talk first the a bitth, you had known, the child is very easy mood out of control. When the child incontrollable oneself mood when, actually he himself is in very helpless condition. If helped the child deepen his savvy to the mood above all, when the child faces more intense mood predicament truly, the meeting is more stable, also can know how to should handle oneself mood. How be done? You can choose a time, discuss 4 issues below with the child:
"Below what circumstance do I get angry easily? "Below what circumstance do I get angry easily??
"In what circumstance do I fall easy sadness? "In what circumstance do I fall easy sadness??
"When I want to get angry, what to do to you can be angry in order to prevent me really? What to do to you can be angry in order to prevent me really??
And " when I feel sadness, how is ability alleviation experienced this kind? How is ability alleviation experienced this kind??
Can not think I pose these problems casually, consider to discover, if had discussed the mood such as life with the child,be these topics that how run, they also can be deepened to the savvy of the mood, also can get ameliorative on behavior, more not easy impulse.
In addition, to the child before school age, dinkum preach manages they may have only vague idea. It is OK to have a small way check arrives the child's behavior, mix the hand namely the foot is fictitious into two people, "Hand gentleman " and " crural gentleman " . Hand gentleman and crural gentleman temperament are not quite good, easy and actuation. For instance, when the hand wants to lay a person, be hand gentleman life; When the foot wants to kick a person, be crural gentleman life. And the child's job, it is to should make hand gentleman and crural gentleman not actuation. You can agree with the child " cipher " -- hand make a fist, stretch again, show clew hand gentleman, not actuation, do not lay a person. When when be about to get angry really after the child, before the child make a fist, stretch again, can remind the child, hand gentleman is not actuation, do not lay a person.
Teach the child how to talk things over, negotiation
at 2 o'clock, below the premise that follows regulation, teach the child how to talk things over, negotiation. General meeting has the case of conflict, when the demand that is the child was not satisfied. You should let the child know, he can convey his mood and demand reasonably, but below the premise that should follow regulation again, negotiate with the other side with proper way.
For instance, the child wants to take candy, grandma disapprobation. Want sugar with the means that make a scene to avoid the child, what before you can reiterate to the child, decide is regular, next, provide a negotiation means to him, for instance you say: "Candy is delicious, I know you like to eat. Nevertheless you also know, take too much candy bad to the body. Or you ask a grandma, change candy into orange, orange is a fruit, more healthy. Ask the grandma does not agree with you to eat together? Ask the grandma does not agree with you to eat together??
You can give the child a few solutions more do equipment choosing, for instance: "You still can ask a grandma, if I cannot take candy now, after has that eaten a meal OK? Or OK tomorrow? " anyhow, below such exercise, the child learns how to be passed gradually talk things over, provide a variety of meanses that solve a problem, will achieve oneself goal.
Look after children when going to a park playing, you also can explain to there is what regulation when clear child plays game with the child ahead of schedule, how should he negotiate. For instance you can tell the child, in the park everybody plays together when, should abide by " exchange " and " by turns " regular. If what the child has to think the toy that play, in other little girl in the hand, he can ask others: "I want to play a ball, can you play a little while to me? Am I exchanged with you with the car? Or, we play this ball by turns, does one person play a little while? Does one person play a little while??
Seasonable after conflict rehabilitate
3 o'clock is after producing conflict, want seasonable rehabilitate to damage, such ability prevent similar conflict to happen again. To black-and-blue child, the method that repair damages is to follow child reviewing, how will avoid this kind of trouble henceforth. For instance you can say to the child: "Darling, when others should hit you after, you can resemble what I do today such, call the other side in time stop, you can cry a bit louder. If he does not have stop, you can push him, a bit further from him, run to him to harm the place that is less than you. Finally, you should remember looking for adult to help, for instance teacher, or father mother. Like today, show a case with adult, they can help you. They can help you..
If be the child does not control him, hit others, after waiting for the child to come down calmly, did not forget to taking the child to follow apology of the other side. The apology also is a very important segment. Still be a moment ago example, you can teach the child to observe the expression of black-and-blue child above all, you can say: "That child has looked sad, you see his eye Gong Gong, he cried, hit him because of you. Do you want not to want to let him from cry does the face become smiling face? "Church child observes the mood of others, let the child be a center with ego no longer namely, the society understands another person. Can reduce the child effectively so behavior of the following attack. After mood be pacified of the child, you still can let the child apologize: " you go saying to I am sorry with him, two people pull shake handshandle. "Finally, you can offer, let children collaboration does a business, will mend the rift that conflict arises. The mate that for instance you become them, let these two children cooperate one case kickball. Anyhow, regard the conflict of generation as cooperative opportunity, it is better and better that gregarious ability of the child also is met.
Summary
Good, sum up, lay a person when the child black-and-blue perhaps moment, we should check immediately above all conflict; The 2nd, help child is cooling mood of one conditions or feelings of the lower levels; The 3rd, let the child review event, solve a problem. Of course, no matter be to still be hit a person, it is the result that produced violent conflict. And reduce the violent conflict between the child, just be the basic method that solves a problem. Want to reduce violent conflict, want to church child understands and dominate oneself sentiment above all, how does church child talk things over with others, dissolve conflict. Final, church child the occasion that becomes progress to mutation every time.
Listen to today's course, you should have a lot of feeling, perhaps be hit a person about the child, you have the story with interesting what or doubt, the welcome will leave a message share!
