01
Before before long, in put together art " the teenager says " in, one act makes me very distressed.
A girl is crying loud and accuse oneself mom:
"How do you always take me to be compared with other classmate, why my effort, cannot you see? Cannot you see??
Result, cold response says her mother: "Actually I am in all the time hit you ceaselessly, with your disposition, do not hit can wave. Do not hit can wave..
Wipe tear to express at the same time at the same time when the girl, when oneself disposition does not suit to hit.
Mom still holds to his idea however, "When you are very strong, I feel I want to be patted, when you are very weak, I feel to want to push you. I feel to want to push you..
Daughter discovery, no matter how oneself say again, cannot persuade to serve mother, crying to step down a stage then.
Very fast, this paragraph of dialog ascended small gain to heat up search, a lot of netizens express in succession:
"On this girl body, saw in those days oneself. Saw in those days oneself..
How many child, namely such, be hit as a child by parents big.
Marshall Lusenbao says famous psychology expert:
Perhaps we do not think, oneself conversational means is violent, but language, often cause the anguish of oneself and other really.
Many parents always are oversight this bit, their unbridled ground is hit to the child, sneer at even fling abuses.
Never think however, language this kind is violent, although do not study a body, but make a psychological attack, harm index is particularly breathtaking still.
02
Ferocious of your see everywhere, make the child cowardly and self-abased
Believe the parents of the majority, be really beloved child, this is unassailable.
But great majority moment, they are full the mouth is love, behave however see everywhere ferocious.
According to American love university of China of carry on one's shoulder considers to show, language is medium if parents says to the child everyday, do not have 20% only stating is to be mixed actively be full of encourage.
Every child makes the same score uniform nature to be able to get exceeding 400 negative comment, and openly comment has many 30 only however.
"You how so stupid? "You how so stupid??
"This bit of bagatelle is done bad! "This bit of bagatelle is done bad!!
"Why others can accomplish you to be not done! "Why others can accomplish you to be not done!!
"What is what install in your head? "What is what install in your head??
"So simple title won't! "So simple title won't!!
"Did not cry, cry not to want you again. Cry not to want you again..
These, it is the groovy diction that parents scolds the child.
Some parents are not not to know these words meet the child, also not be not to control a mood to want to abreact.
Just ground of assume sth as a matter of course thinks, cannot say too much a good word to the child, if say a few words does not bear, how does the society come out to still live after?
Global infant safety organizes Safekids to ever had been released such a placard.
The child of a lose, taking exam of 26 minutes to coil. His canthus is flagging, expression insecurity, look very afraid appearance.
Of on the body quarter, it is the word that parents says to him:
"Did your brain let a pig eat? "Did your brain let a pig eat??
"Take an examination of such, still the face comes home? Still the face comes home??
The child crumbed not carefully vase, low head, be at a loss.
Had not waited for a mouth to acknowledge a mistake, parents' offensive speech, be like general former days, sweep across and come:
"Every day careless, is all one's life on you to get into trouble essence of life ah? Is all one's life on you to get into trouble essence of life ah??
"There are you in the home, true big mildew!
Still a child is holding a football in the arms to come home, he just kicked to exceed interesting football match.
Still do not have there's still time to share joyance with parents, begin to be cold-shouldered:
"Had not seen so dirty child. "Had not seen so dirty child..
"Are you collect from rubbish dump come out? "Are you collect from rubbish dump come out??
The producer of placard, was in each word deeply greatly on child body, resemble a scar same.
Hope caution parent, the language force serious harm to the child.
But still many people object to this, thinking is try to please the public with claptrap stopped only.
Does language force harm child body how possibly?
But the following two research, may invite your violent to the language harm, have new acknowledge.
The cerebral loop of mood pain and body pain is identical
According to Mixiegen the Yi dark · of the university overcomes an experiment of Dr. Ross:
Be atttacked when a person by language force, his mood aches in cerebrum area reacts, ache with the body very similar, neurological the ache that can experience almost same level.
That is to say, when parents abuse him child when, what suffer on child mood is traumatic, be equallied matched with the body by the aching rate of harm!
Language force can change cerebrum structure
Doctor of Martin peaceful thorough discovers college of medicine of haing Buddha university:
The cerebrum area that verbal force affects the most easily is corpus callosum (basically be in charge of the area that motive, feeling and cognitive information pass between two hemishere) , sea horse is answered (the cerebrum area of responsible government mood) , with forehead leaf (be in charge of thinking with decision-making cerebrum area) .
The child's cerebra still is in development, if they always live in criticize severely, in the environment of deficient, their cerebra is met for acclimatization development is become " beg put pattern " structure, form cowardly and self-abased model character.
So we can see, the person of misfortune of poverty of a lot of childhood, family, the surroundings after even if is grown appeared huge improvement, change oneself thinking pattern very hard still also.
Bear prematurely pressure, cannot improve psychological quality of the child not only, still can let the child become too careful, cowardly etc, and, such change, lifelong not reversible.
03
In your language, hiding the child's future
American famous children learns an A Daier Fabai has said: "If underestimating you forever, be opposite the consequence of child lifetime. "If underestimating you forever, be opposite the consequence of child lifetime..
Want to know, the child is in the age that does not know a thing, parents regards the child as the closest person, their word is the truth.
The parent's every word and deed, and even an expression, the nature that meets pair of children models the effect that produces exert a subtle influence on sb's character.
When be being written down I am smally, neighbour piece aunt home often transmits the sound that beats and scold the child.
Have second go to her home be a guest, mom gives her daughter fine jade fine jade bought double new shoe, at that time fine jade fine jade sleeping, by piece ground of precipitant fire burn called the aunt to rise.
Maybe also is to get up gas thick, a pair lackadaisical the appearance that does not wish to cooperate.
Piece the aunt says: "You turn a body " , fine jade fine jade face about.
"Move use a base, close a base? " " not bad. " " not bad..
"Does color still go? " " not bad. " " not bad..
"Does design still go? " " not bad. " " not bad..
See a daughter be perfunctory so, piece ground of aunt fury loiter came up.
"Are you a the dead? The definite idea that does not have oneself? The definite idea that does not have oneself??
The daughter listened, low the head does not say.
"Others sends you the thing, ask your happy event does not like? Dummy, conversation. Conversation..
See fine jade fine jade still do not talk, piece aunt the face before us, jab of firm firm ground the head that leaves her.
"I am saying you, hear not? Hear not??
Fine jade in fine jade eye a bit wet, firm firm ground became white her Mom, bang ground closed a door.
"You still swing disposition, religion also teach bad, how can I give birth to you this kind of blockhead? How can I give birth to you this kind of blockhead??
"Talk won't, the person also does not have courtesy, pardonable read so poor! Pardonable read so poor!!
Sentence in scolding sound, I and mom are in aside awkward unceasingly.
Since then, we also did not go to piece of aunt home playing again.
After a few years, they were taken away, hear fine jade fine jade did not check even high school on, go later the barbershop did shampoo younger sister, because the manner is bad,still got the air.
Perhaps you can feel, fine jade fine jade it is as a child inadvertently to learned bad child.
But actually, in elementary school when, fine jade fine jade achievement is done not have very poor, although do not calculate be among the best of candidates, but also have therein on level.
Later as piece of the aunt invective evil language, fine jade fine jade study begins suffer a disastrous decline, change, more become aggravated beat and scold.
From now on, fine jade fine jade the life entered vicious circle, slowly, do not be willing even the class to went up.
Psychological allusive effect tells us, negative, blow of parents, critically, can give the child inactive psychological suggestion, and translate into child " immanent critically sound " , form powerful " turn over ego " consciousness.
They are met chronically self-criticism and negative, feel him without a single redeeming feature, after even if is grown critically your that individual is already nonexistent, this kind of critically manner returns meeting reservation to be in the heart, criticize severely oneself constantly.
· of susan of no less than Professor Fu Wode is in " toxic parents " say in one book: "The child always meets those who believe parents says concern his sentence, turn into its oneself idea. Turn into its oneself idea..
So, a few your optional words, it is child memory however in most the evaluation that plunges into a heart, it is negative that the child's life is returned actively, read aloud in parents completely between.
04
Your wanton and critically, lifetime of child of put an end to
Know on have a problem: So that think kind of what experience the suicide is be scolded by parents?
Among them high praise answer makes a person distressed and acedia.
In me sad and so sad that cry collapse when, parents looks at me to say however: Send what nerve.
Psychologist Wu Zhigong says: "Language force can become a lethal weapon likely. "Language force can become a lethal weapon likely..
Besides what afore-mentioned mentioning cowardly and self-abased model character, language force pushs the child likely still to another extreme.
It is the aggressiveness with a mood intense translate into, kill oneself, perhaps kill others.
2014, thank what brave directs to knock gently work of silver-colored award of section of accept international originality " the language is violent " , told about language force and the relation that force harms.
In film, he interviewed Shenyang city to be in charge of a few teenagers of place less to make.
They are treated by parental language force as a child:
"Pig brain " " trash " " lose face " " how don't you go dead " .
Xie Yong provides this a few times most related to language force representative keyword, make it " weapon " .
Mix in old fling abuses in grousing, these children sufferred all kinds of the torment of mentally.
Become ruthless and cruel after they are grown, cruel and evil.
Investigation shows, the teenage convict of 40% above, had sufferred parental phonetic to harm.
The parents of these children uses sentence violent language forfeits the child's future, also bring to someone else, other family cannot go against the harm that turn.
Someone says, these children plunge into the lethal weapon on others body, parental hand gives the past.
Your truly ponders, however put an end to the child's lifetime.
05
Correct communication, it is nonviolent
A lot of moment, rear a healthy child, far than repair the adult of a damaged is gotten easily much.
Every child hopes to get affirmation, approbate, come from parents especially. Know the feeling of consideration child when parents, when many a little bit are admitted and loving, the child can face the life more actively necessarily.
Famous heart learns a Marshall Lusenbao to be in " nonviolent communicate " in one book, what mentioned a kind of harmony is close child communication means:
1, observation
Observation, the first pace that dispute force communicates. Parents should have careful observation to the behavior of children, speak the result of observation. The first step that makes good observation does not want to give a definition to the child's behavior namely.
Tell parents when the teacher the child did not make work for instance, do not say to the child: "How don't you write line of business again? "How don't you write line of business again??
Want parents to have judge to the child's behavior only, can cause child heart to be gone against mediumly return a mood.
The observation that does not bring a criticism is, "Why don't you write line of business? " this is objective doubt, the child can be spoken, because exercise is too difficult, too much, perhaps do not like the reason such as the teacher, parents can undertake next educational guiding.
2, experience
Many parents like to be eager to hope for success, however oversight the child's mood.
For instance, parents calls the child to clean a room, the child has a sentiment, sprinkled the water of one ground, can say to the child: "You how so stupid, is this bit of bagatelle done bad? Is this bit of bagatelle done bad??
This is huge harm to the child's feeling, perhaps the child just thinks lazy, however by the coronal the label with stupid, incapacity.
This moment, parents and child should speak respective feeling, parents is to exercise own capability of the child, educational child does not want so lazy, if the child still does not want, the manner is OK and proper strong point, but cannot censure at random.
3, the reason that understanding feels generation
When major parents hears the word that a bos hears, can have choice of 3 kinds of reaction.
Say to mom when the child for instance: "Mom, the meal that you do is not delicious. The meal that you do is not delicious..
The first kind is indignant, "Work laboriously cooks to you, still dare cold-shoulder a meal insipid. Still dare cold-shoulder a meal insipid..
The 2nd kind is evade, criticize each other. "Then I was not done, pron yourselves is done. Pron yourselves is done..
The 3rd kind is intention experience and the need that understand children, seeing the child is uncomfortable, if everything is normal, be about to consider to improve oneself cooking technology.
Parents always is not personal feeling act, discover real demand of the child more through communicating.
4, raise specific requirement
Tell the child clearly, hope what they do.
For instance the child goes out dillydally, mom says to the child normally: "You can quickly ah, always grind dillydally loiter, must urge you every time, let a person wait for you. Let a person wait for you..
This is not specific requirement, however one kind coverts criticism, also be one kind uses the child the moral kidnap of compunctious psychology.
The child hears these commonly, can have very strong go against turn over psychology, continue slowly leisurely.
Below this kind of circumstance, mom should say to the child: "We were about to be late, go out after 5 minutes. " this ability is right the child raises specific requirement.
Undertake with the child good communicate, not be an easy thing, after all the difference that the child and parents are having old experience of life.
A lot of things that look very easy in parents, very difficult however to the child.
This needs parents many somes of patience, watch the child's action seriously, experience the child's psychology carefully, analyse its reason, raise specific requirement to the child next.
Accomplished above when you when, with respect to meeting discovery, the child is not do not scold worthless, of salutary influence of education teach, can make as much his thrive.
