Everybody is good, so next we tell this 3 kinds of scar. Actually are these 3 kinds of scar basically according to what kind of will divide? ah the first it is the demand according to us, if we are in inside child ah a phase suffers 3 kinds of harm very easily to be harmed 3 kinds, so these 3 kinds of harm it is poisonous, need poisonous mood and poisonous defence. Ah so the most important inside this class is before both it is poisonous need ah and ah poisonous mood. So we are doing respecting need that is to say when seeking advice, hum of classics regular meeting has a bewilderment. So what is this bewilderment? That is to say you can help rash teacher quite after all I, go realizing my need? Perhaps say to be like a lot of person that call in ah after coming ah look at me to say with respect to anxiously ground, rash teacher, you say ah be like is a patient came to a hospital, ah next lie on the bed, next waiting for a doctor to become an operation to him. Ah but actually ah psychology seeks advice and this ah what is the distinction with the largest hospital? the biggest distinction? It is namely inside advisory room, looking is ah advisory division is advocate dominant, it is the person that call in actually it is dominant. Where is what meaning? That is to say ah when we are learning to seek advice, ah our teacher once had said a very classical word, ah that is hum forever ah what is what the person that call in knows he wants truly forever, and he also knows what how do ability to achieve her to expect. Ah so the action of advisory division is an activator only, it is condition of a creation only, create various conditions, ah that firebrand fire is ready, you are an east wind only, ah so you are not a the mainest factor. Ah so the action of advisory division is only only ah the promoter on the side, a of the environment on the side person that safeguard, ah created ah better greenhouse effect, ah an education Min that created to had been compared, so ah it meets this bacterium naturally ah development comes out, ah so a lot of when ah I often am met ah in seek advice ah walk along two paces to go ah music of the first pace ah can say, what is your pain spot? Ah hum what is the 2nd part is your need? Ah if everybody has learned Sadiya, ah also meet ah understand a such processes, yes? So be in when us ah a position that goes to particularly painful when, we are exceedingly clear ah after all what ability gives me truly the help. Ah so this moment, no more than is these a few kinds if what I hear is almost all, ah the first kind it is I need to be seen, my painful need is seen, ah so the 2nd it is me need knows ah somebody accompanies me, ah so if had these two words, so almost everybody can ah in ah in darkness ah go finally matutinal. Ah make a lot of people final in darkness abandon, because lack these two kinds of sound,be. So say inside the first piece of graph, ah a child is done not have in him before what be being polluted by poisonous need, he is to have two very healthy need, the parents that the first healthy need is him ah very healthy, and can take care of him. It is very important the 2nd pair of his parents, so our scar often is in namely these two parts. Ah some the first people ah he is the encumbrance that feeling he is born is parents, weigh for example male light female family, ah for example ah the child that a lot of children gave birth to to become a so called family staying behind from, yes? E.g. a child he was born, ah because parents is very busy,be sent lie between era to bring up, ah be being taken by grandfather grandma, yes? Anyhow this child feels ah not be the most important in his heart in his parents, this is very painful, ah the existence that this anguish is me, my parents place is not blessed. So if a person is built in him this most if a such need of the foundation are harmed, so he can feel he is to do not have a root all one's life, ah so he can feel he is a floater all the time, ah oneself are a windy and windy feeling the meeting is exceedingly intense. Ah because his anybody is ah need is root system with parents, ah if the root system of this parents is nonexistent, oneself resemble duckweed same, so the empty feeling of a such heart is met ah pollute this heart of this child, this immanent child always can live inside field of a desolate place outside of town, ah cry in darkness and unmanned ah dull, z is cared about, ah so the 2nd namely ah this parents need is very healthy, and can take care of him, ah so we are in ah inside path of so called filial piety ah classics regular meeting appears ah the phenomenon that affection of this kind of path view flows backward, take care of the phenomenon that flow backward. That is to say ah a lot of when emphasize the child overly the obligation to parents, ah and go lesser emphasizing parents the obligation to the child. Yes? Fall in a such condition so, ah very much child takes care of parents as a child, ah go taking care of parents with various means, ah it is the means with the vase takes care of parents for example, or with cuspidor means takes care of parents, or with ah of parents ah the spouse's means takes care of parents, is this different be? So some ah be with parents the means that is Tan Yuan, that is to say ah is parents passed? The child? Ah felt oneself release all oneself puny feeling, ah dug the feel well in child heart? The bright in heart of a paragraph of child is? The boss bullies his thing, can forget next ah so perhaps offer the child to the sky, ah so let this child be in charge of a canal two their people, ah so this moment rich child felt have had supreme power, but he however especially alone, what need because of him is not to stand high above the masses, what he follows to need truly is to have father and mother ah a guided in that way safe move, he lost the associate that perhaps becomes father and mother, ah this part is waited for meeting I will be fine tell, ah so everybody wants to remember, we all need are two kinds actually, ah one kind is to feel he is very important, one kind is to feel parents ah be very strong volume, if we ah have have these two kinds most the satisfaction of fundamental need, the route that we take all one's life ah won't too ah have a problem, ah so if be in this process,we lost this share, ah so we can have a kind of crisis with respect to meeting hum, be my existence consciousness disappear, that is to say its existence feeling can be compared low. Ah so about this part wait for meet us ah more detailed go telling. Once our need was polluted later, ah a thing that we are accomplished very hard, distinguish very hard namely the need that I am me, still be the need of other, the need of other becomes the need of ourselves, that is to say our main body sex by embezzlement. The sense with real myself ah is disappearing? I often cite a case, a child sees on the airport ah let mom feed her to drink water, this child feels this water is hot, next this mom is very angry, this water did not iron that is to say, a moment ago I had tasted this water to did not iron you is ah you are too fragile, next have to lets this child, next this child ah be ironed tongue ah say a tongue continuously, this mom continues to criticize this child, so after this time grew he is not clear about this child, ah he is about to repel he feels truely chronically, ah so his feeling ah be ah be enclothed by the feeling of her mom. Ah it is so in a such processes, ah a lot of when ah we are very difficult, ah if the child lacks a development of find oneself or of the mood of ego so the word of a space, the space that ego needs, this child is opposite with respect to meeting funeral lose he from ego ah this sensitivity of real need. We are waited for can say again ah encroach about the gender ah the encroachment of the encroachment of the body and mood, ah these things we first ah wait for can carry this hum again more a problem of the key, everybody is to notice the law that is need of domestic family system often becomes poisonous need, ah this family system needs is the need that has one each body, ah be a need that is not move with our individual volition, for example ah if there are two children inside the home or 3 children, the disposition of the old often is the disposition with the second the meeting is exceedingly different, the old often is ah this kind of role that assumes responsibility, the second often is ah by doting part, that is to say the second ah be gifted by the family ah of continuance family a few ah the cent of this socialization, and the second criterion ah Yan Zecheng is carried ah that share that parental place does not accept him, ah e.g. the home inside ah for example rich 2 generation ah Laolao is big the second that may be successive family property, this often is ah playboy. Ah so in a such processes, actually ah the each role that the individual assumes is different inside the family, assumed expectation is different. Ah so a turnip a hole, ah if a person had held a function, another ah he can go to this his child only assume other parts. Ah this is to mix Wang Mou is appropriate also, also be to mix a of parents to expect, it is differ ah place ah also expect what to cause with parents, yes? Of the expectation of this parents different, so the head number that this child accepts is different, so he forms this child easily ah the following disposition is different completely namely. Place studies before toward somebody is, inside the family if have 3 children, eldest child of the first child often assumes responsibility model, ah his can opposite socialization a few, so old Laolao is small often be ah contrast self a few. So among this child often is uncared-for, ah inside a such family so everybody can see is, this family system it is to have ah of the move regulation of oneself. Ah so the 2nd regulation be ah if this family with among them a member lost a balance, another member comes, ah can complement this balance, should maintain assume ah the responsibility that maintains a balance, ah how does this word understand? E.g. a child be? So we often are met ah say ah the family that a kind of family calls Son idol type, ah the Yo of type of bereft of one's spouse, is the marriage of vidual type? The what of baby-sitter type of what life and so on. So what often say is to be in this home, father does not know to go which, go a nut only child two people. This moment, ah this mom all loneliness this mom all company this mom is all the need on affection, ah because do not have,be assumed with this adult husband, it can become the liability of this child necessarily, then ah this son becomes those who comfort his mom ah a young adult, ah the likelihood is about to listen to his mom to say various complaint, ah blame his father for example ah the affliction that lives e.g. opposite, ah so he must get this child an identity that abandons oneself serving as a children, become the partner of this mom, ah the spouse that replaces a gender, what is such result? it is this child lost him ah original and OK carefree grown manhood ah childhood, he must want ah go anxiety-riddenly ah the mom that takes care of her, because if his mom ah the mom that she does not take care of him, can appear so the phenomenon that his mom breaks down, and once his mom breaks down, this home ah complete collapse subsequently, he cannot expect his father will take care of her quite. Ah so this moment he must go to this child sacrifice, ah sacrificed a many a possibility that exists from personal ego. Ah we cite a case, ah. Be what calls hum flexibility? regulation and ah the regulation of become rigid, the regulation e.g. flexibility is this appearance, if be inside this family, ah the husband he is to be able to assume two roles, ah this man can admit one two is the husband, one is father. So although quarrel between some moment husband and wife later, this mom can look for child complaint, this child acted as temporarily this part of this adult spouse. But very fast ah husband and wife two support of the people became good this child, need not hold the position of this part for a long time, he can restore to serve as the identity of a child again. This moment ah this child he ah can be in two ah can swing back and forth inside the world, when can doing to have a little a little while ah act as young acting person, next other when still become a child, this is called bouncy. If inside this family long-term unbalance, so he lost this child ah do ah a such opportunities that exchange as two kinds of parts, it can sacrifice only forever a part will hold the position of another part for a long time. Ah so a lot of people say alas ah I do not hope the child suffers harm really, I I am true am already right the child is very exceeding good, mr. Lu, I had learned rife this. Ah means, the method will take care of the child. So. I should ask a word namely, ah your husband and wife concerns. ? The relation is bad, so your spouse concern is bad, you because spouse concern is bad, those your moods are dissolved where, I am being borne, I say you are impossible to be borne so that live, I can be borne, I say you can care about knowledge level person, but ah the communication of person and person and expression, 100 minutes. 65 above are to rely on to be not verbal expression, blame utterance is met you all subconscious information are exposed go out, and these things are to want for certain by the closest from you person then the individual bears, no matter you are willing! Ah so a lot of people say alas ah how can I just let the child suffer harm, very simple, your joy rises, and it is real joy, and be you can find joy truly. Ah resource, ah such your children won't suffer harm forever! Ah if yourself is joyless, ah your child can suffer harm for certain, no matter you learned how many psychological knowledge, no matter how much you thought ah Yo close child those law otiose of education, ah because very simple is a such truths, ah do not believe ah of your home this ah sewer is blocked up jammed, you go desperately put that pure and fresh agent, did not use ah it is increasing better and better, smelly finally inaudible, ah our mood also is such, our need also is such, if our need is couldn't get,satisfy, he can break through our line of defence, ah stream drip go inside our human relation. Ah I did not tell this part more. Be in for example it is about this inside this our life, ah about Mu Zizhi ah between father daughter these are incestuous, the likelihood is a few appalling things, but actually these are so called appalling, ah these harm of these surfaces, be inferior to his harm in mentally so much! Ah more! Ah ah so a very simple thing, ah our psychology has a word to be called excessive sex to change, what calls excessive sex to change? For example ah a child, ah this this father he feels father is old ah this. Often how does hum say hum. I lift this example to breath out that is to say, this mom ah with. Father ah the conflict that has a lot of, ah or. Say, this male this woman always fears oneself husband! Ah ah go seeking the woman outside! Always feel in him heart insufficient! Then he. Intended innocently. ! Ah let this daughter ah wear only very beautiful dress ah go doing all sorts of. The performance of talent! Will attract ah the attention of this man, ah let. Oneself husband! Because see oneself have a so beautiful daughter, and not OK conscience! Discovery. Dot, need not go seeking a woman casually to the outside, carry such kind, reservation stays in this. Marriage. Next this daughter can discover, ah as long as. She wears beautiful dress, want her to wearing small skirt only, next in in father ah act like a spoiled child on knee, so this father can be used very special fondly eye looks at this daughter. So in a such horn it is to be in be in apparently, we see this is a very sweet picture, but he also has a kind of possibility, be in that is to say subconscious level, this mom is to using a daughter ah take ah will come as bait accost this man ah stay inside this family, below such angle, he feels his glamour can't be attracted ah oneself father ah oneself husband, and ah can let this girl only ah plus ah daughter this weight used on a balance, ability lets this quite ah the man stays inside this marriage. It is so inside a such parts, ah so she meets this daughter the right that becomes aware oneself seem to have a few is special, special perhaps. Ah a few. Glamour, the father that can let oneself turns round, he is fiercer than his mom. After such time became long, ah this daughter can discover, she is only beautiful, ah his father ability is happy. If her where day ah she is pie-eyed, ah he or he did not dress up well oneself, his father may be then right he ah turn a blind eye to. It is so inside a such world, he must get ceaseless him lane very exceeding beautiful, should take chrominance person ceaselessly, please others, ah show a person with color. This also is a kind of mood actually, ah because he feels ah of all these be being changed is not one by one true love. The meal just says it and the sex on groovy without us meaning is encroached, yes? Because ah going up somehow, ah she can realize this daughter it, this his appearance ah it is a pass, can change a stable marriage to his mom, that is to say, inside a such world, she does not believe the man loves her is ah because if he is done not have so beautiful, if do not have him to do not have so lovely, his father also can resemble the likelihood abandon herself abandons like her mom, so she was not built truly ah follow his father and did not take your real trustful move, was full of a kind of panic instead, yes! After letting that so ah he learned ceaseless ah the color that use the United States will talk about a person, attract a man ceaselessly with beautiful description, but when the man true close moment, was full of again in his heart despise, was full of anger. Encroach like a kind of such sex so ah it is commonner actually, ah should compare this ah these so called fact are hit solid ah such one kind ah content, ah B should be compared solid of dozen of fact this kind so called ah true ah the contact of organ of this individual character actually more terrible, ah because he seems to look, is do not have poisonous drug this kind small ah this kind of possibility, but be special dreariness actually. The status that he lost his him part, he does not know what his need is finally. Ah sent this paragraph of word next, breath out this paragraph of word compare namely ah common, ah it is hum the partner that we may make replace a gender, perhaps replace sexual parents. Ah this child can become or ah the spouse of parents that replaces a gender, this child can become or the parents of parents that replaces a gender, that is to say, they begin to become the dad Mom that still becomes father and mother when dad Mom, ah hum for example ah his father often is demanded repayment, next this child develops advanced range, next the person that these demanding repayment, because see the child is not awful, they often can are opposite his father can be give the wrongdoer a way out, so he meets this time feel he himself is fiercer than his father, ah a lot of when the parents that he begins to manage him, he begins to adjust parental conflict, yes? This replaces sexual parents namely. No matter be how, so we can say, affective of extort of so called affection exploits, ah contain parental power namely, need the child what they take care of ah a such need ah drop to oversight, castrate is dropped or perhaps strip, the time that takes care of these child need parents is used at wanting parents to take care of his conversely. Ah so a such result can bring about this child he needs originally, ah it is this child originally he needs to have a meal, result ah he should work instead, so final result is he can lose this child ah a few the basiccest something. Be him then ah the existence feeling of true ego. So for example still a few is destroy of individual border, ah very brief very common is adolescence when, he discovers via regular meeting his diary is seen originally, from now on he does not keep a diary. Ah e.g. him he can see ah when he can walk even, ah when next learning, can discover parents is dogging, because parents is afraid that he follows Tan Lian of young bad student bad to love, her neither one belongs to anyhow oneself border, even his door, ah his own room door must not shut, so such the space that it belongs to itself with respect to neither one. Ah the space that he wants to have his the more, parents the more panicky, when because become a child,entering adolescence, he wants a world that has his, but he does not discover he did not get again again, then he always is cannot quite true ah the world that goes having an ego, ah such his ego does not have method to exist inside a space. Ah such he with respect to ego it is forever in a weak condition. Still have commonner is the repulsion that parents teachs to the gender, ah she is in a lot of girls adolescence when discover do not know to come wet when parents ah mother ah do not grant pay attention to, his meeting panic is very so long, include a boy his seminal emission when, he discovers mother of his his father is basic is oversight, he, always say you were brought up to know, she can lie inside a panic, he does not know, because do not have a person to tell him what to can produce, he is exceedingly so scared ah produce such thing. Ah be in so such moment, ah they often ah a when cannot get parents ah take care of. Ah so this of a lot of haw of our China is taught this now inside ah the school uniform of the child that has a look at high school of junior high school knew, ah they are wearing a such candy like facial pocket forever, the school uniform of overstaffed, ah the kit that wears next. And all over the world almost all and other countries, ah all junior high school are born to be being worn ah a such uniform that compares an adult to change. So actually this this meaning lets this child enter adult society namely, but Chinese school uniform is very interesting, ah it often is pocket of this kind of face like the dress, the dress of cut of this kind of face is to think those who make the child long-term to look from psychological angle undoubtedly, breathing out is to think those who make the child long-term to maintain undoubtedly one by one young child condition, so such young child the process that condition can obliterate this child adult to change. So why a lot of parents China of China oh the education of the school hopes to obliterate the child's this him ah the process of adult, because,be ah special need closes the child inside the culture of our China, need infant children very much, do not need personalized development, of need is sheep, ah do not need a goat, do not need angular sheep not to need a wolf ah can meet so scared, once too an individualizing person, he is existing this socially, he had better be as soon as possible a person on the automation line that makes an assembly socialization. Ah so inside the culture that is in China, be in especially inside China's latter-day culture the existence of the person that had fostered individuation very hard, also not be willing very much ah going facing this child is an adult a part, because once this child grew up, very much parents is met very panicky, ah because of them the system with this whole family still needs a child to assume an important role! Ah so a lot of parents if gradually ah this child university left, they are met ah be immersed in a kind of sky inside the panic of mew period, because they are long-term ah need to have with the child existence comes hold together this marriage, the child is not now between them, leave husband and wife only two people when, they can feel each other are especially other and unfamiliar, go facing each other without method, their two the individual's survive want two people to spend, they want to be able to feel very horrible. So a lot of children ah can be in ah the university entrance exam when early days of the university entrance exam ah fall ill, ah after perhaps saying to enter a college, fall ill, final result is this child stop for a long time to be become in the home crouch in the home, yes, so a lot of parents ah eventually ah with one a lot of name continual bustles for the child, ah they need the child to do a patient forever, such these parents are OK forever ah the part that can go doing father and mother, and the part that need not make husband and wife, because do father and mother ah OK and evasive the awkwardness when they do husband and wife and helpless, if the child is the child forever ah and need not grow up forever, they also do not need to face their forever with respect to them ah those already ah ah the life of one ground chicken feather! Ah so, this is why of China. Ah. Can have inside Chinese culture so much ah ill, the child ah can have so much, the child that still has a lot of even should be sent school of network strong interest, yes? So these are so called ah when this sick child is very much ah a delegate that is not this family only, ah. Ah actually his back is to have a lot of ah ah the helpless husband and wife of very special desolation concerns what bring about, ah I did not say this share more. We a moment ago had said, ah the first ah poisonous thing, ah to immanent child that is the need with the poisonous need with poisonous hum ah with the to sum up in a word. Our anybody has that is to say two normal need, one is to feel he is very important, one is sensory others to us ah be very strong volume, ah their help ah it is OK help us truly of helpless moment, of ourselves. Ah one is me I have power very much, one is others has power very much, ah one is me very important, one is others also can be in my life the effect with rise very main. If these two need can be satisfied, so of this individual lifetime of this health ah the life that compares Gao Shuiping high quality ah the foundation is built. So if a person ah he as a child he needs twice this to be destroyed, so is replacing poisonous relation what be? ah the former unripe family that is a family ah a poisonous relation. So this perhaps says poisonous regulation, this regulation is for hold together this family, do not go disintegrate, ah everybody must make sacrifice, when including the child to assume corresponding role without method when parents, the child is about to support on, without giving thought to you ah it is to have this capacity, ah also must give my top to go up without ability, ah so in order to sacrifice your ego exists ah dare be this in order to sacrifice your self-worth, with sacrifice your ego existence feeling is cost! Ah so the marital crisis that when develops to had dealt with instantly first as to your ego existence or domestic crisis says again, ah so a lot of people ah after wanting, ability has an opportunity ah go cure oneself ah pain, 329 years old because of him even 40 years old before busy move goes waiting for this parents with respect to parents, or is to be not saved, or ah he need not be saved, or his awareness, anyhow ah the time that it can grow ego truly ah had been after 339 years, ah he just discovers this moment ah he himself that ground already by put down barren a few years. Ah he goes in busy move parental compasses cultivate land, planted a long time also did not earn a the tenth of the twelve Earthly Branches of stature midday the fourth of the twelve Earthly Branches to come, but oneself that ground is complete however make desert, want to open agrarian dispute to often be not constant hardship afresh. So then their life encounters this moment the crisis, it is me this always is married for others all one's life clothes, when to I am myself and live. Ah meet in the psychological ability of instantly so so so important, can, because ah the Chinese's most important thing discovers ego namely. Ah so if you have a look at the United States big, ah inside the culture that you are in the United States with respect to meeting discovery, ah to ego the theme that pursueing is the film forever. But inside the film that is in China, we cannot see ah this kind a such pursue themes to ego, we see more ah it is a kind of collectivistic spirit, for the country for the party, for people I should dedicate, I want to pay, ah the name that resembles present people so fire, should model one caboodle namely ah ah this lotus root. Typical ah the model of Lei Feng type, ah these people ah should become a hero, these people want for ah for this very divine thing dedication ego, that but inside a such culture in the west, what it emphasizes is not consecratory ego, discover ego however. Ah so inside the whole culture that is in China, ah why before ah on some book that is sealed to ban ah saying ah the culture that is China is an English word, it is to have certain one-sided sex, but this very reasonable also truth, inside the culture that is us ah emphasize integral benefit, emphasize domestic system, do not emphasize an individual. So what is such advantage? Can answer a lot of disaster, ah ah so this home he can go to this family coming down alive, but as the individual, his need is met by long-term be sacrificed. Ah but be in the China when instantly, ah actually we need ah already slowly the emphasis that is pair of whole interests no longer, be opposite however the emphasis of personalized ego, so psychological ability is met ah become more popular, otherwise psychology is in China far from possibly popularity comes down, ah because it basically comes to psychology,say or the culture viewpoint of value of a west! Ah good then this involves this share I had had a place a little excursive, breath out me to come back to say again, ah in short, ah namely ah poisonous need, it is domestic system unbalance later, a kind when requirement child serves as premise with feeling of sacrificial ego existence ah need. Ah so if do not have ah this family ah everybody can assume corresponding responsibility, so this child he is OK healthy, those who realize two need, satisfy the satisfaction of which two need, ah that is ah when me ah into can attack retreat can defend, ah this I did not emphasize power of mother of negative sex force, it is I feel I am very important. The 2nd, the power that I also can feel my parents to be able to develop the very important sex that prop up in my life, ah so if these two one is the power that support, one is the word that the force that is taken seriously can satisfy, so this. Person, his need perhaps was not polluted by drug, yes? Good, so we talk about the 2nd again now, it is poisonous surface layer ah poisonous mood, ah so poisonous mood, the meaning that is to say that it basically says becomes us we each person ah a mood can have a characteristic, ah that that is to say. Ah. Our mood. Actually ah just when we just are born, ah we can have a lot of of a lot of. Ah this. Is the mood right? So. Actually the basiccest sentiment ah be essence of life. Aperture. Ah either Jing is astonished, ah scared ah happy, sadness. Ah still have. Is one what is coming? I was unable to call to mind, ah but anyhow is 5 kinds of moods, yes, 5 kinds special ah very basic sentiment, ah of course some people also are divided into 9 kinds of moods, without giving thought to how, mood of avery kind of the sense that it has it! Ah. So if you can discover the life in you is medium, you seem to often use a few kinds of moods only in your life, or a kind of mood, ah one plant or a few kinds of moods, and compare in the life that you discover you little other moods, so you often are by poisonous mood place enroach on, ah that is to say you and your mood is not a balance, you will be especially other and a few more repellent mood, can use these a few moods particularly, this explains you had been inside the condition of drug, because any person needs the mood of a balance, e.g. an an outwardly kind but inwardly cruel person his life has joy forever, it is happy forever. Ah so he gets this individual alive very tired, because of the person he cannot be happy life forever, ah jump over somebody Yin Qing circle is short of, ah the person has vicissitudes of life, how likely a person is happy forever, be? So once ah I saw a movie, a clown says above, he is Great Master of comedy of the hum on the world, this film says his with one action. One by one sentence ah. Namely. Raise one's hand is cast sufficient it is special can ah of belly laugh letting a person! One day, he says he is gotten. Cancer! Do not have a person to believe without the person! Everybody thinks he is saying special do laugh, thing. Final result. What be? Ah he is dead really, this moment. Ah everybody just knows, he said, what he says is ah this. All one's life! He says this. Sentence the word is be bad to laugh really. Ah the his true thing that said a distress. That is to say a person if he is long-term the function of the one part oneself. E.g. this clown, he. This oneself comedy! Functional play. To acme when, believe without the person he is. Sad, that is to say he this mask ah be to pick no less than coming. Ah when he wants to be picked, the person all round had believed no longer! Ah. So such person ah it often. Its other moods by. Put inside the shadow, once a thing is put inside the shadow, he can decay certainly of degenerative and mildewy smell! Ah this is. Why the reason with a lot of very depressed comedian, ah have some of person so he is sadness forever, resemble for instance auspicious forest elder brother's wife is, so he drops his OK and happy ability with respect to meeting repulsion! So auspicious forest why is elder brother's wife sadness forever, can feel because of him oneself are injustice, it is happy that he does not allow himself, so once ah so before we ah I once went disaster area of Wen Chuan earthquake ah had done this this ah psychology helps, I went again later that earthquake disaster area, ah because I have a friend,be stationed for a long time in Wen Chuan, earthquake ah going be those ah victim, ah he is a likelihood it is the last ah this holds to is in disaster area ah do what former haw psychology helps the today's law that provides a service for these victims all the time so a person, ah so this individual is to make me special a person of admire, so it ah discovering a phenomenon is very much ah of disaster area of Wen Chuan earthquake these ah this woman that loses the child, when they perhaps begin the 3rd year the 2nd year to be pregnant, their heart inside it is very sad, their heart inside always always want ah they go, it is to want to be shown before others give her very sad appearance, ah so later. He goes understanding discovery. Very much. mom! She cannot allow him joy quite! Ah he not. Can say alas ah I have a new baby, he cannot. Because this new baby is happy! Because he can think of me how so fast ah abandon! my child before, then he cannot allow him joy joy with respect to them, actually he is original be joy, it is to cannot allow him joy, yes! So if we are long-term depress some kind of mood, can letting certain energy always can never be quite cannot enough ah cannot saying always can never be cannot be released quite, then he resembles is ah be pressed in the lava below the ground by you ah more and more more and more ah this is controlled hard, arrive to erupt eventually. Yes? So our hum our life ah all businesses that do, ah if you say ah psychological, ah what be if you use two words to describe its content,? Or what is its true marrow? It is very simple balance actually. Ah so Chinese ah China this therein the word is balanced namely actually ah hold its carry a hand, be among them? If you hold its are carried ah hold its the word of two end, your life is met certainly lopsided, ah life resembles wirewalking same, ah so you must hold this balance, you just can take this steel wire, want your amid to appear on one hand only problem, ah so you. the person is born with unbalance, the result of your unbalance ah namely ah drop into cliff, yes? So the result of unbalance is sooner or later ah how to make a word is called again ah come out to mix always want to return, yes? What is those who return is those who return this lopsided be? So I a moment ago said to if need a balance,need, your long-term denial ego, so I can come to this word later look for you, ah you the crisis that you will produce ego, so the mood also is such. If you. It is depressive and certain mood forever, so sooner or later one day this mood can come over to look for you! Ah. Good, ah so I now ah catch again. Say. Good, so we say then, breath out this to be inside inside the child ah the idea with have very special and main, ah this concept is called have poisonous ashamed feeling. So this poisonous ashamed feeling, what is those who say? it is us each person has ashamed feeling. Ah but if exceeding of this ashamed feeling magnifies, so it can become ah one of our life stays alone alone. Ah for example ah some people ah her husband is off the rails, next he can look for me to do seek advice, next I can ask him, I say you are so painful, have the boy or girl friend that can tell, I cannot say with my parents, why? if follow my parents,say because of me, my parents can is opposite I am very disappointed, because she thinks all the time,be pride with me he. Arrive as a child big, I am to learn bully, I am talent ah of talent all beautiful, next they go which to taking me, go next you see boast the daughter that this is me. So they ah every day, next I now ah this school work has, yes? The career has, next ah marry very special ah this has literary talent ah a ah handsome Shuaiyou has literary talent ah be, a husband that can make money again, they every day he has boast one they have a good husband, I tell them suddenly now, actually he is brought think the lady that be proud is individual broken bits. Ah should divorce with him on my horse so, ah or he has a woman now, so they are met certainly very stricken. Ah so how to after if are you stricken,I say that, meet? ah if I am after saying with them, I am overcome the disappointed to me feeling in their eye. So if they are right you are very disappointed, they say alas ah daughter, I did not think of you are met really so make me disappointed, you make me proud all the time, how can you make such issue now, we often do not have method subsist twice simply, we feel too lost face. Ah we want to go dead, if they follow you to say these words, he says then I feel myself is bad in the extreme, I did not go down with respect to work simply, I feel myself ah without the ground from flourish. Yes? So I say why you are met so so ah feel, seem to have so enormous pressure, what how can have so much is ashamed, can be then you experienced what is are you the scareddest when is experience again ashamed? His that is to say I may be the scareddest is to be abandoned, ah once parents after the eye of the sort of eager Chinese style disappears from my world, what I feel penetrative is frozen, I feel myself is like ah be in by abandon a wasteland inside, care about me without the person, ah I resemble completely is one is thrown to be like a toy below the bed, ah forever won't somebody again again fire, if I do not have glow to shine, if I cannot ignite them quite in the eye that is loved bright the word of sparkling thing, so I wish to go dead. Yes? So so what is he this child to be experienced in one's childhood? May once his study result is bad,he experiences that is to say, once he does not have his parents to grow a face, his parents is indifferent to her, and a such feeling, ah I last time course also said, ah always be being closed to be in is, outside the door ah the stair mouth in this pitch-dark ah that scared crying child, he learned from now on. She says her heart thinks, what she says I must be behaved from now on is particularly good, I cannot be closed outside the Lou Dong of that pitch-dark by parents again absolutely. And that world is too terrible, yes? These are so ashamed of feeling below, ah. It is they must want to satisfy parents the need of their immanent child, it must want to satisfy parental need, namely he must want to make offerings to his parents, ah avoid must get nearly go feeding back, when his parents is fed back in him without ability, he also must want to accomplish! Ah so ah we are being done when seeking advice, ah most most often encounter ah it is a such poisonous ashamed feeling, ah such person, what he can never expose himself is flimsy, because once expose oneself flimsy, can feel ah life is without living necessary! Ah so this is planted poisonous ashamed feeling ah come from namely at them one's early years is not a their particularly special ah either particularly special live when make a person hopeful environment, this lives the need that once cannot satisfy parents,the environment is them, they are right they it is disaster. Yes? So another ah very common, we often see in seek advice those who encounter is paralytic adduce perhaps condition, ah so paralytic state is ah some times can ask ah ah what do you have to feel, I do not have any feelings. Ah hum. What feeling? Ah ah I say to become. When the husband that becomes you for example says I had not loved you, how are you to want? I want to smoke him big mouth, ah do I say to smoke him in you what feeling do you have before big mouth? Without the feeling? Ah without any feelings. I say you smoke him big mouth always lets your accurate, my feeling without accurate. All feelings are done not have. Ah so this is a person that does not have any feelings, ah why doesn't he have a feeling? Yes? So I ask him, how long do I say you do not have a feeling? Ah your life does not have a feeling, I have a feeling very much in one's childhood, I often live in the abuse face of my mom in one's childhood, but one day I say with myself, I am dry should care about these things, my whats do not care, I I am myself at that time a smelly flesh is informal he walks, informal he is done, such perhaps I won't have any anguish. I say wherefrom later I gradually without the feeling, so he is not a person that did not feel inherently, what to say however, must want to did not feel ability subsist because of him however, he has him to have a feeling, he forever so painful, so it can ache dead. Yes? So a few more additional perhaps perhaps person, ah he is to live inside a kind of ashamed feeling, ah do not live in ashamed feeling, it is to live inside out-of-the-way of a kind of concealed ah adduce inside. Yes? So e.g. a few off the rails men be, they ah perhaps have the man that has will to power particularly inside, to them, they are cannot leave quite ah the right ah passional ah money, which because these things ah it is to give him to bring a kind ah the ego feeling with visional ego. Ah why is saying visional ego feeling? Because of these ah everybody needs to have two kinds of feelings, the first I am me it is very important, the 2nd I am somebody ah of support those who prop up, right? But in his life he believes without method the person can be propped up to him, the person can take seriously to her, ah what does he believe? Ah he believes impersonal world, ah he believes Qian Ke to take seriously with giving him to bring, ah next passional and OK it is very important to let him feel him, yes? He can want influence to let him feel him is very fierce only, yes? So these things are to come from impersonal world to fly to the person's world, he can the palm accuses and the person's world, he has proclaimed oneself ah abandoned. Ah why to abandon? Because be inside the growing experience in the past, he by tens of thousands second failure let him reach a conclusion, it is he should be far from the mankind, ah be far from a true, ah but it must come to these things it is an anaesthetic only forever. Ah the thing that because he did not get him finally,means. Ah so before have a motion picture ah be called ah perfume, ah those who say is a foundling, ah be abandoned by oneself mom as a child, be in next ah archimandrite is big, next he ah after was brought up ah also pass very painstakingly, next he goes working inside shop of a perfume, next his this has a particularly outstanding talent, can go namely ah the capacity that has a very good production perfume, it has very good this ah this nose, ah also have very artful hand, the perfume that he makes finally can let everybody lose reason! Ah. So it sends out a perfume of a bit mulberry, ah want to kill him this this soldier ah be him and ups and downs! Ah. But when everybody ah when submitting oneself to the rule of for him, he is abrupt between ah an anguish comes out, everybody of that is to say ah if he is done not have such. Hum. Perfume, he is a murderer, if he has a perfume, it can let everybody think it is confused mad, so the object of everybody confusing prostrate is not him! However that bottle of perfume in his hand, any person is taking this bottle of perfume to be able to become the king of this world, but once lose this perfume, he still is that murderer, individual person is gotten and still put to death the person of ground floor of a society. So he wants this time had been perfume no longer, what he wants is right person, hair from real heart the love that arises to it below bewilderment circumstance no longer. Yes? So this thing. Ah forever! Cannot satisfy! Ah that perfume ah it is a metaphor, can represent power, can represent. Hum. It is passional and OK that this is planted represent money, can represent all impersonal things between the world, the thing that the person means truly is that word forever, if do not have this thing,be, can you still love me, ah so this ability is we want to go truly ah gotten thing! Ah there is a few a little if so I a moment ago a moment ago said far, is breathing out me to be pulled again? Ah so. We go talking. Good, so I talk now again ah the 3rd part, ah it is poisonous ego. Defence. So we each person is inside the process of life, we can have the kind of various defence, ah means of any a kind of defence are very normal, it is very important, ah nonexistent it is good to say this defence square means is, that defence means is bad. Yes? We. Say casually, ah because if we learn psychological, can know to have a very famous book, call 101 kinds of defence the mechanism, yes? So if we are willing to disentomb, we still can develop give 102 kinds 103 kinds, ah 1003 kinds, ah 1002 kinds ah mechanism of 10002 kinds of defense is OK can draw up come, ah. Because. Person! Ah wanting you only is a person, all businesses that you do are defense mechanism, what calls defence the mechanism? Defense mechanism is the way that we answer this world. So defense mechanism itself does not have a fault, ah the person that has a fault to depend on us applying, ah we are apply inside what kind of environment, what kind of defense mechanism? Are we had? This defense mechanism that we use can enough enough goes answering this environment, this ability is more important, still be that word balance namely. Yes? And if a person is inside a poisonous self defense mechanism, his life is ah it is the 3 broad ax that Cheng bites gold forever, can enrol delicacy only forever. One action delicacy has enrolled delicacy, can temporary take a day, but cannot take a day forever, ah because be returned in this,in us the development of the life of each person is experienced inside, ah we. Can face the proposition of different life and task. Be in e.g. us baby when, our main proposition is subsist, yes? Becoming us is children when, we are main ah proposition is to should get used to a society, becoming us is teenage when, we. Main proposition is to discover ego, becoming us is one ah young when, our main proposition solves loneliness namely. Becoming us is ah this 30 years old of the following people when, we are main proposition is. Ah. Make cheap build result establish line of business, breed offspring, yes? Becoming us is a middleaged person later, what we should develop is wisdom, so ah becoming us is old people when, we want ah the sense sense that forms life lifetime, ah those who finish to lose is itinerary. So the life phase of each person, different life level, have different job, and these different jobs, you are cannot use a kind only quite or a few kinds of finite defense mechanisms will solve. Alleged and poisonous defense mechanism, the defense mechanism that is you too become rigid, ah. Below the environment that does not fit in, either, ah it is you in a new environment, perhaps say already inside vicissitudinous environment sends, you still are using a few original set defense mechanisms, so this moment relations of production cannot get used to productivity, final result ah namely ah already was washed out by this this environment place, ah because of in the final analysis, the mankind also cannot be cast off ah superior bad discard, ah, survival of the fittest such ah incident, ah so I. Say simply to deny! Deny! Denies often defense mechanism, a lot of men are being used, yes? What do this calculate, ah ah it is this appearance socially ah be, depressive. Ah we ah do. All sorts of scheming Biao when, often be used. Ah. Although we are very angry, ah wish to want to smoke him big mouth, but even ah please her, yes? Is recognizant dissension? So projectile ah a lot of when, we. Divorce! Often say when alas ah how does the child do? The child is so flimsy, not be the child actually flimsy, however ourselves is very flimsy, yes? We cannot bear oneself flimsy, we are staring at the child every day, yes? So these things I was not told more. Yes? I ah. The key wants the thing that say, ah be from the back this part. Very much classmate a lot of delaying stayed on this our tiring-room. To today, ah I. The plan does not go this ah tell namely too much, I give authority ah leave! Sufficient. Answer everybody is the time of the problem? So today I ah tell a final again. Ah. Some people are asking erratically ah how ego please, fasten anxious, this defense mechanism is called put into practice, yes? A lot of people are particularly anxious, do not go solving why problem and go solving how to do? This also is mechanism of a kind of defense. Mechanism of this kind of defense is about to put into practice, yes? So actually to a person, ah. We once had done a test, it is a child has a few children ah give him a candy, ah he is very glad eat, if I put a candy before you now,say next, but if you. Ah over- . Eat after 5 minutes again, I can give you a candy. So this moment is about to see this child his defer satisfies ability is what kind of, ah later ah the person that becomes two groups with respect to cent, the person of one clique child he had not borne this 5 minutes, ah ah without giving thought to he can, ah this others is to wait be less than that 5 minutes he took that candy, ah so some children he was borne ah he got a candy after 5 minutes. So undertake tracking to these children then later, ah. Final time is! Final discovery ah those can insist to bear last child, the achievement of their life crosses those children that do not hold to high commonly! Ah so this shows what issue, ah very simple, 3 years old look big, 5 years old look old, ah so actually. Defer satisfies the person of ability, ah he can go more. Ah. Pursuit ah the thing that he means, and the child of contented without defer ability, she abandons very easily, very easy. Do not look why he enters the phase that how does directly. Ah so. You consider him suit, ah the first pace should become aware first. Is a problem why my please not oneself? Yes? Above all the defence of the ego that we should have a look at us, ah a moment ago. Hum. I was written at 5 o'clock, still should have at 6 o'clock, at 7 o'clock at 8 o'clock at 9 o'clock, this we can be written down indefinitely, ah the relation because of time, I think or talk first. Ah do this talk is 5 o'clock? Talk because of us. It is immanent child, so this defence we also combine immanent child to talk. Ah so actually ah the technology that I often use immanent child in seek advice, ah how am I used? I can ask, ah so how am I used, actually. All of us is OK also oneself are used to oneself. Yes? Such still can issue advisory cost less, yes? So for example ah when you have a kind of sentiment, then you learn an experience, if this mood can talk, what can it say? Ah he may say ah the fault that is you, ah if you are bit more elaborate, ah how can you be below eye leather who to let who who undertakes harming to you, be? So. This I am about to ask this sound what kind of like person says with you, ah ah resembling is my mom say with me, then you experience experience, when saying with you with such mood when your mom, what figure are you? This moment we are in your immanent child slowly let it rise to surface. When I go asking about this moment, we can have likely ah N is planted ah the child came out, n is planted and the child's relationship can appear. Ah for example the first kind ah the mood that is poisonous dissension, ah the defence of poisonous perhaps dissension ah can say, the concern of poisonous perhaps dissension can say. Ah so what meaning is what he says haw? the immanent child that see you namely when you when, you cannot see. Ah some people say alas I see those children that are less than me, rash teacher, I I go up. a long time class, I was done a long time ahead of schedule seek advice, I look for those children that be less than, I the child was in that day, ah ah my whats cannot see. Next what I perhaps say I see only is myself, ah. This also is very normal, because of what if you follow the feeling of ego,keep apart very exceeding fierce, ah your character mask is too solid, . Then he is cannot easily debus comes, you often cannot see this time oneself, this often is meant. What you follow your ego is immanent, child, or your mood with true ego, true I ever be apart is a bit far, your carapace is a bit thick, so such person he had better be the training that should undertake a few moods are changed, ah that is to say you should begin slowly him bate crust, him bate crust, begin to be made from your experience, yes? Our psychological person will drill how the experience drills experienced mood, practice improves condition business, have a meal on foot from you begin, you go becoming you to breathe on foot when you, when you have a meal you are fine go finely experiencing, each grain of rice that chews when you when, what is the feeling of your heart? You begin this moment can slowly go replacing yourself, ah be often the training that should have a sentiment be? This later we have course, ah if the opportunity can give everybody intercede mood lesson, we are told at that time again. Ah so the 2nd the mood that is poisonous segregation. Ah alleged have news of a segregation, often be us when seeing an immanent child, some people can say, alas ah I am to see that that that child is in in very far slow-witted inside a wasteland, perhaps taking away it to lose inside a busy streets, ah ah he is like very alone, ah. Pitiful. Ah very dangerous, which next do I say then you are in? he says I seem to be outside the picture, or I am very far from him very far, or I calculate from him very close, but I am a contact,be less than him, ah so this ah the mood that is a kind of segregation, ah why what thing keep apart us to him, a condition that because contact a such immanent children,is very special dreariness, ah because often these immanent children ah on his body ah resembling is a black hole same, it condensed a lot of a lot of scar that we cannot handle in the past. And such ah when if I follow you to make first time again,seeking advice, I say your boast came out, often this kind of immanent child ah or you are too healthy, you are OK at any time. Call demigod dragon! Or ah you are. Too hysterical, ah that is to say. We. Expressing you is to me innovation went immanent small or this is immanent, the child also is. An illusion, is not true your immanent! Child! Of a right person immanent, the child's occurrence, it is to should spend ability for a long time slowly. Emerge. Should spend how long so. You imagine in China. inside a woods, ah ah a park of China, there is to have a tree in, on the tree. Have a squirrel, next you one by one a pine nut is put on the hand, let itself of squirrel of this pine nut. Go. Go eating that loose pine nut on your hand, do you feel this trustful feeling wants to build much difference? Ah should spend for a long time of course, why? because. This this small squirrel sufferred. The harm of too much person, he has not believed the person can follow his peaceful coexistence, so include that immanent child, ah perhaps be that that is in in the child repellent you, perhaps be you in repulsion this immanent child, anyhow you two people first. Each other cannot be stood by! Be the reason that has it, ah although you sympathize with him very much seemingly, but also can put in a kind of contrary force inside your heart, you do not want to stand by her, yes? Still have a kind of depression. Ah. So when this kind is depressed say alas I was to see that is small, but I feel he is very dirty, I very cold-shoulder him, I say your look down upon she, ah I I feel he is very disgusting, or I feel he is very terrible, I do not want to stand by him ah or that is immanent! The child is very mischievous resemble Qi Tian mahatma be troubled by euqally exceedingly, will, he is essential. Do not care about the feeling of others! It can be all the time in our heart indulge in wilful persecution, yes? Anyhow, so. This also means us to follow this immanent child, ah we do not have method ah for asking. He ah. Still have of course immanent. Contrary child, ah I a moment ago said, meeting existence resembles the child of the special do sth over and over again that is a special archness, yes? Still have the child of a Chen Yi so, ah so do this wallow in often is to come from at what? that is to say is holy elephant forever. It is a Lin Daiyu! One. Same, perhaps be forever ah wore a child of fire, ah very indignant, so when she comes out, he always has a lot of much sentiments to come out, ah that ah but these moods you if ah time is long, you can discover ah these moods. It is some empty. , because these moods are mood of a few surface layer, other immanent children ah by him ah be masked by the mood place that is accepted to run rampant, ah so why should we are ah the brigade that our immanent child discovers, ah make. Of so much. Troublesome ah. Actually the reason is in namely. That squirrel eats pine nut to your hand that is itinerary, because safety feels insufficient. Yes? Only so we are. Oneself! Build enough. safe feeling, our talent is quite real. ah drop defence! Ah life is the most god-given is to drop defence, perhaps say we drop inherent defence, ah such our life ability can have a new possibility. Yes? So I am told with everybody, next ah ah good news is we will begin ah what the abecedarian explores immanent child is itinerary, ah this itinerary call round painful processing the technology, ah so handle a technology ripely, ah. It is how we follow this immanent child to get along, ah go arriving deep when us our underlying sentiment when, this moment. We ah. When saying we touch that pain spot, our ability goes to this moment truly be contacted with our actual immanent child. Yes? Ah. E.g. some people he says alas ah I am very special ah the person of effort study, I am a person that is willing to use psychological him exploration very much, ah is I learned this me to learned that me learned that be psychological small maniac be? Actually we can experience each person so a process, in those days I also am from psychological small maniac ah ah so come over, ah but actually I learn those knowledge desperately, ah I should ask why I want to learn so much knowledge, why do I go desperately go learning? ah do then I experience experience ah what to if I do not learn,produce? What can if I stop,you produce? I can discover at that time Oh terrible before is not me study is so tired, terrible is I fear to stop. So perhaps to you, stopping is the most terrible, so to additionally a few people run stand up running is more terrible. Yes? So we the inferior position function that each person has him certainly, we are alleged inferior position function is you use you rarely very be afraid of that used act, very be afraid of the motion that make, ah the defense mechanism of a become rigid of this defence that is us, this moment can be shown come out. Ah row, so I today ah probably this ah 3 scar are told,