With adult different is, the child is in the expressive way with expressive affective the the commonnest, directest moment cries namely. And this one behavior that a lot of adult cry the child however, should do the child expression of cowardly, innocent, when expressing a sentiment with this in the child even, still drink denounce substantially. Means of this kind of education, meet the child bring very great umbrage actually.
Before before long, when chatting with the colleague, she was told take a beating in one's childhood the thing that get a scolding, another colleague listened, shared her story. This colleague is a tender person at ordinary times, those who be different from tender appearance is, in everybody's impression, she is a very strong person.
And everybody can have such impression, because,still be once once her sprain ankle, in time of 3 minutes two, the ankle became swollen Laogao, everybody is very anxious, she seems to did not feel completely however painful same, comfort everybody to be being maintained by force at the same time at the same time want oneself to go to a hospital. Although still be in one case finally below strong strong demand of everybody,went, but the impression that because this gives authority,still left adamancy.
Can be her respecting in one's childhood story, make everybody open-eyed however, because be in small when, she is a very naughty girl actually. Because of archness, she often takes a beating get a scolding, and every time when she cries, father is pointing to her very can fiercely to say: "Must not cry, hold back goes back! Hold back goes back!!
If she still continues to cry, father is met more swot she, because fear also because ache, she can be borne only do not cry. Gradually, she also did not like to cry, because cry to won't change parental compassion not only, became them to harm them excuse instead.
A such things caused the resonance of major person unexpectedly, everybody begins to recollect the identical education that he encounters in one's childhood, when crying every time, metropolis aloud educates the parent their hold back goes back.
A lot of parents once had said this word, when facing the child to cry, can speak " hold back goes back " this kind of word, and the parent can say so, because,be for the most part the following kinds of reasons.
The first, feel the child cries very troublesome
Have the parent be in the majority of this kind of idea, some moment, the job had let adult injury show head, come home to face the child that err even. After teaching the child, the child cried, because the parent feels distressed go comforting them, the child often is to be comforted more however cry so that jump over firm. The parent feels irritated later, can berate them, let the child do not cry so that let person irritated heart, and time-tested, special canal is used.
The 2nd, thinking the child cries is to did not realize an error
When teaching the child, if the child cried, some parents can feel, because the child did not realize his error,this is, still feel to subdue. Cry in the child so when, the parent is met instead more angry, must let the child stop to cry, ability can feel his education achieved a goal, let the child subdue this kind suppress to go down, agree with oneself.
The 3rd, to show oneself authority
Some adult always feel, loud conversation can appear oneself are very reasonable, when teaching the child, also treat this word as the truth. To oneself authority is shown before the child, when teaching the child, metropolis naturally uses cruder educational means, try to use this kind of means, him establish is in the authority in child heart.
Must not the child cries, to the child's influenceWhen a lot of parents are being done so, to achieve oneself goal, however oversight the harm that causes to the child. It is the child stopped to cry only apparently, but actually, the child's heart got very big impact.
1, the child's mood is depressed
For still small to age child, the only way that expresses a sentiment cries namely, and the expression of this kind of mood, it is to be before the parent commonly, because the parent is the child most accredit and dependent person.
And when the child cries, the parent berates the child aloud, ask this group that child hold back goes back is, can let the child lose the safe sense to the family, dare not show the true sentiment of own heart again thereby, fear to show oneself sentiment, can be scolded longly instead by the home.
2, the child generates fear
This plants the parent to ask child hold back answers him compulsively the practice of true mood, a kind going up is domestic force when also calculate actually. Drink denounce child plus loud ground, can deepen the fear in child heart, bring strong interior impact to the child thereby, let the child feel to the parent fear, lose the dependence to the family.
3, influence parentage
To a lot of children, crying is a kind of means that child expression subdues. When the child feels grievance, what need most is to be mixed from the parent's care actually comfort, in this kind of moment, the parent does not know the right think of a way of child heart, ask the child is his mood hold back in the heart however instead.
This kind of practice can let the child produce misunderstanding to the parent, think the parent not him care, affect the parentage of the child and parent.
4, think to abreact after the child is grown the mood is disgraceful
Because be asked to depress the mood of own heart by the parent as a child, can make the child right abreact the misunderstanding with mood certain generation, think to abreact the mood is very disgraceful, also be wrong action. If things go on like this, after the child is brought up, also meet fear and ashamed at abreacting oneself mood, no matter produce what thing,depress the mood in his heart.
But no matter be what kind of person, need to abreact appropriately the mood with him depressive heart and negative energy, force oneself to bear these negative sentiments, arrived proper time, small issue becomes last straw that collapses a camel possibly, let the child be immersed in what cannot redeem to break down environment.
Actually, the parent was not necessary to tell the child to cannot cry when teaching the child, or when the child cries, let her hold back go back. This kind of practice perhaps can let the child become firm on certain level, but that just also looks just.
Because of all moods hold back was in in the heart, when when which day erupts thoroughly, perhaps had been the circumstance that cannot redeem, when so the parent is teaching the child, the parent should be abided by when.
Above all, let the child cry first
The child needs to abreact oneself mood, when feel grievance when the child so and crying, the parent should take enough time to the child, let the child abreact to the heart is subdued mediumly and resent. This time is very important to the child, adult of no less than is in when feeling exhaustion, like also needing quiet time.
Next, when the child cries, the parent wants quiet, patient ground to accompany beside the child
To the child, the home is the the biggest port, strongest supporter, also be the origin that child safety feels. Abreact in the child so oneself when subdue and crying aloud, the parent should be accompanied beside in the child, reinforce safe feeling of the child.
Let the child be experienced, although oneself were taught, but oneself are not forsaken. The child experiences the parent's care, go up in follow-up education so, ability is accepted easily.
Finally, better after the child cries, communicate well
After the child is crying, the mood had gotten releasing, this moment can listen calmly more the parent's word. If the child still feels to subdue, the parent can think with his conversion, if still cannot understand, also do not want to act too hastily.
Still a bit parent should know, of the child erring also divide a lot of kinds, one kind is intended, one kind is to result from ignorant. If the child errs because of ignorant ability merely, can feel to subdue of course. This moment parent should tell them instead, they are right, the business that just does is very risky, do not accord with constant manage to wait a moment.
It is very normal that dot cries, dot expresses a sentiment, no matter be grievance, shame, afflictive,still be painful, it is to use crying means. Because be on the expression of the language, the child returns unlike adult same complete. So the parent does not want the action that cries the child, how to go up oneself imagine medium reason, want to be communicated with the child seriously, understand the reason that the child cries, have education according to the reason again next.
Every parent no matter he is a what kind of person external, in the child's heart, it is the hero that they adore most, when so the parent is teaching the child, do not need to emphasize oneself authority painstakingly actually, the kind that should try to use peaceful reason instead goes understanding the child's act.
Once someone has said, the distress with the biggest adult wants to cry to cry not to come out however namely, believe to everybody once lived because of making a living and depress oneself anguish forcibly, so why to force such anguish to the child's body even? The parent this ought not to toco child, and the parent passes in toco child hind, the child cried, let the child toughly " hold back goes back " , more one kind " disgraceful " behavior.
The child's world should be innocent and pure, the parent learns adamancy prematurely without essential requirement child. Won't cry not to represent the child enough adamancy, love cries to also did not face the ability of the setback on behalf of the child, the mankind needs to abreact the negative sentiment in him heart, even if to adult, crying also is a kind of very good means.
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