A lot of moment, the germ that we contradict and conflicts depends on feeling his dignity got browbeat, cannot get the esteem of others. In working for instance, oppugn your working ability than the person, the faithfulness that suspects you pair of companies is spent etc, these challenge proud business, cause contradiction and conflict very easily.

Below these conflict, the victim receives due apology with respect to the hope, restore dignity.

Want to obtain an apology to still have a main reason, depend on avoid responsibility, affirm the fault is absent oneself, this often sees in our routine blame.

We see all sorts of parts not hesitate in theatrical work of total on-the-job field all cost, also want to let others give his the apology. In us real job field also is such, normally we were misunderstood, always want to seek an apology, the purpose is for avoid responsibility, show the mistake is not on ourselves body.

The purpose that understood an apology only and other people are right apologetic demand, ability accomplishs effective apology.

Cannot satisfy the apology of victim demand, it is invalid apology.

Want to promote successful rate of the apology so, be about to understand by affront person psychological demand, suit the remedy to the case.

Want to promote successful rate of the apology, be about to understand by affront person psychological demand

So how should we do ability to apologize effectively?

The first, know oneself error truly definitely

The apology wants effective, admit oneself error the most importantly namely, this also is the first pace, stepped this pace first only, ability finishs the apology from the back. Know oneself error truly definitely, be about to understand where him fault is, caused what kind of consequence, should assume what kind of responsibility, if cannot allow to know an error truly at the beginning, can let a person suspect next the apology is not quite genuine.

1985, xia De of confederative Germany president. Feng. Wei Cize overcomes the speech that ends 40 years in battlefield of Europe of commemorative World War II to go up, the acknowledgement of deep feeling of grief all sorts of crime that Germany commits during World War II, itemize the anguish that the victim of Nazi Germany suffers by persecuting reason and them, he still says to want to chase after read aloud German embezzlement when his state is territorial, counteractive Germany and the person of be in distress, play the everybody hail that counteractive motion dies to home even, described the effect that the war causes to survival.

Feng. Weici lustre gram was not a country once crime looks for excuse, also did not mask Nazi Germany once crime, who to make clear to should be in charge of for these crime however, the war brought how serious effect to the mankind again.

Only straight-out to making the mistake below photograph is waited for, responsible to harming the behavior of others, ability makes the apology from the back cogent undertake effectively, otherwise, everything is theoretic, do not know even the error, the apology cannot undertake.

Think the apology is about successfully to know his error correctly

The 2nd, sincerely be repentant, maintain abasement attitude

As a child we were taught to make a fault be about to admit bravely, cannot cheat, cannot conceal, want sincere be repentant, obtain very hard otherwise excuse. Realize oneself error only, feel self-condemned for this, genuine be repentant, maintain abasement attitude, the victim just can believe you can mend his ways, believe you won't harm him again, the apology just can have the effect.

If apologize when, cannot the heart is put abasement, can appear arrogant and conceited, proud, can let a person feel you do not have regret meaning only so, the apology can become another kind of affront, such apology lost a sense, also be destined to cannot be obtained excuse.

The 3rd, opposite fault makes logical explanation

The explanation still should be made to affront behavior when apologizing, a lot of apologies, affront person did not make an explanation to his error behavior, the victim can resent, ask even an equitable argument.

For instance " you explain you just behavior " " why you don't go to an appointment " " you still owe me to explain " etc, expectation gets a fact. The victim expects to be able to find the reason that he is ignored, affirm the fault is absent oneself.

This shows, the explanation is very necessary in the apology, the explanation can show the setting that affront behavior produces, let a victim know why you are met at that time so do.

To innocently the behavior of affront, should make an explanation more, showing affront is not intended, also not be the behavior that is aimed at an individual, just happen randomly.

For instance somebody makes an appointment with you in the late evening 6.1 have a meal, but before you one evening stays up late too long, be in then afternoon when the decision helps become aware go going to an appointment again, but slept not carefully at 10 o'clock, the other side fails to keep an appointment because of you very grouchy. After the event you apologize earnestly to the other side, still explained the reason that did not go to an appointment in time, the other side knows you are not intended break an appointment, because,be only too tired, and missed time, express very understand you, also eliminated to your dissatisfaction, intense concern also can get alleviating.

The apology still needs to make logical explanation to fault

The 4th, raise proper compensation

Besides acknowledge a mistake, be repentant, outside the explanation, want to let an apology develop actual effect to still have an important step, put forward to compensate namely. Very much apology affront person very deep to wrong understanding, also made logical explanation to affront behavior, when apologizing very genuine also, the manner is very abasement also, but did not put forward any compensation, let whole apology lose a sense.

Accordingly, in a lot of apologies, compensating ability is main feature, because compensation can offset a loss. These compensation may be direct economic compensation, also may be affirmatory meeting the psychological compensation of reform, no matter be the compensation of which kinds of form, want to be able to satisfy the victim's requirement only, can let an apology have effect. It is an individual no matter in relation or public concern, to the incident with serious error, the apology wants to produce actual effect, compensating ability is main measure.

The sweethearts that ever had pair of female homosexuals is kissed each other when watching good ball game, was driven out of path strange stadium, a lot of people use peculiar eye look upon at that time they, the child that thinks they give themselves was made undesirable set an example. After the event, this expresses to sweethearts, if the boss of team does not apologize to them, they to lodge a complaint. Subsequently, president of line strange group expressed regret to this pair of sweethearts, say they are Dodge's fan, to Dodge the sense is great, line strange line returned free to offer 5000 pieces of entrance ticket to give 3 homosexuals the organization, undertake to employee sensitive issue grooms, invite sweethearts of this pair of homosexuals to watch the ball game that go freely in honoured guest banquet.

This is a very successful apology, team president's cordial manner and the compensation that raise eliminated the complaint in sweethearts heart.

Effective apology still needs to raise proper compensation

The 5th, grasp suitable opportunity, apologetic ability get twice the result with half the effort

Of the United States " Gelinweier " date nuclear-powered submarine undertook 2001 some convention trains when, commander Scot. Because Wo Deer is derelict, let submarine park dangerous situation, bump sank exercitation fisher of Japan " bolus love Yuan " date, bring about 4 high school to be born to die with 5 sailors, after the event, wo Deer is moved to civil service branch.

But the fury that this did not appease people of Japanese be in distress, they ask Wodeerli wears complete set military uniform to apologize face to face namely, but Wodeer till the accident a few week hind, just expressed the statement of similar apology through the lawyer, this is more exasperate Japanese people, the course talks things over for many times, arrive all the time accident after 22 months, japanese people just when Wodeer's personally apologizes

If Wodeer can apologize instantly at that time, with respect to the inflammation that won't cause Japanese people, also won't let whole apology matters concerned continue the time of 22 months.

A lot of moment, compare serious affront action, for instance humiliate others, cheated a friend, when betraying others, apologize not to have what effect instantly. Compare serious action to this kind of error, apologize instantly, by affront person can think you just are punished to escape, want as far as possible extricate oneself, feel you value bilateral concern far from, also did not realize oneself error, the behavior that also does not know oneself caused what kind of consequence, make intense concern more originally bad instead.

Encounter such situation, be about to the victim a few times digest these bad news, go understanding a situation, this unpleasant business is accepted in mentally, this time apologizes again, make an explanation, put forward to compensate, the victim is very easy calm one's anger, once enrage disappear, the feel better in the heart, this thing also went.

The apology is to dissolve contradiction originally, but because a lot of people are not known how to apologize effectively, apologize the more instead, contradiction jumps over become acute.

True apology, be there is another person in the heart, the demand of cogent and contented the other side;

True apology, be him openness is wrong, endeavor to compensate the grievance of others.

So, all apologies that do not take a heart, it is behave like a hooligan.