Whether are you mixed at the kitchen busily all the day between all sorts of specialty classes, already very long the inner world that had not noticed the child? You can what is the child that him angst does not know thinking, also do not have a law to experience the affliction of child heart, feel this child is in charge of harder and harder only? You have discovery, you do not think the child becomes what kind of person more, can he exceed that direction to develop more? Want to understand this problem, we need to ask our a question: You think the child is become least of all, whether be that you do not like oneself?
I am affirmative to the answer of this problem. I am the person with individual character more indrawn case, not quite be good at exposing a heart to others. I hope my child is a person that has affinity, in fact, he also is person of unusual all the time move likes really. And myself also thinks, I am active to the child's expectation.
However, stranger is encountered outside becoming the child to be in, when be being behaved some are indrawnly, regular meeting of the classics in my brain has a kind of such voice: How, what I think is right, my child and I am same a little dissocial. Next I am met more sedulous teach the child, how to greet sb with stranger.
You look, although I gave out active expectation to the child's disposition conciously, but I am in subconscious in, the expectation that goes up to child disposition is negative actually. After I realize this, I pay close attention to those children painstakingly to show indrawn hour no longer, see more it is the child's hopeful and optimistic one side, I had more objective knowledge to him.
This should be openly expectation originally, how does practice rise can you have negative effect? This depends on actually my expectation to oneself. Because I am negative to my expectation (I am in subconscious in the person that believes oneself are an introversion) , so my meeting apt believes, my child also is indrawn. And in this kind negative below expectant impact, I want to transform the child painstakingly the more, my child also also produces negative expectation more possibly to oneself.
Authoritative expectation
My what describe in front expectation to the child, or my parents expects to mine, always can form " expect authoritatively " .
Have a such tests, random singles one share in a group of students, tell their teacher, these students are had more by those students of pitch on than doing not have latent capacity. After passing period of time, these are shown really by the student of pitch on more apparent progress.
Those who need an attention is, these him students did not get " oneself have latent capacity more " this information, it is their teacher, accepting these students more after potential fact, in exert a subtle influence on, through treating the delicate change on their manner, affected this group of students strongly.
The architect of this experiment is Er of Luo Sen tower, the action that authority expects also is called " effect of Er of Luo Sen tower " .
Authoritative expectation has so powerful effect, be because of the object that is expected, need treats his manner through authority, will judge oneself is what be accepted still is repel, deciding oneself are good thereby still is bad.
On the other hand, the mankind's most essential requirement is " narcissism " -- believe oneself are good, him hope is correct. Of all life original, it is active to oneself expectation.
When expect actively to oneself when us and expecting authoritatively what we experience to produce contradiction, we suspect the judgement to oneself more easily, become not self-confident thereby, receive those who get authority to expect finally, change its into subconscious in negative to oneself expect.
Become the authority of good child
Want to become the authority of good child, is what will become the obverse side from negative change to the child's expectation good?
This is a very good beginning of course! When the action that the strength that realizes from us authority expects and we regard authority as in parentage, we strode with respect to the way that has goinging.
Want to say to the child when us, "Fasten ink marks, wanted to be late immediately, how every morning so slow! " , we can realize a kind to this is expect negatively, change oneself view thereby, "You look, or else is fast bit we are about to be late, again early tomorrow a bit is good. Again early tomorrow a bit is good..
Want to say to the child when us, "Cry cry, know to cry, can you search look for otherwise? " , we are known knowingly, this also is a kind negative expect, change oneself thereby the manner to the child, "Cry, be very angry? Wait for good a bit tell with mom, it is what offends you so angrily. It is what offends you so angrily..
But, this is only one begin well. Had better be to send to expecting actively of the child from the heart, the expectation of subconscious level. Because care about knowledge level, we hope our child is good, it is active to their expectation. And negative to the child expectant real reason, it is us subconscious in negative to oneself expect. That is to say, we are in subconscious in can can't help believe, oneself child can have similar weakness with oneself, perhaps fear oneself child can have similar lot with oneself.
So, grandmother of grandfather grandma grandfather people often can say to the child, "Eat quickly, eat more bit! " , or " put on the dress rapidly, freezing " . In the experience of this generation person, satiate wear warming is really most the most important thing, want nobody to look at only, the child is met be on short commons, wear not warm.
So, father mother often can say to the child, "Finish exercise rapidly, you see the child of others home try hard more! " . We this generation person, destroy in what fasten family child next is brought up, although be hated the tooth is urticantly to this person, still can be in subconscious in, in hoping oneself child becomes other parent mouth " the child of others home " .
Want to become the authority of good child truly, should know oneself above all subconscious those medium negative ego expect, and this road to everybody be hardships. Want to understand negative ego to expect, need us to explore our inner world ceaselessly, understand ceaselessly subconscious all sorts of sound in. When we begin to understand our truly, our destiny, still our unborn destiny can be adapted.
Change, begin from now. Ask oneself quickly the person beside, what are oneself often to a word that the child says most? This word included some kind of your expectation to the child probably, likely also map is worn you are negative to your expect, it is you walk into your subconscious key.
