Before marrying, want to understand these a few problems certainly!_News

Civil | Bowl young

3 view disagreement, busy unripe busy dead,

Never mention it marry, the youth does not have even the effort that take off sheet.

Last week 6 evening, I am good in the university the pass the night in friendly Home Grace. 3 packets of silk of two packets of a dozen beer, squids, earthnut, with respect to the floor lamp with dim move, open network TV, review " One Day " . Leading role of male and female " friendship is consummate, the lover is not full " kink clue, show loneliness a bit, have bit of desolate.

She says disconsolately suddenly: "If we go down so again, 40 years old still cannot find a target, how to do? How to do??

Tell true, I am right " look for a partner in marriage " this issue is very curious, discover " of the youth not the mystery of marriage " , have this in the main at 4 o'clock, although kink, but also not without the truth.

Yearn for love at the same time, fear at the same time marriage

If you this year 25 years old, did not talk about love, be afraid you want to begin to be used to every kin to be in repeat " when to marry? " kind greeting. Your Mom has kissed an object whip and spur for your choose photograph, those never meet the fellow student of refer love state of affairs at ordinary times, threw suddenly " gules bomb " , return ardently to introduce all sorts of potential possibility in friend circle for you.

Recently, civil administration ministry releases a group of data, our country 2018 marry first quarter the number declines compared to the same period 5.7% . This is since 2013, marry the number slips the 5th year continuously.

Meanwhile, " findings report of 2018 lone women " show, the lone woman of 90% longs to take off sheet at an early date.

We feel disgusted to be urged marriage, also be in desirous marriage, brought up then " marry at a mature age, not marriage, do not hope however lone all one's life " paradoxical current situation.

In one's childhood, we think, marriage is " after I am grown, encounter an other in part that loving greatly each other, get book of one first wedding anniversary with TA, the family that establishs oneself " .

Everybody says " another marrying is life new level " , we raise our head and look more or less the about that expecting other in part, bridal adornment, believing that meeting is two people that love each other's happiest ending.

After manhood, we also yearn for love, but always with " part company " " mother embryo Solo " wind up. People asks: "Why don't you still marry? " say close to the person of the half " cannot find likely target " .

Why cannot find? Be mentioned most reason is: Do not think put up with. Everybody becomes it seems that do not be willing to compromise to marry oneself.

Marriage, become more and more resemble an inextricability mystery.

Become when marriage " love buying and selling " , does the meaning where?

Last year, grace and love male friend of 2 years parts company, because of house problem. Native place is in mid city, house price 10000 much / smooth rice, schoolboy family financial situation is general, head pay the saving that relies on male friend and his parents, add up 100 thousand, borrow outside 200 thousand, the loan that remain. Appear, the 80 houses of smooth rice, the room is borrowed 600 thousand. Later, his father by fish liver cancer, change cure to take medicine, it is good that around was spent tens of thousands of.

She is very hesitant: "I two salary are 4000 much, want every months to return 5000 much rooms to borrow, still have all sorts of life cost, child charge. . . . . . Did not think previously too much, decide to the problem of the house chats after marrying, just discover the its so much of original kink. I had thought otherwise wants be ready to risk everything of set sb's teeth. He is very good really to me, although have bit of old man principle, now and then be troubled by bit of small contradiction, but can apologize actively. But can apologize actively..

The schoolboy says: "Need not want a child before we marry two years, work hard return a room to borrow, extra gains of my meeting much contact, the following life can cross those who had jumped over. The following life can cross those who had jumped over..

Her mom objects stoutly, "My daughter had never spent hard time, had not boiled for certain later ' husband and wife of poor and lowly 100 things sad ' the life, breakfast was divided, do not delay everybody's time, she this year 28 years old " .

Then, grace up to now lone all the time.

You may have listened so a word: In Chinese marriage, be two families is amalgamative, is not two the individual's union.

"It is OK to should marry, preemptive room buys a car " , this one idea stimulated the real-estate industry that regards national folk pillar as one of industries above all, catch diamond gem, arrive again marriage celebrate a company, a series of industries publicize admiral in advertisement " love " this can cause people heart the psychological demand of intense resonance and marry this one sociological concept is bound forcibly, stimulative country economy grows.

The city has the difficult problem of price of demoniac unreal house, the country is uneasy also. 2 more ever was opposite " betrothal gifts " the topic has made a video, some northeast is aboriginal, marry with university cummer, the woman asks he offers 300 thousand betrothal gifts; Hunan some country family, the woman is to leave more gave the value of 660 thousand, saying is good cheer head, as a result you know, do not have a knot to get married.

Marriage regards a kind of society as bond, becoming more and more complex. Go up from essence for, choose is bilateral trade resource occasionally, in order to acquire an interest the biggest the course that change. Do not have money, can become both of you to enter marital block up; Rich, the background that had a choice not to marry is angry.

This times is honest to the youth too chilly, although glue is like like lacquer when love, but whether the husband and wife that makes legal sense smoothly, face an all sorts of difference that buy a room to buy a car to give betrothal gifts even, major person states the heart is very tired, gift the marriage of economic meaning, let a person flinch.

Is the woman the baby-sitter of husband and child? Still have dynamical marriage?

In parental eye, character of a few names nothing more than be " the head of a bed fights bed end and " , " since together can put up with with respect to put up with, after all TA where where is good " , marry more resembling is to finish a job. Wanted to marry only, mean as " super Marie " upgrade euqally dozen strange, next life enters next toll-gate smoothly.

American sociologist Andrew J. Cherlin ever put forward in his paper, "Why do we marry " experienced 3 level:

The system changes marriage.

19 centuries before 50 time, marriage is changed with the system give priority to. People marries only ability happening sexual behavior, bear children. The everybody expectation to marriage, basically be corporeal demand of the foundation, for example two people binding energy shares social natural resources, raise up seed quite, love and affinity are furniture only.

Accompany type marriage.

50 time begin 19 centuries, as a result of the development of socioeconomy, marriage is changed from the system turn company into type relation. The both sides of husband and wife that everybody emphasizes is each other lover not only, also should be best friend, begin to pay close attention to " love and company " .

Marriage of ego growing type.

Come nearly a few years, suffer those who teach degree to rise as the female, work like they and male, make money raise the home, pay close attention to oneself to grow in marital relation more. Everybody hopes development becomes independent into successful the ego of feeling.

Of young generation we, agree with no longer at older generation " for TA or family, him sacrifice " traditional idea. Hope each other can love each other already photograph cherish, also hope the other side or marriage can help him become nicer person, is not the baby-sitter that is husband and child only. Eli Finkel of psychologist of university of northwest of United States of no less than puts forward, "We expect to what marriage reachs other in part, becoming extend is ancient those who have no is complex. Becoming extend is ancient those who have no is complex..

Because this is planted,just be those who expect is complex, let " find likely target " this thing becomes more difficult. Contrary, those do not expect to obtain the person of what from inside marriage, because do not have dynamical marriage,just be, the task that finish is for the parents of old nevertheless.

3 view disagreement, economy is independent, busy unripe busy dead,

Never mention it marry, the effort that take off sheet is done not have

What is meant by " appropriate " ?

Psychological investigator supports more " similar photograph is sucked " , common feature says even if " 3 view are similar " (do not emphasize 3 view agreeing here, after all the state is too tall) , expression is bilateral viewpoint of value, disposition, social manner to wait.

Know on having me is very those who like answer advocate, her experience can plays a young lady than bud (Chen He ex-wife) .

She this year 35 years old, divorce 3 years. After marriage 1 year, because the job is brought into play, she goes the other place works a month. One of these day two people as usual network video, former husband says to want where to want to sign up for equipment to him only, although interrogative, but she did not want to agree more.

However, this kind of circumstance lasted half an year, she is overcome such suspiciousing. Ask ability is informed a mother-in-law to suspect she has a lover outside, let former husband canal be in charge of her. Think carefully, actually I was married " Mom treasure male " . Definite idea of it doesn't matter, often be opposite because of a word of the mother-in-law my send a punitive expedition against, what should do, what to do to listen to pa Mom completely. But the person that I am an independence as a child, do not like the life that is planned.

After the divorce, she goes New Zealand Gap Year. The clerk is become in dining-room, fell in love with chef. The other side is smaller than her little elder brother of 8 years old, after two people adjust period of time, discovery is improper, she leaves went to boreal Europe. She likes to share viatic result in small gain, be travelled later in company look, became viatic KOL, not be a journey everyday it is cate. She says, next target is to go in the winter Lake Baikal.

The regulation with acquiescent society is " marriage is the job that everybody must finish " , " true love is final attributive " , " happy necessary criterion " , so somebody is being held in the arms " also should manage the job anyhow " state of mind, cursory ground dates marry, stripped we choose is the right that await even. But gift as modern society life more possibility, marriage is important matter of a first class no longer.

Because take care of the child,abandon a career with its, because marriage presses low living standard, be inferior to " my economy is independent, can afford packet of bag, cosmetic, can travel every year " . . . . . .

High quality is lone, it is a lot of female up to now the reason of only all the time move. Besides female oneself besides enough independence, an investigation that is aimed at person of single office field discovers, wide on north wait for city of a gleam of greatly, the person of 70% is in everyday work overtime.

Deadline of 996 duty, project draws near, the double element of pressure and the interest such as award is driven end of the year below, on countless north wide youth normally to make money tired into the dog, which have time to talk about love? Think only on the weekend " booth cadaver " rest on sofa, play game, receive client and boss not carefully again " the phone that urge a life " , social circle is secured all the year round in colleague, classmate.

3 view disagreement, economy is independent, busy unripe busy dead, never mention it marry, the effort that takes off sheet is done not have.

In the final analysis, the woman has support, the man has the old idea that attend early not answer existence, you also need not for " cannot find a target " and pained.

For parents marrier, the meeting is torturous all one's life

Last year, I travel alone in Shanghai. Visit Lu Xun park, in encountering fokelore " date horn " . A flock of uncle aunts pulled a string between two trees, hanging above all sorts of " comfortable marriage men and women " information, there is no lack of among them tall record of formal schooling or sea put in a personage 's charge, choose asks to emerge in endlessly occasionally: "Must XX registered permanent residence " " the woman student that does not want iciness of hands or feet, because the uterus has cold,be pregnant not easily " . . . . . .

Parental overworked while, children also endure hardships. In bomb of collective consciousness take turns, very few person can keep one's hair on and the ability that think independently. Most person cannot help doing sth, parents always thinks the child married the meeting is very happy, their crooked visits children " be born and be a person " experience truly, and a lot of people live creditably to let family, cannot help doing gives sacrifice. "Hard look for a partner in marriage " the life after marriage is like person meaning very much.

While I feel sigh, also want to suggested to you:

Above all, you should make clear him Hunan " cannot find a target " it is the choice because of oneself, still be passive condition.

How be judged? Can judge oneself from these 4 respects probably:

1.Although lone, but you know you are capable to change, just want to maintain current life condition temporarily just, this is active; Conversely, if you do not think lone, do not be willing to change again, in order to escape, scared state of mind is faced, that is passive.

2. if your single life is having all sorts of appreciation, activity that promotes ego (class of cooking of exemple as above, English class, gym) , think oneself life is contented, holding in the arms active up state of mind, it is active.

3. says loneliness is an obligatory course, if you are for only " empty loneliness is cold " feel anxiety, search thereby comfort, that is passive, because be doleful,driving your this group to move.

4. real pressure lets you must revolt with single step, for example parents forces level of marriage, oneself is too high.

If you are in active position, congratulation you, the end that wants past him move only goes, have a boy or girl friend to you, it is to perfect nevertheless.

If you have to be in passive condition, you need not beyond the mark angst, can adjust from these a few respects. Although it can not let you take off sheet immediately, but let you have single bottom energy of life, perhaps be in before meeting TA, at least you already were best oneself:

Retain the ability of lifelong study.

This can be obtained from the way that sees book, eye seeing a red-letter day. Attention, the attempt lets him read the book that a few have difficulty a bit, I recommend the program " 13 invite " , " round-table clique " , " 1001 night " , these character interviews, discussion type, read type program, can increase the width of own thinking and depth.

Widen horizon. This can be obtained from viatic means.

Attention, viatic ≠ travels, it is admittedly important to have money, but how to absorb nutrient from inside the journey, more important. You can try to chat with local, feel their life and thinking way, can discover " the view is same, but the world has greatly different " .

If can, go studying abroad or swim learn.

Attention, I do not advocate you to escape obtain employment, escape the university entrance exam, escape pressure and study abroad. The intense collision of western culture and Oriental culture, it is very interesting one side, so that won't let oneself pattern confine be in mode of acknowledge of an old some, can let you feel only in that way " it is right that parents says " .

Dare to change, embrace fugacious world.

Said so much, final measure still should fall to real point, put into practice. Do not fear to change, life is so long, who knows below one second is surprise or fright?

No matter be to keep lone, or " the lover becomes spouses eventually " , do not live for others, more not for so called " cannot find a target " sullen.

Wish you can find the way of life that belongs to your, but should remember, not anxious get a result, want you to still be on the way that seek only, one day it can tell you real solution after all.