In our life, some children no matter what thing likes to contend for strong emulative, not hesitate to achieve a goal occasionally even everything. We are not little the parent to the child this is planted disposition " love to be hated again already " , very kink. Because this kind of disposition is a Shuang Renjian,this is, hold good measure, those who deliver is full energy, lead the child active enterprising, strenuous up; If hold bad, the inadequacy that dare not admit oneself with respect to possible misdirect child, fear to fail, lack tolerant mind, provoke be agitated, jealousy or abandonment wait for undesirable psychology. Face this kind of child, how should we do?
The first be me, everybody is grabbed do not go!
☆ contrasts, is your child one is contended for strong emulative child?
Case 1
The emulative heart of fabaceous beans is too strong. Be like: He is essential inexorable " bad " two words, hear this two words to follow fall out of father, mom immediately, play father mother with the hand or be to use a foot to play father mother. Be like again: He cannot be defeated by next Chinese checkers, sure meeting is grouchy after was defeated, want to be troubled by disposition. And after winning (sometimes we let him intentionally win) , sure very happy. Play game with the child, he can act unquestionable leading role only forever, did not play with others otherwise...
How can I be defeated?
[case is analysed]
From children psychological angle is told, the child " be defeated not to rise " it is a kind of normal phenomenon. Whatever thing, the child always hopes he can be done weller, stronger than others, obtain all round of the person approbate the praise with parents. Because child age is small,can be, each respect is immature, see a problem get into a dead end easily, change with the mood extremely quite, so emulative heart is behaved particularly strongly. The child " be defeated not to rise " can have two kinds of show normally: A few children face setback, failure, can take attitude of evasive, evasive. For instance, picture of picture of mom criticism child is not serious, what draw as the Bei Bei next door is good, hear this word child flat did not draw. Once additionally one kind of child was defeated in game, or be to do what thing to had not compared others, meet have a fit, cry be troubled by in order to show drain, resemble the beans in case.
Case 2
The school that Miao Miao of 7 years old is in should hold skip contest, so fundamental situation, miao Miao how Where is can undeserved leading role? To contend for the first, miao Miao comes home to drill evening drills early, wish to sleep to drill. Mom sees he is so devoted, on one hand glad, worry a little again on the other hand, because she knows, miao Miao is a child that whats unwilling to lag behind, arrive from nursery school elementary school when 2 grade, his whats want to contend for the first, if not be the first, miao Miao can cry be troubled by greatly greatly. Mom showed head for problem injury of Miao Miao, although used a lot of method, seedling Miao Zhengjiang's emulative individual character still does not have a change. If seedling of this match seedling is not taken the first, can he bear to rise?
Be defeated not to rise, the fault that is me?
[case is analysed]
No matter what do to want to talk be defeated win, unplug build prepares, to a such ambitious children, the concern of seedling seedling mom not without the truth. If the Miao Miao in case if all the time very successful, once frustrated, take ultra action possibly, lead to tragedy even. Parents should help child practice face failure not improperly belittle oneself, the general demeanour that does not envy to others.
Case 3
Strong strong what thing loves to contend for strong emulative, play game with father mother must he wins, can be troubled by otherwise, result father mother must be defeated intentionally strong strong the enthusiasm that will exchange him. In the school, strong strong also must want to become leading role, if if the teacher is complimentary other little girl and not complimentary he, he very not willing, if give him two criticism, he proper pride is very strong was accepted harder. Strong strong whatever thing likes to be compared with the child particularly, but it is the life with him mostly, take extreme kind even and end.
[case is analysed] picture strong strong such child's general general character is proud sex very strong, the heart is very flimsy however He Min feels, what business can have been done only, cannot fail. Special also care about others to affirm to his, it is a perfect to him requirement child. Oneself lag behind at others or be criticized, the meeting in his heart is very sad. In the meantime, because his reaction intensity is higher, once be thwarted, he can abreact unsatisfactory come out, and disregard those who reach others to experience.
At every turn of ☆ child nurturance is contended for strong emulative disposition, what reason be those who cause?
1.Parent of some of child of beyond the mark praise always is complimentary oneself child is clever, beautiful and able, let the child did not realise the inadequacy on him body so, think oneself are perfect.
Do not hold in both hands kill the child!
2. is used be defeated by flattery child parents and child to play game, for child of get sth back, always let the child win, result child cannot accept the reality that he may be defeated by.
3. takes the child and other child to make comparative parents to often take his child and other child to make compare, no matter be,honouring is to demote, can form child disposition gradually sensitive.
Chilly also club kills the child!
4. is exorbitant to child expectation some parents are exorbitant to expectation value of the child, the result makes child psychology pressure too great, be afraid that oneself make parents disappointed, because this is contended for strong emulative, cannot suffer failure.
Make its kill and 5. emphasizes result parent itself overly caring about is not a process, the child is in only " the first " when just praise to the child and reward, and if not be " the first " , censure to child criticism.
The competence of person of female parent of father of example action some of 6. itself strong or disposition is very ambitious, like emulative, pursuit in the job, life at ordinary times perfect, give the child the effect of be influenced by what one constantly sees and hears.
The child is parental mirror!
How does ☆ guide the child to had held to contend for strong emulative measure?
1. parent state of mind wants gentle the parent is the child's best example, rise duty or unemployment no matter, get still be losinged no matter, if the parent can maintain good gentle state of mind, set an example best namely to the child, the child also can learn the character of this kind of remain indifferent to other's opinion from which.
When 2. guiding child goes admiring the good qualities of others to be together when the child and young associate, guide the child to enjoy the advantage on other child body conciously, let the child know praise others, is not the advantage that sees he go up personally only and the defect that fasten person to go up.
Be good at discovering other good point!
3. enjoys kill of process and rather than when making game with the child, always do not lose the child intentionally, want to make the child clear, important is the pleasure that enjoys game, and rather than is contended for the first, everything, it is to have win have those who be defeated, win rise to should be defeated to rise more.
[the parent promotes]
In the process that urges them, the parent cannot get on target lock in the result surely, the participation that lets the child pass earnestly practise what one advocates however learns, let the child generate substaintial interest to some thing, the manner that turns to learn for the abidance to strange thing thereby, this ability is to contend for strong emulative highest state.
4. lets the child and him compare the child that a child and others home do not want when the way one speaks or what he says at ordinary times to undertake comparative, divide bad of what of actor giving what, do not say " who is inferior to " , let the child very easily form antagonism psychology to others so, and the past that should let the child and oneself is done quite, the new mastery of a skill or technique that complimentary child obtains and new capacity. To other child, the means that should draw lessons from with experience makes child progress.
Look in the mirror look for difference!
5. does not expect to the child exorbitant do not give child exceeding pressure, always not be every day more " the first " " best " hang on mouth edge, let the child grow in comfortable environment. Wanted the child to endeavor only, be about unfeignedly praises he, to the link of child weakness, the environment makes its progress and wanting child creation is not to censure the child.
When 6. church child faces failure to fail when the child, tell the story of loser the latercomers surpass the formers more to the child, let the child understand victory or defeat is not invariable, the key depends on his effort. Failure is successful motivation, not terrible.
The society is faced bravely suffer a defeat!
Dear friend, do you teach a respect what to bewilderment still have in the child? Pay close attention to please [sea of apricot altar extensive] , let us keep abreast of hand in hand, achieve child happiness to did not come in all!
