On October 15, 2018, river song be murdered 711 days, river song mom announces to sue Liu Xin in small gain.

Cut of river mom small gain pursues

From Jiang Ge be murdered case begins, I am paying close attention to this thing all the time.

This year March 24, river mom still attended Japan law politics university holds 2018 the commencement. Graduate answers when demit, her hand holds daughter portrait of the deceased in both hands, stand up together with all graduate.

Cut of river mom small gain pursues

Again breakfast, december 20, 2017, court of Tokyo place judge is mixed with intended homicide threaten the blame sentences set term of imprisonment of murderer Chen Shifeng 20 years. That day, river mom holds a press conference to express not to accept a court decision, and raise doubt to Liu Xin's behavior: "Chen Shifeng is the murderer of killing Jiang Ge, what part do you act then? After going back to the motherland, I can litigate with you. I can litigate with you..

Now, river mom realizes the word that says at the outset eventually, be opposite formally Liu Xin to lodge a complaint.

Before two days this thing is returned went up to heat up search, netizen comment is differ. One party is the same as experience to river mom feeling, the thought that supports river mom fors the time being; Since,one party feels murderer already already be executed, why all the time hold tight is worn do not put, still did not think, put down; Also have of course " plot is talked " a, feeling is river mom in hype.

These a few to who who is wrong this kind of problem, do not follow everybody discussion today. Compared with to the fault, I think those who share is more: After experience inflicts heavy losses on, we this how does cure heal?

Suffer when the person after inflicting heavy losses on, say " not sad " " did not think " " put down " be make a futile effort, inflict heavy losses on brought scar is sure imprint forever engrave in the heart, make the one part of life, actualer is, should know how to coexist with scar, person of the same trade, the force of the travel before letting oneself or other arrive in the derive in scar. I want to say today, it is this.

After river song case happens, I most the person that feel distressed is Jiang Ge's mom, the bitterness that cannot describe this single close mother more than two years to come with any utterance and anger.

Mom of river of very difficult imagination is how get over this many days 700 of day of night night. 3 the individual's families, remain two a respectful form of address for an old person to yearning for that fresh young child only. In mom eye, the child is the child, aching in the heart forever.

Jiang Ge (right) with mom (left) , grandmother (in)

In my eye, river mom is one has courage and the mom of wisdom.

Because the husband cold-shouldered him to give birth to a daughter, she divorces to bring up a daughter not to want any pity alone, the woman is OK also take charge of a department alone.

Her endure all kinds of hardships raises big daughter, send a daughter to go to Japan reading, made the motion of an unusual be willing to part with or use.

However, send send so far, this life can no more meet...

The ashes of the dead that takes a daughter goes back to the motherland, she says, " I do not want Jiang Ge to cross the band that install check, crossing those who install check is baggage, jiang Ge is an individual! "

The photograph developing and printing that she films the daughter in Japan comes out, put in the daughter's room, everyday tearful wipe, kiss those photographs, as if the daughter still is like the room, say to talk with her.

More than a person persuades her to put down, miss a point, go...

Be, how can she sleep how again? How can you live in instantly again?

Put down the past, be equal to the love that abandoned pair of daughters.

She establishs link with the past, because the daughter is over there

To river song mom, the daughter that loves most suffers violent death, by " boudoir is sweet " escaped the traumatic sex that denies this thing itself to had surmounted dead itself.

" if not be to denounce a view to Jiang Ge, I had followed Jiang Ge early certainly and go. " by the side of the grave in Jiang Ge, river song mom left a hole to oneself.

She suffers from bitter longing, seek a justice, lie all the time in detached anguish, the past is entered more duratively, emersion and arouse her more scar are painful. Prop up the courage of her subsist, it is a lawsuit that tries a murderer, and the solution that institute of lonely and painful heart seeks this mother, only Liu Xin and her family can give.

The experience of river song mom, let me think back to to face the family member that is immersed in long-term grief anguish because of force death in Hong Kong, what our more pays close attention to is the level that they regain 4 times to direct daily:

- the change of whether advertent life - whether to do new work - whether to throw new role and relation - whether be denied continuously to grief and evasive

The orgnaization before I am early has followed this pattern a case. After the child dies, mom suffers from went up serious depressed illness, when contacting her every time, it is ceaseless in her brain the picture that occurrence family member dies, this kind of long-term, durative itinerate lets her lie all the time problem of tremendous sadness, weak feeling, indignant mood, Morpheus and tired in.

A lot of moment, we should avoid to let the actual setting that the family member imagines the victim dies morely as far as possible, this kind of apparent token is the scar of the again and again to her. Interpose direction, cannot leave group therapy.

She joined group of a treatment finally, comprise by the father and mother that lose children, and in this organization associate with passes a few friends. The orgnaization organizes the organization activity that passes 10 times, the psychology that supports her him aggrandizement ceaselessly is stretch.

Most the dossier that those who let me touch is the group treatment that sees the 5th times. Below the organization that treats division, in the encouragement of the group and support, mom undertook a ceremony to the child's soul model grieve over meeting.

Mom's work is one opens wing oneself. That mom drew him in the picture, and the child is not in the picture. In mom subconscious in, her deepest idea or " it is good to if I can replace a daughter to go,die, if dead person is me good... "

What whole group talks is oriented it is the person that ground of one by one loves for place leaves, and the value of new animate: " mom, your sacrifice cannot prevent this accident, grandma, father needs your power. " this word looks be like very simple, it is the core in psychological period of treatment however. Want to achieve the appropriate interpose of this method, still must assist training of aggrandizement of rife psychology flexibility, for instance deep breathing, muscle is loosened and just can advance imaginary guiding surely, ability won't cause scar 2 times to that mom.

Amend pair of pasts afresh hold it is very difficult to read aloud, but a lot of moment, if why how about gives the flashback of dead past part, gift afresh new image, it is the interpose method with clinical appropriate mentally.

After ending cure one year, the flashback that that mom says to she dies about the child no longer frequent, of the organization help can let her remember more it is the child the happiness of living moment, is not death is cruel. She begins to carry out children to protect education. When wanting to produce the event that concerns with infant safety only, she can stand actively to make a speech.

Very long period of time, devote into commonweal, red-blooded to can feeling for this mom, this kind of activity also helped her continue the relation of oneself and child, let oneself hold active position at the same time.

Last year on December 11, japanese court open a court session has trial to murderer Chen Shifeng, actually at that time, the observation that is the first level that river song mom regains 4 times this to direct daily period. What I care is river song mom after spending the first phase, whether can from at present by tens of thousands in the netizen's care, support, of the court decision from the judge and incident true and reductive in, find new link.

When family member die, time stops suddenly over them. Living person, time course still is in however forward, as if a move that be pushed by the machine cannot inactive train, cannot stay in the past, before wanting one direction.

However, we are being answered ceaselessly again hope that once travelled together with us, the train of the travel before stopping because of a variety of reasons however. That is us the love to the family member and memory, we cannot bear put down, such condition, can last very long very long.

This is too difficult really to her momently, but be renascence however surely the road of classics.

Heart day day and night night is painful, without which day the most painful

Liu Xin is in river song be murdered is close after 300 days, just eventually unanimity river mom.

See " situation " filmed on-the-spot record video, the mom that discovers lens in advance is angular and gaunt, and before Jiang Ge did not go, mom's face is full and fruity. This, make a person clinking really feel sad.

After the daughter dies, this firm and persistent mom longs for a daughter, turn longing greater power, denounce justice for the daughter, she goes hither and thither seek testimony, start sign of 10 thousand people, the hope can sentence criminal capital punishment.

The Shen Shu on the sign of 10 thousand people that river song mom starts

But see Liu Xin, that daughter before one's death best boudoir is sweet, that invites the good friend that the daughter leaves the world. She still breaks down cry greatly: " 10 knives, very painful, mom is very painful, why are that 10 knives to prick the body in me to go up! "

Lose the person of close kin when us, can experience from deny, indignant, to talk things over, acedia, the level that accepts finally, but not be everybody can press such order to experience.

To a lot of people, sad process is this 5 kinds those who experience is alternant, next wear off, till disappear. Original, cannot believe the thing that produces on him body, whole person will be spellbound lose one's head, and when accept reality, we can be enmeshed in day day and night among nocturnal sadness.

Although after a year, river song mom can have accepted the reality that the daughter dies, but break female painful still can fall in certain circumstances (see Liu Xin for instance) , picture emerge like tide.

Such painful grief, because longing is deceased,be person, longing sees deceased person be caused by. But 6 months after if be in,the person that die leaves, 1 year, in longer even time, still can lie in intense, abiding anguish, put all attention on body of the person that die, this process is us often say " complexity grief " (Complicated Grief) .

Should lie " complexity grief " in, the person that funeral kisses is cannot from him be pacified in grief, and the most typical token is appear in specific setting depressed wait for strong sentiment wave motion, also often accompanying to oneself, the world and all up move that produce in the future, helpless feeling. The person that these mood wave motion also make funeral close accepts forfeiture fact very hard, gain the momentum that continues to live very hard.

When I am grooming, the contact monitors a diary too technically in the light of the grief of complexity grief, this is the law of a kind of mood that monitor, record the circumstances of a day of grief happening, analytic grief includes what mood, evaluate distressed degree to wait.

When I do not know river song mom removes Jiang Ge in recall, what is the setting that emerges in her brain, to her, every approach try law court one day, it is in opening her to remember " Pandora's box " , she goes up each days when song of record lower reaches of the Changjiang River dies originally in her calendar, from the 1st day, arrive the 364th day, these key hour, it is her grief average rate is top the hour of danger.

River song mom may have the affection besides a lot of incident to be done not have be gone to by attention in news event. Perhaps be her regret, why to foster the daughter so independent, warmhearted, perhaps be her is vexed, why from a great distance sends Japan the daughter, perhaps be her some second " fail to keep faith " , promised to want to see the child obviously, but stayed two months on business however...

A lot of moment, the hurried that connects overwriting grief sends index of circumstances and distressed level, we often can discover, besides the other and mixed feeling besides grief, for instance depressed, angst, fear is mixed compunctious etc hide under the grief in the surface. And just is to hide to be mixed in the depressed, angst under exterior grief, fear compunctious wait for negative sentiment, be most the crucial mood that the person that block up funeral kisses walks along. " my daughter dies so miserably, I have what qualification to laugh, I have what qualification happy " , if be put in the mixed feeling besides these incident, meet those who affect river song mom recover from an illness likewise period.

A lot of moment, throw what into grief requicken is gone against in this big circle. And the distressed level monitoring that begins to be oneself when us when, it is the ease of additionally one kind of level actually.

It is painful to allow his please, but can lay aside such anguish occasionally at the same time. Allow oneself not to take ego judge ground to face everything please, put no less than pasts to be not meant should let oneself always lie in scared, depressed, angst, anger.

When sad not die at the heart greatly, try scale lose map

River song mom is one each accuses the mom with very powerful force, when meeting with Liu Xin, she is bear and firm, without shout oneself hoarse, more the respect that retaining pair of Liu Xin.

A lot of moment, we often can face a dilemma is, the anguish that because true love dies,brings does not have solution. Anguish perhaps cannot be reduced, because leave what inevitable meeting brings a family member all one's life,be missed and sad, the orbital that this also became life of front courtyard of funeral relatives by marriage one part. Wait for dead incident when occurrence suicide, homicide even when, anger cannot alleviate constantly, a lot of jumbly complex feeling are returned inside, is those not just direct the feeling related to dead incident.

The odds that feeling of this kind of lose, backwater feeling appears in front courtyard of odd relatives by marriage to perhaps lose exclusive front yard is tall. Because often everybody is the pillar in the home, after leaving, domestic member often is faced with lost " the backbone " situation, do not have a person to be able to make the plan and arrangement, risk that assumes action and consequence together, do not have a person to be able to be her cheer bosomy interest patiently each other, because of this generation fear and uneasiness are front courtyard of odd relatives by marriage perhaps lose exclusive front yard the mood predicament with common inextricability oneself.

At this moment, we can try to do the following business, the fragment that searchs those anguish -- the map of scale lose. We can try to ask our a series of problem, answer them seriously again. These problems, want us to learn to go to what what they experience distinguishing namely of all sorts of jumbly moves, do not increase divisional sentiment:

The first pace: Describe your current condition.

Who did you lose?

Is your feeling what kind of?

The 2nd pace: Identify with the past, or the feeling related the event that should produce.

Mix besides sadness miss, do you still have other experience? With what may be it concerned?

You feel alone, fear, or what do you worry to you can happen in the future?

The 3rd pace: Patulous memory will describe pair of fear in the future.

Can you say more a few? For instance your remember or your fear.

The 4th pace: Divisional what is the feeling related to incident, what is the feeling of aggrandizement of other factor place.

Your feeling, concern whether possibly with other factor?

Do we have method to help you handle what other factor brings to experience?

(above measure theory comes from: · takes an examination of Feilisi Simingsijin)

River song mom is in the course that seeks a society to assist, also be a kind of mentally actually to her recover from an illness force.

All corners of the land, by tens of thousands an act that the netizen passes this sample, will convey the support of pair of river song mom and help, the lamentation that will convey pair of innocent victims and chase after think of, the force of this part, just is the helpless, disappointment that river song mom comes one this year and anguish cure.

Although lose sadness is inevitable, the anger of fall victim is at ease hard, but insignificant feeling and scared feeling can be handled, it is OK at least control is inside acceptable range, because have the person of two hundred and seventy-six million four hundred and forty-seven thousand two hundred and thirty-two, be willing to support her beside, for company she, the elegance and talent that remembers this goodness, happiness together with her luxuriant the child.

The person can appear always before life and death insignificant all the more, however must the anguish that it brings straight side.

The family member's departure, do not mean her to will be without correlation with us from now on forever. Contrary, this kind of relation will become more close together, the influence to us also will reach an unprecedented height.

Be like Jiang Ge's mom, rush about everywhere for the daughter the heart that explores the truth to become her to live already. Persuade her to put down, be just as those who took her body to prop up, whole deputy the body collapses immediately tile.

Since " do not put down " it is the hope that she lives, what qualification do we have to strip at will again then?

[END]

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