" Dou Ting is good " received big final result eventually, about the big play of 3 men of Home Su and a woman, wanted to end eventually. And these 4 people, also represented the typical form in Chinese family probably:
Built up in this " typical evil person " in drama, we can discover an a lot of families some common features:
That child that gets too much love is mothered even, after be brought up, be in commonly downhill;
And that child that is not admitted, be forced early, life often is " low leave to go high " .
Former for instance Suming is become, latter for instance Su Mingyu.
Then, in a family, that child that is not loved, often can assume more family responsibility finally -- do not become direct ratio completely with what he gets.
Jump over the child that is not loved, want to pay more
Resemble Su Mingyu, obviously she is loved least of all in the home, what she gets is least, do not have however little pay.
Previously, she is being forced by the mother concessional, go satisfying the requirement of two elder brothers, later, she gives funerary cost of the mother, send love eat to father, give sister-in-law temporary lodging, the overall situation is encountered in the home, she always also is rush forward to solve for a short while.
She always says: Thing of Su Jiana lays bare, have nothing to do with with me.
But the thing of Home Su, she still is not put. And beside us, resemble Su Mingyu such person is really too much and too much.
They are more unvalued in the home, be an upright person hard the more work, think accomplished had been done, can get attention getting love, but hard, fail to change their position in the home.
Their in a steady stream is paid ceaselessly, did not pay off however, want to come out to prove oneself through paying more then, pay more, disappointment is more, bear more, circulate to death like, tiredder and tiredder.
Have a friend, be not waited for to see by parents as a child namely, and whats need not become her elder brother, everything what can get wanting.
But later, it is this daughter that is not taken seriously, ground of honor permits no turning back assumes the responsibility that had provide for father and mother.
Give the money in the home, go visitting father and mother regularly, economic support, mental company, she was accomplished.
But parents did not give her good look accordingly, still be whats are considering a son, this daughter was done again much, they are invisible.
Adam? Si Mi has said: By other attention, consideration, the compassion that gets another person, praise and support, it is the value that we want to get from inside all behavior.
By affirmation, by self-identity, it is everybody consist in the need of this world, and those children that are not loved as a child, more such.
When we or children when, meeting very the self-identity that naturally hopes to get father and mother, because parents is the our closest person that foster. Parents is powerful, perfect, capable, everything what we can believe parents says is right.
If parents affirms us, our meeting self-confidence is full; If parents is negative us, we can suspect we do not have value, undeserved by love, even ego is detested.
Resemble Su Mingyu such child, on parental body, cannot see the love to oneself and consideration, compress only and exploit.
Her ego feels, early produced division, she also loves parents originally, but the mother is too slashing to her, father too feel vexed is incompetent, she can give herself to find out a road through the means of bounds of make a clear distinction only, cherish the life that begins oneself to the resentment of family.
The resentment of Dan Suming jade, more it is not reconciled to, this makes her total is hold back move an interest, want to look for oneself by the dignity of ignore: I am OK well off, passing far is better than you.
This kind of mood, have in Home Su person beg at her when, more bright. Then, apparently seeing her is the responsibility that is forced to assume Home Su, actually, this also is her immanent the be approved demand in.
You need, only " ego self-identity "
Lan Bodedu says A: Our find oneself and ego are agreed with, the person all round complete be enslaved to be enslaved to is evaluated to ours.
To Su Mingyu, she cannot be accepted the mother is slashing to his with dissatisfaction; After independence, she also cannot accept an elder brother to criticise she is supercilious look wolf.
Resemble Su Mingyu such person, how to do cannot get approbate, how be being done is to be compressed, how be being paid is wrong, she does not want this kind of serious spirit betray.
How to want ability to satisfy this kind of lose? How in heart of ability put an end to unwilling? She can seek the solution from him body only.
I have a friend, in those days she also is object falling in parents, took an examination of provincial university, live independently, work earn tuition, feel oneself must want to mix piece " person appearance " come, the ability that proves oneself looks to parents:
"I can have spent this lifetime by my ability, do not need you to arrange. Do not need you to arrange..
Parents does not believe her all the time, criticize her to work to be not stabilized, the husband that blames her to search does not rely on chart, blame idea of her all day long is too much, not obedient, won't have great promise. She is irritated deeply irritated:
"Why I try hard all the time, pa Mom is invisible, can you deny blindly only my this individual? What I imagine without them is so poor.
I am first-class staff, husband is very good to me, those are liked, how to become not engage in honest work? Why I am not obedient, be about to curse me? Be about to curse me??
A lot of parents, like pair of children easily reason, for instance Su Mingyu's mother says: A girl, read so much book what to is used.
The person that is repelled for long by parents, yearn for most, be parents love and admit, but regrettablly is, this repulsion is not effort can of put an end to, it often resembles is a kind " original sin " .
Because of sexual distinction, because of body blemish, because of certain tragedy was brought about when be born, the bias because of parents -- these, can not change hard.
So, if the evaluation of the outside can be not changed because of our effort when, we can try to make our so not tired, pay desperately no longer, prove desperately.
The certain sense that we are worth to oneself price, do not need the self-identity of others certainly. The person with mature character, can need what agree with to other slowly, change ego to self-identity, this ability is the most fundamental pattern that solves a problem.
We do not need to be kidnapped by parental expectation, also must not become the child in parental ideal, rapid perhaps move proves him to parents, we need ourselves to send only from the heart approbate.
To the person in lair of those deep-set former unripe family, perhaps give the person that contented others expects desperately, need to remember this only at 3 o'clock:
Ego agrees with the patent that is you, people said not to calculate.
Become you to be able to affirm your right-down, those come from parents do not admit, of the friend do not agree with, or the treatment with inequitable to yours others, cannot harm you.
And the person that ego height agrees with, can send out the flavor that gives self-confident calm, others nature can admire you, approve of you, affirm you, you also need to do the thing that takes pain to not to please no longer, be others him proof, him explanation.
This ability is true " quite good " .
All resembling " Su Mingyu " same, do not be approved the person that lays at giving birth to a family formerly, have same a desire, get the care of family namely.
