" sad force " close psychology of author, funeral coachs job of Er of Miao of a place of strategic importance of · of Shi Zhuli Ya comes a few years, had recieved come from world each district painful the people that loses a dear one. Consider to make clear, the mental disease of 15% turns because sadness was not handled good,examine is. The fear about death and subsequently and the sadness that come is to result from for the most part intellectual deficient.
So about sadness, those who what need knowledge there is " good knowledge " ? Face beside the departure of close kin, if why handle this kind of tremendous sadness? We arranged the viewpoint in this book and proposal, the fear that it helps us treat pair of death feels and replace with confidence, avoid to break the person that kiss to encounter worse result because of impertinent aid.
Have love painful. But what because love,only love can be cured and also come is painful.
-- Zhuliou Lansiluo carries Abba
"Life differ in thousands ways, can let a person feel such sometimes imparity, but there are two things at least in life, in equality of person of their face forefathers -- love and death. " be in " blame sincere not faze " some period on the program, yellow Han of psychological professor, honored guest (also be " sad force " the translator of one book) sighed with emotion suddenly so. Everybody cannot resist the take cities and seize territory when love comes, everybody of no less than wants surrender finally at dying. In a lot of culture, "Die " this topic, so sensitive that abstain from approximately. During be dying, the person is enmeshed in tremendous loneliness and fear; And break the person that kiss, also had wanted a paragraph of dark muddy way. However, even if faces death in that way dread affection, we also want to understand and be talked about.
" sad force " the theme is " face death " . This psychology coachs book more is not give out directly cure is broken more achieve painful theory, principle, method in person, build the base that experiences in actual figure however. Bereft of one's spouse, funeral the die young of close, brothers or funeral child... experience tells us, sadness is an exercise, it is very serious hard work. But if we assume it, it can be our work for, make us be able to heal. Experience the process of a natural sadness, we can support because of some kind probably and can face daily life better.
" sad force "
Translator: Huang Han
Version: ? Brigade Ge carries press of? Guangxi Normal University
Each days of person that has countless is gone, with expected or unexpected means. Be in England only, have 500 thousand people one year gone. Average for, one individual death can affect 5 people at least, this means the about a hundred person of 10 thousand to be able to be hit by obituary. They can remember them hearing sister of parents, brother, friend, child to be about to die where forever go or already gone message. This message can affect the square respect range that their survive lives, change they and oneself photograph prescription style inevitably finally. They are in how old the mood that good sadness handles on degree, can affect the friend to the side of them and family conversely.
Actually, harming an a person, family truly, even of generation person, not be the painful itself that sad place brings, however the business that they do to escape painful place. Want to cure sadness, want to allow oneself to feel pain above all. We should understand the change with him occurrent heart, the society discerns oneself affection and motive, gradually real ground knows him.
What is sadness?
Sadness is one kind handles lost affection reaction, in this book, refer in particular to pair of death. Lamentation is we are forced to adjust our to suit this the process of the world that the person already died. Sadness is a high personification, self-contradictory, disorder and the inner process that cannot forecast. If want to control it, understand with respect to need and society and such core paradox coexist: The real a future life that we must learn to accompanying things go contrary to one's wishes is vivid.
We need esteem and the process that understand sadness, admit sad necessity. Sadness is not the sort of can rely on a fight overcome thing in medical rehabilitation model. As the mankind, we can escape anguish instinctively, but, the intuition with us is contrary: Want to cure sadness, want to allow oneself to feel pain above all. We need to learn to support sad idea in sadness in this process, because sadness is ineluctability.
Sad occurrence is not step-by-step, it is not a thing after we can forget or casting place oneself, it is an itself what contain energy is individual change a course, ask we find processing fear and painful method, get used to even new oneself, our " new normal state " .
When the death that is without association when one individual lamentation and us, we see our sign surprisingly even. The impression that breaks the person that kiss to should learn to eliminate an error -- think sadness will collapse them.
The anguish that we feel is aeriform, it is according to us the degree place of the love of pair of person that die forms or big or small invisible cut. Processing sadness needs us to make the effort of a variety of levels of physiology and mentally. We cannot be finished alone all these effort. Be in painful breaking the key to the survival in love is the love that comes from other. Had their support, we just can learn to suffer anguish, leave the person that die to continue subsist -- dare to take a step ahead, believe life afresh.
Lose a partner
We are most the partner that the person misses to find to be able to build significant life in all to it, experience the joy in the life and hardship jointly. Love always is full of a risk, its keep need self-confidence and each other letter. However, when becoming a partner -- no matter be marriage, living together still is other partner concern -- people is very few expect dies, won't consider before often going.
Delicacy has the anguish that his thing can dies than the spouse, it is the death of prospective dream, also be the death that 2 people instantly lives jointly, it is the case of a kind of alternant influence is terminative: Partner concern, identity, normally still financial security is affected by accident misfortune place. A lot of people define him in the relation with the spouse, after that, when the spouse dies, they fear oneself can break down. Of level of their sad since affection, also be body level, destroyed the stability of their world severely. And a kind of case with lose a partner the bitterest becomes single close father and mother namely.
Become when gone partner is younger, sadness may more intense: Of the future that the spouse of survival expects to be had jointly for them already disillusion and sadness, be death again and sadness. If death is broken out, painful degree can be deepened further, this is opposite even if husband and wife year the work is expensive already, sudden death also can be brought likewise intense lose feeling.
Outspread read
" orthoptic scorching sun: Conquer death is scared "
Version: Press of Chinese light industry in March 2015
It is very common that the male of 50 years old of above is not willing to seek a help, and they also do not give themselves what help. Consider to make clear, get hurt in what do not admit oneself, below anger and bemused circumstance, the incidence of a disease of male psychology and physiology disease will be higher, and in break after kissing, they can become more blue. Break the head after kissing two years, male mortality also prep above female. The man often dies in the spouse hind new amour begins inside a year, and if did not happen, widower can have 3 years to be compared more for long even break occasionally before painful.
To sexual demand, a kind of healthy physiology that is pair of death reacts, apparently, it is a kind of impulse that creates new student lot. Sad people often tries to make oneself and sex bind, appetent the feeling that repels death by this. Sexual impulse is ego is interesting, creative one part, it seeks vigor and unpredictability. When the inner world of people can'ts bear flimsily, want to hold firmly others is very common. Feel loneliness and the person that isolate with other to those for, this also may be one kind is comforted.
Death is terminative life, but it is done not have terminative a paragraph of relation, and survival often wants act vigorously uptake to look definitely seem inextricability contradiction. We need to understand our ability better, as a person, we own multiple concern, should hold us to go at the same time with present love. Solving sad problem is not to return the life previously, because do not have the road back to one's former position. It more resemble be being broken with occasionally wife place character, it is to find a kind of new normal state. This one process cannot be finished by haste of family and friend, they may think through arrangement a paragraph of new concern comes " cure " a widow or widower. No matter this stems from how old kindness, the thing often ends with disaster, what because restore,may compare a lot of people to think with the time that adjusts place to need is long much.
Same, if friends think,a person crosses pair of quickly spouses die break up piece, be in a paragraph " acceptability " appointment newlywed person begins before time goes, they also can judge a head to talk sufficient. Compared with leave these friends angrily, spending bit of time to listen to them to explain a point of view is better choice. Sadness does not have pair of bad component, we should accept the sadness of any forms, of ourselves with other, and find force and this kind accept coexist.
Lose father and mother
When be born first, the first piece of face that our eye lock decides is our parents normally, the first pair of hands that hold us in the arms are them. The avery kind of that we have concerns, in a sense, it is a foundation with their relation. In our childhood, they founded the environment that shapes us, started we or good or bad aptitude. Their psychology is formed, their belief, their manner, their action, their existence or absent -- we absorbed all these like sponge.
When parents dies, we can be affected inevitably, and strong pitch of the feeling depends on the relation that experiences before. We may feel, the person that we love most on the world went, stay to break down completely we; Likely also we will be loose at a heat, because this is,one paragraph always is disappointing the end that concerns with what get hurt. We may have complex love and regret, free oneself and compunctious. Without doubt, this thing needs us dead sex was contacted with his, because we are next,be in the person of a checkmate.
I often see, when somebody dies, whole family system produced concussion. "Close " domestic system interior did not open, honest communication, devoid confidence, because worry about retaliation, cannot topic of contraindication of lay a finger on. Here, death may be brought than " open " the greater difficulty in the system. "Open " there is credit in the system, have better communication consequently, every member in the home can put questions and need not fear conflict or accept criticism.
Consider to make clear recently, the sad experience of grown children includes normally: Exit intercourse circle, lose before interest interest, expression annoys or feel compunctious, occurrence sleep-disorder. Cry, longing parents, be enmeshed at waiting for reaction about their thinking, can last after dead happening very long period of time, and these are completely normal.
Outspread read
" life and death learns 14 tell "
Version: Chinese Chang'an press in April 2011
It is a kind of when be realised generally reaction that faces death angrily. It is simple to a kind of harm expression, resemble saying: "Ouch, you are harming me, stop to harm me please! " crucial question is how to convey it appropriately, bring harm in order to avoid to the person all round oneself and us.
Depressive anger may be brought about depressed, and although anger of hair vent one's anger lets a person feel satisfy and the palm accuses force, but this can direct only greater anger, can not bring relaxed. Sad anger, likelihood 4 diffuse and hamper all things, hurt positive sentiment. According to research, male apt sends anger of vent one's anger, this may bring about force; And female criterion apt depresses it, this may be brought about depressed.
What how answer sadness is indignant? In any likelihoods when constructive to arousing the thing of anger to adopt action -- this is meant can cut the ground truly, is not angrily, explain why you annoy. Or if you are unspeakable, that writes down your feeling in the diary, backwater the sort of " let drive you angrily " weak feeling.
If cannot take any constructive actions, anger is OK come out with 3 kinds of means release healthily from inside the body: Motion, laugh, such as is contemplative the method that waits for calm with breathing training.
Regular ground practices a group of skill, can produce very good result. Need a hour to finish about below:
Ten minutes, linger is written down to be in in the diary all things of your mind.
20 minutes, ran.
Ten minutes, contemplative.
20 minutes, read or listen to interesting content.
Face oneself death
Face oneself death when us, we must face a fact, namely the huge loss that this is those people that love us, also mean the forfeiture of our life meaning. Nevertheless, still also have good death, should accept the acknowledge to death, should be to seek to live on effort no longer mainly, mortal person it is to those who leave can be in in the environment of a safe love, that is a kind of grace, tender death, do not have anguish already, gentle also.
The days church that I spend in mortal consideration hospital I, face life truly in us terminative very long before, we should try to talk about, plan and preparative death, it helps us be dug deep and discover us why to can be afraid of so that want dead to dying. If we are sitting silently, find the belief of our opposite life and death, find a kind of the as closest as us communication way, talk about our desire, our thought and our fear, our fear perhaps is met abreaction.
The fact that needs recognize likewise is, even if communicates repeatedly, should die impendent, we still can feel abrupt is prevented not as good as. Total meeting has a few people to cannot talk about their death, the psychological defense mechanism that they need them is strict perch. They realize death brings them the fear that cannot overcome, denied their only alternative so. Those do not talk about dead person, they are in likely all the more of the meeting when that hour comes is painful.
Outspread read
" class of last life and death "
Version: World books publishs a company July 2011
We reflected our life condition probably to dead manner, the be indignant in if someone is in,living, when he is close to death probable also such, vice versa -- our character trait often is met when be close to death by aggrandizement. A lot of people have negative attitude to dying, the feeling with the dead fate that realizes oneself and impendent death can cause the dead anxiety of its Gao Shuiping.
The support on affection is the most important society support. Tall self-respect person the dead anxiety level that shows with the person that good society supports a network is inferior. The old person that lives in communal orgnaization is discovered to very tall angst feels, the person that very flimsy, self-respect feels very low goes up with spirit on those bodies especially, proper pride is very low, the life that feels oneself does not have what meaning.
What can friend and domestic person do?
Love and try hard... effort and love, this is all.
-- Xigemengde Fuluoyide
The person needs another person. We are inborn cross correlation. We need other and us to perhaps share our pleasure together, perhaps accompany the travel before us namely. Same, when losing a dear one we need company.
Listen attentively to
The sad person that does a preparation to beautiful time is listened attentively to and understand friend place to experience. You can become the witness person that they experience, allow their be agitated, bewilderment or contradiction, also or whats do not say from the start.
What kind of consciousness should the friend that loses the person that kiss have? "Open one's mind, be willing to talk about the death, person that die and misfortune. When write a letter or calling, do not try to conceal sadness, speak out it, the feeling that is you seeks word term. If some of thing left a mark in your life, speak out; If some of thing left a mark in your life, speak out; If you are their heartbreak, speak out; Let them tell you their feeling, is not to try to eliminate them. is not to try to eliminate them..
This is not your thing
Follow the footstep of mourner, probably the sadness that he still does not think to talk about him now, it is not to want to talk with you probably. Do not want try to make sb do sth which he can't do. Do not chat yours, the need confuse sth with sth else that connects the need of phone and other contact to follow party.
Break before New Year more child osmund female singer, spoke the word that I had heard countless times with different expression: "One of a lot of anguish of sad person are the person that must go expending understand without being told to consider those not to know how to treat us. We are struggling to survive already, save our only little energy, the error that they are even below such circumstance buys sheet. The error that they are even below such circumstance buys sheet..
Approbate
Enough kindness is brave in to approbate they and the place that lose the person that kiss, this is enough.
Help actually
Do a few real things often more useful. For instance, the food that assures misfortune initial stage is very important, it can make you accept favour fully accordingly.
Honest
Honesty makes a person gratified and easy hold. Honesty has direct concise, can prevent the complex disorder in sadness, this is a kind of tremendous disengagement to people.
Sensitive
Honesty is admittedly important, sensitive indispensable also. Harum-scarum honesty is not desirable. Bask in happiness to want to have sense of property, resembling otherwise is the anguish that builds his happiness in others over.
Pay close attention to for a long time
Somebody after die, endeavor to remember with break the person that kiss to maintain connection to offer a help. The life that loses the person that kiss normally can return to normal after 3 months. But the end is not meant absolutely for the person that this kisses to breaking.
Write
Correspondence, card, short message, email, no matter form of which kinds of character is extremely valuable.
Him friend that invites you adjusts pace
The person that a lot of calling in passes a paragraph of such word to my report, apply to everybody as much:
"Remember, grief and curing happen in a special personification, uncertain rhythm. The greatest help that you can give a friend is, when they are stepping their pace, not urgent they, conversely, when they go quickly, not eristic they. You need to be together with them only, no matter where they are. No matter where they are..
(the article fastens exclusive content, basis " sad force " integrated, via hair of press accredit print. )
Article conformity: Dong Mu Zi.
