"You harmed me, still laugh and pass " , father and Confucius encounter this kind of circumstance

"Complain " it is a kind of very special mood in human relation. Clever Chinese still created a statement " grouse " , so as to is conveyed " complain " main feature is bury is thorough in the heart, other people is aware of not easily. The Chinese still has an idiom to cry " blame everyone and everything but not oneself " , the object that pointed out to hate, can be namely " person " , still can be " day " . Law goes " constitution of · of the analects of confucius asks " " do not blame a weather, not blame person, learn below and go up amount to, the person that know me its day! " what Confucius original idea communicates is energy, it is carefree know a lot, learn in order to forget worry, can say one kind be day person syncretic is reflected. And its opposite blames a weather already just about, blame person, and this kind of negative energy is ceaseless and helpless the settlement at the problem, and the likelihood brings about oneself manage to be complete failure, cannot inadvertent.

As the teacher of Confucius, father is right " complain " also its own view. He is in respectively " moral classics " (Wang Bi this) the 63rd chapter and mention in the 79th chapter " complain " , manage to be like where " complain " the view that offerred oneself. Father points out clearly in the 79th chapter: "And complain greatly, surely superabundant complain, how can you be be apt to? " the relation between person and person, no matter be common people between, or between Guanmin, possible generation " complain " . And this " complain " the winding that the characteristic depends on beginning, individual cannot get the most comfortable or the life condition with the most satisfactory oneself, and think the life of oneself gets of other or society disturb and bring about, be about to state of him unfavorable life ascribes to other or society, arose in the heart then " detest " mood. And, this kind of mood did not get dredge, perhaps live to its without the menace on the horse, because this mood did not erupt immediately, then with respect to save up rise. Such, accumulate over a long period, quantitative change can produce qualitative change. Namely by small complain perform those who turn into to mediate hard " complain greatly " . And once " complain greatly " arose, go again " and " , go explaining, go persuading to take, compensate however, cannot appease its completely in the heart " complain " . Father serves as official historian, all previous remembers the line that blesses Gujin of gain and loss of success or failure, can saying is to see more, know widely, historical lesson tells him a be apt to is the person of the path, not be absolutely when " complain greatly " the open-armed the real situation that produced him reoccupy goes penitentiary, had been to produce harm. To " complain " this kind of sentiment that has power. Ought to want to foster " for it at having no, treat at not random " (the 64th chapter) foreknowledge. Be on guard Yu Weiran, just be the best thing to do.

Since " complain " it is so bad mood, ought to be on guard somewhat so. And be on guard natural key is from understanding and affection two respects are in a hand. Father carried the channel that solve clearly in the 63rd chapter: "Size how many, the newspaper is complained with heart. " from rational angle character, should realise adequately " complain " massive harm sex. "Complain " the blaze that annoys at burning in the heart not only, this kind of blaze may hurt the health of body and mind of oneself, and menace arrives the body and mind of other is healthy. Because of in be careful, have " complain " when, likely from incomplete, can abreact to go up in other body, bite off own head thereby. Accordingly, father puts forward " size how many " 4 words true word. "Complain " inchoate may be flame only, it is not happy only, unpleasant, it is one complains only, however, the bank of a thousand li breaks through Yu Yi acupuncture point, when overcautious, cannot careless. Must hold in the arms big its are small, wait for in light of its little manner more " complain " , even if is the bagatelle of wool of gallinaceous skin garlic, also cannot carelessness. Regard it as wait for in light of the important matter, strive appropriate deals with. And not when one day, the object sings that renown words of song " you harmed me, still laugh and pass " , the hour that leaves retaliation then is not far, the likelihood that you suffer disaster soars suddenly. Actually not abrupt also, alleged and abrupt it is yourself did not feel only just. And the person that has resentment to sufferring a depression for a long time, strange not at all. Of father " size how many " religion, meaning telling world, "Complain " not allow to ignore, should " know Chang Yueming " , to the person's disposition disposition should have knowledge, want distinction to treat to the person, want to be good at conversion thinking. Even " see small say bright " , want special attention the change with petty thing, still be in in the thing as far as possible budding when, reach the Jie Ying that enter commentate be puzzled, do the work of warm popular feeling more, dissolve " resentment " at aeriform.

However, should dissolve truly " resentment " , return so that have a state, this is father put forward " the newspaper is complained with heart " . The person is first-rate should have situation, especially those people that are in advantage position, more when such. Because anything line of business needs everybody to assist, and win popular feeling, popular feeling submit to the authority of another, of the basis is " heart " . One has the person of good public praise, can get aid more, an unjust cause finds scant support, succeed naturally easily. And " heart " embedded it is pair of justice, the believe in of the truth, take the right way, do one's proper business, say true word, good intentions, personal place not desire, do not apply at the person; Gentleman help sb to fulfill his wish, what do not grow up is evil; Each beauty its beauty, the beauty of beauty, beautiful beauty and in all, relation harmony. This heart returns body to face others now " complain " , especially of willfully make a trouble " complain " , of object enmity a fault " complain " , or, inspect small complain to be complained greatly, wait the disharmonious element of all arise suddenly a moment, how should be we faced, it is brave ground rancors go back, bear strongly come down. It is father place say " the dirty that gets a country, it is to call the god of the land and the god of the grain-the state advocate; Get a country bodeful, it is to be the world king. " (the 78th chapter) dirty, bodeful the expressional configuration that complains just about, the sage can bear just about of square field surface " complain " , just can make the world in all advocate. Tell from this meaning, "The newspaper is complained with heart " , it is a kind of bosom, a kind of pattern, a kind of boldness of vision.

Of course we are understandable also, heart it is enmity reverse side. Heart and complain as water and fire. Heart is OK the newspaper is complained, the gram is complained, change complain, as water can put out a fire. And Confucius asks about when child " return good for evil, how about? " when, the answer says: "Why to sign up for heart? Complain with straight newspaper, with heart newspaper heart. " (" constitution of · of the analects of confucius asks " ) of Confucius " complain with straight newspaper " with father " return good for evil " still be distinguishing. Former have the heroic spirit that argue strongly, I can help you, I am understandable you, but I must Jiaohua you, yours is with blame, mine is with blame, we want to talk, with manage journalist. Of course, this is straight, youzhengzhi, honest and frank, candid wait for a meaning, natural also system reveals a kind of exalted heart sex, not be to walk along crooked means. And of father " return good for evil " apparent, having more " fatherly " heart sex, your enmity, no matter have a reason, contain evil intent, I do not follow your plan. I use up me to be able to help you, can place factual preach to manage already, can sacrifice one's own interests for the sake of others. The sage's feature is: "The sage is not accumulated, think already person, oneself have more, already with with the person, oneself more much. The path of the day, benefit and do not kill. The sage's path, be and do not contend for. " (the 81st chapter) the sage is liked without what accumulate wealth already, also do not have the habit with person try to be the first. This kind of caustic of the sage is superabundant the behavior means of filling inadequacy, it is the edge tool that dissolves resentment. Because father has said, "I has big patient so, have a body for me, reach me not to have a body, I has why to suffer from! " (the 13rd chapter) complain greatly suffer from greatly namely, go up at all result from " have a body " , have namely illicit. And once I " without the body " , I am oblivious of oneself, I am right of others blame it may not be a bad idea, resentment, like can treating the child that make a mistake to parents, good-tempered, understand, will help the child grow with the biggest patience, courage and wisdom.

Of course, confucius and father are in face " complain " when, have an identical orientaton. That is the more angle from oneself sets out will seek an account, will handle an issue. is not turn the business to the other side, also go grousing, right also hate an object. If so, that thing can worsen, can produce acuteness conflict, bring about internecine. " Wei Ling of · of the analects of confucius is fair " in have talk " bend forward from thick and thin duty at the person, far complain " . Emphasize below more than 100 ask personal blame, and do not criticize severely at other. And above paragraphs already character, father give another person, become other to regard as oneself mission, what can go to what dispute weak point grows relative superiority or inferiority with the person again. Also was far from resentment naturally.

Actually, solve " complain " problem, or from " complain " the soil of generation begins. "Complain " since be born at " heart " , be about naturally from make an issue of of a person's mind. " ceremony of · of The Book of Rites carries " have talk: "Holy king repairs Yi Zhibing, the foreword of the ceremony, in order to order gift. Old friend affection person, the Tian Ye of holy king, xiu Li with ploughing, chen Yi with planting, discourse on an academic subject with weedinging hoe, this of Ren Yiju, sow Le Yian. " holy king repairs the effort that manages heart, it is the primary a magic weapon that obtains the world Great Harmony. And " moral classics " in, father put forward " sage hold Zun Qi, and not duty at the person " system sex arrangement. There is the evidence of creditor in sage hand, not comply namely this is criticized severely at debtor. Distribute land in order to fill to the object spatio-temporal go fulfilling oneself commitment. Or we can say, should come true " the world Great Harmony " the quality promotion that wants someone already, the system sex that wants again is built, in order to assure " complain " the medium of communication that has dredge, have dissolved mechanism, make a society harmonious thereby.

The author is Xiamen college professor