Each ordinary you, have distinctive charm. Everybody is good, I am inscription brilliant.
Everyday we are in with different person contact with, although we are not willing to admit, but everybody has encountered the negative opinion of other and view almost.
For instance, fall to stick label to me at will in the situation that does not understand me with my not ripe person;
For instance, the friend follows my fall out because of a bagatelle, made censure acerbitily and be evaluated to me;
For instance, the boss because my some the thing is done badly, denied with respect to overall my ability.
Etc...
These that negative opinions and view, meet different person bring different harm. Some people because this is self-abased and sensitive, some people annoy extremely accordingly, return some the person is likely from now on sullen, cannot recover after a setback.
At that time we are about to ask our, we so care about these negative opinions, worth while?
So today, I can be told with everybody, how to answer these negative opinions of other.
Before begin, we want prophetic way, negative opinion, have what kind after all.
Generally speaking, negative opinion can be spent from 3 dimension will differentiate, it is to receive the level respectively, content level, and the motive level of peddler.
From receive the level to look, can divide to be received directly and be received secondhand; And from the point of content level, can divide give priority to view and objective, namely so called still be false really; From the point of the motive of peddler, can divide those who be kindness to remind again, mood expression and ill will are atttacked.
The element interaction of these 3 levels, below meeting generation a few kinds of common circumstances:
The first kind is point out mistakes so that they can be corrected is mixed teach. Others has negative opinion to you face to face, motive is well-intentioned, and this is an objective fact. For instance, the leader says to you, "This job is too unwary today, need adjusts recent working position. " this is a kind of point out mistakes so that they can be corrected is mixed teach.
The 2nd kind, call censure. Show others should face your negative opinion, but this is to stem from mood expression. And the subjective judgement that this part evaluation may be based on the other side, but be based on basis of some kind of fact possibly also. For instance, you rejected a request of the work in the same placing, she is very accordingly angry, say your inhospitality is mixed face to face unnatural.
The 3rd kind, that is to say talked casually about. It is the negative news that shows others rearward transmits you, was heard secondhand by you, and this message is a fact, the motive of peddler just stem from prattle. For instance the other side promises to keep secret for you the circumstance about your privacy, but be spoken in prattle however, and still let you knew.
The 4th kind, it is injury of ballad call the turn. The others negative opinion to you, was heard secondhand by you, but these negative opinions are not objective fact, the motive of peddler is baleful and calumniatory. It is for instance between boiled water, does your overhear someone say " do you know? I listen to a person to say Emily has one leg under the counter with our manager. " the rumor that then this is a model is calumniatory.
These 4 kinds are our common in the life negative opinion type, but anyhow, discuss in us before answering skill, still had adjusted oneself state of mind the most importantly first.
Why our can bad to negative opinion generation mood and experience?
Because we have " the evaluation that enjoy a sex is scared " . The so-called assessment that enjoy a sex is scared, point to individual because anticipate,be anxious to get the negative opinion of other and feel pained. In fact, because a lot of people cannot admit the certain problem that exists on him body and characteristic quite, it is so before negative opinion, can appear inimical, defy, painful, anger waits a mood a moment. Of course, the problem that says here and characteristic, be objective existence.
Hear negative opinion when you so when, can ask oneself first:
This kind of negative opinion is it of objective and actual existence?
Am it and I consistent to my evaluation?
Whether is there someone else to also had had similar opinion to me with other forms previously?
Is then this one kind has constructive criticism and negative opinion?
Is this the opportunity that I learn?
These 5 problems, can aid you to see well the negative opinion that you face. If this negative opinion, it is the objective fact that myself also knows, why don't I admit it then? Calculate us to escape, the fact also won't be changed because of this.
That if the acknowledge of this kind of evaluation and myself is not quite consistent, then I can obtain a few new acknowledge from inside negative opinion, and be in the evaluation acquire a few new things? If these are negative,evaluate, grow to mine helpful, why do I just adopt it not quite?
Adjust the first pace of state of mind so, it is ego admit. Admit oneself, want to admit our weakness first namely. Everybody is faulty, nevertheless to these defect, we want distinction to treat. Some defect are to be able to pass effort to amend, having a few is to belong to an individual idiosyncratic. For instance introvert person, often so not zealous socialization, and the person with candid disposition, may buccal straight heart is fast. These are the one part of our disposition, the cent of nonexistent so called stand or fall. Become so others judge when our individual is idiosyncratic, no matter the other side is well-meaning,remind, still be baleful attack, we need not too care about.
The 2nd pace, build correct ego acknowledge. Ego acknowledge is to point to have an insight into to oneself and understand, include ego observation and ego assessment. When us ground of be practical and realistic evaluates him, it is the fundamental premise with ego adjustment and perfect character. In the evaluation enjoying a sex of other, total meeting has something, did not realize before us. Become us to be able to evaluate this part, bring into ego acknowledge through proper way inside, our ego acknowledge is met more perfect.
The evaluation of other and feedback are the means of other of our him understanding, understanding and world. If we dispute blindly, then we lose a chance that knows our from other angle not only, and the chance that also lost demand of an understanding other. Understand the requirement of oneself and other, conduce to us building evaluation direct circulation. When knowing the demand with other to add clarity more to his when us, we can are opposite the acknowledge of ego is more sturdy, and acknowledge of this kind of ego, can affect other to be evaluated to yours again, can form the direct circulation of an evaluation before so.
For instance: Criticize the issue that your job appears when others, when you think your capacity is insufficient, you are met probably very afflictive. But accepted criticism when you, after the capability that promotes oneself, when others criticizes you again, you can realise oneself job ability had been no problem, you also can realise, this problem may stem from other reason. Then you won't ego suspicion, think method solves a problem however, after such settlement, people also rose to your evaluation, direct circulation also was formed.
Evaluate the formation of direct circulation, the ego that conduces to you grows. Good intention condition is adjusted below negative opinion when you, can try the method that answers the evaluation that enjoy a sex so.
The first kind of method that faces an evaluation cries active from ridicule. Active from ridicule since a kind of utterance is politic, it is a kind of very significant intercourse step, it is to mock oneself apparently, negative oneself; It is him protection however actually, maintain oneself interest.
From the point of cognitive angle, still have two profit from ridicule. Above all, you let the psychology of the other side expect to come to nothing suddenly, when the other side has negative opinion to you, his associate with experience and your actual response is abhorrent, expect drop with respect to meeting generation, time grows, the other side also does not have interest to mocking you. Next, be in from ridicule in, your mood also got clever drain.
That high-ranking edition from ridicule, namely from black. The times that we are in, everybody is full of pressure, a lot of trouble in the life us black became carbon, if the life of others is very dim,do not have light, with respect to remnant your person is resplendent, how are you met then? You can be wiped to go up by those people for certain one face is black, so you can be in other people is black before you, first active from black, make others right your nowhere but black.
Perform art circle then when red actor also the fling abuses that hard to avoid can encounter a few negative news and netizen, after all person red dispute is much. Resemble the actor that everybody knows, yuan Shan Shan, since she goes out oneself, be spat all the time by the netizen groovy acting is poor, even still the netizen lets her roll recreational group. She basks in Na Yuanshan Shan very hopefully give oneself " roll " photograph in small gain aspirant travel is responded to. At the same time she still is in the film " a person adept in martial arts and given to chivalrous conduct of thin pancake made of millet flour " in piece those who performed affectation of an acting hyperbole 4 shed actress. She uses a kind to take exaggerated slightly from black means, let a lot of netizens " black turn pink " .
But specific should how from black?
Above all, you should find a defect, this defect, both neither but be a hindrance to your bearing, cannot hurt more reach dignity, but need to make a person impressive again, others raises this defect, think of you with respect to meeting couplet. Next, active now and then from ridicule this defect, achieve from black purpose.
Yang Mi also is the ace with one black each, when netizen criticism she sings offensive, the stalk that the song that she hears me with person of a plant can be slept lightly comes from black, explode when somebody expect her foot is smelly, she uses the words of song of song of theme of cheerful male voice, do not take off a shoe till day break, will undertake from black. Actually these from black content, it is not affect the whole, go mocking a few little weakness on him body and feature actively when you, can stem not only the mouth that other mocks you, still can leave humour to the other side open-minded, the impression of hopeful self-confidence.
For instance, myself followed friend of a few foreign countries to establish a band before New Year in how, I am held the position of female advocate sing. After show of first time special performance, I hear somebody to say rear in me, my voice is bad, won't sing. Just began me to still be met not happy, but later I learned from black. Every time before the show, I am met first from black, "The audience that thinks the news that hears sounds of nature is afraid want disappointment, if I can sing Orphean sound, I am absolutely what won't choose to become a friend to overcome band is female advocate sing. " next the audience laughed, from now on later, also criticized me to won't sing without the person again.
We are called the 2nd kind of method that faces an evaluation " do not think shame, think instead flourish " .
This method applies to those present true assessments that enjoy a sex. For instance, others censures to ours, wait to our ill will makes fun of and sneering at.
I have a friend middleaged Xie Ding, be in on contest mark mass rally, the competitor mocks his bald face to face unexpectedly, after he listens, do not mind, when be turn for him to make a speech, he coughs intentionally twice, say next: "Everybody is quiet, I think this project must be finished by the cleverest person " . Next the bald that he feels himself says: "Right, this clever person is me, clever after all head does not grow hair, so nonego of project of this contest mark not is belonged to. So nonego of project of this contest mark not is belonged to..
After groups big listen, laughed, do not have a person to dare mock him before his face again from now on bald-headed. Instead " clever head " this monicker get about, and he also succeeds because of this contest mark.
Then this is enrolled " do not think shame, think instead flourish " specific want how to be operated?
Above all, should expert admit I have this problem
Next, should appear giving this issue is not a problem actually to me, instead advantage is great
Finally, if you think choke the other side, still can allude the other side " you do not have this problem, so you cannot get these advantage, this is your problem. This is your problem..
Nevertheless, if the other side is,in bespatter your character is mixed reputation, I do not suggest you use this device, accordingly I can suggest you undertake striking back.
The 3rd when I should say next answers a method, it is one kind strikes back skill, make a refute sb. with his own way.
In the life, if the other side the face before us, when undertaking baleful bespatter to our character and reputation, then we can choose to strike back decisively.
Mark twain has a story that strike back. He praises a madam, "You are really beautiful! " but that madam distains however,the ground says: "Regrettablly I cannot praise no less you. " mark twain laugh laughs say: "Did not concern, you can say a lie like me. " the answer of mark twain answered other ably distain, those who let the other side realize his already is unjustifiable, cannot backstroke.
Is the specific means of that refute sb. with his own way how?
The first pace, you atttack me with what means, I respond to you with what means;
The 2nd pace, you atttack my what respect, I atttack you likewise this respect;
The 3rd pace, you dig a hole me downward kick when, I also am pulling you to jump downward together.
Once British premier Qiu Jier, once was sneered at by a lady that calls Asitefu the person, "If I am your wife, I am afraid it is early in your coffee envenom. " then Qiu Jier maintains his composure strike back, "If you are my wife, a quaff of this cup of coffee that I can hesitate none for certain. A quaff of this cup of coffee that I can hesitate none for certain..
So if the ill will that somebody does not leave feelings atttacks you, undertake none hesitantly striking back please.
But learn 3 principles:
The first, cannot say bad word;
The 2nd, do not hold dispute of character of start a rumour;
The 3rd, must not get angry.
Because will respond to the baleful attack of other with gracious way, can let oneself have charm more. That is atttacked about how answering the ill will of other gracefully and be provoked, later, we still can have a special class to be shared with everybody.
Finally, sum up. We avoid nowhere to be absent without method, following one by one negative opinion, but at least we are in when facing it, want to adjust good intention condition first, use next from ridicule humour, do not think shame thinks flourish and the method that strike back will answer these negative opinions instead. Hope you can study these methods, experienced " 100 poison are not invaded " powerful heart, I believe you can be accomplished.
That today's little job is, a when receive recently alertly negative opinion, judging it is to belong to which sort model, look can enough this negative opinion, the ego that brings into oneself grows in acknowledge, form evaluation direct circulation, does him help grow?
Each ordinary you, have distinctive charm. I am inscription brilliant, we next time adieu.
