Origin ／ China teachs message ／ Yin Jianli

Educational expert, pedagogic Master, from teach old, be engaged in a family teaching research to reach advisory job now. Composing has " good mom surpasses good teacher "

I am to object those who make clearly lodging, if isolate the child and parents,come, can take exercise piece very strong provide for oneself ability -- according to such logic, the inchoate education that the child of orphanage gets should be best. In fact, in orphanage grown child has more serious psychology problem for the most part.

Want to rear an outstanding child, parents must have such consciousness and self-confidence: Parents is best teacher, close affection is best nourishment, table is best desk, the home is the most outstanding school.

I think the child should not lodge before reading an university. Arrived high school phase, lodge can a lot of smaller to negative effect of the child, but still suggest to had better live in the home.

Lodge the child that makes next is brought up, it is half orphanage children

Lodge about the child, hold with what the clique thinks to be able to rear the child to provide for oneself ability and collective consciousness, opposition thinks to lack domestic warmth, go against affection education of the child and intellective development.

I am to object those who make clearly lodging, if isolate the child and parents,come, can take exercise piece very strong provide for oneself ability; Send the child into collective life early, can have very good collective consciousness, be good at cooperating with the person -- according to such logic, the inchoate education that the child of orphanage gets should be best.

In fact, in orphanage grown child has more serious psychology problem for the most part, self-awareness and cooperative consciousness often stay in inferior level -- not be them endowment is bad, the job that also is not nursery governess is not responsible, it is them the love of the family life with was stripped normal and parents, lack domestic atmosphere as a child alimentary, lack the affection with the family member and language communication, so that be in after manhood,psychology and ability respect show permanent defect.

Cranial nerve science already confirmed, inchoate affection development is undesirable, can damage the normal growth of cerebrum directly, make its structure unusual, cause cannot the ill rational change of changeover. In this respect, romania ever had made a deadly mistake.

After World War II, romanian mouth acute is decreased, the government stipulates woman of every Yo age wants to give birth to 4 children and can send a government contributive country at least collective of a house of correction is brought up. After this has many 60 thousand baby to be born to be sent into batch of a house of correction to bring up early or late. These children appear almost later action is unusual, most intelligence is low, affection development is undesirable, won't communicate with the person, cannot form to inspect and speaking, sit in the corner alone, keep around shakes or repeating some kind of inflexible act ceaselessly, do not have scared feeling to stranger, also did not communicate ability -- this kind of circumstance, we can say for " orphanage phenomenon " .

American psychologist ever had done a famous test with macaque, affection of sufficient proof one's early years is moist it is important that the life that has thinking to has many after all.

Psychologist opens a few little macaque and maternal segregation come, two are installed in basket " false mom " . Among them a steel wire make it that uses a very hard, but there is feeding bottle on wind, another mom uses the flannelette package of soft, but without feeder. According to " having a grandma is a woman " constant manage concludes, small monkey should be mixed have a grandma " steel wire mom " closer. But small monkey has hunger only just stand by steel wire mom, eat a milk, returned flannelette mom beside. What this detail lets us see little life heart is natural is yearning with fear, they surmounted food even to warm attaching and demand.

What make a person vigilant more is, after these macaque are grown, most disposition is chill, won't copulatory or refus is absolutely copulatory, in cannot blending in collective life normally, also stagger on foot flabby, connect a cry even abnormal, lie forever of monkey society estate most the lower end. Although pass artificial method to let monkey of a few mothers be pregnant, they are merciless to inhospitality of little clever boy also, abuse the child that bites oneself dead even bloodily.

It is similar that the gene of macaque and person has 94% , of the report on their body this kind " orphanage phenomenon " explain, warm bosom, fatherly eyes, tender speech, skin dates, it is a life that has intelligence can grow normally place is indispensable.

The child grows from the natural person for social person, must gradually according to abide growing order spread out, a seed must depend on just like rooted, gemmiparous, blossom, the process of the result grows same. The child should obtain dress warmly and ear one's fill, safe feeling, love and close affection to wait for these natural demand above all, just can develop next piece taller the self-discipline of one class, collaboration, altruistic wait for consciousness and ability. Domestic warmth, especially mother love, it is a children grows indispensable psychological nourishment.

Send the child to lodge, it is to turn over nature substantially, turn over a nature, it is an adult the natural demand that ignores children to serve as a person, demand oneself forces on child head. Send the put one's child in a boarding nursery on the child nursery school especially, it is the social attribute that is eager to develop him in child childhood period, reduce the time that he and parents get along. Such spoiling things by excessive enthusiasm, the nature that makes the child primitive needs to get less than satisfaction, his social attribute will grow hard also normally henceforth, cannot convey normally.

Hit for the career go all out, not be the reason that lets go greatly to the child

Some parents say, I know to lodge bad to the child, but the job is really busy, do not have method.

Actually, observe the child beside us, understand a fact very easily: Children and parental emotive are built, must want to have get along the length of time and frequency second. The child is smaller, the requirement of the love to parents is more, to getting along time is mixed frequency second also jump over with respect to the requirement much, this is children those who get safe feeling is indispensible. The child that lodges for a long time, subconscious in fear to be abandoned by parents already, have resentment to parents again, so classics regular meeting shows grievance, refuse, excessive lingering and impenetrable.

Once the friend dines together, one have to the career, middleaged child the friend is taking son of 5 years old, allegedly that child 3 one full year of life are sent into the put one's child in a boarding nursery of a nursery school with very famous Beijing, oneself can wash sock briefs, sleep get up very self-conscious. The child looks very bright, very good, sit by mom to eating a meal silently. Additionally two when had a meal together that day children of 56 years old are mixed a little while ripe, play on the sofa that eats a meal to run to the side went, and this little boy climbs mom a little while in the bosom, cuddle is worn mom's neck and mom lingering, climb to be mixed in father bosom a little while too father lingering, look be agitated of Yu You of ten help sb to get over a difficulty, do not talk, also do not agree from beginning to end go to the fields and child play, look reach the heart has intense insecurity.

In fact, lodge the feeling that create is scanty from, happen in child heart not just, also happen in parental heart. Lack the length that get along and frequency second, this affection coupling between can compare those few and far between, the chroma of love and quality won't tall. A lot of parents cannot understand the child well, communicate with the child well hard, this and they and child get along the chance is little, built emotional tie is concerned thin quite.

When the child is little, often be parents begins to hit when going all out, but this should not make the reason that does not see the child every day. Young when who noes hurry? Want to do a thing to always have reason, do not want to do a thing to always have excuse, again busy also want to come home, even if everyday only half hour and child get along, or a few minutes are significant. Want the voice that the other side often hears between father and son only, mother child often smell the odour to each other, sweet gas field can be formed in the home, field of this kind of gas is surrounding the child, make him the heart is safe and moist. Time is the bounciest thing, crowded came out. But Jiakebujia's class, do not add; New those who show is big, do not look; The friend is invited have a meal about, go less; The house is very random, by it; Morpheus is insufficient, very tired really, tired tired dot, anyway young... because look after children,the world parents is done not have tired dead, what is more,the rather that also the time with respect to a few years.

In fact, send the child to lodge unique advantage is unfixed parents, the grandfather that thinks us, father even how is ourselves brought up, how to learn to get along with the person, knowing to lodge is not education the child provides for oneself and of cooperative ability surely the road of classics, at best is an excuse only just. Lodge not only cannot let child society and other get along, the society is free-standing, weakened the child to be in instead the potential of these respects. It is when a child when respect of experience kissing affection is extremely defective, he can stem from insecurity to ask for love morely only, is not to learn Shiai and another person; Unite in nursery school or school when him when obedience knowing only below management, he can learn ego depression only, lose individual character, and cannot learn collaboration and show sympathy.

Still have a kind of case, because the job is busy,be young father and mother, the child gives old person belt, afraid old person is excessive pamper child, two kill photograph authority to take its light, must not choose to lodge for it soon. But I think, when there is a problem to need to solve in life of n/COL the head of a family front courtyard, cannot be cost with sacrificial children interest, the parent should think method tries hard to coordinate the relation with the old person slowly, affect an old person slowly with scientific education thought, basic principle is do not give puny child to carry difficult problem.

What read when the junior high school on my daughter round circle is one lodges make the school, the problem understanding that ourselves exists to lodging as the parent at that time is not clear. Year only child of 10 years old casts the school, a week just returns the home, bad influence is clearly. Although round circle is a child that can dissolve a problem actively, can be I feel on education those 3 years most ability not equal to one's ambition, round round condition least of all 3 years of beautiful. Now is regret really presumably.

The meeting in child growing process produces a lot of things, if can see parents every day, have what problem, what idea can in time is aware of by parents, can communicate with parents, can get seasonable rehabilitate on affection at least. Do not count on the child to be able to put the issue a week, give you to bring back on the weekend next. Lodging life of 3 years, still leave a few negative things to round circle up to now, "The platoon is poisonous " need is very old. Talk about the life that rises 3 years that every time, I am compunctious extremely. High school of place favour daughter did not lodge again, it is good that condition compares a day one day, lodging negative effect just chases scumble to change.

Whole society did not realise lodge the corrupt practice that restrict

Ever somebody takes out famous British Eton fair learn to prove to lodge the good point that make.

Actual condition is: The first, eton is fair learning is a male school, do not enrol too small child, average student age is in 13-18 year old, relatively mature already; The 2nd, the managerial thought of the school is more advanced, pedagogic quality is higher; The 3rd, the school is in admit a respect to have taller requirement, student itself quality is better, and the school also can bring huge honor to the student feeling and achievement feel. Eton Gong Xueru is the same as a crown, collect Shi Ercheng of treasure of top class pearl, although be in England,also cannot duplicate. So it can look only when a special case, not representative.

I think the child should not lodge before reading an university. Arrived high school phase, lodge can a lot of smaller to negative effect of the child, but still suggest to had better live in the home.

Encounter the parent asks whether I should let the child for choose school lodge, I always reply, even if go up the school with a some poorer condition, also must let the child come home every day. Go for key school lodging, it is a thing that special disagreement calculates, can obtain something temporarily apparently, but from long-term look, was to collected sesame seed to lose watermelon, what Suhuomulinsiji says educationist of Russia of no less than, "Best boarding school also cannot replace a mother " .

Regrettablly, this viewpoint still cannot be most parent to also cannot be accepted by the child sometimes even in instantly. I had seen a child, part because of reason and mom in elementary school phase a few years, be absent a city life, on when junior high school to go up provincial key school chooses to lodge again. Look at the lingering when he small and mom are together, and the melancholy that reveals constantly in the eyes and insecurity, I say to the child or the choice is in the average school beside mom, can see officer of the key on mom comparing is principal every day. The child is very dissatisfactory I say so, shake sturdily shake one's head, not, go up key officer is principal!

Be in vast rural area, large-scale " remove a feature and school " make millions country children passes early on lodging life, a lot of children appear mental health problem, be disgusted with learns, circumstance of discontinue one's studying not only did not decrease, instead grow in quantity. This kind of circumstance, I think the error besides educational policy, mainer reason, it is the value that whole society did not realize to the child and mother get along, did not realise lodge the corrupt practice that restrict.

The child is not ignorance is not had become aware, without emotive potato, classify of ground of the OK and optional concentration, bagging that hold basket is deposited. Safeguard children and parents are together, should make a basic national policy. Everything involves the social issue of children interest, the premise that should not affecting health of children body and mind to grow goes down to solve.

Si Mi of · of British economist Adam objects letting lodge on the child make the school, he thinks the child departs for long with parents, can make domestic moral human relations and domestic happiness suffer the most essential destruction. Any, offset the harm that lodging life brings to the child impossibly. He says, the family teachs the divine setting that is nature, complete domestic education just is the way that develops wisdom.

The child belongs to parental time to have ten years only truly, if do not cherish the time that gets along with the child, missed a lot of wonderful hour in life. Want to rear an outstanding child, parents must have such consciousness and self-confidence: Parents is best teacher, close affection is best nourishment, table is best desk, the home is the most outstanding school.