The friend spits groove big recently treasure becomes special be afraid of be defeated, small setback wants to cry greatly, the emulative heart of true very afraid child is too strong, can undesirable in the school. Fasten bootlace quickly than oneself e.g. young associate, the child also should cry be troubled by one time, hold to oneself to won't be defeated. Again for instance the sister has quickly than oneself, big treasure also should feel wronged and act rashly not to eat. Insist not to want the other side to be done well than oneself, compare the good word that oneself become really when the other side, the mood of big treasure is met very break down. Friend husband and wife the two speech that compare popularity by nowadays are namely very the disposition that Buddha fastens, but the child is afraid that be defeated is to let husband and wife so two have pressure very much.
In believing the process that becomes independent gradually in darling, this kind is afraid that the expression that be defeated is very common, a lot of parents can be affixed for the child at this point " contend for strong emulative " , " be afraid of be defeated " wait similar ticket a moment. But actually this is the child the very normal phenomenon in growing, the parent undertakes appropriately introductory, help child spends this period smoothly very be necessary. Censure or mock the child and positive result does not reach since the meeting, and pass a much attention when the child put in the word that is defeated by those who win to go up and cannot get the parent to guide, cause an effect very easily to the child's disposition, because this education child is defeated correctly,win outlook is very fundamental.
One, child kink is in " admit to fail " on, what effect can you cause to disposition?
1. values failure overly to cause the child easily the generation of self-abased psychology
Child exorbitant is cared about be defeated win, can make the child more fear failure, huge psychological burden can bear when should facing failure, then cannot quite correct look upon fails, bring about have a few self-abased psychology generation. Do not have correct acknowledge to his ability, can think oneself are not as outstanding as other companion, be restricted on ability development.
Because 2. fears to be defeated and form cowardly disposition
Because have to failing,dread, the meeting when facing difficulty so is afraid of especially be defeated, have cowardly show very easily, in nature field not quite brave, very easy generation escapes the psychology of the setback, cannot answer leisurely. Go up in disposition expression more cowardly, recreant, venture is challenged and do not break through.
3. more contend for strong emulative hope to get admissive
Because exorbitant cares about failure, more apt is contended for strong emulative affection expression, having more persistence to succeeding, the hope can get more approbating from inside the environment all round with self-identity. Win to be defeated too hold fan, and gifted for it more value and meaning, make be defeated win view cannot build correctly.
Become the child apparently too kink admits defeat the child goes against when this thing grow, but child of a lot of moment not very can magnanimous face be defeated win, because even if the fun that 2 years old of right-and-left children also can be won from the feeling in the reaction all round and the dismay that be defeated. Cause the child to cannot admit unsuccessful reason has a lot of, be worth the parent to try to take seriously.
2, why the child sometimes cannot " admit to fail " ?
Self-awareness begins 1. form development
In child 2-3 year old this period, self-awareness begins to show, be formed gradually to the acknowledge of ego and develop. And can think oneself should be do best, and the hope receives the opinion of the front in the environment. In the meantime, more rich also on mood expression. A few complex moods also this period shows self-love, for example " envious " , " indignant " wait.
2. suffers arrive home to be affected longly and do not wish to admit to fail
N/COL the head of a family long exorbitant is valued be defeated when winning, child nature can be thought by the influence this is important likewise. Exorbitant takes seriously make the child cannot the look upon of common heart fails. Even if small setback also is met by undertake enlarge ceaselessly, the depressed sense that this kind of failure brings is met more heavy.
3. cannot quite correct look upon setback
Put in wrong acknowledge to the setback, think to encounter the setback is proof of him ability defective, the meaning that the setback exists is defined very negatively, the child from which cannot derive energy. Agreeing to admit to fail also is not dare the expression that the front answers a setback.
When the existence on the behavior expression that discovers the child when the parent rejects to admit unsuccessful state, reason, quick-witted answer more the period that can helpful child spends this self-awareness and other consciousness smoothly to be balanced gradually.
3, does the parent face the child not " admit to fail " when how should do?
1. reduces failure to bring depressed sense of the child
The parent can help the depressed sense that place of child dredge failure brings, make the child more relaxed go accepting failure, the negative sentiment place that is not brought by unsuccessful place is perplexed, because fail,avoid in mentally and produce overmuch pressure and obstacle.
2. pays attention to the setback education to the child
At ordinary times the setback education that the parent in the life pays attention to pair of children, help the child's correct look upon setback, both neither is valued overly also do not despise somewhat. The place that from inside the setback him discovery is deficient in is the success on additionally one kind of meaning.
3. helps the child build accurate ego assessment
The parent helps the child's accurate assessment that builds pair of ego, both neither exorbitant is spoken highly of, also do not pass at despising, critical environment is evaluated more the home is helpful for the child's accurate him assessment, thereby more accurate have fixed position to oneself.
In the child in growing, the parent has the sense of certainly not only, still have at the same time guide and assist, help child spends every act smoothly sensitive period, from the child the behavior of different level is behaved in, help its build accurate ego acknowledge system, correct ego acknowledge conduces to the child facing difficulty bravely.
4, a few proposals that the parent can give the child
1. understands the value of effort
Be not only successful ability is valuable, the process of effort is likewise valuable. Pay hard anybody can accomplish be not, the process of unremitting is very commendable, seasonable ending is like person meaning very much, but the value of effort however cannot efface.
The look upon with correct 2. is defeated win
Be defeated in life winning is constant some thing, divide nevertheless value ability take part in a battle with light packs, the result place that is not lost to win manacles ability to have correct state of mind to answer freely. Admitting failure is not a humiliating thing, it is gutty expression instead.
3. not kink Yu Mou be defeated win
Divide nevertheless pay close attention to Yu Mou be defeated win, a kind of any status that lose winning result to just go. Look ahead to just can encounter more, better view. Be gone be defeated win place to strand, the extend that is sure to affect wing cannot free volitation.
The child is not willing to admit to fail, because be opposite at will,parents does not want as far as possible the child is next " be afraid of be defeated " definition, this kind of action that has allusive sex can let the child have pressure very much, also meet on behavior expression somewhat misdirect. The rhythm that respects the child undertakes appropriately guide and intervening, search opportune opportune moment to undertake the setback is taught, help child is built be defeated correctly win view, what these answer actively to want to compare simple negative opinion to come to method is significant.
Is everybody willing to admit what view failure has to the child? To rearing the child be defeated win view what opinion is there? Greeting lower part leaves a message comment.
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