Dear father mother, had been you once browbeaten by the child? For example: The child takes a fancy to what toy, blame buy cannot. Do not give buy sit ground act shamelessly rolls about, weep bitterly, agree till parents till.
Normally this is planted always, is parental feeling what kind of? Be perturbed, but, vexed, furious...
Is parental practice what kind of? Fool persuade, homiletic, criticism, blame, beat and scold, penalty...
What is the reason that you understand child menace to Your Excellency? How should improve this kind of condition? How should solve the child to always be apt to again " minatory " the problem of others?
My daughter Yan Yan this year 8 years old, arrive as a child big, she does not have little menace to cross me. Recently, she plants with this " time-tested " : " buy do not buy, do not buy me not to come home " means, browbeat I.
With dear father mother, share its course, a little from this thing in the center, the Yo that I obtain comprehend, and sum up the settlement that go out from which method.
A day afternoon, I and word word go rambling supermarket. My upstair shops, yan Yan reads a book in 3 buildings, I am very fast thing of try to win sb's favor, go receiving her to come home, she also very abide by an agreement, very those who cooperate leave a floor with me.
Can arrive when the parking lot, yan Yan remembers suddenly, oneself take the magic square that go upstairs, the books area that falls in the supermarket, she hurries go to for a short while time run.
I am silent in the heart nod assist for the daughter, feel she fell thing, can run actively to search, be very the behavior that bear the blame.
Very fast, yan Yan came back, I just wanted to praise her, can not think of, she however one face is depressed say to me:
Mom, magic square disappeared.
Treat the child's mistake, my consistent practice is: Admit first, guide again. "The opportunity that seeks study from inside the mistake " .
So, when hearing magic square to disappear, I was not blurted out blame complain, if bemoaning, however simple " oh " , state I had known a fact.
Because anxious come home cook, so I did not say more, came home first with her.
Arrived at the door the home, yan Yan still special dismay, she asks me ceaselessly: My magic square lost mother, how should do?
I ask in reply: You think again carefully, specific where be put? Mom feels, be taken away unlikelily, you are recollected again carefully, if think, mom accompanies you to go to a supermarket again, look for magic square.
At this moment, yan Yan feels a pocket, next of as if one find out treasure say with me: Ye, mom is in my pocket!
I say gladly: Wow, break and regain, too good, so you have had kept well its Ye ~
Think this thing breaks up at this point originally piece, can not think of, incident still is continueing to ferment.
We return the home, already was the dusk at 6 o'clock, I plan to cook, yan Yan puts forward actively to write line of business.
Can cross one small conference, she is worn suddenly put on the dress unbearably hastily, changed a shoe, say with me, mom exercise book forgot my Chinese to take, we answer the school to take immediately now.
Forget to take exercises book such thing is not first time any more, when happen recently, it is to be in last before Zhou Sican increases independent run.
But, I know, blame grouse, can not solve real problem. Then, I admitted the child's error quickly, act together with her, get dressed change good shoe, next buildings ride electrify motor-car and her to answer the school to take.
Before go out, she takes out 10 money from her zero purse.
I ask her curiously, are we to come to the school to take work this? What do you take money to do?
She tells me, want to buy magic square, because a moment ago magic square within an inch of was lost, she hopes to buy again, prevent to did not take care to lose next time.
What think in my heart is, your magic square was not lost obviously, below the case that did not lose, you can think how to had kept it, won't lose the next time, is not, will prevent it to lose with the means that buys again.
But instantly is very urgent, make a round trip the school wants half hour, so I did not express my idea and opinion, also did not undertake one time discussing with respect to this problem with her. Ride car and her to answer the school rapidly however.
Great resumptive exercise in school work this later, he runs into the buffet on the side of the school to buy her to plan good magic square.
Because have before us,reach an agreement: I can give every month the pin money of her norm. I do not agree with bought thing, yan Yan can use his pin money to buy.
Such agreement has carried out a year many, because pin money is finite, when wanting to shop every time so, yan Yan is met mature its necessity, also can weigh in the hand oneself to return remnant how many money, buy quite? Give a daughter pin money so, do not have the habit that makes her nurturance wasteful, make her can active think instead, careful balance.
So, when I see she goes buying magic square, I do not agree with even if this thing, but I also was admitted.
Without do not become a book opportunely, in the process that waits for Yan Yan, I saw a pair of mother and daughter quarrel in roadside. Listen carefully, because magic square is caused,also be. The daughter wants to buy magic square, mother does not agree. Both sides produces conflict then.
I see, mom pours daughter shout at the top of one's voice, loud rebuke, still flapped with the hand daughter;
The daughter is answered with the hand played mother, also pour mother shout at the top of one's voice.
This one act, let me remember a few classics are commonly used " start work dozen of person " the child that such kind goes solving a problem.
I believe these children " quality this be apt to " , but regretful is, they see from adult body, imitate this kind of behavior, and think such behavior is very normal, as time passes, nurturance " carry the hand lays a person " habit.
Accordingly, the child that hears oneself when us is in when getting along with the person, love starts work dozen of person, what the likelihood needs to think over above all is ourselves. Thought over to create a such undesirable environments to the child?
Have a word so say: Adult is the child's original, the child is the photocopy of adult.
Accordingly, no matter how our mood is bad, do not give the action of child demonstrative mistake, because the child is most the feel person of acumen, the fiercest copyist, a few words and deeds with casual adult can be reviewed silently by the child, turn their behavior into means next.
Respecting this, the likelihood has some of parents to want doubt: Everybody can get angry, that mood will be not controlled, how should do? You can see next pictures, also can pay close attention to my head article chapter continuously, I am sharing the method of mood management technically in the future.
Make us new return character Mom road to treat the setting that mother and daughter quarrels.
This mom is to use rebuke first, beat and scold the child's method, try to squelch the child does not buy the think of a way of magic square, but discovery made a noise, hit, still had not twisted the child, then, the hand that is forced to pulling the child went buying magic square to buffet.
Before I see Yan Yan comes out from buffet, that mom has helped magic square of little girl try to win sb's favor.
Of little girl very pleased with oneself playing magic square, perhaps she had forgotten to go up right-down momently, mom does not allow her to buy because of what reason, she remembers, just next time what do I want, OK still " minatory " mom, want me to be troubled by quite badly only, mother agrees me with respect to regular meeting, and do not be fear of be hit be scolded. .
These unspoken words in a play left to the understanding of the audience or reader, at first, the likelihood is the child is revealed unconsciously only, but slowly a kind of belief that can become the child, think to want minatory mom only, mom compromises finally with respect to regular meeting.
The fact proves, a lot of moment, the child is to use this kind of means, let parents by most initial different idea arrives become final compromise, I also had encountered this kind of situation before, and be in of the child " minatory " below, compromised.
See this has gone at the moment from me to mother and daughter before long, yan Yan at long last as a child supermarket dillydally is over came out. But she is not excitedly ground buys magic square, the plan comes home with me, tell me however: Mom, the blackart that I should buy is 14 yuan, 10 when I take I am insufficient, you help me buy.
I am hit she is not agreed with to buy a magic square more in heart, so, I am gentle and sturdy tell her: I am sorry, baby, mom is to accompany you to take work this, want to buy magic square without the plan, I should come home now cook, we come home rapidly, ?
Yan Yan got angry immediately, her stamp one's foot wears foot shout path:
You must buy magic square to me, you are not bought, I do not come home!
See her such willfully make a trouble, I am a little angry, but the mood that still restrains oneself, say sturdily to her again blandly:
Feel sorry, baby, mom did not buy the plan of magic square, I cannot help you buy.
Word word take advantage of an opportunity sits on a stone, of in a huff say: Anyway you are not bought, I do not come home.
I feel particularly sad at that time, tear within an inch of flows, I say with her:
Baby, mom feels very sad, I hope you do not want minatory mom, mom feels your magic square was not lost, it you can want what to method can keep is good that you can want to have what method can keep it, is not anxious buy more.
We two refuse to budge a little while, yan Yan is abrupt brainwave easily, run back to a supermarket, next excitedly ground runnings to say with me:
Mom, the supermarket has the magic square that sells 10 fund, I already try to win sb's favor.
See him Yan Yan is thought up settle way, I should feel glad for her originally. But that momently, in the heart sad had not disappeared. I one language does not send the ground to driving a car, returned the home with Yan Yan.
After dinner, I ask Yan Yan curiously: Baby, you buy the real reason of a magic square more, be afraid of namely was lost not carefully?
Yan Yan shakes shake one's head say: Either, mom, I like to play magic square particularly recently, so I very fear magic square was lost, I do not want to taking magic square to be answered back and forth everyday, I want to put to be in the home, one is in the school, can play with respect to which so.
My suddenly be enlightened: Oh, it is so such ah! If you are so of the plan, mom will be special self-identity. Liking to play magic square is a particularly good thing, development is intellective, and before you won't play, how you play through observing ace is carefully, oneself summarize a law, those who play is more and more skilled. Mom supports you to play magic square, also very agree with what what you say, one is put in the home, one is put in the school. If at the beginning, mom knows you are the word of such plans, just be in the school at that time, I can agree with you to be bought certainly, and if your money is insufficient, mom can help you.
After saying these, I shift the topic to her " minatory " my that momently.
I say: Baby, mom has some of word to want to say to you, can you listen quietly?
Yan Yan nods.
I say: " a moment ago we take work this when, you want to buy magic square, mother did not agree, then your menace mom says, do not buy do not come home.
Do you know? Major parents, metropolis special care about the child that cherishs oneself, mom also loves you very much of course, very care about you. So, when you say not to want to come home, mom scarcely can go. Because, I should ensure you are safe.
But the thing that mom won't do him to be not agreed with. Buy magic square, love you with mom, it is two different matters.
Magic square, do not be equal to mom's love!
Very serious ground is listening to Yan Yan, if she has received me, say: Yes, mom's love, cannot be exchanged quite with magic square, mom's love is very big, big like the earth, and be in everyday growth, the love that magic square can follow mom far from is made quite. Minatory mom, the equality sign love a picture that is equal to a magic square and mom. But mom's love wants to compare magic square a lot of bigger, a lot of more important...
I am listening to Yan Yan's summary, touch so that heat up a tear to be filled with the socket of eye, I say:
Be, you the love of special understanding mom, mom loves you, representing the opinion that follows you momently is consistent.
When our opinion has conflict, ask you to express your opinion clearly as far as possible, we are great communicate. Discuss how to can be solved better, is to use minatory means to be solved?
Yan Yan nods express to agree.
This thing also drew a satisfactory full stop at this point.
But it brings me quite deep at 3 o'clock feeling.
The first, when oneself opinion and child are abhorrent, genuine expressive heart is experienced.Share in the story of above in the center, I have mention, browbeat when the child when me, my heart is afflictive. My sad not quite up to the mark drops tear. Change previously, I may express my sentiment with angry anger, because I concealed my sense of reality to suffer,be.
Palliative cause, it is me promiscuous former unripe mood, with derive mood.
What former unripe mood points to is, the feeling that when the thing happens, we produce at first.
Afraid fear is for instance frustrate.
Derive mood is the upgraded mood that the development after depress or escaping former unripe mood comes out, get angry like what we often convey and annoy.
A lot of people in the life, include me previously, via often can using anger mood of this kind of derive conceals the feeling with our the realest heart, these feeling, the likelihood is to fear, also may be it is sad and sad.
Not bad, pass long-term parental study, practice, think over with ego, I can hear the voice with him the realest heart gradually, and learn honest expression experience.
Be browbeaten by the child in those days, I am met sad, because I feel the child to be equal me to her love and magic square,be rise.
Accept my sense of reality when me when telling the child, the child can fall in the circumstance that does not have any pressure, experience my true mood, express esteem and understanding to me thereby.
That one mother among case, with me, by the child " minatory " . But, this mom both neither is genial not sturdy manner, bring the child a kind of wrong acknowledge, the child thinks from this, as long as it is the thing that I mean, I can be obtained through minatory mom.
And use gentle and sturdy attitude when me, when treat me to conflict with Yan Yan's opinion, the child can be clear about my bottom line from this, understand my limit.
Later, we pass genuine communication, child go to school was met the next time, how to use the method of positive obverse side, reach consistency to communicate with me, strive for the thing that she means.
This also raised the child greatly active, solve the ability of the problem rationally.
Yan Yan still can be used from time to time " minatory " means treats me, it is I am among the life for certain, did innocently of purpose " mistake " set an example.
For instance: I am likely very innocently said, you do not go, then I went, you do not come over to have a meal, a little while the meal was done not have!
Treat the child with such means, so, the child learned to use same way to treat me, treat others.
Accordingly, see the child is undesirable behavior, the first hour reviews him, then is adjusted and change oneself, with respect to the bad behavior that can improve the child greatly.
Of course, the child a few bad behavior, also learn in big environment likely. E.g. , the school, class of take lessons after school waits big environment a moment. Settlement way is, great and serious listen attentively to the child to tell about in the thing beyond the home, master the child more information, great communicate with the child, discuss, patient ground uses scientific method, game, the part is acted wait for means, guide the child will negative behavior, changeover is to behavior.
Nurturance of # clever child writes down #
# family teachs #
# life is inchoate 1000 days of #
# nods Yo a little everyday classics #
# teachs everybody to say #
