The kind that does not get with oneself goes treating the child, and the kind that should hope to get with us goes treating the child.
Once had seen a such stories, saying is the boy follows a mother to go to a supermarket in one's childhood, the mother smokes a lot of free polybag to bring back the home every time, still let the boy help be ripped together occasionally.
The boy after 20 years is grown marry became father, need not again for company mom goes to a supermarket, but he takes him son to go to a supermarket also can dragging a lot of free polybag to come home secretly every time. Can imagine, want a supermarket to still free polybag is offerred only, this family can circulate move back and forth, generation catchs generation to be taken.
Although somebody tells this boy later, taking small advantage is incorrect, he also cannot immediately give up, can refute even: "My mom all the time so teach me, also did not see how ah. Also did not see how ah..
How doing father and mother is not life come with respect to some instinct, also did not groom technically course, it is the age arrived only, the opportunity arrived, became the father and mother of another life then.
The first experience that we rear the child originates the parents of ourselves. It is their church how are we fostered, provide the example that how talk with the child and gets along for us. The experience of former unripe family can affect us to become what kind of mom and father, this kind of influence is surmounted any what we can use finally is specific foster a method.
Rearing the child is not a skill that OK control, for instance cooking or carpenter craft. The psychological strength in participating in its becomes the thing very mixed, and these force often are in we are imperceptible between play action. ?
The movie that resembles showing recently " why be the home " in the father of assist favour says when facing a son to accuse:
"What fault do I have? I also am so be given birth to, also be so grown. ? ??
In fact, yo of a lot of research the personnel of the respect expresses, of people foster means basically " be in early (them) had formed before unborn and as direct as oneself contact " . These means are deep root at them a long time ago individual experience. ?
The friend has second spit groove with me her boy friend, say two people teach respect difference in prospective child very big. If the condition allows to should make the child much learn to order a thing,she feels, send the child to go abroad in the future read.
But had not listened to her to say, her boy friend is urgent, "How? Do not go up cannot interest class become gift? Is good school of domestic so much dry must go abroad? I had not gone up as a child interest class, also did not go abroad study abroad, not all the same very outstanding. I am OK, how is the child no good? How is the child no good??
Who did two people talk to take care of the child's problem again later, the friend feels as far as possible they are taken care of by turns, helper of old person side goes. This does not say not bad, say her boy friend scamper wool. "My Mom brings up me, also do not have what defect, drip how does my Mom bring bad grandson? Drip how does my Mom bring bad grandson??
One discussed to come down, the friend is enraged die partly, her boy friend also subdues the ground to pay no attention to her.
Once had come up against a such father, he often hits the child, want the child to err only, demur did not say to gather up trousers is beaten namely. Somebody asks why he wants such doing later, does the child err to cannot say well first. He replies: "My father is as a child so those who teach me, homiletic and trashy, want the travel that make gift, he (the child) knew to ache next time not dare. He (the child) knew to ache next time not dare..
The breeding means of on one generation is met influence of ground of exert a subtle influence on is opposite to this generation parents educational means of the child, some are dominance, resemble this father above, he is very clear oneself educational means comes from the way that ever taught his at father. Still having one share is recessive.
A psychologist in such citing in his book: "I surround the spectator that watchs traffic accident scene like, the kind that looks at friends to get hurt in one's childhood with oneself goes harming the child of themselves, this but not good-looking. This but not good-looking..
Those adult that he mentions are not to decide to let the child and his conciously in one's childhood same unpleasantness, this is a kind of subconscious behavior.
The explanation that · rice straps children psychologist Alice to give out at this point is: "A lot of people continue to deliver the ferocious act that gets when him childhood and manner, continue with this the parents oneself is Utopian. Continue with this the parents oneself is Utopian..
The child that she thinks to be based on all sorts of reasons to grow up can be had intense and involuntary need, each thing that need thinks their parents is done to oneself is good for them, and it is to stem from love.
Because to most person, generation parents is had not completely well-intentioned, or not competent intention is real too terrible, too disobedient also suitable. Plant to eliminate this accordingly misgive, they can choose to treat their to treat their child in that way like parents.
Still have a kind of father and mother besides, the growing experience that they know very well themselves not " perfect " , there is some of complex critically sentiment more besides love to parents in the heart. They want to cast off the influence of former unripe family all the time, pledge even the cross that does not let the child ever had experienced his.
However, the fact is inferior to anticipating however, once had encountered nobody attends or be the parents of strict requirement, can be immersed in additionally one kind of extreme: Or " jumpy " kind the freedom of ground control child, or lets things drift completely, compliant child.
These wanting that do his utmost to cast off the person of wretched family, reduce finally again creat the person that a likeness gets terrible family, although he escaped that family (or it is flatter oneself had escaped that family) .
Aierfei Cohen is in psychologist " termless foster " in mention: If do not review your growing experience how to make your inner world, so discussing is what block up you become better parent is without a meaning.
Your growing experience affected you what to do to the child not only, also decided what you don't do to them; It affects you how to differentiate the Yo of you and spouse responsibility, whether can be you distinguished to the boy and girl treat.
It helps you decide to whether your daily behavior expresses basic respect to the child or be not respected; It is concerning what can make you angry, what can make you sadness, and how do you convey these feeling.
Undeniable, the Yo of each generation the idea has its desirable place, but the times is changing, the environment also is changing, yo means also needs to change subsequently.
"Not so formalist " it is Aierfei Cohen is in " termless foster " the Yo that mentions in the concept one of principles.
Do not have to anything invariable and efficient way, yo more such. According to the circumstance agile flexible, ability raises the child of health of heart of one's previous experience.
Truly great parent, its outstanding place depends on them be willing to face disturb problem, be willing to oppugn oneself present doing, oppugn the experience of own childhood.
It is OK to face when them better when solving the proposal that conflicts with the child, they can resist the temptation of defend old idea, " cough! My parents is opposite so namely my, am I quite good. Am I quite good..
The kind that gets with oneself no longer goes treating the child, the kind that gets with the hope however goes treating them. ? It is the issue that every parent needs to sit to think.
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