Author / revive hand, pay close attention to me, an attention female grows and ~ of marital affection problem
Zhang Danfeng and Hong Xin are being accepted in " super visit " when interviewing, make my impression very deep with a paragraph of dialog of compere.
Once Hong Xin and he quarrels, gas must run away from home, drove to turn a few rounds to just come back very late in Hong Kong, he was asleep on the bed however. Still ask her, how had not slept, do not care the contradiction of two individual happening, seem to quarrel this thing did not happen same.
Hong Xin says, this she is angrier.
Compere asks why he wants such doing, zhang Danfeng says, big glad disposition very when exploding, he stops with respect to disappear disappear stop look for a place a bit quieter.
At this moment compere Li Jing undertook affirmation to his method, receive a word to say:
It is very easy to meet a woman actually, who to discuss with her to who wrong, not be to follow her to discuss the matter that get angry, do not try to solve a problem. as far as possible time protraction, make an index ceaseless drop, that moment need not be solved, herself also returns to place.
Is the method that the husband and wife of this kind of processing that Zhang Danfeng and Li Jing say conflicts good?
Actually otherwise.
Because this is typical,escape a problem to handle conflict way.
In the life, a lot of people especially man, like this method that says with Li Jing and Zhang Danfeng it seems that, will handle a few conflict that produce in life of husband and wife.
In their eye, it is quite good that when encountering conflict, evasive method is used with.
Hide aside, do not explain also not dug reason, the nag that wants to need not listen to wife only, complain and censure, she is troubled by be troubled by along with her, the eye does not see ear does not listen the heart is not irritated.
When other in part feels gas does not have a place to send, oneself were dropped with respect to meeting need.
Then, they think to harmony is achieved between husband and wife oneself, did not conflict. This belongs to a model actually in life of husband and wife " lazy politics " expression.
One party of husband and wife for save worry save trouble, go facing conflict with evasive means, such doing can be husband and wife instead two the following matrimony bury next hidden trouble.
Why?
Just happen in conflict before long when, allowable also and evasive method may have certain effect, can avoid husband and wife two fronts brawl, lest contradict,upgrade.
However, if next two people do not undertake thorough communication is mixed,discuss, solve the problem that encounter truly, know to escape only, it is actually " deceive oneself " , just mask contradiction temporarily.
Time grows, the contradiction that can bring about both sides of husband and wife accumulates deeper more, solve hard finally, do not know to be able to be in next which instant can erupt suddenly.
Accordingly, the kind with best conflict is faced between husband and wife, not be evasive, not be to mask, face up to however.
The first, the one part that should knowing conflict is life of husband and wife originally.
Black advantage of · of a twenty-five-stringed plucked instrument of well-known writer A has said a word: If a pair of husband and wife tell me, they marry to never had had conflict for years, that is they are saying lie; Or lives after their marriage exceeding plodding, just perhaps get other one party completely among them order about.
Do not think to conflict happens to ruin sth namely certainly between husband and wife.
Some men very be afraid that the wife is troubled by contradiction with her, always feel noisy to rise very irritated.
Actually, this may explain the first at ordinary times you are lacked with the wife communicate, bring about a wife to lack the medium of communication of express problem; Next this explained you were not affirming to conflict between knowledge husband and wife this thing.
Disposition of two people disposition, setting is used to different person knot to be husband and wife, the life is together, occurrence conflict is a very normal phenomenon.
The husband and wife with again good relationship also can be troubled by contradiction in daily life, have conflict. If conflict never produces after marriage of a pair of husband and wife, abnormal instead.
The 2nd, evasive conflict can cause conflict " snowball "
Evasive conflict not only at job of no help, still can bring about a more serious sequela, that contradicts to accumulate deeper more namely.
Conflict has the characteristic of repeatability, if between husband and wife same conflict did not get be settlemented thoroughly, still can repeat ceaselessly in the following life so appear, and the grow in quantity as occurrence frequency, present contradiction to accumulate deeper characteristic more.
If be encountered every time,conflict in the life to husband and wife evasive, do not solve, so add in when more and more contradiction when accumulating deeper more, can appear " snowball " the effect.
When contradictory " snowball " when accumulating certain level, meet one-time erupt, meet to power of emotive of husband and wife in those days bigger.
The 3rd, conflict has been handled, return sentiment of can promotional husband and wife
Itself of conflict of husband and wife can not produce harm to marriage, harm emotive of husband and wife, it is the manner that both sides of husband and wife handles conflict and the means that resolve conflict.
This ability is the prime factor that brings about spouse concern to be affected.
Correct affray, also be a kind communicate effectively, not only won't affect feeling of husband and wife, can strengthen the communication communication between husband and wife instead, have effect of emotive of promotional husband and wife.
Perhaps someone says, what you say is easy it is difficult to accomplish.
When happening of husband and wife conflicts, the mood of average person is more excited, not evasive return the front to face, is that to be troubled by bigger more?
Actually, this is not known because of too much person just about how to manage marriage, know the skill that handles conflict of husband and wife, just can bring about husband and wife to conflict is troubled by easily big.
Learn the skill that husband and wife of a few processing conflicts, can dissolve these problems.
Can try the manner in change oneself to conflict in husband and wife and method from the following respects.
The first, should begin to communicate with mild kind.
Husband and wife chats to begin with what kind of means, can end with what kind of means normally.
Both sides of husband and wife no matter which one party, the idea that should a few differ wants to put forward and expectation the other side is changed, when perhaps solving a problem together with oneself, put forward with what kind of means very crucial.
For instance, if one party begins with acrid and acerbity means, so final likelihood also is met end with acrid and acerbity means.
If one party begins with crude mood, also do not think the other side can follow you to negotiate softly so.
In happy marriage, the one party that raises a question often is known begin with mild kind. Still a few have the other in part of sense of humor, can begin with humorous means even.
Can make husband and wife bilateral there is the feeling of a kind of front to marriage in chat so, can become more active when the problem in resolving conflict thereby, hopeful.
The 2nd, when atmosphere is nervous, the society is conveyed actively or the attempt accepts become reconciled
In conflict, the atmosphere that tension resolves when learning how to be reached is very important also.
If husband and wife is bilateral,conflict has happened, had a bad beginning, so be about to learn to press time-out bolts in time, control each other mood and impulse, try become reconciled.
If wanting to follow other in part in order to use a few humour, sweet means to say a few sweetness for instance, make the motion of a few sweetness: "Dear, do you make a noise tired? You rest quickly a little while. " " come, you say so tiredly, I give a cup of water, help you beat beat a back. Help you beat beat a back..
...
The husband and wife of a few reason, return the gesticulation that can agree to become reconciled tries in a few conflict beforehand in living at ordinary times or statement, when once another is made,this tries the gesticulation of become reconciled and statement, other one party is about as far as possible friendly response, two people try become reconciled together.
The profit that such doing, it is to be able to alleviate the intense rate when conflict, to solve specific issue to build a friendly atmosphere.
The 3rd, do not escape problem itself, consider sth as it stands undertakes discussion
Conflict of husband and wife arises, because the problem that need solves appeared in the life,be.
This problem, it is to need each other to just make a change generally speaking, perhaps make a few dedication and sacrifice.
Must not escape problem itself at that time, want a calm problem to put forward however, consider sth as it stands undertakes discussion.
How Where is the discussion with calm ability?
Both sides of husband and wife must realise, husband and wife is a whole, after encountering a problem, both sides wants to set out more from the angle of interest of whole of husband and wife and interest of the other side, big family of obedient good construction this overall situation, consider the feeling of the other side at the same time.
Should have this guiding ideology, so the thinking that solves a problem is clear, two people also can calm undertake discussion.
The 4th, the society compromises.
Between husband and wife nonexistent absolutely to who who is wrong.
When discussion thing, can contend for impossibly also forever piece to the fault.
Although you can prove you are right, the thing also won't undertake merely according to the apiration of some one party.
At this moment, it is very important that both sides of husband and wife learns compromise.
This kind of compromise is not termless compromise, however station of ground of wholehearted good faith considers an issue in the angle of the other side, understand the point of view of the other side objectively, take out patience to handle the other side, the true think of a way that knows the other side and experience.
Understand when you need and experience what understood the other side, the compromise that after each other have balance one time through integrated consideration, makes again however, just be significant compromise.
Such compromise ability solves a problem truly.
Lu Xun has said a word: Silent ah silent, be absent silent in ruined, be in silent in erupt.
If generation conflicted between husband and wife, escaping is not the true means that solves a problem.
The problem is placed over, you are not solved all the time, it is all the time over there.
You every evade an issue, the much keep long in stock did not solve problem in heart of the other side.
Slowly, the problem accumulates more more, sooner or later Tibet did not live, sometimes a minor minor incident can become a fuse, make a problem one-time erupt entirely.
So, quarrel to hide at the same time practice, not be really settle way well.
Face up to a problem, have skill dissolve contradiction, solve a problem, this ability is the way that husband and wife answers conflict to had been compared.
-- END --
Oneself are achieved formerly, borrowed surely investigate.
Author brief introduction:
Revive hand. Should cross conduct propaganda, had done small write down, had written a novel (within an inch of publishs) . In the public date should edit, had written 100 thousand + . Public order is started oneself after, the article inside a month attacks a dot to pass 10 thousand. Show full-time to take child to write civil. Career of 10 years of full-time mom, let me pay close attention to a female to grow more with marital affection topic.
