This kind of thing is afraid everybody has encountered: You conscientiously ground is discharging a team, suddenly a fellow inserted you directly in front. Be afraid in your heart at that time already fly into a rage, the hold tight before thinking lives this skunk, carry him to team remaining part. However your think better of thinks, not necessary for come out boldly of this kind of bagatelle, face of fall out with sb can be offended instead go up to be bothered greatly. Then, you chose to bear.
Violate acceptance, fail to keep faith, act crabbed the act that perhaps violates expectation performs constantly: The boss promises raises, but after the event goes back on his word to still do not admit.
The colleague is " thorn first " , with him every thing of contact with makes you extremely indignant.
Promise the child that comes home on time, return late again and again and do not inform beforehand.
Friend backside is right your calumniate.
Be the evasive conflict, behavior to the mistake keeps silence? Still develop stick to one's position with the other side, not hesitate are evil language addition or crude photograph waited for? When others makes you disappointed, your human relation can get the biggest test, but the greatest opportunity that promotes human relation also is when very few somebody realizes this.
Today, the good book that school of the first management should recommend to everybody " crucial conflict " , can tell everybody how to answer above question.
What this book author group studies is to be good at the straight face conflict, person that answers the crisis, they found successful line to sum up a market of a tool, in the help inside global limits the person of tens of thousands of let other successfully change wrong behaviour. Simple honesty is accomplished easily, bear silently also do not need what skill. Can make the other side negative have responsibility already, still can aggrandizement each other relation, it is an art absolutely. Encourage other to assume responsibility, you can become the person that the family member trusts most, become the asset with the most valuable business, become the person of the most influential force in the friend at the same time.
Send with a Confucian school of idealist philosophy of the Song and Ming Dynasties of the first canal next taste together read this book.
Core content
One, ego analysis: The preparation before crucial conflict
Crucial conflict whether enter correct settlement orbit, preparative job is very main. Before the mouth, you must ensure those who face is right question; The idea that must ensure the head is medium, can help oneself regard the other side as the person with oneself; Must learn to dominate oneself strong sentiment. In crucial conflict, emerge at the same time when a lot of problems uptodate, the essence that clears up a problem with respect to need or which problem is core problem.
Conduce to the economic tool that chooses real problem
In daily life, the pressure that because time is pressing,creates with intense sentiment, most person cannot capture among them core when encountering a problem. Just repeat solve a few simple problems, is not to show the problem is essential continuously.
Want to change these bad habits, can use the following means:
CPR thinking law: C is Content content, p is Pattern it is mode, r is Relationship it is a relation. Means of this kind of thinking, can eliminate repeat the question that does useless work. Particular operation project is:
1. problem the first time when appearing, you want and of discussion of the other side is content, the fact that happens namely.
2. appears the 2nd times when the problem when, you want and of discussion of the other side is mode. Mode shows the problem is had historic, once this kind of history returns, problem essence can produce change. Frequent and disobey affirmatory meeting continuously to affect other to be forecasted to your behavior, destroy their esteem to you and accredit finally.
3. continues to happen when the problem when, what you should talk about with the other side is a relation, do so namely affect to what there is between us.
If you did not consider these 3 aspects seriously, probable meeting tackles minor problem and oversight is main problem. So generally speaking we are ordinal the way that chooses right question: CPR thinking law -- attention content, mode and relation. The detail issue that seeks all possibilities through analysing result and purpose. Enquire the actual demand of own heart, this kind of demand must the relation between attend to ego, the other side and you, fix the most serious problem with this.
Choose a meaning
Generally speaking, when the person beside you violates commitment, you can spread out with the other side discuss, but be not always is such. When behavior of the other side violates commitment clearly, the enterprise has various evaluation tools, it can be accurate measure the difference between expectation expression and actual performance. If employee fails to realize his affirmatory job, this kind of circumstance can create crucial conflict problem of course. Because these practices are daily program, when accordingly controller and employee discuss relatively should some easier.
Comb main threads of an affair
If why keep sensible before conflict? Crucial conflict whether enter true path, whether get be settlemented smoothly, depend on we for a short while the instant is experienced. Decide to take action to us from incident happening, during this our psychology develops a process to be: Knowledge, subjective assume, form experience, launch the operation. From observe dummy, arrive to experience and act again, the moment of behavior mode you only need to do of this hop pattern can be finished in our cerebra move, lay a foundation for a variety of follow-up behavior.
1. is silent
No matter stem from what reason, it is to the loss outweights the gain to disobeying expectation and affirmatory behavior turn a blind eye to, extremely risky move.
2. force
As these the problem is annoyed to yours and torment is deepened increasingly, final one day you are driven beyond forbearance, erupt huge violent liability. But, face your abrupt mood out of control, the other side can think you are abnormal, a bit did not realise this kind of expression is you bear for a long time pressure brings about. So, how should we avoid subjective assume? That is reductive incident truth! No matter subjective assume still is the painful result that it brings, these are formed in our thinking process. Want to settle this one essential factor, must reductive incident truth, and reductive incident truth has 6 large force.
Reductive incident truth
Regard the other side as the person that motive has behavior capacity when us every time, when thinking their act is to be affected by a variety of elements, the truth of incident just can rise to surface.
Face the action that violates commitment, what we should learn is the psychological liability that must avoid assume sth as a matter of course hard. If somebody the conduct that made a mistake really, affirmative meeting actively faces the administrative ace of crucial conflict and solve a problem.
2, safety answers: How to act when crucial conflict
Had safe atmosphere, you just can discuss any issues follow one's inclinationsly with anybody. Solve ace to the problem for, want from think to turn to the action smoothly, must create safe atmosphere through the following method. How to prepare crucial conflict? Want to affirm communication theme above all, before the mouth, what we must ensure and the other side thinks is same a topic, what is the theme that should communicate namely after all? It includes the acceptance of unfulfilment, half-baked target and its mistake action.
Face kind wrongly
The first, go around in circles.
The 2nd, hit enigma.
The 3rd, to put the blame on another.
The 4th, make the other side incomprehensible.
The path of the settlement of the problem
Safer and comfortable discussion atmosphere is established when be being started to assure to be able to speak in crucial conflict, avoid by all means is harum-scarum act. What you should treat as is the action with real description, particular way is creation safety opening remarks.
Remember, must not go around in circles with the other side, simple and direct good. If you feel to make insufficient assurance so, at this moment what you should consider is how to ensure the other side produces safe move. Particular way is as follows:
1. maintains mutual respect
Below the premise that this asks we want to respect the other side above all, reductive incident truth.
Next, use antitheses to rebuild to be respected each other.
2. establishs common goal
If you are shown very esteem the other side, but chat or appeared the crisis, because the other side misunderstood your purpose,this is normally, the defence step that you should take establishs common goal namely.
3. describes your view to the other side
We built safe atmosphere, do one's best prevent opposite party chatting anxiety feels in the process. Feel safe when the other side only when, we just can begin describe behavior difference. In this one phase, what we should notice is:
(1) do not invite opposite party 2 bonze feel a unit of length to be not worn brains, want to discuss a purpose clearly.
(2) do not reach censure sexual conclusion.
(3) allegation fact.
(4) the view that p reaper offers you.
4. ends opening remarks with a problem
We had known, when starting crucial conflict to discuss, what should do above all is to ensure to need to notice when the view that safe atmosphere is describing you to the other side and end opening remarks. To this, you ought to end opening remarks with a simple question, namely its course is after all what kind of, is not menace or anger censure. With this kind of means end opening remarks is equal to what give out a sincerity to the other side to invite, ask them to speak them the view to the problem, next you can describe the prime cause that the problem appears, help the other side make an intention that is willing to solve a problem next.
Production motive
How to help the other side put into practice? Because two reasons do not work,a lot of people are, one is capacity issue, one is motive problem. So we should solve his motive problem above all, talk about the problem of ability next again. Any behavior have intention, it is motive differs only just.
Settlement way
The means such as the right, award and individual glamour does not depend on them disabling at all, also do not depend on these methods ought not to be being used, and pondering ground storehouse to make at some people truly with, little imagine still has the behavior show of better methodological drive other people.
1.Explore natural result
The result that 2. announces to become aware hard
3. method and circumstance want be identical
Castigatory method
Occasionally you tried all sorts of effort, but result still of no help, at this moment you must consider to restrain the wrong action of the other side with castigatory method. When using this kind of dangerous method, you need to remember the following well:
(1) explain next: When the result that explains to the other side wrong action is caused, if the other side continues,the attention should explain this kind of way is possible occurrence result.
(2) treat equally without discrimination.
(3) face pressure not to shrink back.
(4) finally, specific target ought to be made when the end speaks.
Simplify problem
How to let the other side easily abide by acceptance? If the other side is not the problem because of motive, when lacking action capacity however, our task helps them simplify namely so that the problem removes ability obstacle. So, simplify what does the method of the problem have?
(1) discover ability obstacle jointly.
(2) attract the other side to participate in: It is to tell the other side how to be done, 2 be seek a solution together with the other side.
In short, analyse potential influencing factor, much angle analyses influencing factor, hold to after all, till remove each behavior obstacle, accomplish this one step only you just calculate the real task that finish.
Problem of after the event
Find problem reason, after resolving ability obstacle, did not forget to carry " problem of after the event " . After helping the other side obtain behavior capability namely, you must check them to whether have the intention that place of the task that finish needs.
Quick attention
Answer crucial conflict to need to master a few important principles and skill, is not to use invariable means to answer all questions. In the process that develops a dialogue, want to apply principle and skill design neatly to give effective solution. We must be shown dedicated with quick bearing, in the process that answers crucial conflict, when brand-new serious problem appears, we must make a decision immediately. When new issue appears, you ought to accomplish the following:
(1) want agile
Notice new issue;
Choose right question, it is old issue, new issue, still be both give attention to two or morethings;
Resolve new issue, return old issue next.
(2) want dedicated
Solve a problem;
Choose to handle new issue conciously, not when the passivity when have no alternative solves a problem.
4 kinds of sudden problems reach his to settle way
How to solve these problems for solution, we see 4 kinds of classification of new issue first:
Lack the issue of safe feeling, lack the issue of trustful feeling, the problem that the circumstance differs completely, and the problem of mood out of control.
(1) when people feels inadequate security:
You ought to use antitheses to clarify the misunderstanding of the other side, if be necessary,apologize to the other side even.
(2) when people disappoint when your accredit: You must be in define at first the importance of the problem, learn grip core problem, for the expectation with clear set of the other side, at the same time the society answers a question neatly.
(3) paroxysmal new issue: Jump out old issue, announce to change a problem, face new issue, find satisfactory settlement the answer, decide to whether return old issue to continue to discuss next, this answers the concrete step of paroxysmal problem namely.
(4) answer indignant mood:
The first pace, ensure the individual is safe.
The 2nd pace, break up indignant mood.
The 3rd pace, know the behavior pattern of the other side.
The 4th pace, begin the operation, discuss the behavior mode of the other side face to face, conduce to us facing mood of the other side calmly to turn an issue.
Install safe control valve
Feel when you the mood out of control of the other side when, can not discuss this issue temporarily, cross 9 hours to discuss again, win whirly leeway and time to oneself.
3, launch the operation: The behavior after crucial conflict
How to let the other side gives commitment and put into practice? Actually, crucial conflict how deal with problems arising from an accident is mixed simply it how begin is euqally important to how begin. How just be end key conflict then " correct pose " ?
Revise whole plan with 4 paces legal system: Want formulate is complete and clear action plan, prevent any act on one's own views, your plan must include the following 4 crucial factors:
(1) He Ren.
(2) why thing.
(3) when.
(4) follow-up examination.
Inspection work schedule has two kinds of the commonnest kind, it is program law and crucial event law respectively.
Remember, the end that examines the work is to understand the current situation of the task, progress is great, had completed what work, still what job needs the other side to finish etc.
Accordingly, your purpose is to should help each other, provide support for the other side, is not to give the other side to find fault.
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