This year, civil administration ministry announces newest data to show: Countrywide marriage rate was 2018 7.2% , achieved lowermost data of nearly 10 years. Nowadays, increasing person is maintaining cautious attitude to marriage, this among them, the female that is not willing to marry holds great majority.
Before, qi Wei is in " love came back " have a paragraph so the actor's lines of bully gas: "I can make money, I can sweep the ground, wear me to be able to be hit, why to want a man. Why to want a man..
Although this word is too one-sided, but however stamp became medium of new era female painful, because she spoke such phenomenon: "Photograph comparing marries, lone should worry about fewerly, return the can better value that gives ego alive, so, marry what sense is there? Marry what sense is there??
As the full-time mom of two children, I also had been experienced, throw all time and energy family, cause the level that does not have method ego to grow, await me to ever also suspected the meaning that marry in those days. Today, I want to use this article to chat " marital meaning " , because this is a worth while and modern woman's soul-searching question really.
Lone so free, does that marry what sense is there?1, marriage can help you cast off the alone feeling that comes from the heart
Ai Fuluomu is in American famous psychologist his famous book " the art of love " replied why to need affinity this problem, he thinks to build affinity to be able to cast off alone feeling.
Fuluomu say:
"Actually alone feeling is the germ of fear of avery kind of. Alone feeling is meant do not have connection with the outside, cannot produce the person's power, mean be at one's wits' end, intangibility world, thing and person; Mean the world to flood me, and me can laissez-faire. And me can laissez-faire..
For the angle from psychology, alone feeling is revealed those who come out is a kind of negative position, our all paying cannot get feedback, generate worry easily from the bottom of the heart so.
You may say: "I just choose lone just, do not have insular, the loneliness that where comes feels. The loneliness that where comes feels..
Actually, because,alone feeling is not merely apparently do not contact with the person, make we feel alone is truly: We do not have the person that can link intimately to it.
Do not know you have such experience: Although you go on the market with concentrated crowd, brush a shoulder with a lot of people and pass, but the loneliness that you feel clinking as before. Because,this is, you did not find that person that can give you support. You know, what you can win the heart from closer spouse body is placatory, but win more thorough affection very hard from someone else body.
After all, the mankind is will get along with gregarious means, single person can be considered oneself only from in the alone world that is in alive, contrary, with the long affinity that marital means builds, can produce a kind of active power, this kind of force can help our battle loneliness, offer us warmth.
Marriage, you from " visional " took " reality " , at the moment close partner, the feeling that can make you truer is felt by the existence of ego. Resemble John, a poem that Donne writes: "Doing not have a person is island of a Gu " , so, we need to establish closer link with other really, use the alone sense with inherent conquer.
2, the attributive sense that is needed in marriage, can produce more ego self-identity
Honey of a my lone boudoir spoke the account that a lot of women are not willing to marry, she says: "I watch the married woman beside, in marriage they are sacrifice that, the topic that hanging by the side of their mouth is not about the child it is the husband, what does very few however him consideration want, this lets me feel very bemused to marriage. This lets me feel very bemused to marriage..
You also may have such idea, you " assume domestic responsibility " inspect a kind of burden, look in you, "Pay " should sacrifice namely, it and " self-love " behavior is conflict. You feel single state does not have pressure more easily: It is OK to want to travel go at any time; Think bought thing can be bought casually; The issue that wants to do is OK and bold go doing, but after marrying, these need to be weighed in the hand repeatedly.
In fact, you think this kind of lone freedom lives unbridledly, can not produce the joy with constant in a steady stream, you are without the pressure, condition that does not have a burden this kind very quickly with respect to epiglottis tired, because,this is, you cannot experience from inside single state " be needed " happy.
In theory of demand administrative levels, the attributive requirement that is needed is next to considered demand. In marital relation, you can hold the position of the husband / wife, father / mother such part, find the place that belongs to oneself in life namely, you assume responsibility, enjoy give brought joyance and achievement. "Be needed " demand brings the front with constant in a steady stream to feedback to you, these feedback modelled you to have the moral quality of responsibility heart more, such iteration circularly, you just can reflect the value of life truly.
Actually, "Be needed " demand can make you are cast off excessive " free " when the angst of generation, give you enough safe sense. Accordingly, in marriage " be needed " attributive feeling, far more so called than single state " free " , can give a sense alive more.
3, lone it is actually a kind not self-confident, marital ability fosters your proper pride truly
Single public figure is defied marry, this still has a very main reason among them, namely: The married personage beside you observe, they did not present a very happy position, they are surrounded by the conflict between domestic trivial matters, marriage via regular meeting circling. Watch news again, a few once the star husband and wife with clinking conjugal love, be being returned finally is with divorce wind up.
Face such situation, you should maintain single position more sturdily, and you show the self-confidence of a single public figure before other, but this also mirrors instead you are right of marriage not self-confident, you fear oneself are met to the person beside same, manage a paragraph of happy marriage without ability.
Afuleide Adler is in " self-abased with surmount " say:
"When he feels he is weak, he can create a kind to look like his powerful scene. The way that he chooses is not make through taking exercise oneself become powerful, let oneself become martial and strong in the heart however, this is the outstanding method that a kind of ego fools completely. This is the outstanding method that a kind of ego fools completely..
Actually, you are to be being used lone when the condition that looks self-confident then, will conceal the self-abased state of mind when you face marriage. Want to break a bottom of the heart in true self-abased, must be in the process that experiences marriage, go true harden oneself.
So, marriage is how to help what we build tall pride.
Above all, in you the decision casts off single state, those who enter marriage that momently, be a kind of self-confidence reflected. At this moment, you are looking forward to happy marriage, you begin study to assume responsibility, your affinity had more active pursuit.
Next, in the process of management marriage, you learn to pay, obtain approbate, the marriage that manages happiness hard, these can prove truely " you can be accomplished " . You can gain true self-confidence from inside marriage, and, these self-confident hearts that come from marriage can diffuse the each place of your life, help you score greater success on other issue.
Proper pride is the indispensable one part in our life, the self-confident heart that comes from marriage just is real tall pride. Face marriage bravely so, that is the beginning that you build self-confidence.
You may say, I knew the truth, but I still do not have courage to face marriage, because of single state too " bright " . So, how should we do ability to change the view to marriage, step the first pace bravely, two methods introduce below:
How change one's tune, restore the confidence to marriage1, with " the eye of the person that admire " go look upon marriage this thing
Recently, have a popular topic, big S is pointed out to be in by the netizen " we are true friends " in " bully " A Ya, she is opposite all sorts of A is elegant debasing in the program, although just joke, but still let us feel very incommensurate.
It is A Yaming in succession when everybody when cobbly, a Ya is opposite on small gain however the behavior of big S undertakes clarify and be maintenanced. Her respecting:
"When father falls ill your for company I, when be lovelorn, you are in the left and right sides, we a joy mixes an insanity distressed, let others see your softness more, the bean curd heart that that I see. Friendship of 20 years is not the description of a few extract, the feeling that goes with time is very precious. Sister Forever! ! !!
A paragraph of short sentence can see, a Ya is in when facing big S, she installed a such filter looking glass to oneself, this filter lens filtered of big S " bad " , leave the big S that she says only " tender " . Actually, a Yazheng was to be being used " the eye of the person that admire " in light of wait for big S, this ability is the secret that this paragraph of friendship can last 20 years.
Same, face marriage, all sorts of the example that although be beside you,always is full of misfortune of a few marriage, negative to marriage point of views. But, if you can use the eye of appreciation,go look upon marriage, what you arrive very easily alertly is a few pictures about marital happiness, for instance: Two pull a hand to take the old person of hoary head, they are in all one's life flirt, who cannot leave.
With " the eye of the person that admire " go look upon marriage, it is the practice of business of a kind of tall affection, this means you to show more positive attitude to marriage, so you are harvested, also will be a paragraph of happy marriage.
2, change viewpoint: Responsibility is assumed in marriage, can accomplish likewise " him love "
Nowadays we this generation person wants to compare older generation more " love oneself " , can consider first before doing anything " ego " experience. This is the progress of a times of course, but also can accompany a few ideas about marital mistake likewise, you can think: After marrying, must sacrifice oneself time and career take care of the child, handle chore, do not do at all so " him love " .
Actually, responsibility is assumed in marriage, same can give attention to two or morethings " love oneself " .
Above all, you found the place that belongs to your in marriage, obtained " be needed " attributive feeling. You assume the responsibility that has marital marriage, showed the value of ego, accordingly, you can experience joy from inside marriage, this is actually " love oneself " expression.
Next, pass marriage, you experienced what single stage had not experienced to grow. In marriage, you learn how to get along intimately with other, resolve conflict, reveal ego, this kind grows can make you become more sedate, mature, sagacious, this also is more " love oneself " expression.
Compare lone level, marital phase can gain more self-respect and self-respect, it accords with our modern completely to advocate " love oneself " concept, this also is value place of marriage.
No matter be the marriage of which times, the position that it presents is same, not absolutely also do not have very much absolutely bad, of the change is not marriage, however of marriage of your look upon " eye " . So, with you the courage in the bottom of the heart goes straight face marriage, not awe-stricken it, you can harvest happiness.
