01.
Now and then, abrupt, some is flashy, feel very tired.
For instance, wait for the clearance of the subway in the morning.
For instance, the hour that crepuscular footfall comes home.
For instance, the head before sleeping puts empty the twinkling of an eye.
...
Feel, very tired, very tired really.
And, do not know so tired meaning wheres.
Feel, it is the life that makes popular feeling grey meaning cold really.
When be being squeezed in the subway in the morning everyday, experience the jam between person and person, hear what who is stepping on again to blame sound, young girl is making up to allow delicate, but everybody is the face does not have expression, frown closely perhaps.
Such hour, let me feel, sad.
, on us so much learn, endure so much evening, do so much exercise in school work, carrying various pressure on the head, attend brutal the university entrance exam, attend a college next, talk about love, part company, apply for a job, work overtime...
So so painstaking, so so hard, be to become an Everyman actually?
Really more and more feel, everybody is Everyman.
Previously, still have such and such letting one's thought flow freely, feel oneself and other people are different.
Feel now, everybody is same.
Same meeting is feeling sad, same meeting feels nobody knows him, same meeting oppugns working meaning, same meeting is trifling bagatelle irritated heart...
Without can cast off, cannot avoid.
02.
Very tired when, want to look for a place to hide, everybody cannot be found the sort of.
But, I do not have even the courage that escape.
Adult 3 words, engrave in the heart.
So, each choice that should be oneself is responsible.
Even if, so tired that want dead, be perturbed must want dead, still want to squeeze the subway, go to work, to everybody laugh, endeavor to working with one one's heart.
Even if, reach the edge that break down.
Probably, now of everybody break down, it is a kind of silent not of utter a word break down.
Look very normal, meeting josh, can fight noisely, the meeting is social, the surface is calm, actually the flooey worry in the heart has accumulated certain level.
Won't throw the door to break a thing, won't shed tear or rest this bottom of the heart, also do not talk, also do not break down really, also think not quite living.
Also dare not go dead.
Total meeting encounters such hour in lifetime.
Your heart already turmoil of war is tremendous, but look in others, you just are compared a bit silenter at ordinary times, nobody is met wondering.
This kind of war, be destined single-handed.
03.
Once, the friend sent a trends secretly in small gain, so not good mood.
I ask her, "You how? "You how??
She says, "It doesn't matter? "It doesn't matter??
I, "Be like in your heart very bitter. How don't you tell me? How don't you tell me??
She says, "It what there is is good to what there is those who mention? "It what there is is good to what there is those who mention??
Be, be brought up to understand more more, very eventful, it is a thing to oneself, it is a story only to others.
Even if, you told others to listen, people just also listened, can not care about, go up because of the world, did not feel really with experience this returns a responsibility.
We are the whale of 52 hertz, longing is known, never had gotten true understanding however.
But since, still think subsist.
So, still live well.
I tell myself all the time, cheer well, try hard well, not bedraggled oneself.
So, the life that you want, colorful life, will come eventually.
I say to oneself so all the time.
Hello, I am fat mew.
The world is so great, very glad to encounter with you.
I think, tell for you worldly and all Orphean story.
