Lilliputian is shameless, of everybody be disgusted with. But go up in this world alive, who can keep away from again Lilliputian?
Also can encounter at least in our life so a few people, before the person honey-tongued, rear however calumniate you; You rise, they had been shown affably; You drop into trough, their fall out is merciless. . . . . . This is a mean person that people often says.
We are painful to Lilliputian deep evil absolutely, wish to leave them further to had been jumped over. But the life is in this socially, everybody is avoided actually must not with Lilliputian deal with.
So, how to distinguish gentleman and Lilliputian? How to treat a mean person? Confucius tells us 8 standards.
The first, read mind
Gentleman is magnanimous swing, lilliputian grows Qi Qi.
Confucius says: Gentleman breadth of mind is broad, can include others, be good at ego cultivate one's morality; Lilliputian is small-minded, haggle over every ounce, blame another person constantly
Displease 10 gentleman rather, not offend one a mean person
Tang Chao calls Yang Yan's prime minister from time to tome, have the ability of manage state affairs. Humanness is just, least of all bits and Lilliputian interact. And inopportune is, when face a surname of Lu of another prime minister in feudal China is a Lilliputian that fawn on.
Two prime minister in feudal China should have a meal together originally, dan Yangyan often finds excuse however outside alone have dinner, escape and Lu a surname are the same as desk, lu Qi has resentment accordingly. Yang Yan is hanged to kill later, because Lu Qi advanced in imperial face,be completely slanderous talk.
Of Yang Yan depended on him offending a mean person to death.
Gentleman far Lilliputian, yang Yan pursued this code of conduct. But think not to come and go with Lilliputian, can pay attention to one's own moral uplift without thought of others, off base, such meetings offend a mean person, be remembered with concern to go up by Lilliputian.
Saying path: "Displease 10 gentleman rather, not offend one a mean person. " Lilliputian is raised hard depend on Lilliputian " close assuming, complain far " . Lilliputian often breadth of mind is narrow, not good to Lilliputian look can suffer the resentment of Lilliputian probably, give your backside one knife.
Magnanimous be an upright person, take care to entertain a guest
It is to become government official likewise, is Guo Ziyi how treat Lu Qi?
Allegedly Guo Ziyi sees guest, concubine of all along female singer does not leave the left and right sides, and Lu Qi calls in, guo Ziyi makes female singer concubine is avoided. Somebody asks Guo Ziyi the reason, guo Ziyi replies: "Appearance of Lu a surname is ugly and heart danger, the woman sees sure meeting laughs at his appearance, affirmative meeting draws on his envy and hate. If he has face achieve one's ambition, we are then familial be about to suffer disaster. We are then familial be about to suffer disaster..
Guo Ziyi has vision very much really. Later in power of Lu a surname, persecute faithful fine, put to Guo Ziyi alone alone have respect.
Confucius says, "Stay at a respectful distance from sb " . Do not displease him, also do not wish to be close to him, the object is ghosts and gods, changing a mean person also is same. Guo Ziyi and Yang Yan outcome are different, the reason is in Guo Ziyi never foil of build high fence as person of low position, magnanimous be an upright person, conduct oneself in society carefully, do not give scandal caused chance.
The 2nd, look make friend
Gentleman week and unlike, lilliputian is compared and not.
Confucius says: Gentleman be gregarious and not with person collude, lilliputian shoulds not with person collude group.
Gu Ping is sunken say, the friend is the iron that magnetite sucks piece, nail, screw cap and small brooch.
You are a what kind of magnet, natural meeting attracts what kind of person, magnetic force is weak, swing dropped, each other forget at all corners of the country; Magnetic force is powerful, be linked together naturally cheek by jowl, indestructible.
Confucius says gentleman " and unlike " , week and compared distinction, differ in the intention. True circle, intersect with the instinctive quality of life, with each other gas field confluence. Although because favourable or unfavourable turns in life is different,did not come, gradually aloof, still also have an affection and justice.
Those are safeguarded each other, flatter each other, those who use each other, it is Lilliputian, they intersect with prejudice, expedience, resource. Powerful and prosperous be like " red Lou Meng " in merchant, history, king, Xue Si is big familial, once catastrophe comes, also be " once the tree falls,the monkeys scatter " .
Again for instance " golden bottle plum " medium Xi Menqing, he has a gang friend, to make each other more reliable, everybody is consultative become sworn brothers for 10 brother.
Concern with Xi Menqing among them best, it is Ying Baijue.
This person can insinuate very much adulatory, when becoming brother, xi Menqing should discharge order by the age, count is extending tongue line:
"Father, can not fold kill Lilliputian to stop! Nowadays when year, be forced appraise some money power, where good talk ages! Where good talk ages!!
Pushed the richest Xi Menqing forcedly to become eldest brother.
Ying Baijue flaunts the friendship of two people to the utmost before Xi Menqing:
"Do what than make friend? If elder brother has make make place to go, the fire in willing fire goes to brother, the water in water goes. The water in water goes..
Xi Menqing is the so most trustful also him.
Person of this outer leaf meets all the day drink, often play a late night not to return, wu Yue's woman sees even Xi Menqing's wife no less than going to, blame Xi Menqing:
"I saw you build this to have a person oneself, when to ever have a home! When to ever have a home!!
Although Xi Menqing needs Ying Baijue be deeply attached to each other, brothers of sister of be better than, let Ying Baijue eat him, wear his, benefit from his. But ever since Ximen Qinggang is dead, skeleton is not cold, ying Baijue go and seek refuge with sb someone else.
Ying Baijue not only rot Xi Menqing's business, return egg on others to grab Xi Menqing's woman, make a lot of disloyal issues.
Of gentleman hand in weak like water, of Lilliputian hand in Gan Reli.
The 3rd, see a state
Gentleman Yu Yuyi, lilliputian Yu Yuli.
Confucius says: What gentleman values is morality and justice, and what Lilliputian values is an interest however.
Some people see a thing, seeing those who will look see is money. The implied meaning that takes exert one's utmost effort to write is tasted to him read, he does not look, ask directly, contribution fee of how many fund to earn again? Take magnify the traditional Chinese painting of 1000 is admired to him, he is looked at, ask, how many money is this picture worth? Call him to hear a concert together, his straight on the head asks, entrance ticket how many money?
Such person, from morning till night, need the little corner in oneself in, hitting oneself selfish calculations.
The Confucianist emphasizes: " its justice do not seek its profit. " the person that has this state is an upright person, jumping-off place is not him commonly, however society, it is the masses. The happiness and benefit with the society is the meaning that he struggles.
When Wang Anshi prepares reform, had ranked ginseng know government affairs (deputy prime minister) , he can is opposite completely go-by of life of common people pinch, be indifferent to sth, retire peacefully finally; But he cannot bear see common people in an abyss of suffering, still reform with keen determination, although prove an abortion. But taking on for the official on this, cannot be tasted with success or failure by Wang Anshi.
Deng Xiaoping 3 3 fall when reappearing already 73 years old of advanced age. Average person arrives this age is early already emeritus, how to enjoy old age, saying badly to listen is to mix eat wait dead, but Deng Xiaoping is none hesitant however started reforming and opening, for China development opened new phase.
Succeeded, his go down in history as a honor; Failed, he should bear bad name of a few chiliad for certain -- but we believe Deng Xiaoping to not was our to had considered so.
This kind of person, it is the Confucianist namely alleged gentleman, gentleman Yu Yuyi, it is with the world oneself.
The 4th, see a virtue
Gentleman help sb to fulfill his wish, what do not grow up is evil. Lilliputian is instead.
Confucius says: "Gentleman helps sb to fulfill his wishes the favour of others, do not become the bad thing of entire other people. Lilliputian just contrary. Lilliputian just contrary..
Helping sb to fulfill his wishes is a kind of god-given goodness, must have appreciation, admit, and catholic accomplishment. Want to enjoy the advantage of others first, can admit the good work that does, and try heartily be praised and assist.
The breadth of mind of Lilliputian, compare stricture normally, shameful the home is good. Once discover others has what advantage, sure those who think method exposes him be short of break, try energetically critically and censure.
Gentleman hopes to pass the goodness that help sb to fulfill his wishes, make all people, become good person gradually. Lilliputian fears others have an easy time greatly him, wish all people, become a mean person, will conceal oneself fault.
Help others does a good work, do not help others maleficent. Help sb to fulfill his wishes have alternative, cannot enough what helps enthusiasticly, turn excessive into good person.
The 5th, look include
Gentleman is mixed and differ, lilliputian is the same as and be on bad terms.
Confucius says: Gentleman can include with morality and justice different opinion and idea, build harmonious atmosphere; The psychology that Lilliputian is used to catering to others on the view to the problem, assentation the opinion on public affairs of others, but however the pit of the stomach is differ.
Yu Baiya is mixed the story well known of Zhong Zi period, however we are very few however somebody has thought, yu Baiya regards an imperial court as chancellery, and Zhong Zi period just wears straw rain cape, Dai Douli however, fight the carrying pole, axman that holds broad ax.
Yu Baiya mixes the matter that Zhong Zi period becomes a bosom friend has only: "Uncle tooth be apt to rouses musical instrument, child period be apt to listens. Child period be apt to listens..
Yu Baiya never has feared he is mixed great disparity of position of status of Zhong Zi period, 3 view are different, collective topic is not much.
Look in Yu Baiya, zhong Zi period can understand him to play musical instrument, with respect to this, enough become a friend.
As to other, not important.
Always be overmuch to the friend's requirement, affection of a bit bagatelle, make us negative to overall of a friendship with respect to enough.
Gentleman is mixed and differ. True friendly sentiments has, luxurious perhaps place has a few conversable the place is enough, the need that remain each other include.
After all, the friend is not his duplicate, however one individualizes, independent person. And the independence of everybody, should get understanding, respect, give include.
The 6th, read state of mind
Gentleman peaceful and not arrogant, lilliputian arrogant and not peaceful.
Confucius says: "Gentleman peaceful and not arrogant, lilliputian arrogant and not peaceful. " alleged " peaceful " , it is as stable as a mountain, play namely rigorous, such person is the person that can make other trustful, such person is the person that can let other be at ease, it is honest and kind person.
Gentleman calm, lilliputian is overbearing.
Of the arrogant pride of Lilliputian is his explicit gas, and of the arrogant pride of gentleman is inner strength of character. Gentleman state of mind is gentle and stable He Yong dare, unruffled Shu Tai is by inside and the nature outside is revealed; Lilliputian is reason gesture, self-important be proud person, the heart is much is an impetuous gas, on bearing little peaceful and carefree.
The person's lifetime cannot not have lofty and unyielding character, but cannot have air of arrogance, this also is the person that has a state and the distinction that do not have the person of the state.
The 7th, see pattern
Amount to on gentleman, lilliputian make known to lower levels.
Confucius says: "Amount to on gentleman, lilliputian make known to lower levels. " the person that makes a major issue, want not only " on " , operate from a strategically advantageous position, fu examine overall situation; More need " amount to " , understand thoroughly affairs of human life, amount to at reason. To sum up in a word, the person that can become a major issue, it is a person that has big situation certainly.
When the Liu Banggang of farmhouse one's previous experience is hit into Xian Yang, the money and valuables in seeing recreation countless, anyway does not agree.
Zhang Liang sees, hasten sincere advice photograph remonstrates with. He is clear, state waiting for Liu made great cause, money of this bit of money calculates at all what to get. But if rotted Han Jun fame, even fritter away Liu Bang seeks hegemony the great ambition of the world, that notted worth greatly.
Liu Bang also accept good advices, sealed palace, to common people of the central Shaanxi plain " mae a few regulations to be observed by all concerned " , strove for common feelings of people, laid the foundation of the world of contend for hegemony. And enter after closing first the uprise of busy accumulate wealth by unfair means army chieftain people, did not mix a what variety likely.
" the analects of confucius " say: "Although canal has surely considerable person Yan, send far fear mud, be do not be with gentleman also. " bagatelle, xiaoli also is not undeserved take seriously, but the choice is not one-track, liberal starting point, it is more important. Stand high, the small circumstances before does not cover double eye; Look far, won't be naturally temporarily gain and loss is blind and hopeful, or improperly belittle oneself.
Had big situation, ability heart far scope of operation is wide. In 1000 cloud between 10 thousand water, do a job with skill and ease, and contented from happy.
The 8th, see tolerance
Gentleman begs all oneself, lilliputian seeks all people.
Confucius says: What gentleman asks is him, what Lilliputian asks is others.
When conflict happening, believe most person is accomplished very hard come down to ponder over pair of faults calmly, have more very person take the mood, bigoted, fall into to part on bad terms finally, everybody refuses to obey in whose awkward condition.
Actually person and have unending dispute attrition, it is to was not accomplished " beg all oneself " and cause.
"Gentleman begs all oneself, lilliputian seeks all people. " namely gentleman duty oneself, lilliputian duty person. Before contradiction erupts, know conversion to think, meditate first oneself support of the people can criticize other blindly only, the person of mood aggressive, can decide this is one laughed directly discuss or be full of blame angry dispute.
Child say: "Bend forward from thick and thin duty at the person, far complain. Far complain..
Yan Jikuan's person, strict to him requirement, good-tempered to others magnanimous, such talent can be far from resentment and dispute, can win people over even.
The official of period of the Three Kingdoms crosses big fight, after Cao Cao defeats Yuan Shao, cao Jun discovered from inside booty the person in a Cao Ying gives Yuan Shao written letter. Somebody advocates a person that writes a letter to catch punish sb for his crime at that time, cao Cao let a person burn the letter however, do not grant to find out. He says: "Did not divide in victory or defeat before, do not know even me to be met in the future how. The individual is his future consider, this is understandable. " the angle humanness consider that stands in other, the natural and graceful that can be like this magnanimouses, true gentleman of ability can yet be regarded as.
A real a man of noble character, its practice is as disparate as Lilliputian of course.
" Xun Zi? The law goes " account path: Ceng Zi says:
"Swim together and do not see the person that love, I needs heartless also; Hand in and do not see the person that respect, I does not grow surely also; Face money and do not see the person that believe, I is not believed surely also. 3 person the person is blamed in body how, the person that blame a person is poor, the person that blame a weather is not had knowledge, the oneself that break and oppose all people, not also circuitous?
Its carelessness is: Hand in what friend cannot get the other side however to love with the person, it is my lack kindheartedness certainly; Interact with the person and cannot get the respect of the other side, it is I did not respect others certainly; The ways one gets along with others and cannot get accredit, it is I do not have credit certainly. 3 person the reason is in already went up personally oneself, how can you blame others? Error is blaming another person instead however at oneself, be too foolish? Can such Chang Sai oneself over- , although not be ascetic person, already also was in the path.
When contradiction and conflict produce between person and person, only introspection, compunctious it is self-condemned and OK to mix change ruthless and cruel for auspicious, change arms to be jade objects and silk fabrics, ability makes person sincerity opposite, genuine photograph is waited for.
Write down sincerely " gentleman begs all oneself, lilliputian seeks all people " , make oneself some more on the road of life cultivate oneself according to a religious doctrine harmony and happiness, contradict a few lesser with discomfort.
