? This piece by Fu only appoint Mr. Li Na answers volunteer of expert of interlocution of specially invite psychology, a Li of date attention education, welcome to pay close attention to.
What the child comes off a complete independence has been after coming out from the mother's body is individual, as the addition of the age, they begin to have their absolute idea, practice, the angle that ponders over a problem also is as different as the adult. If the parent can encourage supportive child more,develop oneself consciousness at this moment, will surely develop in the future those who become an independence is individual. But if be in right now, if the parent crosses each much respects that live to the child to be adopted monopolize when the method that replace, inevitable meeting causes the child to the exceeding on ideology is depended on and lose ego completely.
If wanting to make the child firmer become independent, can try the following method:
One, encourage the child " not obedient "
A lot of parents can keep tell the child, you want obedient, want to hear father word, want to hear mom's word, want to hear the parent's word, want to hear the teacher's word, want to do an obedient good child to wait a moment. The center that all emphasis is to make the child obedient.
Obedient child who most be benefited, it is controller of course! Parents, teacher. Because they need not expend too much idea, take care of on the meeting is a lot of more relaxed. But be opposite actually for the child, with respect to can serious obstacle the development of child independence thinking, block up they innovate, they try block up boldly, to the thing they do not have new experience, all everything is the parent once experience engraft arrived in the thought of children, meet when future faces person, thing, content so increasing go depend on parents, and do not go him experience, innovation, attempt.
Have some of indocile child, it is to result from grow and think what maturity brings their independently, such not obedient be worth to encourage. These indocile children, although be on management difficulty is great, can have accident a few harm, frustrate. But these indocile children are having extremely strong ego independence consciousness, if place of adult of their meeting resolution says, they can ponder over the practice with a specific issue, meeting analysis has what way to be able to achieve a goal, also be willing to try new method to solve a problem.
So as the parent, child of not total demand is obedient, want proper encouragement not obedient behavior of the child. This is the affirmation of independent to them thought, the encouragement of active and bold action. When failure, also do not want to be blamed too much, should give accurate method to guide a help them, in the church in failure they sum up experience, encourage them to take off again. After such child is grown, the metropolis when facing a thing is more independent firm and brave.
2, clear away remaining pieces gladly for the child
Because a lot of parents know not obedient and inevitable meeting causes the child a few needless things come out, increase workload for the parent.
To reduce a trouble, the parent can prevent the child try them that babyish idea and behavior, even if cries be troubled by also can prevent stoutly. Do not have an experience without the attempt, did not grow without the experience, slowly what the behavior of active and brave have a taste of what is just in season of the child and practice can change is slow disappear even.
So the parent is not very hazardous condition falls, as far as possible accompany children to go have a taste of what is just in season, allow their trial and error, accumulate more experience for them. The situation after the failure of an undertaking or after social unrest that faces the child also does not complain, criticism, blame.
Do not say like such word: "Call you not obedient, see mom cause how old trouble "
"Indocile consequence is this appearance " the harm that this can cause child heart likewise, the purpose is together turn them into an obedient tool.
3, become the child's military counselor and not be vicarious
The come out boldly that parent classics regular meeting sees child foozle and cannot help, fast side child completes the business that should do entirely give the child the result directly. The child faces such result, do not have excitement, glad mood can feel depressed and depressed instead.
The enthusiasm that works because of the child is eliminated by the parent so. In the meantime, they experience the home to grow deep to them denying, increased their ego to evaluate low mood, this can cause child self-confidence to be not worth, work devoid enthusiasm, because such parents can be done actively,like dilatory dillydally, also can compare at ordinary times slack wait for a few undesirable disposition.
As the parent, although child think of a way is possible puerile, the way may be not quick, a little awakward still, the parent does not appear with vicarious means, the parent can be child guiding more, assistance, the side helps them up to finish some job, let the child acquire full achievement move from which. Will tell the child through each thing: Passing effort can be finished, can achieve final result, although have difficulty but father mother supports you, be at ease simply go boldly doing, encounter any difficult problem, the parent can be assisted at any time.
Only such ability enhance the child's self-confidence, enhance the child to face a setback to return can brave before the ability of travel, slowly mix the more independent, adamancy that the child can face all sorts of problems to be able to change in the life, bravely self-confident.
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? Li Na, the mood of attestation of center of Toronto international psychology runs division, academician of Chinese mental hygiene, boreal a lecture given to a large number of students inscribes the member that the project is comprised, ACI international psychology seeks advice from division, chinese psychology learns the mood management division of attestation.
