Grown in a family that is full of love, but still lack self-confidence and safe sense, this is why,

Mention psychology, a lot of people the first reaction is " Fuluoyide " " subconscious " " of the dream analytic " .

These a few years of popularity because of all sorts of psychological articles, " former unripe family " the popular vocabulary that became another psychology.

A lot of people also knew accordingly " former unripe family " with respect to consequence.

This is a kind of psychological knowledge and perspective of course gain ground, but also existing excessive unscramble, the deviation of onefold perspective.

Although the family can have very powerful effect, but it cannot explain all phenomena.

One: The person's psychology cannot explain simply through single factor.

2: We are right its view occasionally not certain and accurate. Do not accord with the feeling with real heart surely even.

I can explain one by one below.

The person that quiz was mentioned " young moment may have gotten mom depressed disease "

Actually, the female gets the probability of depressed disease to be more than the male far. Having a kind of depressed condition even is a female particular -- " postpartum and depressed " . The scientist thinks, this is the influence because of genetic element, and the female contracts depressed disease want man of possibility prep above it seems that.

Say verdict first: Depressed disease can get the influence of many sided, include genetic factor among them. In depressed disease respect, the female is affected more easily than the male hereditarily it seems that.

This conclusion is referenced paper " single-phase and depressed disease the sexual difference of genetic effect " (2007)

Need to explain here. General we say single-phase and depressed illness is depressed disease. One kind is called " obstacle of double photograph affection " the reaction that also has depressed disease, because still have other symptom,do not pass, be called so " double photograph " .

This is an article only, rigorous and character should consult actually more document. Nevertheless this article can let us understand a kind of possibility -- depressed disease is met really genetic.

We read another article again " early hair style and late hair style are depressed genetic effect compares disease " (2009)

Contrasting probably after 300 people, the conclusion of investigator is: One-way and depressed disease, no matter send late still hair early, dou Youming shows genetic effect. And, early hair style is depressed disease looks more suffer genetic effect.

Since your mother is young,moment has had depressed disease (young, sounding more likely is " early hair style " ) , then you compare someone else really (the person that the mother does not have so that cross depressed disease) suffer from more possibly on depressed disease. And in light of common observation, the person of depressed disease is mixed normally devoid safety feeling, lack is self-confident (easy and self-condemned) relative.

Depressed disease is genetic decision not just.

The paper that cites above us can see -- although have genetic effect, but per cent exemple looks is not very tall, leave what 100% still have a lot of spaces. Why? Because the person's psychology is very complex, can be affected by the environment.

The test that the scientist has done to let a dog become depressed -- review the gender is helplessly experiment.

This experiment is very famous, so that I need not introduce, yourself is searched can find. It explained -- fall in long-term and helpless environment, biology (dog) be to be able to become depressed.

The person that quiz says: " parents loves me very much, still calculate at ordinary times harmonious, my pa loves card games fishing, a lot of time are not in the home, I and mom get along time is longer. The likelihood has gotten depressed disease when mother is young, I attended a college now, always feel oneself are very disappointing, it is not quite good also to get along with the roommate. "

Parents loves you very much, this is your memory. But the person learns all businesses impossibly -- especially the thing of infant moment.

If you are 3 years old before, when you were not remembered, as it happens your mother is depressed disease fit, await you to lack a person to take care of in those days, so even if you do not have memory -- you or meeting are affected.

Your mother loves you, your father also loves you. But if your age is too small, children understands without method " depressed disease " this thing, the psychology that does not have method him adjustment then.

The infant is very direct: Get be takinged care of well, with respect to happy happiness, form a radical safe move. Do not have safe feeling conversely.

If basic safety feels very few, so the person is easy and disturbed. Below uneasy mood, the person suspects others perhaps suspects him more easily.

Plus, the memory after you are grown is " parents loves me very much " . Then you cannot suspect parents (do not have evidence really ah) , then you can suspect yourself only (do not have self-confidence) .

This kind of belief that fashions in person infant period, have very powerful force.

So, you might as well go asking a mother -- in you in one's childhood, she has period of time, what the mood lasts is not quite good.

Turnip of alleged green vegetables loves somewhat each. -- this common saying explained, the preference of everybody is distinct.

It is good to a person that we want, that is about " it is good to cast its place " . It is beat the air otherwise.

This is us not just to others, others also is same to us a truth. And same individual, there is diverse demand in not contemporaneous meeting --

Some people want parents to be more beside, parental be dead, he did not experience love. (especially the child with small age)

Some people do not think parents is more beside, parents often is on the side, he still feels irritated. (especially teenage)

The person that quiz writes: " card games of my pa love fishs, a lot of time are not in the home "

That key is

① father is not in the home when, do you and mother feel happy? Father is in the home when, of your family " harmonious " it is to point to warmth interacts happily, just still say " did not quarrel, silent also calculate harmonious " ?

② is more important is -- the heart that you feel yourself, ask oneself " you are to hope father more is in the home, still hope father keeps unvarnished be often in the home? "

Still return " green vegetables turnip loves somewhat each " on the analogy.

Occasionally we know: " the other side is love my "

But we did not feel however " the happiness that is loved and joyance "

Give because of the other side, we do not want. If this is parents, we are very awkward embarrassed...

Feel to feel not quite good already,

Feel to should not ask parents is too much again, after all parental intention is in.

This kind is embarrassed, this kind of kink, time is long, itself lets a person easily have " depressed " mood (attention, not be depressed disease, it is depressed mood)

Even time is long, can produce a kind very the idea of funeral: "The person that loves me does not understand me, the person that loves me cannot want to me. Really acedia. Really acedia..

The processing technique is very simple also, but very difficult also --

That carries demand, him expression what to want actively namely, and thank the other side.

This needs us to know what this needs after all exquisitely, (bosom friend) raise a few reasonable requirement at the same time, communicate with others, (tell the other)

Such or ability won't be too tired, the relationship just has been met. (100 battle do not danger)

This kind of circumstance, also be likely. Have a very simple inference:

Because you had not overcome difficulty, face the experience of difficult problem without oneself, you feel naturally with respect to self-distrust and safety.

Most person, no matter how surroundings is good, basically can know: Living be to be able to encounter difficulty.

If a person never has overcome difficult problem, he won't have dependable self-confidence and safe feeling of course.

If parental handle female " protect " too good, it is instead one kind " bad " -- children lost the precious chance that faces test. Do not cross us also cannot so criticize severely parents -- actually no matter how is parents protected, test still is meeting some. Want children to be willing to face only, of the opportunity that still has a lot of challenges and practice actually.

The person's confidence and safety feel, not be to build certainly be in " the environment is very safe " on the foundation.

Since be " confidence " , that is meant " have difficulty I also can go " .

The most substantial safety feels, it is to build be in " even if the environment has difficulty, I am OK him protection, him development ability " on this foundation.

The person that quiz says: " I attended a college now, always feel oneself are very disappointing, it is not quite good also to get along with the roommate. "

I am done here a few guess, normally not self-confident person, the undesirable pattern that has 3 kinds of common human concerns --

Often say oneself are disappointing, how is others encouraged trashy, as time passes, others feels " take you to do not have method really " estranged. Next? You more feel oneself are disappointing, " you see others estrange I, I am very disappointing " .

Because not self-confident, so others of suspicion entering the arena also looks down on him. This was brought about, misunderstand others easily, have conflict with others. Perhaps look down on oneself because of distrustful others, and aloof others.

Hold back is worn grievance and dissatisfaction, do not say, act a benign and uncontentious person who is indifferent to matters of principle, the heart is very afflictive. Because not self-confident, dare not safeguard oneself so interest, also dare not discuss with the person. Face " a benign and uncontentious person who is indifferent to matters of principle " , different person has different reaction to this -- or is met be insatiable, or can feel you are disingenuous, or worries about you. Actually " a benign and uncontentious person who is indifferent to matters of principle " psychology is hold back is worn of sadness and anger. Some people can be in " hold back is worn " - " erupt " these two between sway back and forth... this can cause abominable human concern apparently.

There often is free psychology to seek advice in the university.

If you are the undergraduate of the good school of big city. Might as well the psychological referral center that goes to the school seeks advice.

Level of advisory industry of our country psychology is not high nevertheless, you perhaps need is a few different advisory division more, ability is found appropriate your advisory division.

Respect oneself feeling, very important.

Wish you set his mind at at an early date, self-confident.

You can review more --

Oneself feel him well-done thing, review the days that fall and gets along with age person joy

The experience that we go in oneself is very good teacher.

Bibliographical reference

[1] Qishu is smooth, dong Xiaohui, zhang Yunbiao, an Baofu. Single-phase and depressed disease the sexual difference of genetic effect [J] . Magazine of disease of Chinese nerve spirit, 2007(09):562-564.

[2] Qishu is smooth, zhang Yunbiao, dong Xiaohui, zhang Guofu. Early hair style and late hair style are depressed genetic effect compares disease [J] . Clinical essence highly skilled doctor learns a magazine, 2009, 19(03):166-168.