In the times of angst, over- not the life of angst. Hello, I am Lin Zi.
17 years old of boys that study abroad in abroad, hear mom conceived 2 embryoes in the phone, unusually sober ground says: "Going looking up is male it is female, it is the girl is born, it is the boy is destroyed, I do not allow somebody to grab family property with me absolutely! I do not allow somebody to grab family property with me absolutely!!
Parents lets continuously risk cold sweat, unidentified Bai Wei what ten years caress pay, foster a son however such inhospitality; Not only such, after mom is delivered of a little sister, small letter tells him is the girl, he sees video affirm ability agrees to stop even.
Of attend a lecture you, be also stupefied? You perhaps can think, why is present child such reality and utility? So cold blood and callosity? We call the person of this kind of characteristic " delicate egocentric " , for the word that with Beijing University professor Qian Liqun sums up, namely " high intelligence quotient, lay, taoist priest, be good at a performance, know the person that pretends to cooperate other to achieve him goal " .
Actually, not all child is such, it and the ego in one individual character structure are concerned.
Fuluoyide in character theory, ego is to upright to be mixed at this my animal sex those who exceed me is deiform among that I, resemble red cling to the bedroom part among building Tibetan stockaded village. What living in the bedroom is master, want to take care of the cattle of bottom room already, want the deities that sacred building carries on the head again; And ego is same also, abide by " live better " actual principle, running the animal world of our heart and magical world, also coordinate at the same time this I and exceed the contradiction between me and conflict, let us be able to get along with the outer world.
Since the purpose of ego, depend on going after reality. So we are in the course that grow and pursues, want to learn to face reality necessarily, how to choose. For instance, a child wants to eat ice-cream, but mother does not agree stoutly, ego part of the child comes out to make a choice with respect to need station: It is darling abandon, still be argy-bargy, it is to move father to serve as reinforcements, still be oneself are bought secretly eat, etc.
Choose differently and answer strategy, the immanent psychology motivation of backside is different also, fuluoyide is called them " psychological defense mechanism " , means: It is when ego when this my demand be thwarted, the psychology such as the anguish that goes up to avoid spirit, nervous angst, awkward, injustice, can undertake the adjustment of all sorts of mentally accidentally of purpose, this adjustment process is the defence of ego.
Self defense is ego to this my depression, also be a kind of of ego subliminal protection. The maturity that psychologist develops according to personal growth and character, self defense mechanism cent is 4 kinds big:
The first kind, call narcissism sex defence the mechanism, basically include: Mental sex is denied, covet sex is function of projectile, division, ill-natured action. For instance, child of 4 years old did not have ice-cream obviously, it is good to tell others mom was bought to him however big ice-cream of olfactory of a strawberry, extremely delicious. To the child, this is not to lie, however ill-natured defense mechanism is in run; But if grow up such also, and take seriously the illusion, that fell ill namely.
The 2nd kind, call immature defence the mechanism, basically include: The self-identity of projectile, defence that is not mental sex, passive attack, see all actions wait. For instance, the child does not have ice-cream, box up oneself, do not agree to have a meal, adopt the defense mechanism of passive attack; And if father thinks it is fussily that mom does not drench to child Mai Bingqi, hereat meaning follows the him oppose, chicken domestic lanes and alleys to fly the dog jumps, let oneself cannot set his mind at to work, it is the defense mechanism that took projectile sex -- means, project oneself idea to the body of the other side;
The 3rd kind, call neurosis sex defence the mechanism, basically include: Depressive, displacement, retreat travel, segregation, retrorse form, quits, rationalize. For instance, mom faces father for no reason project and censure, a married woman's parents' home was returned under stretch, namely " retreat row " , means: When experience cannot be dealt with to the setback, show and the age unworthily babyish behavior reaction, abandon mature manner and adult behavior mode, let oneself retreat return children position, will evade adult responsibility through counting another person.
The 4th kind, call mature defence the mechanism: It is the defense mechanism with commonly used adult, basically include altruistic, sublimate, humour to wait. For instance, grandfather grandmother listens the complain tearfully of child mom, what criticize son without add fuel to the flames is incorrect, regard this ice-cream incident as however case wrote an article to join a newspaper office, summary says: "Marriage is young husband and wife is collective grow, what the talent that matures only can spend the time is better. " this is sublimate.
Had turned round to come, see the boy that our begin mentions, look from character structure, the ego that is him is too powerful, bring about go after actual principle blindly, attend to is less than the interest of other and need. Face the little brother of arise suddenly or little sister, the first reaction is the angst that singleton female position is browbeaten and uneasiness, his idea oneself " the son accedes namely of family property " projected the little brother that was not born goes up personally, it is little brother, certain to if be,think can follow him loot belongings, should be in so kill the little brother that has not be born for a short while; Meanwhile, he also knows that he cannot control parents to give birth to the decision of 2 embryoes, the defense mechanism that used rationalize then will undertake compromise, think " little sister won't loot family property " , if be,so him little sister can be accepted.
Not only such, face what father mother did not adumbrate and discuss to inform, the anger to parents and dissatisfaction were full of actually in boy heart, but cannot convey to parents again, the defense mechanism that adopts move so, went to indignant move on nonexistent little brother body, through destroying cruel requirement of the little brother to come drain is opposite hostile mood of parents, in the meantime, the longing that he loves the heart to what molopolize, rise with the scared segregation that loses love, layer of translate into reality faces the demand of exclusive possession, because " belongings " , hold more easily than love it seems that.
Psychological course of the boy, also help us see, almost all delicate egocentrics, the heart is in happen such one kind changes: The mental demand that they affirm the heart to love and value, translate into material is satisfied and show utilitarian increase safeguard. To ensure he is in the family is mixed the elite position in the society, every minutes of the affection demand that they can keep apart themselves, consolidate step by step, every second that endeavors to let oneself and each action are " useful " , point to real cause reach, the profit that brings reality. If not be such, their self-worth feels and " I am to be worth to love " positive move can be lost.
Delicate egocentric, with parents and education of elite of school skill fictile, have very big concern. A well-known journalist says indignantly: "Chinese education is bughouse. " this word admittedly extreme, but it also is reminding people to think over: If education is to emphasize all the time " Doing " , should do more to contend for the word that grabs resource and circuit ceaselessly, can increasing child is not experienced " Being " -- the meaning of existence itself, they are met more and more fear to follow true this I am waited for together, can jump over angst hard more.
Accepting elite education, and the friend that does not want to become delicate egocentric, can be adjusted ceaselessly and challenge oneself the definition to self-worth, have a look, besides acquire real interest besides, what to have to be looked useless by oneself, but can widen life experiences however, the method that binds with other better, help you search complete oneself. For instance, do regularly do a volunteer, go raising teach or accompany the old people in mortal consideration ward.
All education, finally is ego education, it is the influence of life opposite life and call.
Today's exercise is: Contrast the case that we speak of, the ego that observes oneself is to pass too big, small or just is good, ask oneself, associate with or in the worry that instantly is facing, oneself most may the defense mechanism that often uses be 4 kinds of big medium where a kind? You need not fear you had not understood the specific definition of all sorts of defense mechanisms completely, want to know only: Defense mechanism is subliminal ego protection, and can come out oneself from the disengagement in the worry truly, not be the person that goes change the external world and thing, change the mechanism that we use however, you had older active right to your life.
Class of Lin Zi psychology, we see next time.
[the exercise after this period class]
Observe oneself ego, judging it is to pass too big, small or just is good;
Ask oneself, associate with or in the worry that instantly is facing, oneself most may the defense mechanism that often uses be 4 kinds of big medium where a kind?
