Teach and get education, should be a happy thing. But bad is, a lot of him parents have very very tall record of formal schooling, good knowledge, however because hope children will have a bright future,the heart is cut, holding in the arms " what the way that I pick for you chooses than yourself certainly is good " state of mind, with authoritative Yo means, gradually the autonomy of finish child.
Some parents may feel finish child is exaggerate sth just to scare people, they can think: Do I kill the child how possibly?
But a lot of parents are the thing that is doing harm child inadvertently with the name of love.
01
Why do we try to command the child?
The child exerts all his strength crying, the snout of parent gravity says: "Stop. Said not to cry. Said not to cry..
The child continues to cry, can comfort again only a few have nothing to do the word of the difficulties.
Accurate method is so simple, ask why to cry, find a problem to comfort, shift a topic.
Why the parent does not know them harming the child, the child returns small incontrollable good mood! When the child is small, adult conversation perhaps can adjust mood appropriately.
Be brought up as child little, the parent also has the worry of each respect, a lot of moment can transfer disposition to child body, patience is less and less, disposition is bigger and bigger, coach eventually became censure, impart became an order. A lot of parents know such doing actually bad, do not control oneself namely.
The parent commands cry out child chronically, cause by a few respects commonly: Lack is patient, too cross angst, control desire is too strong. Him horizon is not wide, play not quite agile, think oneself method is only best. Not one's words of arrogate to oneself, won't communicate, issue a statement can simply only.
Be brought up by the command namely when some parents are small, was used to such means. The parent cannot understand the child. Return some because he is too sensitive,the parent is, self-respect, self-confidence is insufficient, different opinion of the child, be read to be by accident by him revolt and bunt.
These command sexual word, probably you also are saying to the child:
Forbid to cry! Pull in your ears! !
Say to be no good be no good!
Go doing according to what I say, not why!
Bathe! Close TV!
Adult talks, the child does not interrupt!
...
Originally we want to tell the child, should do the business that we think to be opposite, patience was lost gradually after trying a few times, sensory child is in the authority that challenges oneself, enforce then with the command the child is carried out. These command backside are actually implicit we are right of child unsatisfactory abreact, punish the child's state of mind a bit even.
02
Do the long harm to the child so
Strangle the child's creativity
We often delimit poppet with good child equal-sign. Because the parent asks what the child does, it is for the child certainly good. But the think of a way that the parent does not understand him child.
Oneself opinion won't be expressed when the child is small, parents is right child growl, command, he won't express his idea and desire more, if things go on like this, the child is met more and more close.
A lot of moment perhaps parents feels the child is certain idea is too innocent, do not listen to him to be told deny readily, often can let the child have very strong frustrate feeling so, what do I do to be not approbated by parents, meet more and more self-abased, parents should encourage the child more, help child expresses his true opinion, must not use you to must listen to my creativity that will strangle the child.
Let the child finally lose self-respect
If we him park by jussive place, experience oneself mood, can understand the child's feeling.
Hear when you a chain of when the word that forbids begin, whether do you feel be restricted, by despotic rusty and but? To the soldier, accepting an order is compulsory, but operate namely to the child, control, be pair of children do not respect.
Be breathed out for a long time to be drunk, slowly him child also lost self-respect, self-worth is low, be used easily in the future by others and control.
Let the child or revolt or weakness
Always by jussive child, after be brought up, general component is two kinds, one kind is revolt model, one kind is weak model.
Revolt: The issue that this kind of person waits for control sex to command, regulation is particularly sensitive, often behave for disobedient. They are hot-tempered, a word is not pleasing to the ear can erupt, but be subject to sometimes rise be dead set. Such person is go to extremes, listen only make and defy two option, won't integrated consideration, discuss with the person.
Weakness: The honest person of obsequious, always be take orders from at other, executing the mission that others gives.
We can sympathize with them very much sometimes, however, poor person has abominable place surely. Surface of this kind of person is compliant, there is too much dissatisfaction to did not abreact however in the heart.
A lot of singletons are behaved femaly now even if such. You say he is obedient, obedient, actually he just did not revolt avowedly. Have in the company now many such employee, the surface does not have an opinion, the thought in the heart is very much however, the person that lets work together is felt do not wear brains.
Everything of monitoring child, strangle the child's last vitality
Still a kind of command makes the child more afflictive, that is tender command, do not give the child any free, everything of monitoring child, what can say to listen to adult to the child only is for hello. Crude command often makes the child produces mutinous heart, but the order that does not give the child any freedom can let the child feel, parents is for me good, but the idea that parents cannot satisfy him very hold back is bent.
Have a girl of 16 years old, say: Pin money cannot be spent casually, go out to play must first ask for instructions, play together with who, lop what head, wear what dress... should listen to father mother. Ask why the child is communicated with parents, the child is only very of grievance say, no matter what I say, they can have reason, my constant is speechless, him hate is incompetent, can enrage so that oneself cry greatly only.
A lot of singletons female too should similar experience. Adult holds the child in both hands in control, everything has been arranged to you, good for you, you have no alternative. The command that is this kind of tender type gives the child's vitality strangled.
03
How to communicate correctly with the child?
Overmuch command can cause all sorts of long harm to the child, but not be to say us without giving thought to the child. Educational child, want the ability according to the child and state, teach from handgrip hand ground, to remind, arrive to negotiate regulation to arrive again with the child let go make him child responsible.
If you notice yourself occasionally too arbitrary, often talk with jussive snout, that cries to oneself with respect to need stop, try change method, communicate with the means below and child:
1. drafts regulation
The person lives in the society, cannot do as one wants, always should get the limitation of of all kinds standard. In one's childhood the family trains order of society of the self-identity after conducing to him be brought up in the behavior of respect of toe the mark to him. The thing should be done to what in the home, what behavior does not allow, want to have clear regulation, tell the child to establish these normative accounts even.
Even if child is small still, do not understand, if the parent also wants to be able to be understood with the child as far as possible, go explaining a specification. These normative whole family are abided by, not be the requirement of one person of pair of child.
2. is gotten the better of soundlessly sometimes phonic
If the child is already enough big, so, not be have to cry out, command, your eyes or stealthily whisper, or oneself are the first do, can have very good effect.
3. notices a circumstance
When the person is the more much, the child is more excited, exceed bad him check, a lot of parents want to be in charge of the child at that time. The child's self-respect is intense flimsy, the parent must have been protected. If you consider a pipe very much really, use a suggestion as far as possible, perhaps get the child to the place of nobody first, under a public occasion of avoid by all means rebuke child.
4. gives the child the chance that err
We command because he does not have patience,the child often is, hope to see a result immediately again. This is to be this, not be to be the child. If be for the child really, must let him child try, allow to err.
The home, should be a place that is full of love; And Yo, the love that ought to flow with heavy full figure, esteem and freedom are a foundation. Command only in the family and be subject to, the child's heart is met nowhere is put.
Have a kind of parent, he says what child can listen, go carrying out next. Because the child is clear, oneself do not have the leeway that does not listen, obedience is only alternative.
Still have a kind of parent, he says what child also can listen. Because the child is clear, if parental place says, it is a direction, oneself still need to differentiate, enquire oneself heart, decide next whether comply with. Raise the child that come out so, have a plenty of simple duplicate of the parent, parents, it is the upper limit that they cannot break through forever.
If can let parents be in those who rear the child to avoid those conciously at the beginning,harm sexual behavior possibly, foster the child to will make the process that the child and parent grow jointly.
