[1, the foundation that spouse concern is parentage]
If I ask you are inside your family, who is the most important, how can you reply? You may hesitate none tell me to say: The child!
I am none hesitant also tell you, if you think so, of the child grow occurrence problem will be big probability incident! Because no matter you are a father,still be a mom, in your family, the most important not be the child, however your sweetheart.
So say you may understand hard at a draught. We come systematic manage.
In us greater part breaks up among front courtyard, have concern of two kinds of core, it is spouse concern, another is parentage. Because the child is bearing the weight of,the future of a family is mixed hope, so a lot of families can't help put parentage in the first. But to a family, spouse concern just is the most important. Because husband and wife is the founder of domestic atmosphere, the child's pedagogue, the provide for that also is bilateral old person person, they are concerning of a family promote decline.
So, had handled you and the relation that love the world, more more important than taking care of the child. And among reality, we often can play this kind of significance instead. To major family, it is the brunt that mom bears educational child, father bears the brunt that raises the home.
At that time, formed a kind of phenomenon, mom and child are a whole, particularly close, father is opposite for aloofer. Father is uncomfortable at that time, he also has normal affection to need, then you can see he indulges the job, all sorts of business, more and more do not steward the thing in. Not only without giving thought to, he still can see a son possibly not pleasing to the eye, say a son all the time this is bad, that is bad. At that time in mom heart uncomfortable, the son is my teaching, this still is saying to say that every day without giving thought to, your this person how so bored!
Then, the communication between husband and wife is less and less, brawl is increasing, this falls bad, safe feeling of the child also was done not have. Spouse concern is the foundation of child life, I had encountered particularly much child, because of father mother the relation is on bad terms, become do not want to learn, miss independent life, be far from this kind of brawl. I still had encountered the child of a 5 grade, because father mother concerned to be on bad terms and be full of compunctious feeling, oneself cause he feels, do not have idea study at all so.
A moment ago said father, did not forget to still have mother. Mom also has normal affection to appeal to beg! Caused what concern with the husband to be far from intimately with the child's height, then mom begins to become disturbed, begin jealousy. His dinner party is so much, a gang of scoundries is so much, there is a woman outside.
Want to do not have safe feeling more so, looked carefully, it is with respect to the child in my hand, be my only support. Then mom begins desperately clutch the child is not put, to the child's control strength is increased ceaselessly. The child also needs a space, this kind of practice lets mom child pressure hill is big, then the child begins to revolt mom. The child this one revolt nevers mind, mom of last safety feudal to privative. Mom by negative mood place dominant, the worse and worse that all sorts of relations handle, a family with the United States, become was full of smoke of gunpowder. Below this kind of environment, of the child grew to also get more and more serious interference.
Of course, above these are I am based on a few abstraction of working experience to push act, it does not express to take parentage seriously to be more than husband and wife to concern to become with respect to regular meeting such. I just think those who pass this kind of negative result to evolve, let everybody see, want to teach good child, cannot pay close attention to the child only. Spouse concern is the first relation, it is the foundation of parentage, handle relation of good husband and wife, the child just has better grow!
[2, communicating is the most important step]
Tell here, we understood spouse concern is the foundation of parentage, so on this foundation, how to admit parentage? The answer is to communicate!
Close child between the most important interaction is not to persuade, not be you tell how many truth to the child, communicate however. The communication that says here, the communication likelihood that understands with you is not quite same. It not just language of be confined to, also include to be not a language to communicate.
That you may interrogative, since communicate so important, what do I say with the child after all then, how to say. Remember, communication sense, depend on the response of the other side. Because this and child say what is not important, important is what the child experienced!
A lot of parents can say with the child " you should learn well " , can be the child with different different setting, they experience a likelihood is completely different meaning, some children feel mom this is to love me, hope I learn well; Some children feel mom how so irritated, a word is vixenish perpetual; What some children feel is be not trusted, he can think me so tried hard you always still want me to learn well, your what meaning?
This is reason of indocile of child of feeling of a lot of parents, you raise a requirement to the child, must consider the understanding that he asks to you, such ability get wanted response. The 4th class has explained the communication skill of this respect, give uncecessary details is not done here.
[3, the force of example is boundless]
Tell here, you say alas I did well husband and wife concerns, also mastered communication skill, be OK know clearly ah? My answer is: Insufficient still!
Why so say? Because be in the daily educational process to the child, the child's study comes from the parent's behavior and mood, is not the parent's instruction.
You often can hear a kind of argument, the disposition that is such-and-such child and his pa too resembled. You will be very interrogative you also did not teach the child, how did he learn, this is child me-too result actually. In the family, meeting what produce the biggest effect to the child is not your language, however you and the behavior mode that your sweetheart handles an issue, the child saw, also can do accordingly next time. The most typical is parents be deal, you see the child of his home, be opposite as a child a road of the business is very ripe.
Same, the parentage mode of you and child, the spouse concern mode that also can suffer you and sweetheart is affected. The child can learn you to face the mood reaction of a thing, memory handles a mood
means. If we are the child to make a very good model in this respect, of the child grow to be met unusual smooth!
[4, help child grows, is not to replace the child to grow]
So, you can discover, actually the parent wants the child is good, the method is very simple, do best oneself are OK. We overcome our inadequacy hard, each days of active sunshine that passes, child nature also is met active growth. You may be anxious, no matter I am worn dot, can the child go?
Write down so that we had told the first class, adolescent child, move toward independence from mutinous parents, this is the parentage theme of adolescent child. Their revolt, it is to get independent growing space, defeat chorion to be born like the chickling same. So, to all parents, side child grows, is not to replace the child to grow, it is a inside parentage main dividing line!
Remember, the child asperses the seed below like the farmer same, also have oneself up vitality, he himself can side with the direction that is helpful for his to grow hard! So, inside good parentage, must become long space to child put apart!
Finally, we do a simple summary: Parentage of spouse concern overweight, it is the foundation that the child grows, be based on relationship of good husband and wife, we should establish good example for the child, open certain space, make the child free grow. This process, we can go through effective communication of correctional child grow, remember, communication sense, depend on the response of the other side, say with the child what is not important, important is what the child experienced!
This second course ended to here!
