Is affinity fear psychological disease?

Some friends can say with me, why she likes a person very much obviously, often meet however ignore he, pretend to be fed up with him even. Obviously he makes an appointment with you to go out, but you hesitate a long time however,abandon finally. Obviously you are to think Tan Lian loves very much, but be opposite however,walk into affinity, very fear. It is good to yours to face others, you are at a loss more. Why can you have this kind of state of mind that likes to be far from the more the more? Why this sort can is like " evasive model " the reaction of character? How to want to you just can be improved?

Psychological mechanism: Feel oneself are not quite good, what be afraid that he discovers himself again is bad -- then you hide rise, flatter oneself is protecting him -- actually, what you also let him lose sight of you so is good -- what he loses sight of you is good, did not like to go up you -- you more it is good to affirm oneself are insufficient, undeserved like -- meet favorite person the next time, you continue to like to be far from more more -- vicious circle

1, originate acknowledge is maladjusted. It is good to feel I am insufficient (not self-confident) -- so others won't like me. The acknowledge that hides inside this is, have ideal person only, fasten a talent to be able to like. Is the fact such? Either! On this world, everybody, not be perfect, also be worth to be loved.

2, why can have such acknowledge maladjusted. Perhaps come from the attaching pattern that did not establish health at childhood.

Attaching mode of the child has a few kinds.

It is safe attaching model. Mom should go, very sad, but I know she can come back, it is good to cry a little while so. Mom came back, very happy, want to hold in the arms.

2 it is evasive model. Mom went, good, I pretend to pay no attention to, mom came back, I pretend not happy. Yes, actually child heart is cared about, but this is mechanism of protection of a kind of ego.

3 it is angst contradiction. Mom went, I am good angst, good fear, how to do, I cry ah cry, she still can come back again.

The person attaching pattern that is put in this kind of psychology so is evasive model. Ego protection, pretend to be absent, fear close.

3, why can you form evasive model attaching?

Because arrive to experience greatly as a child,tell you probably: You are done not have by admit completely, you are loveless, true you were not admitted to love, they may leave you at any time, you are flat do not go been care about, you are flat far good from them.

1, correct acknowledge. A psychologist once said, acknowledge was cured namely. You should see this kind of your current difficult position, know why oneself are met such, such, your problem it may not be a bad idea half.

2, walk out of comfortable area. Do you consider a change? Is the desire that you change strong? Do you think the life that lets you becomes different? Walk out of the first pace to often compare difficulty, but meet next successful. You can be made from affection of a few bagatelle. It is for instance when other people is good to you, accept, seek opportunity get one's own back next, eat a meal please, perhaps send a gift. Walk out of that the most difficult one situation, your meeting discovery is changed only, bring force.

3, ego promotion. Should make not self-confident to oneself person abrupt before the change is cognitive, feel oneself are very marvellous, that also is unlikely. But everybody can try hard to make his better, in the process of this effort, in the process that ameliorates slowly, you accuse feeling promotion to the palm of the life, can become self-confident slowly.

4, institutional sweetheart. Although entered a paragraph of affinity, evasive model mode affirmation is inevitable still, so in the relation, you should learn to go more how sweetheart, go be being loved. And have a child later, , should admitting him termlessly more is unique individual, be do not get go loving, it is to let him know, no matter he is what kind of, forever somebody loves him, you can be forever beside him. It is not to let the child experience this kind to be experienced badly like you again.