How dissolve the contradiction that wife and mother concerns after all?
Before paragraph time, a male student follows my complaint. He says, teacher, give birth to the child because of wife before New Year partly, my Mom is big old far come out to take care of us from the country, contradict in the home from now on ceaseless. My Mom cannot bear the sight of my wife extravagant, do not love to do chore; My wife is overcome my Mom chatters, be in especially Yo above the viewpoint, they have a lot of difference. She two not was little before me complaint. If partial my Mom, wife can feel to subdue, feel I did not become her people on one's own side. If I am protecting wife, can be blamed by my Mom, married daughter-in-law to forget a woman. The taste of this kind of sandwich biscuits is really bad to suffer. Nowadays, war of wife and mother has had the tendency that grow in intensity, come home everyday I am gotten everywhere put out a fire, persuade wife a little while, fool old Mom a little while, do terribly defeatedly. is wife and mother inherent enemy really?
Relation of wife and mother is the most difficult question in Chinese type relation it seems that, a lot of friends are in face. These year, have a lot of teleplay reflecting this problem, for instance " double-faced glue " , " the mother-in-law comes " , " hemp hot wife and mother " etc. In no matter be drama of movie and TV,still living, sound, the husband is it seems that most wretch, cannot do the supercilious look wolf of close affection, the negative heart that cannot make love more Chinese, bicephalous flattery, bicephalous be deceived. Nevertheless, I want male to this student today, right also all husbands, namely sons, speak a truth -- wife and mother concerns this word, perhaps be a crammer only. It listens go up, be like the binary relation that is mother-in-law and daughter-in-law only, but what be constitutionally? Substaintial just is a kind of triangle between mother-in-law, daughter-in-law and son. Sons often have an excuse, they can feel, this is the thing between two women, what I can do is not much, let themselves place to go manage. Actually, in the family, this male qualified personnel is the core key that solves a problem.
Wife and mother is contradictory, from apparently look, be like the difference that is habits and customs and thought concept. We often feel, what there is a lot of life to go up between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is incommensurate. Where is controversy of wife and mother basically centrally? Investigation shows, one is the viewpoint about rearing the child, one is about making household field. These contradictory backside, it is mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to that man in the home, the degree of the love of that man that becomes a son again when the husband already namely. An eldest sister that will do a mother-in-law namely says to me, teacher, I seemed to marry daughter-in-law to be asked for integratedly, hate to part with a son to leave, have self-pity and outcast feeling, as if have a few not reconciled to, after fearing, nobody is taken care of, also fear daughter-in-law does not admit her, fear daughter-in-law is bad to the son, still fear oneself are needed no longer. Daughter-in-law people be what is experienced? One is married nonlocal cummer says to me, because love a man greatly,be only, I leave the home that gives birth to me to raise me a few years, come to a such new places. Can be those who face a mother-in-law is a lot of and captious, the husband just persuades me blindly to say, that is my Mom, you are borne bear calculated. This word lets me feel, oneself forever mother-in-law of be not a patch on is in the position in husband heart. In this home, I am like is an alien only forever. You look, it is the mother-in-law says the mother-in-law is justifiable really, daughter-in-law says daughter-in-law is justifiable. Psychologist investigates statistic to show, the daughter-in-law of 2/3 thinks the mother-in-law met envious son daughter-in-law forgot a woman, the grandmother that also has 2/3 thinks she is redundant in daughter-in-law eye, suffer daughter-in-law to repel a bit. A lot of men do not understand, marrying son's wife is not much a woman loves her, is this better? Why can you cause a war?
Now, we look from psychological angle, after all backside of relation of wife and mother has reason of what deep-seated psychology.
The family is the carrier that delivers love, send the child from parents, again the child of this child goes by deliver. So, hold the first in domestic concern, should not be parentage, however husband and wife concerns. Spouse concern is calm Nereus needle of the family, meaning that is to say is in any family, must put spouse concern in the first place. Be the same as the family of hall in the sansei that has husband's father and mother, husband and wife and child especially. If spouse concern is domestic core, have the first right to speak, so the order of this family can compare stability relatively. But in reality, rather, law court of the state in a lot of traditions is unbalance, because they put parentage in domestic first place, spouse concern became appear with anther leading player instead. Below this kind of mode, mother child relation husband and wife of almost inevitable overweight concerns. That is to say, to a mom character, the son is her most important affection is placed, the husband discharges the 2nd in the family at most. Son is not the husband, become mom's closest person, also be mom most hard the person of give up. Then, be brought up when this son, had oneself marriage, build oneself little family, as this individual of mom and mother-in-law, namely the mother at that time, can a kind of huge is lost feeling. She can feel to lose the most serious person in life, still can feel another woman reaved the true love in life, be in subconscious in, often intended or prevent son and daughter-in-law innocently to establish the closest relationship. Sometimes, we can see in news media even, have a few grandmothers, the night in son newly-married, be determined to go to child room, often disturb the life of young husband and wife next. This is more typical, mom follows the son's detached performance hard. If mom is willing to depart with the son not quite, certainly will disturbs the relationship of husband and wife in little family, spouse concern also became a kind of triangle accordingly. Tell a bit badlier, mother-in-law regular meeting becomes the first in spouse concern real a third party.
The son knows before, oneself are the most serious person in maternal memory, more important than father. When he or a child when, get the mother loves more so, feeling very contented; Was brought up now, he feels to want redound mother. So, he cannot bear the heart betrays a mother, establish the closest relationship with the wife. This is the interior secret of the depth that a lot of wife and mother get along hard. Change an angle to look, if mother-in-law memory is medium the most serious person is not a son, however the husband, so face a mother child this kind of certainly will is detached, won't have so much hard give up. She sees can gladly, the son was found love most, had oneself life and little family. The mother can feel special to be at ease and be blessed. This moment, the mother-in-law follows daughter-in-law harmony more easily to get along relatively. She can bless daughter-in-law and son, be about to be on she and the road of the sort of happiness that the husband ever had gone. Regard wife and mother as the focus of contention, of the husband answer mode actually crucial. If this man is blindly play truant only, the hope does one who tries not to offend anyone, satisfy bilateral requirement as far as possible, so this conflict can continue certainly.
Want to become the husband of tall affection business and son, how should handle wife and mother to concern?
Want to remember above all, you do your family advocate. The first law of healthy family, it is husband and wife the relation just is the calm Nereus needle in the home, just be the relation of the NO.1 in the home. In former unripe family, parents has right to speak most. And in the new family in you, you and wife have most right to speak. Psychology has a word -- what certainly will should depart is not to love most. No matter how you adore father and mother, want to leave them after all, live yourself's life. No matter how you love young man and woman, do father and mother also should push the child after all, let the child have the life that belongs to his. Spouse, just be the person that accompanies our lifetime truly. Now socially, have a lot of gigantic baby. They already 229 years old, built little family, had oneself child even, but in psychological level, did not follow former unripe family to depart truly however, special still depend on parents. This concerns with respect to the husband and wife that can affect little family. Only those who become the man realize, he lays the concern with hit the target the mainest now is spouse concern, need maintains the harmonious development of little family, ability of problem of wife and mother compares good land to solve. When he and mother are detached, emotional regular meeting of the mother is harmed. This kind of harm, going up somehow is a kind inevitable. From long-term look, worth while. Marriage is in inchoate is a few years very flimsy, if the husband is willing to choose to build more unified battle line with the wife, add the safe move that follows a wife and close touch, then he safeguarded a family well. Contrary, if the husband still chooses to stand in same battle line with the mother, wait for do not be willing to be brought up in former unripe family, the husband and wife that affects him with respect to regular meeting then concerns, the influence is opposite to parents the manner of daughter-in-law. If he is shown to the wife,do not respect, husband's father and mother can assentation very quickly normally his view, feel the wife is footy. The wife can feel, any positions are done not have in marital family or be repelled outer. The first of the relation puts the spouse in the family, it is the one step with healthy the most important marriage. This is not to say, want to leave a spouse most resource. Contrary, in such family, old person and child need to take care of more normally, can give them more time and resource allocation. But in psychological level, in affection level, must know, the spouse just is our most important psychology is placed, just be we need to go most close comrade-in-arms. Decided this premise, other issue was handled more easily. Affection the man with tall business, can make mother and wife happy, is not can be concerned to be done terribly defeatedly by wife and mother.
How be done after all? We offer a few particular way here.
The first, the distance that clever man knows a bowl of boiling water is best. After every feminine marriage, hope man of him entrust all one's life can mature rise, prop up small home this day. But a lot of men forgot the part is changed, always think oneself still are parental chickabiddy, at every turn wants to depend on parents, no matter be,still be in on housework economically. A the clearest sign, it is they are not willing to leave parents to get along alone normally. They most the reason of high-sounding is, I should take care of them, they have me only this one son. However, the merit that we see often is, parents is taking care of this gigantic baby conversely. Fall in an eave together, the dear one that has kin hard to avoid produces clash, do not have the wife and mother of any kin what is more,the rather that more. Two women, there are any be mixeds before, without any affection join, mere because of you, must each other look at the life, don't you feel this is a very difficult issue? So, live apart, it is the best method that avoids needless conflict. Between abode, had better be the distance of a bowl of soup. Those who keep proper is close, maintain opposite independence again, have respective private space. Such, parents serves as householder in his family, you serve as householder in your little family. This kind can take care of the other side to be able to maintain the relationship of each other join and bounds again already, ability harmony gets along. Of course, this needs every family to be arranged according to particular case.
The 2nd, clever man should be the first give presents parents. Do not shift give presents and the responsibility that take care of parents to the wife. A lot of men have such idea, it is not easy that my pa Mom raises me, I married now, since you are my wife, should filial my pa Mom, help me take care of them. Without what this word is logistic. The wife has her to should be done, but the responsibility that taking care of parents is you, cannot complete impute to she. A lot of wife and mother are contradictory, censure wife is not filial, often be actually become the man oneself are done cannot get. The son is truly filial parents, wife nature can go follow the lead of, after all because love you to just call them pa Mom,she is. You care him parents, perfectly justified; The wife cares your parents, you should be thankful.
The 3rd, clever man should let the other side do good person. Have friend of a man, dissolve contradiction of wife and mother so. After coming off work, he sends the water that wash a foot to the mother. He says, I just arrived home, daughter-in-law urges me to carry hot water to you, she says your arthritis made, still let me bring back ointment to you. Return the home in the evening, he says to the wife, mom Bao soup, let me deliver you to eat, she says your stomach is bad, go to work very tired, get the much boiling water that drink a dot in the evening. You look, should increase the close density between wife and mother it is very importantly to dissolve wife and mother to contradict namely. Clever man, can leave a wife the opportunity that does good person. Celebrated a festival, should shop with the name of wife give presents parents. Lead a wife more in the home, boast boast mother-in-law, the hutch of admiring mother-in-law art very good, admiring mother-in-law compares housekeeping. Even if yourself helps parents do, also want to say the purpose that is a wife. Such, the mother-in-law can feel daughter-in-law special bright logic, also be willing to be troubled by unpleasantness with daughter-in-law not quite on a few bagatelle. The wife also can experience your effort from which, if she has a lot of love to you, then she can be willing to take care of your parents better.
The 4th, clever man won't quarrel with the wife before parents or home person. In the world does not have the husband and wife that does not quarrel probably, quarrelling also is a kind of means of communication of husband and wife, but quarrel to be able to harm a family to concern normally. Quarrel before parental face, not only harm husband and wife concerns, the feeling that also can hurt parents and wife concerns. See son son's wife quarrels, parental nature will be sad sad, the husband and wife that perhaps thinks their existence affected you concerns, perhaps think they are burdensome you to, have more very person, can think daughter-in-law is not to consider him support, quarrel intentionally go flat. Have the father and mother of a few shield a shortcoming of fault, see you quarrel, can jump out to help you meet wife, change you into contradiction of very complex wife and mother and familial contradiction with the in-house contradiction between wife. Solve rise, more complex, more intractable.
The 5th, clever man does not make the tube of pass on a message that complain. Common people has a word to be told straight white -- the both ends that can do is hidden the truth from, the both ends that won't do is passed. The man that both ends hides the truth from is very clever, not only can clever ground is abreaction two wives are resentful to each other, and can please each other for two women, make two women mutual raise good opinion, stimulative wife and mother is harmonious. Both ends sends maledictory man, the consideration is gotten with respect to not proper. There is too much contradiction originally between a lot of wife and mother, just a few small cannot bear the sight ofing and attrition, but pass that intermediate man " communicate " , small attrition can brush a conflagration to spend normally, make wife and mother contradictory become more acerb. Final result, the man that is pass on a message suffers in an abyss of suffering, not know what to do.
Settle wife and mother's contradictory culminating secret record, it is the marriage that we had managed ourselves above all. This needs wife and marital joint efforts.
Survey those wife and mother's harmonious household carefully, can discover they have common feature, that is an old person really beloved son, son sincerity loves wife, because wife loves husband, be willing to love me to husband's father and mother. This is the benign loop of harmonious family. Not harmonious family, rather. The husband knows a wife truly, understand her pains, see her trouble, feel distressed she, cherish her, so the pains that the wife also can understand the man conversely, although contradiction arises between wife and mother, they are based on the love to you and the sincerity to this family, also be willing to be dissolved actively with give the impression of weakness, even if stoop to compromise. Because wife and mother concerns,a lot of wives also do not want and your husband in a dilemma. The mother-in-law sees son son's wife is perfect and happy, also can know decent ground to exit, to daughter-in-law more including is mixed admit.
Good, what we share to everybody today is issue of concern of wife and mother. Altogether, had managed little family, put spouse concern in the most significant position, it is the core that resolves concern of wife and mother. Additional, the man that places an inter is that key with solve problem of wife and mother the most important.
Wish this key of every family can be applied goodly independently, make a relative trend benign circulate.
