Lock the person of the mood, be close to very hard
Read a book recently -- " childhood affection is ignored " (stage edition, acorn culture is published) the heart feels somewhat, want to share the value with concatenate affection with everybody.
A lot of people look chill scanty from, lack safe sense, not dare true the feeling that expresses oneself, and the affection that responds to others without ability.
The great majority of these philtrum, the family that comes from childhood affection to be ignored -- parents is not too busy, do not have the capable to experience, feeling that approbates the child namely, so the child learned to conceal his affection, sever the connection with the outside, live in oneself world.
Sound very familiar? My week has a lot of by such person.
After you and they are contacted, feel the mood that is less than them and sense, resembled wearing a mask, wore armature like, ego is protected very closely, have distance feeling from beginning to end with you.
Yes, the sort of lay between a gauze (large perhaps wall) segregation feeling, let a person be close to hard.
Above all, identify the mood of a yourself
Resemble the person that isolates so completely with the mood, want to realize oneself problem above all.
The mood is the colour of life, did not have it, life is a black and white silent drama, did not have even sound; The mood is very useful tool, it helps our recognize week meet with environment, let we are able to live and multiply unborn.
Whether to do not have a mood or know the him mood, person that does not recognize him mood, not only fertility is lower, cannot experience whole life more.
Accordingly, a lot of people can be caused finally depressed, because of all moods within of keep long in stock, yu sluggish is not changed, give birth to a serious illness easily also.
If these people can understand oneself and sentiment scanty from, be about to try to go to what identify and speak oneself experiencing. Say for example:
You say I am very angry in that way;
I feel this thing makes me very sad;
You so do let me feel me am unvalued.
If can oneself recognize these feeling, and be willing mix week of friend that compares accredit and family are shared, so, your successful control the first step that feels him mood. Next, observe and you can record your feeling more subtly.
4 methods, handle your mood
The author is in " childhood affection is ignored " the method that sentiment of a processing shared in one book, I feel very practical, share with everybody here.
1.Identify oneself feeling: Sadness, indignant, setback, self-abased, worthless, grievance... . . Etc, at the moment what is what you experience after all? Name for them.
2. accepts it, do not want judge pair of its faults -- the value that the existence of the mood has it, scarcely can be denied or be be fed up with it.
3. tries to manage clear to feel the reason of backside, what is its origin.
Why can you feel to get hurt? Because your expectation is exorbitant, be still you misreaded a person at all? Whether is this mood you arrive to be in all the time greatly as a child of experience?
You do not approbate it, admit it, admit it, and bear a responsibility for it, so, you do not have avoidable to be able to encounter with it all the time in the life.
4. sees this mood need you to take what action, this action is aimed at him, do not atttack other.
What should you do, let this mood can alleviate come down. Perhaps be oneself search fun, perhaps be to look for the other side to talk, perhaps be the help that seeks good friend or expert, help change one's tune and view, normally the mood can be obtained alleviate.
Satisfy affection requirement, it is the core of all affinity
In affinity, the communication of the mood especially important. A lot of people, especially man, special fear oneself mood, be depressed completely so, deny oneself to have any sentiments.
This moment, his spouse, must want cautious guiding him, taking kindness to comb his mood, communicate well with him discuss.
I remember my former husband, he is a first-rate person actually, but the mood that he is not willing to face his namely, not be willing so and my true propinquity or it is to discuss this kind of topic.
In those days I, face a variety of his manners that protect oneself, feel to get hurt only, then defensive, attack, I guide him without enough wisdom, create a safety, warm environment, let him be willing to search, face him childhood those moods that are not approved, it is quite regretful really.
Childhood times is ignored by parents the person of the mood, still meet those who additionally one is plant appear, they perhaps are in as expressive affection, concatenate as the person on without the problem, but can be born to feel oneself are immanent firstly eventually have a black hole, the deepness that wants to look for a person to do affection to go up from beginning to end is concatenate, good come fill this black hole.
To have an emotive support, they may disregard their self-respect, be willing bend its all paying, change the warmth of little namely, because oneself immanent world is too frozen.
This kind person needs to call in attention to him body namely, try to see regard as everyday the heart that what thing can let him is contented, abundant, the business that does a few him suit more.
I say I am this kind person regretfully, because of childhood period parents all along ignored my feeling, ignore my affection demand, it is OK that so I am searching all one's life truly alimentary on feeling the person to me, give me the support of the mood, for these, my whats can sacrifice, pay.
Because,be so emotion demand, can do instead inside affinity so be bungled, because, this kind of circumstance, you are not to draw the person that will cannot connect with your affection, can find know your weakness, use you then, the person that cheats you.
Say honest, when reading this book, I also am unavoidable check the number is entered feel as a mother, I also may have oversight on affection the child's place.
I am all along self-righteous one can show consideration for very much, the person that understanding fastens favor to feel, also be such to the child. Can be the respecting in the book, a lot of pairs of children take care of the father and mother that gets in every possible way, its are honest this respect also neglect one's duty.
Resemble my father mother, they love me very much really, also be to mix in one's childhood I am very close, take care of me, pay close attention to me, but, I must say, they ignore my feeling completely, at every turn is jumping-off place with the idea of themselves and opinion, care about my affection demand far from.
So, those grow for dietary daily life of the child, study and the parents of nerve-racking, beautiful idea, I am very cordial really tell you, hope you notice the child more " experience " and his affection demand.
I often say, the child cries when be troubled by, you want what can speak his affection demand and him well and truly to experience only, and tell him you understand he is such feelings, the requirement that you need to satisfy his surface scarcely (should toy, what should eat, should go out to play) , he can disappear stops, quiet to come down.
Such child, after be brought up, won't have immanent vacant, he can develop his latent capacity truly, find the job that oneself have deep love for, give the life that oneself want alive, is this all parents place happy those who see?
