Believe to a lot of parents plaint: Present child is very indocile... hit must not, be not scolded, even some of parents adopts indulge directly, the result draws others one does not have family education. When the child errs, should be beaten and scold after all or tell a truth? Think how punishment should take the mentality that held proper limits for speech or action to just won't hurt the child again?
According to statistic, every parents thinks he is right of the child teaching is correct, but breeding child is not an easy thing, when the child errs, mostly parents is uncontrollable mood, can drink denounce aloud only and punish the child, resembling is heart of beat on the buttocks, hatchet man wait, but this can make he feels fear, right to parents has preconceived idea only, doesn't the child know him fault is in actually where, why be punished?
Of course, neither one loves the child's parents to be able to like to punish the child, but some moment punishment is necessary, just want to remember, the purpose depends on letting the child understands a mistake and be corrected make no longer, the attention does not let penalty, promote the child's heart further and further, offer a few proposals to give parents below.
1, if the child is well-meant, should be not punished
Great a long time is awaited, the child does not want to harm anyone, they are curious only. Becoming the child is the situation that produces misconduct because of new thing of study, understanding only, parents should understand, should manage together the child, tell them how to can solve a problem.
If punish the child because of an accident, probable meeting education gives indecisive nature, they can finish a statement very well, because their habit is in,have behave before actual strength, powerful person, because the meeting after be brought up fears to err and dare not make a decision, become irresponsible.
2, proposal and command are different
"You should not play a toy " with " you cannot play a toy " these two are disparate, former it is a proposal, latter is a command, if you command the child is OK,cannot do certain thing, and the child was not illuminating a command to do however, you just should punish the child.
But, if you do not have those who accomplish you because of the child " suggest or offer " punish the child, for stable to a mood child probably not affect the whole, but to a more sensitive child, can cause harm, future after they are grown, also can become dare not assume responsibility.
3, penalty not should the mood is changed
Some parents are very tall to the child's expectation, but the about in becoming the child to cannot reach parental ideal, desire of disobedient perhaps parents, although love the child, the mood also can lose control, pair of child shout abuse with respect to original idea of meeting occurrence blame, move to hit a child even.
If be sensitive child, there also can be bigger problem on prospective mood, dread of may easy lest, excited, indignant wait for strong sentiment and scream.
4, do not be in public punishment child
Censure in communal circumstance or punish the child, can let them feel awkwardness and anger, doesn't psychologist suggest the parent is used " how can people look you? " this kind of word can let the child have Babylon feeling, oppressive sex, can let them feel them are insulted even.
In addition, also do not suggest to be in award of communal circumstance exceeding, praise the child, otherwise the child may become prouder, can arrive to get even of everybody fix eyes on and have other the behavior that takes off foreword.
5, the penalty that speaks a mouth, must accomplish
Persuade not to listen repeatedly when the child when, adult speaks buccal penalty, must accomplish. Children psychologist thinks, it is oral only the menace that go up is worse than doing not have penalty completely, because come down a few times, the child can know very quickly, adult just says casually, can not punish really, can continue so play a dirty trick. As time passes, the child's viewpoint of value is met screwy, become cannot have distinguished with bad.
If of the parent " punishment is fatidical " had gotten effective, that wants slight punishment only can, nevertheless thing heel child explains this is planted " the reason with incorrect behavior " very important.
6, do not decide to who who is wrong, should punish together
When conflict of two child happening, it is brotherly sister or friend no matter, when if the parent is not affirmatory to who who is wrong, should not punish only, scold among them a child, should two are punished together. Otherwise that child psychology that is punished can be harmed, even he may become acting crime kid, and another not the child of be punished, can think oneself do not have a fault, also learn shirk responsibility, future also won't active life.
7, consider sth as it stands, the mistake that the child should not go again be punished
Fostering the child's most important principle is " → of castigatory → forgiveness is forgotten " , when the child errs, parents should give punishment in the light of the mistake of instantly, teach, a certain mistake that ten million cannot go because of the child is punished again, this can not let the child become a strong person, instead they can fear to contact new thing, new trial, future they draw a lesson very hard also from inside the mistake, also do not know how to should be improved, meet only dedicated all the time in " oneself err " .
Accordingly, the parent should err in the child hind, the child lets understand their err even after punishment what, and the reason of err, the parent after incident passes also should not mention again and again, punish again even.
8, the age that punishment should consider the child and interest
Condemnatory system of the parent should want clear, balance, do not want the child every err thing is same penalty, ying Bingchi " small error - little punishment " , " big mistake - punish severely " principle. If a child makes what fault without giving thought to, be punished euqally, the child divides the seriousness of not fair thing forever, establish a good moral viewpoint of value very hard also.
When punishment, also want to consider the child's age and be fond of, for example: The child likes to see cartoon, so the parent can err in the child hind, the intercrop when limitation sees cartoon is penalty; Perhaps should look after children originally go expecting long already amusement park, made blunder before set out however, cancel this travel, change or next month.
9, when the child errs, do not use the negative, word that contains aggressiveness
See child make trouble occasionally, smash the thing that momently, pa Mom's true meeting reason breaks a string, a few offensive words do not take care to be able to be blurted out, be like: You how you are so bad, true it is to be fed up with wait, it is bad language even. Mostly because the mood is tall,the parent won't realize him piece of negative vocabulary that speaks to the child, psychologist thinks, what these words cause sensitive child easily is self-abased, can learn these bad language even, be opposite especially girl.
After proposal parent stabilizes a mood first, with a few relatively rational words, for example: Ask yourself to be cleared away clean etc, make the mistake that the child makes for oneself responsible, be also a kind of penalty?
