Cold force, it is the killer with the cruelest affinity

Have first gear program of put together art is called " the love of daughters " , went up by cold force of boy friend Zhang Heng because of bright of female star Zheng small gain heats up search.

The process is such, some of unpleasantness was troubled by before Zheng Shuang and Zhang Heng, then on board when Zheng Shuang tries to reconcile with Zhang Heng, dan Zhangheng was adopted do not communicate the cold violent pattern that does not cooperate, and begin turn over old Zhang, say to buy the clothes to Zheng Shuang last, also retreated for the most part.

Zheng Shuang still is in and Zhang Heng discusses this issue, zhang Heng says directly " jump, did not chat " .

After the program broadcasts, of netizen lean to one side feel distressed Zheng Shuang, ask Zheng Shuang parts company in succession of what.

Be Zhang Heng at the same time " cold force " , that by the Zheng Shuang of cold force what expression be?

Having a detail is Zheng Shuang has black and white a knitting coat, as a result Zhang Heng feels bad to look to say those who wear to this is old people. Although Zheng Shuang does not agree on the mouth, dan Mingming feels cold circumstance falls, still doffed jacket close to be afraid that Zhang Heng looked grouchy.

Zheng Shuang retreats Zhang Heng's dress, zhang Heng after one face is grouchy, zheng Shuang acts like a spoiled child to Zhang Heng: You are best, the length that is me certainly does not have these clotheses suitably, my figure also deserves not to have these clotheses, it is my fault.

Zheng Shuang also has said: "He places dirty look to me, I want to cry. I want to cry..

Two people are being interviewed, zheng Shuang also is very deep review oneself, talk for Zhang Heng. Say oneself won't speak quite occasionally, because think of oneself only, had not thought others and so on too.

Cold force, it is the killer with the cruelest affinity!

They interact bilaterally and behave, let me think a very famous book " cold force " .

Home of the M.d. that the author of this book is France, depth psychology and psychotherapy division, she is in the book " cold force " a kind when differentiate to be mistreated for spirit, the person that and analysed apply cruel and the condition of the person that suffer cruel:

The person that suffer cruel is deepness normally the self-abased, melancholy that likes to seek stable relationship character, pressing get a paragraph of close relationship comes attaching. They special pursuit is stable, so that can be the other side to seek the ground of absolve desperately, if the other side is dissatisfactory, not quite good with respect to him blame or what oneself do is not quite good.

The expression of this bright following Zheng in all programs comes out " amative head " actually very picture, each paragraphs of feeling hammer and tongs, in in once was being interviewed, still stating in a paragraph love concerns, because feel not to deserve to go up the other side, should go face-lifting.

And the disposition feature of the person that apply cruel is: Childhood period has sufferred harm, independent character is damaged, in a paragraph then the meeting in the relation passes self-confidence of self-respect of blow the other side and ego belief to build his character.

A few common kinds of cold violent communication forms listed in the book:

After producing a problem, not be willing to discuss this issue, even refus does not admit to have a problem, also do not wish to communicate, do not wish to seek settlement way jointly.

With chill and humdrum tone, contempt is derisive perhaps. Even if when intense engage in a battle, the person that apply cruel also won't increase volume absolutely, when the cold rise in revolt after the other side enters the state of fretted uneasiness: "You see you, can become to cry greatly only cry, hysterical person. Can become to cry greatly only cry, hysterical person..

Debase the other side, look down on him / her idea and as.

The expression that uses scorn, " honest too beyond the mark " groan, disturb or despiteful suggestion, offensive unkind word, camouflage becomes humorous indirect criticism, etc, emphasize good for nothing of the other side again and again, also believe this finally till him the other side.

Actually Zhang Heng appeared only in the program " reject to be communicated directly " cold violent form, still do not have other more serious communication form.

And the cold violent form of ground floor class has let everybody feel intolerable, actually, a little cold force is even more serious than what we imagine, and it is the conference in amative relation appears not only, also can be found everywhere in parentage.

like me a friend once had said with me:

Her person arrives middleaged, memory is the deepest remain in one's childhood the mother says coldly: "I am very disappointed to you " , "Without me, your whats are " . When she made a mistake, talk with mom, she is paid no attention to; Of flattery gallantly, result mom goes directly, leave her a person stays in place.

Be overcome really occasionally of mom desolate, can erupt, no matter get angry to still cry greatly, mom is met say disdainfully " you see you, besides get angry and cry, still have what ability. Still have what ability..

The kind that mom serves her is verbal misrepresentation apparently, mock spicily and negative character.

So that she writtens guarantee after legitimate child, treat husband and child what also press a root to do not have consciousness with this kind of means, like evasive problem and satire, fortunately she has the husband of a psychological doctor, accompany her to do psychology to seek advice, accompany her little to improve a problem, through endless and painful change, eventually gradually the habit that changes cold force.

After going when her, she says to me: Feel happy oneself are helped, can " wake up to and avoid danger at the last moment " , the communication means that just will not review when this kind of childhood continues to deliver the child.

But she is lucky small number of people after all, actually still still many person is in cold force among them and do not know oneself, no matter be the person that violate, still be the person that suffer cruel.

Good good in this archives program of put together art lets everybody pay close attention to cold force more, but I feel, zhang Heng is only by the symbol of become apparent, with one of flavour censure this symbol, be inferior to us more expressional forms that know cold force, and understand the concern of childhood experience and cold force, only such, just can reduce cold force really probably.

There is a word to let me in the book is very impressive: "Parents blames children ham-handed, can make instead they more be ineffective smooth, the ideal that is apart from parents is further and further, because,the child is not awakward and be debased, become because of be being debased awakward however. Become because of be being debased awakward however..

More awakward, do not know how to be communicated more, actually any bad communication are used to, taking the impress of childhood, of course, say all the time like fair number, date from childhood is not to blame, solve oneself for know clearly however.

Cold force, it is the killer with the cruelest affinity, if gave birth to a family to harm us formerly, that lets harm hereto, do not deliver next generation again.

This is I feel parenting is very difficult, but very significant place. More parents sees a problem, improve a problem, our life can have been jumped over, be?