We see: "Husband and wife divorces " this commonner and commonner society phenomenon has become a kind of normalization, so does the harm that it causes to the child have after all how old? I will talk about my place to see a few experience that hear or had contacted.
After my neighbour divorces, her child (the child that compares my home is big a few years old) now and then also come to my home play. Once, my home child is not in the home, I care asked him a few words, did not think of the child does not restrain his mood, what tear sheds sadness soundlessly is right I say " my infer mom, but father does not let me see. Although they give me a lot of money, but I am happy not at all... "
The child that still has a twenties (of friend home) , she has been the job that has her, after father mother divorces, often come in a few holiday when (the Spring Festival, the Mid-autumn Festival, birthday) , her hard to avoid weeps stealthily in the can alone dormitory that hides in oneself, which do not go, say oneself do not have the home, go which are improper. Still have a married friend, also be the father and mother that often speaks of oneself it is to hope they can resume marriage. (although parents is already apart fast 20 years) ... actually, a of these children common characteristic is to feel he is abandoned by parents, without safe feeling, was very fond of and be paid close attention to, alone, self-abased, without attaching. The harm that this causes to the child is a kind " broken up " .
Although some husband and wife divorced, but they are being harmed each other all the time between each other, carry to the child each other a few oneself " think to be opposite " alleged idea, if thinking all sorts of method to control the child to listen to his to the utmost, perhaps want to let the child and oneself can stand at the same time. If the child still is children or the word that are teenager period, this kind of circumstance can destroy the heart of a child almost, make the child produces kink, it is this word that hears mom or the word that should hear father after all, the child of this moment can go by sensibility only cognitive thing, it can let the child's heart produce a shadow, for example " schizophrenia " and so on. Also can make the child produces psychology of a kind of evasive, do not go facing. A few things in chronic opposite work generate resentment.
Still a few parents divorce not to leave home, for apparently let the child feel he still has a complete home to fool the child, install the child to look. Child of this kind of circumstance is more painful. A home that should be full of warmth originally is chill everywhere, regard sb as an outsider, virulent, run in the opposite direction, the child is grown in this kind of environment, his cognitive force, comprehension, the ability that interacts with the person... those children with be different from domestic atmosphere good etc. Cause recreant be afraid of getting into trouble easily, dissocial, irritable, disposition extreme, do not believe one, learn to be able to lose confidence to the life even.
Anyhow, husband and wife divorces, it is a kind of scar to the child's heart, if handle bad sentence, can bring up a few disposition traitorous, irratable, sensitive problem child. Because, in the child in growing, the love that they get is misshapen, have border, of shadowiness.
Say so, husband and wife divorces, must grow the child's health put in the first place, after all you once had loved; After all the child is the one part in him life; After all the child is what should enjoy independent self-respect is individual. Love the child, also love the other side each other, esteem the other side. Although parted, mutual and well, each other bless ability is the theme that makes the child happy.
Author: Chen Xiaoyun (2 class psychology refers the country master, family of marriage of school of net of a Confucian school of idealist philosophy of the Song and Ming Dynasties of Wei annals center and head of department of female psychology department)
Wang Yan forest (student of school of net of a Confucian school of idealist philosophy of the Song and Ming Dynasties of Wei annals center)
